Original subtitles

Here I go again.

I hear the trumpet blow again.

All of low again.

Taking a chance on love.

Here I slide again.

About to take that ride again.

Sorry I'd again.

Taking a chance on love.

Things are mending now.

I see a rainbow blending now.

Still have a happy ending now.

Taken.

Taken a chance on love.

Good morning.

Good afternoon, madam.

Oh, yes, there it is. Good afternoon.

And I've arranged to meet my cousin here, Mr. Chesney.

Mr Thomas Chesney. I was wondering if he'd arrived yet.

No. Ah.

Not actually quite sure what he looks like. I haven't seen him since I was

But he's a chartered surveyor from Hartlepool. You're quite sure there's

Quite sure, madam.

Ah. Well, I'll just wait if you don't mind.

And if anyone should ask for Miss Alison Little... Thank

you so much.

No, sir, yes. Trying to find a woman. Ah, this is a no -tell, sir. I don't

really think so. No, no, no. Um, blind date.

Computer matchmaking stuff.

No, Trance, Tom Trance, arranged me to Miss Allerton Thew, said she'd be

a pink and white dress. Any sign?

No, I haven't seen any one of that description, sir, no.

Ah, yes. Uh, coat.

I beg your pardon, sir?

Coat? It's hanging up.

Yes, sir.

Put this back for you.

Thank you.

Bit loose, that. Ought to be fixed. Could be dangerous.

We're very grateful to you for pointing it out, sir.

Girl arrives in bar.

OK? Yes, thank you.

Not... Not Alice?

Yes, I think so.

You must be Tom.

Got it in one.

Idiot behind the desk said you hadn't arrived yet. No, I wasn't entirely sure

noticed me when I did.

Never mind.

Nice to meet you.

Drink? Anything special?

Oh, whatever you're having would be... Would be fine, fine, good.

Coat? Yes.

Two pints of lager, please.

Table over there.

The bar is open, sir. I don't quite follow you. Well, they serve drinks in

bar, sir. It is now open.

Don't want a drink in the bar. If did, would obviously go there.

Ordered too difficult or something?

I'll bring them to your table, sir. Good.

On your way.

Yes, sir?

Coat. Needs hanging.

Got

here

all right, then?

Oh, yes. I came straight from the library by bus.

Ah. Bye.

Went on a bus once.

Not a good idea.

Only one seat covered in orange peel.

Back of seat in front covered in four -letter words.

Married couple in row behind having blazing row. Child across gangway puked

the aisle.

Bloke next door exposed himself.

Got off at the next stop.

Not surprised.

No. Bus going in wrong direction.

Exactly. One pound and ninety -six pence, please. One pound and ninety -six

pence.

Excluding gratuity, sir. Yes, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Look, um, thought we might go out for dinner this evening.

Oh, lovely.

But first...

One that's come clean.

Saves disappointment later.

Get my meaning?

Not really, no.

Two people meeting each other for the first time.

Obviously, expectations.

But certain things bound to come out later.

Better to let it all out at once. Everything up front. Agreed?

You mean sort of confession time?

Sort of, yes.

Oh, yes. Well, that seems like a good idea.

I suppose I could start by admitting that I'm not actually a parent.

Sorry, misunderstanding.

Not you to confess.

Me. Ah, oh, I see. Yes, that would probably be a lot more interesting. Long

story, though. Patience. Oh, yes, I'm a very good listener.

Well, good.

Start with basic principles.

Your mother ever make plum crumble?

Plum crumble?

Yes.

Well, yes, she still does, as a matter of fact.

Tried to take all the stones out first, yet always one left.

It's funny you should say that. There usually is. It's always the father who

finds it.

Precisely.

Coincidence. That happens all the time, all over the world. Very little known

about it.

Coincidence. Man in Virginia struck by lightning seven times.

Seven times. Seems incredible.

Absolutely true. Looked it up in the Guinness Book of Records. Isn't that

strange? A woman in Penang...

had 14 husbands, all committed suicide.

All? 14. Incredible. Now, come to point.

I'm personally, persistently plagued by coincidence.

Ah, you mean that in life's great crumble, as it were, it's always you who

finds the plumbstone.

Dog bite. Every time.

Book into wrong hotel, pick up wrong suitcase, drive off in wrong car,

identity. Happens to me all the time.

And do you think this could be a serious drawback to a relationship?

Could be. Could be. Still, there have it. Could both stop now, go our separate

ways. Wouldn't blame you at all.

Wouldn't hold any hard feelings, whatever. Put off plenty of women before

Still.

Give you a moment to decide. Got to go to the little boy's room.

Lager goes through me like a hydroelectric power scheme.

Back shortly.

Can you lift the library?

Oh, thank you. That'd be very nice. Good, good.

Ah, yes, uh...

Yes,

sir? Codes, please. And, uh, manager on telephone.

Three points.

One, chap behind desk got wet foil between the ears.

Ought to be fine.

Two, bracket thing by desk holding oar.

Dangerous. Ought to be fixed.

Three, body on floor below desk.

Large woman. Ought to be moved.

Not at all.

All set, then.

Car's just down the road. Couldn't park it any nearer.

Are they sometimes bored?

Various, various.

Usually just bloody inconvenient.

Can be bad, though.

Yesterday, for example, I got mistaken for some kind of terrorist.

Oh, God, no!

I can't stand it. I tell you, I can't stand it.

That's it.

This is the end. Oh, my God.

Anything wrong?

I just do not believe it. How could it happen?

I just don't see how it could happen.

Suspender gone.

Handbag done.

sodding keys in a sodding car.

Stupid little thing to do.

I bet your husband or someone's got the spare set.

My husband doesn't even know anything about it. That's the whole point.

It's not his car anyway.

It belongs to a gentleman friend.

And all I had to do was to drive round to his flat, get changed into these

wonderful clothes that he bought me.

And then he was going to drive round in about an hour and...

Why do these things have to happen to me? Could open the door here.

Do you really think so? How?

Well, I just need a piece of wire.

Put down window.

Over handle. Pull. Oh, that's wonderful.

Except I don't think any of us have got any wire.

I have, I think. I've got some in this bag here.

It was on one of the things he bought.

Oh, my God!

Anything wrong?

Over there.

It's my husband.

If he sees me here, he'll kill me.

He thinks I'm on an arc welding course in Exeter for my open university.

I can't succeed in opening the door. Could you ask him to leave the key

the front wheel there?

I'll be back in about a quarter of an hour.

I am most terribly grateful to you both.

You'll never believe what just happened.

It can't be a second trickier than I thought at first.

I apologise myself for any inconvenience caused by the over -enthusiasm of this

young officer to make an arrest.

May you both have a very pleasant afternoon, despite it all. Oh, that's

gracious of you, Sergeant.

Appreciate your coming down so quickly. Walter? Not at all, Mr Chance. A

pleasure. Madam.

Chance? Yes? I thought your name was Chesney.

You great lady's blouse. Don't you ever read daily notices? Do you know how many

times that poor sod has been wrongfully arrested in the past month?

I heard it was about nine. Eleven now.

Apart from your effort today, last night he was cornered by one of the anti

-terrorist squad who threw him into the canal as the quickest way to make safe

the bomb he thought he was carrying.

Has he ever decided to publicise what we do to him? It won't happen again, sir.

It had better not.

Come on.

We're needed at the Riverside Hotel.

They've got a bloke there they found standing in the foyer with an oar. A

An oar as he roars.

A strong, conscious body's on the floor beside him.

He swears blind he's a chartered surveyor from Hartlepool.

and that he'd just found them like that.

Oh, it's been hell of a day.

Do you know, there's a woman in a spotted dress hiding up a tree in Ashley

Avenue. I didn't ask her why.

I thought I'd rather not know.

Oh, it's been hell of a day.

Hell of a day.

Well, now that we know we're not the people we thought we were, I expect you

want to go back to the hotel and meet the real Alice.

Well, it hardly seems worth it now. I reckon she must have been the body on

floor. Probably gone off the idea of the day, to be honest.

Could we go back to your cousin, of course?

Oh, no, I'd better get back to work.

I'll write him a letter or something.

I hardly dare suggest it, but I could go for dinner anyway.

So you owe it to you. Way of an apology. Oh, that'd be really nice. Thank you.

Very good.

Will you give me a lift?

Anywhere will do.

Just...

reasoned explanation, but a certain amount of experience of these situations

make it probably better if we... Make a run for it!

Yes.

Bonsoir, monsieur, madame.

Yes, evening. Need a table, quiet place.

Two people, please. Bien sûr, monsieur.

Suivez -moi, s 'il vous plaît.

Ah, foreigner, yes.

Um... Need a table.

Quiet place.

Two people.

Mais c 'est le monde, monsieur.

Yes. These away.

Good.

And, uh, better watch out. Probably a bottom pincher.

I've got two sisters, actually, but they're both quite respectable, really.

the only sort of tearaway in the family.

Tearaway?

Can't seem to help it. I don't mean...

I've given my parents such a lot of heartache over the years, what with

my job, going out with men.

Ah, ah.

Thank you. Thank you.

Extraordinary.

Yes.

Changed jobs. Not always librarian, then. Oh, no, I've always been with the

library. It's just that I like to change departments every so often. I get

restless, you know.

Then he'd been there three years when I changed to references in indexing.

My father said I've got to settle down sometime, except my responsibility is

let fancy rule my life. Yes, yes. And the, um...

Men.

He's in charge of references and indexing, but was in charge. He's

of course, but we used to see quite a bit of each other.

Walks in the park at lunchtime when his legs weren't too bad.

He's an Eastbourne now, and my parents don't know, but he wrote to me at

Christmas.

I'm not talking too much, am I? Not at all, Alison.

Fascinating conversation.

Please, go on. Oh, thank you.

You know, you'll probably be very surprised to hear this, but although

give the impression of being a terribly outgoing sort of person.

And beneath, I'm really rather frightened.

Extraordinary, that, isn't it?

Frightened? You?

Don't believe it. What of? Oh, you name it, and I'm probably bloody...

Well, can't do much about Third World War, but very happy to deal with

Matter of fact, I'd like to deal with this one now. Mind.

Do I have to do anything? No, no, no. Just sit back, relax, enjoy yourself.

Oi!

You, here.

Ordered soup 35 minutes ago. If not here in 60 seconds, strong words with

manager. All right?

I've got a lot of other people to serve, you know.

Here, 55 seconds.

Understood?

All I need.

Bloody little Hitler.

Sorry about this, Alison.

Oh, Tom, please don't worry on my account. You see, I'm not really used to

Oh, I must say, your being firm seems to have worked.

Thank you.

Thank you.

One moment.

Soup.

Cold. Cold?

Cold?

Of course it's bloody cold.

You want soup in 60 seconds, you get soup in 60 seconds.

You want hot soup, you have to wait until it's bloody ready like everyone

Soup away.

What? Soup away, manager.

First you want soup, then you don't want soup, make up your bloody mind.

You did that deliberately.

No, I didn't.

Obviously you did quite deliberately.

Deliberately? Of course it wasn't deliberate.

If it was deliberate, I would have done it like this.

That was deliberate.

You plankton -brained little pimple.

Enjoying your meal, monsieur?

Spotty little tussock here.

Deliberately spilt soup on ladies' dress.

I'm sure there is some simple explanation, monsieur. Very simple

Man obviously has quite unnecessary vicious streak coupled with brain of

frog.

If you will leave the matter with me, monsieur, I will make the full inquiry.

No need for any of that. If I have anything to say, I can say it now to my

To the benefit of hindsight, monsieur, I think it was a mistake to taunt him.

when he was situated so close to the sweet trolley.

Nevertheless, I can assure you, he has been discharged.

My humble apologies once again, monsieur, but in two minutes, your table

prepared.

You may just have to wipe down the wallpaper.

Yes. Come on, hurry up and get changed.

Can I have some alcohol?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course. I'll leave room, give you a chance to undress.

Ah, yes.

Could be right.

What?

Parents. Could be right.

Definite streak of the tear away.

I think you ought to hurry up and get changed.

Yes.

Ready,

Ben?

Yes, Alison. Look, been thinking.

Perhaps an apology might be in order.

Hardly think you'd from me, that is.

I don't know what came over me.

Well, I do, but... She never turned up, you see.

Who didn't?

It's not easy, this job, you know, if you're not used to it.

Menus here, soup there.

Can we have another roll?

What's the turbot like?

I'm actually a lecturer in European history.

Ah.

Late 19th century, that's my period. Bosnia, Herzegovina, that sort of thing.

Not specifically.

And I'm only fourth in the department, and my salary wouldn't keep her in

underwear. Oh, she's an invalid, is she?

And today was the day.

You know, the day.

She told her husband she was on an arc welding course in Exeter.

She was supposed to come round this afternoon.

Tom, sing.

Not just now, Alison.

She never turned up.

400 quid's worth of champagne, Janet Rager underwear, and she never even

up. Not to worry, old son.

My advice, go home, get a good night's sleep.

Everything seems better the next morning.

Yes, you could be right.

You'll be right.

Why did I have to tell the wife?

I've been thinking.

Don't you really fancy going back to dining room to be perfectly candid

with you? What do you mean?

I could suggest a change of plan.

Back to my place.

Well... If you promise not to take advantage of my distressed condition and

attempt to seduce me... Scout's honour.

Alison, perfectly safe.

Oh, never mind.

Let's go there anyway.

Oh.

Humph. What?

Key in jacket. Back at restaurant. Probably at cleaner's by now. There must

something we can do. Don't you keep a spare key?

This one, I always leave this open, but too small. Tried it before on similar

occasions in the past.

Oh, I don't know.

Here, hold my coat.

Hold you?

Respectable neighbourhood? Not really.

There's nobody about, Tom, and I can't get in with it on. Come on, give me a

up.

Game girl, Alison.

Now, just to the left, I think you'll find a little...

Yes, just... Ah,

good evening, officer.

What's happening, Tom?

Alvin, I think you'd better come out now. We've just hit another plumbstone.

Thank you.

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