All language subtitles for Chance In A Million s01e01 Plumstones.eng

Here I go again.

I hear the trumpet blow again.

All of low again.

Taking a chance on love.

Here I slide again.

About to take that ride again.

Sorry I'd again.

Taking a chance on love.

Things are mending now.

I see a rainbow blending now.

Still have a happy ending now.

Taken.

Taken a chance on love.

Good morning.

Good afternoon, madam.

Oh, yes, there it is. Good afternoon.

And I've arranged to meet my cousin
here, Mr. Chesney.

Mr Thomas Chesney. I was wondering if
he'd arrived yet.

No. Ah.

Not actually quite sure what he looks
like. I haven't seen him since I was

But he's a chartered surveyor from
Hartlepool. You're quite sure there's

Quite sure, madam.

Ah. Well, I'll just wait if you don't
mind.

And if anyone should ask for Miss Alison
Little... Thank

you so much.

No, sir, yes. Trying to find a woman.
Ah, this is a no -tell, sir. I don't

really think so. No, no, no. Um, blind
date.

Computer matchmaking stuff.

No, Trance, Tom Trance, arranged me to
Miss Allerton Thew, said she'd be

a pink and white dress. Any sign?

No, I haven't seen any one of that
description, sir, no.

Ah, yes. Uh, coat.

I beg your pardon, sir?

Coat? It's hanging up.

Yes, sir.

Put this back for you.

Thank you.

Bit loose, that. Ought to be fixed.
Could be dangerous.

We're very grateful to you for pointing
it out, sir.

Girl arrives in bar.

OK? Yes, thank you.

Not... Not Alice?

Yes, I think so.

You must be Tom.

Got it in one.

Idiot behind the desk said you hadn't
arrived yet. No, I wasn't entirely sure

noticed me when I did.

Never mind.

Nice to meet you.

Drink? Anything special?

Oh, whatever you're having would be...
Would be fine, fine, good.

Coat? Yes.

Two pints of lager, please.

Table over there.

The bar is open, sir. I don't quite
follow you. Well, they serve drinks in

bar, sir. It is now open.

Don't want a drink in the bar. If did,
would obviously go there.

Ordered too difficult or something?

I'll bring them to your table, sir.
Good.

On your way.

Yes, sir?

Coat. Needs hanging.

Got

here

all right, then?

Oh, yes. I came straight from the
library by bus.

Ah. Bye.

Went on a bus once.

Not a good idea.

Only one seat covered in orange peel.

Back of seat in front covered in four
-letter words.

Married couple in row behind having
blazing row. Child across gangway puked

the aisle.

Bloke next door exposed himself.

Got off at the next stop.

Not surprised.

No. Bus going in wrong direction.

Exactly. One pound and ninety -six
pence, please. One pound and ninety -six

pence.

Excluding gratuity, sir. Yes, thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Look, um, thought we might go out for
dinner this evening.

Oh, lovely.

But first...

One that's come clean.

Saves disappointment later.

Get my meaning?

Not really, no.

Two people meeting each other for the
first time.

Obviously, expectations.

But certain things bound to come out
later.

Better to let it all out at once.
Everything up front. Agreed?

You mean sort of confession time?

Sort of, yes.

Oh, yes. Well, that seems like a good
idea.

I suppose I could start by admitting
that I'm not actually a parent.

Sorry, misunderstanding.

Not you to confess.

Me. Ah, oh, I see. Yes, that would
probably be a lot more interesting. Long

story, though. Patience. Oh, yes, I'm a
very good listener.

Well, good.

Start with basic principles.

Your mother ever make plum crumble?

Plum crumble?

Yes.

Well, yes, she still does, as a matter
of fact.

Tried to take all the stones out first,
yet always one left.

It's funny you should say that. There
usually is. It's always the father who

finds it.

Precisely.

Coincidence. That happens all the time,
all over the world. Very little known

about it.

Coincidence. Man in Virginia struck by
lightning seven times.

Seven times. Seems incredible.

Absolutely true. Looked it up in the
Guinness Book of Records. Isn't that

strange? A woman in Penang...

had 14 husbands, all committed suicide.

All? 14. Incredible. Now, come to point.

I'm personally, persistently plagued by
coincidence.

Ah, you mean that in life's great
crumble, as it were, it's always you who

finds the plumbstone.

Dog bite. Every time.

Book into wrong hotel, pick up wrong
suitcase, drive off in wrong car,

identity. Happens to me all the time.

And do you think this could be a serious
drawback to a relationship?

Could be. Could be. Still, there have
it. Could both stop now, go our separate

ways. Wouldn't blame you at all.

Wouldn't hold any hard feelings,
whatever. Put off plenty of women before

Still.

Give you a moment to decide. Got to go
to the little boy's room.

Lager goes through me like a
hydroelectric power scheme.

Back shortly.

Can you lift the library?

Oh, thank you. That'd be very nice.
Good, good.

Ah, yes, uh...

Yes,

sir? Codes, please. And, uh, manager on
telephone.

Three points.

One, chap behind desk got wet foil
between the ears.

Ought to be fine.

Two, bracket thing by desk holding oar.

Dangerous. Ought to be fixed.

Three, body on floor below desk.

Large woman. Ought to be moved.

Not at all.

All set, then.

Car's just down the road. Couldn't park
it any nearer.

Are they sometimes bored?

Various, various.

Usually just bloody inconvenient.

Can be bad, though.

Yesterday, for example, I got mistaken
for some kind of terrorist.

Oh, God, no!

I can't stand it. I tell you, I can't
stand it.

That's it.

This is the end. Oh, my God.

Anything wrong?

I just do not believe it. How could it
happen?

I just don't see how it could happen.

Suspender gone.

Handbag done.

sodding keys in a sodding car.

Stupid little thing to do.

I bet your husband or someone's got the
spare set.

My husband doesn't even know anything
about it. That's the whole point.

It's not his car anyway.

It belongs to a gentleman friend.

And all I had to do was to drive round
to his flat, get changed into these

wonderful clothes that he bought me.

And then he was going to drive round in
about an hour and...

Why do these things have to happen to
me? Could open the door here.

Do you really think so? How?

Well, I just need a piece of wire.

Put down window.

Over handle. Pull. Oh, that's wonderful.

Except I don't think any of us have got
any wire.

I have, I think. I've got some in this
bag here.

It was on one of the things he bought.

Oh, my God!

Anything wrong?

Over there.

It's my husband.

If he sees me here, he'll kill me.

He thinks I'm on an arc welding course
in Exeter for my open university.

I can't succeed in opening the door.
Could you ask him to leave the key

the front wheel there?

I'll be back in about a quarter of an
hour.

I am most terribly grateful to you both.

You'll never believe what just happened.

It can't be a second trickier than I
thought at first.

I apologise myself for any inconvenience
caused by the over -enthusiasm of this

young officer to make an arrest.

May you both have a very pleasant
afternoon, despite it all. Oh, that's

gracious of you, Sergeant.

Appreciate your coming down so quickly.
Walter? Not at all, Mr Chance. A

pleasure. Madam.

Chance? Yes? I thought your name was
Chesney.

You great lady's blouse. Don't you ever
read daily notices? Do you know how many

times that poor sod has been wrongfully
arrested in the past month?

I heard it was about nine. Eleven now.

Apart from your effort today, last night
he was cornered by one of the anti

-terrorist squad who threw him into the
canal as the quickest way to make safe

the bomb he thought he was carrying.

Has he ever decided to publicise what we
do to him? It won't happen again, sir.

It had better not.

Come on.

We're needed at the Riverside Hotel.

They've got a bloke there they found
standing in the foyer with an oar. A

An oar as he roars.

A strong, conscious body's on the floor
beside him.

He swears blind he's a chartered
surveyor from Hartlepool.

and that he'd just found them like that.

Oh, it's been hell of a day.

Do you know, there's a woman in a
spotted dress hiding up a tree in Ashley

Avenue. I didn't ask her why.

I thought I'd rather not know.

Oh, it's been hell of a day.

Hell of a day.

Well, now that we know we're not the
people we thought we were, I expect you

want to go back to the hotel and meet
the real Alice.

Well, it hardly seems worth it now. I
reckon she must have been the body on

floor. Probably gone off the idea of the
day, to be honest.

Could we go back to your cousin, of
course?

Oh, no, I'd better get back to work.

I'll write him a letter or something.

I hardly dare suggest it, but I could go
for dinner anyway.

So you owe it to you. Way of an apology.
Oh, that'd be really nice. Thank you.

Very good.

Will you give me a lift?

Anywhere will do.

Just...

reasoned explanation, but a certain
amount of experience of these situations

make it probably better if we... Make a
run for it!

Yes.

Bonsoir, monsieur, madame.

Yes, evening. Need a table, quiet place.

Two people, please. Bien sûr, monsieur.

Suivez -moi, s 'il vous plaît.

Ah, foreigner, yes.

Um... Need a table.

Quiet place.

Two people.

Mais c 'est le monde, monsieur.

Yes. These away.

Good.

And, uh, better watch out. Probably a
bottom pincher.

I've got two sisters, actually, but
they're both quite respectable, really.

the only sort of tearaway in the family.

Tearaway?

Can't seem to help it. I don't mean...

I've given my parents such a lot of
heartache over the years, what with

my job, going out with men.

Ah, ah.

Thank you. Thank you.

Extraordinary.

Yes.

Changed jobs. Not always librarian,
then. Oh, no, I've always been with the

library. It's just that I like to change
departments every so often. I get

restless, you know.

Then he'd been there three years when I
changed to references in indexing.

My father said I've got to settle down
sometime, except my responsibility is

let fancy rule my life. Yes, yes. And
the, um...

Men.

He's in charge of references and
indexing, but was in charge. He's

of course, but we used to see quite a
bit of each other.

Walks in the park at lunchtime when his
legs weren't too bad.

He's an Eastbourne now, and my parents
don't know, but he wrote to me at

Christmas.

I'm not talking too much, am I? Not at
all, Alison.

Fascinating conversation.

Please, go on. Oh, thank you.

You know, you'll probably be very
surprised to hear this, but although

give the impression of being a terribly
outgoing sort of person.

And beneath, I'm really rather
frightened.

Extraordinary, that, isn't it?

Frightened? You?

Don't believe it. What of? Oh, you name
it, and I'm probably bloody...

Well, can't do much about Third World
War, but very happy to deal with

Matter of fact, I'd like to deal with
this one now. Mind.

Do I have to do anything? No, no, no.
Just sit back, relax, enjoy yourself.

Oi!

You, here.

Ordered soup 35 minutes ago. If not here
in 60 seconds, strong words with

manager. All right?

I've got a lot of other people to serve,
you know.

Here, 55 seconds.

Understood?

All I need.

Bloody little Hitler.

Sorry about this, Alison.

Oh, Tom, please don't worry on my
account. You see, I'm not really used to

Oh, I must say, your being firm seems to
have worked.

Thank you.

Thank you.

One moment.

Soup.

Cold. Cold?

Cold?

Of course it's bloody cold.

You want soup in 60 seconds, you get
soup in 60 seconds.

You want hot soup, you have to wait
until it's bloody ready like everyone

Soup away.

What? Soup away, manager.

First you want soup, then you don't want
soup, make up your bloody mind.

You did that deliberately.

No, I didn't.

Obviously you did quite deliberately.

Deliberately? Of course it wasn't
deliberate.

If it was deliberate, I would have done
it like this.

That was deliberate.

You plankton -brained little pimple.

Enjoying your meal, monsieur?

Spotty little tussock here.

Deliberately spilt soup on ladies'
dress.

I'm sure there is some simple
explanation, monsieur. Very simple

Man obviously has quite unnecessary
vicious streak coupled with brain of

frog.

If you will leave the matter with me,
monsieur, I will make the full inquiry.

No need for any of that. If I have
anything to say, I can say it now to my

To the benefit of hindsight, monsieur, I
think it was a mistake to taunt him.

when he was situated so close to the
sweet trolley.

Nevertheless, I can assure you, he has
been discharged.

My humble apologies once again,
monsieur, but in two minutes, your table

prepared.

You may just have to wipe down the
wallpaper.

Yes. Come on, hurry up and get changed.

Can I have some alcohol?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course. I'll leave
room, give you a chance to undress.

Ah, yes.

Could be right.

What?

Parents. Could be right.

Definite streak of the tear away.

I think you ought to hurry up and get
changed.

Yes.

Ready,

Ben?

Yes, Alison. Look, been thinking.

Perhaps an apology might be in order.

Hardly think you'd from me, that is.

I don't know what came over me.

Well, I do, but... She never turned up,
you see.

Who didn't?

It's not easy, this job, you know, if
you're not used to it.

Menus here, soup there.

Can we have another roll?

What's the turbot like?

I'm actually a lecturer in European
history.

Ah.

Late 19th century, that's my period.
Bosnia, Herzegovina, that sort of thing.

Not specifically.

And I'm only fourth in the department,
and my salary wouldn't keep her in

underwear. Oh, she's an invalid, is she?

And today was the day.

You know, the day.

She told her husband she was on an arc
welding course in Exeter.

She was supposed to come round this
afternoon.

Tom, sing.

Not just now, Alison.

She never turned up.

400 quid's worth of champagne, Janet
Rager underwear, and she never even

up. Not to worry, old son.

My advice, go home, get a good night's
sleep.

Everything seems better the next
morning.

Yes, you could be right.

You'll be right.

Why did I have to tell the wife?

I've been thinking.

Don't you really fancy going back to
dining room to be perfectly candid

with you? What do you mean?

I could suggest a change of plan.

Back to my place.

Well... If you promise not to take
advantage of my distressed condition and

attempt to seduce me... Scout's honour.

Alison, perfectly safe.

Oh, never mind.

Let's go there anyway.

Oh.

Humph. What?

Key in jacket. Back at restaurant.
Probably at cleaner's by now. There must

something we can do. Don't you keep a
spare key?

This one, I always leave this open, but
too small. Tried it before on similar

occasions in the past.

Oh, I don't know.

Here, hold my coat.

Hold you?

Respectable neighbourhood? Not really.

There's nobody about, Tom, and I can't
get in with it on. Come on, give me a

up.

Game girl, Alison.

Now, just to the left, I think you'll
find a little...

Yes, just... Ah,

good evening, officer.

What's happening, Tom?

Alvin, I think you'd better come out
now. We've just hit another plumbstone.

Thank you.

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