Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,936
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040
♪ Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210
♪ Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,678
♪ Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
♪ And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,587
BOTH: ♪ Mister,
we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Like Herbert Hoover again
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660
♪ Didn't need no welfare state
10
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,897
♪ Everybody pulled his weight
11
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:35,934
BOTH: ♪ Gee, our
old LaSalle ran great
12
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:41,273
♪ Those were the days ♪
13
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,653
Honey, aren't you ready yet?
14
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,188
Soon.
15
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,723
Preparing this mother's
milk is a lot of trouble.
16
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:01,126
Maybe I ought to start
him on baby's formula.
17
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,807
(IMITATING GROUCHO MARX) There's
only one formula that'll make a baby
18
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:06,832
and if you play your cards
right, I'll refresh your memory.
19
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,621
I can't believe we're
finally going out. Yeah.
20
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,481
After three weeks
of taking care of Joey,
21
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,250
everything looks
like a diaper to me.
22
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,739
Yeah, me, too.
23
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,987
You know, I can't put my
shorts on unless I'm lyin' down.
24
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,944
(LAUGHING)
25
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:23,648
You know what's so nice?
26
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,185
I can finally put my
arms around you again.
27
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,463
You know, for the
last few months,
28
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,388
I felt like we were
kissin' over a beach ball.
29
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,902
But you always told me I looked
beautiful when I was pregnant.
30
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,070
You were. You were gorgeous.
31
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,962
You... You had a-an
inner glow, a radiance.
32
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,463
I was fat and clumsy.
33
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,532
That, too.
34
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,665
(GROANS)
35
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:44,002
But tonight, tonight I
am taking you away
36
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,904
from the joys of motherhood.
37
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,718
Honey? What?
38
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,542
Isn't it wonderful?
39
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,413
Three whole hours with no
one throwing up on my shoulder.
40
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,650
Aw, look at him, honey.
41
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,085
Hello, sweetheart.
42
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,653
Hiya, Joey.
43
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:05,190
Aw, isn't he beautiful?
44
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,358
Yeah.
45
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:09,294
Aw, he's the spitting
image of his father.
46
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:12,842
Yeah, you mean a
drooling image of his father.
47
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,166
There you go.
48
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,034
Hi, little honey.
49
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:19,181
You know, when I look at him like
this though, he really looks more like me.
50
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:22,340
Yeah? Well, look,
he's got my eyelashes.
51
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:29,915
He's got my nose,
my chin, my neck.
52
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,417
Keep goin'. You'll
get to me soon.
53
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,020
Your stomach.
54
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:37,989
Go to sleep, sweetheart.
55
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,158
He's yawnin'. Yeah.
56
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,294
Good night, Joey.
57
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,500
Look at that. He
went right to sleep.
58
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,112
Are they supposed to do that?
59
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,981
Yeah, it's okay, honey. Oh.
60
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,117
Hey, you want anything
from Ferguson's for the baby?
61
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,285
Huh? What? Shh!
62
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:58,110
Daddy. Be quiet.
The baby's sleeping.
63
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,445
I didn't know that. Let me look.
64
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,081
Hey, he looks like
he's chewin' in there.
65
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:06,852
You know, when he's chewin',
he reminds me of you, Meathead.
66
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:12,623
Hey, listen, I'm sorry I can't oblige
your babysittin' tonight, little girl.
67
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:15,126
But you know about the poker
game over at my house, huh?
68
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,574
That's all right, Daddy. We have a
very experienced babysitter coming over.
69
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,509
She's one of Michael's
brightest students.
70
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,134
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
71
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,138
You're gonna leave that baby
alone here with a total stranger?
72
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,051
Arch, the kid is
three weeks old.
73
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,435
He hasn't made many friends yet.
74
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,215
What the hell kind
of a father... Shh!
75
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,617
(WHISPERING) What the
hell kind of a father are you?
76
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,819
When Gloria was a
baby, I never left her alone.
77
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:46,257
Wherever I went, I made
sure that Edith stayed with her.
78
00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:49,160
Daddy, if you're so worried,
then cancel your poker game,
79
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,573
and you sit with your grandson.
80
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:53,565
I can't do that, little girl.
The game is all set up.
81
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,177
Jeez, it's your mother's fault.
82
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:57,714
She had no business goin'
out of town at a time like this
83
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,872
with a three-week old baby
lying there in the bassinoot.
84
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,775
Daddy, she had to go.
85
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,878
Her Aunt Louise is 88
years old and she's very sick.
86
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,613
She could die any minute.
87
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,950
Aw, that old bag has been
dyin' any minute for 30 years.
88
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,298
She's gonna bury
the whole bunch of us.
89
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:18,122
The only way she's gonna croak
is if somebody shoves her off a cliff.
90
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,095
Ah! Oh, hi, there, Kelsey.
91
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,130
Yeah, Archie here.
92
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,177
Yeah, the card game's set for
tonight only Stretch can't come.
93
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:29,567
You got somebody
to fill in for him?
94
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:32,037
Willie Johnson,
your neighbor? Yeah.
95
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,073
Oh, he's a colored guy.
96
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,742
Oh, well, uh... Goodbye, Willie.
97
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,978
Cut that out! That hurt.
98
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,247
No, it's the daughter
here foolin' around.
99
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,560
No, no, no, I ain't got
nothin' against them people.
100
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,551
You know that.
101
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,321
Listen, I'm talking
on the phone to you
102
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,390
from a house that
used to be colored.
103
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,364
No, no, no, bring the guy
along. Glad to have him.
104
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,232
See you at 8:00. Bye.
105
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,768
Hey, Gloria? Hmm?
106
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,447
We'd better hurry up. We're
gonna miss the show. Oh.
107
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,048
Hey, Arch, do me
a favor, will you?
108
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:07,917
Stay with the baby until
the babysitter gets here.
109
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,352
I gotta go to
Ferguson's for beer.
110
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,642
Oh, Arch.
111
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,011
Oh, Daddy, Ferguson's
is open until midnight.
112
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,824
You just don't wanna
be alone with the baby
113
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,792
'cause you're afraid you
might have to change him.
114
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,217
You think I never
changed you, little girl?
115
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:20,852
If I'd have waited
for you to do that,
116
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,655
I would have worn the
same diaper till I was two.
117
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,256
Ma told me that.
118
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,437
Well, don't believe your
mother. You believe me.
119
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,660
Many's the time I
changed you, little girl.
120
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:32,998
And it wasn't always wee-wee.
Sometimes, it was this here.
121
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,238
Well, I never promised
you a rose garden.
122
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,786
(CHUCKLING) That's cute.
123
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:46,244
I don't know what the
hell she's talkin' about.
124
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,579
(DOORBELL RINGING)
125
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,482
I'll get it. I'll get it.
I'm right here, ain't I?
126
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,161
Hi. Hiya, sis. What do you want?
127
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,529
Oh, hi, Mr. Stivic. Hi,
Sharyn, come on in.
128
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:55,632
Who's this? Sharyn.
She's the babysitter.
129
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:56,766
(WHISPERING) This
is the babysitter? Yeah.
130
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,268
What's the matter
with you? What?
131
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:00,002
A kid this age can't take
care of a baby. Are you crazy?
132
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,266
Oh, hi, Mrs. Stivic.
133
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,905
Hi, Sharyn, this is
my father Mr. Bunker.
134
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,329
Daddy, this is Sharyn Ramsey.
135
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,041
Hi, Mr. Bunker. Yeah,
hiya there, sis. Uh, yeah.
136
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,800
Now you can give Joey his 8:00
bottle whenever he wakes up.
137
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:12,837
And over there on the desk, I've got the
phone number of the theater written down.
138
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,251
Gloria, we're gonna be late. We'd
better hurry. We're gonna be late.
139
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:18,176
All right. Don't worry.
Sharyn, we'll see you later.
140
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,322
Hey, listen, listen. What?
141
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,378
Bye-bye!
142
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:21,857
A girl like this
with a kid in here.
143
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,315
A babysitter at least
ought to be out of puberous.
144
00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:33,024
Um, say, uh, listen, sis,
145
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:36,494
not to get personal or anything,
but how long have you been...
146
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,797
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
147
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,799
What is this?
148
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,435
That's a textbook.
149
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,170
I know.
150
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,872
"The Sex Life of Aborgnines."
151
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:53,377
Is that that actor
with all of the wives?
152
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,815
"Aborigines."
153
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,449
Well, I know,
but it's about sex.
154
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,252
Does your mother
know you're readin' this?
155
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,353
Mr. Stivic's teaching it.
156
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,256
Well, I ain't surprised.
He'd teach anything.
157
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,559
How long you been babysittin'?
158
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,094
Since I was 14.
159
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,928
Was that about a year ago?
160
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,597
I'm 18.
161
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:16,134
Oh, now, come on. You can't tell
me you're 18 years of age there.
162
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,780
Would you like to see
my driver's license?
163
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:19,815
No, no, no, I didn't ask to
see your driver's license.
164
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,173
You say you're 18...
What year was you born in?
165
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,041
1957.
166
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,011
(MAKING CALCULATIONS
IN A WHISPER)
167
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,980
I'll take your word for it.
168
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:32,717
Uh, let me ask you
this. Uh, what's that?
169
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,786
Baby powder.
170
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,087
Correct.
171
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,423
What's this here?
172
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,492
A pre-moistened towelette.
173
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,026
Oh, is that what that is.
174
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,129
And this over here?
175
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,364
Baby oil.
176
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:50,001
How many teaspoonfuls
you give him?
177
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:52,404
You rub it on. You
don't feed it to him.
178
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,473
Well, see you remember that.
179
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:59,544
Now, I'm gonna leave. And you just
sit right here where you can see him.
180
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,547
Here, move up a little bit closer
there where you can see the ba...
181
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,949
Don't be readin' sex here, huh?
182
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,485
Just keep your eye on him.
183
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:09,888
See, I don't want him
turnin' over there on his face
184
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:13,391
so he gets himself
a cauliflower nose.
185
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,739
Don't worry, Mr. Bunker. At three
weeks, he's not strong enough
186
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,262
to turn over by himself.
187
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,165
Don't short-change
the kid. He's very strong.
188
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,479
Look at the arms and
the shoulders on him there.
189
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,647
He's got a hell of a bite, too.
190
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:25,748
You know what he done yesterday?
191
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,283
He bit right through a nipple.
192
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,651
It was a lucky thing
he was on a bottle.
193
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,509
He could have hurt
somebody in the family.
194
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,247
He doesn't have
any teeth, Mr. Bunker.
195
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,217
Well, then, he's got
gums like an alligator.
196
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,019
I'm only telling you
what he done, that's all.
197
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:45,823
Now, I gotta go over next
door to the game, see?
198
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:49,894
And if he wakes up and he
sees a strange face, that's yours,
199
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,496
and he starts cryin',
200
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:54,065
you go out the kitchen
door, out the back door, see,
201
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,946
cross the alley, come over to
the house and get his ganpaw.
202
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,303
His ganpaw?
203
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,941
That's what he's gonna call
me when he learns to talk.
204
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,291
Don't look at me. Look at him.
205
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,191
He's a beaut,
ain't he, for a boy?
206
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,347
Yeah.
207
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,527
Yeah, he's gonna grow
up to be a hell of a guy, too.
208
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,253
None of them fruitcakes
with the long hair,
209
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:19,157
funny eyeglasses and a purse
hanging down over their shoulder.
210
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,848
Holy cow, I don't believe it.
211
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,938
Hi, is, uh, Sharyn Ramsey here?
212
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,051
What's it to you?
213
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,619
Hi, David, come
on in. Hi, Sharyn.
214
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,410
Who is this? Who
is this? Who is this?
215
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,079
I guess you know him, huh?
216
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,260
Oh, uh, Mr. Bunker, this is David
Harper. He's a friend of mine.
217
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,349
Hi, Mr. Bunker.
218
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,829
Yeah, yeah, yeah, likewise.
219
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,086
What's this here?
220
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,732
Oh, that's a couple albums.
We're gonna play 'em.
221
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,200
You know, Rolling
Stones, Grateful Dead.
222
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:54,070
Yeah, I know all about
them gravediggers.
223
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,773
I don't want no loud
music played in here.
224
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,808
Don't worry, we
won't play the albums.
225
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,176
Yeah. Hold it, hold
it, hold it, hold it.
226
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,732
Douse the light there, buddy.
227
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,313
What do you think you're doin'?
228
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:04,713
Well, I was gonna
smoke a cigarette.
229
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,615
Uh, David, no smoking
around the baby.
230
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,639
Yeah, but that
ain't the point there.
231
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,543
Is that, uh, a
regular cigarette?
232
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,557
Yeah, it's the legal kind. You
know, the one's that give you cancer?
233
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,615
Oh, that's good.
234
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:21,152
You sure you ain't got, uh, any
of them funny, little ones in there?
235
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,101
Aw, Mr. Bunker, I
don't smoke grass.
236
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,933
Oh, oh, oh, I
never said you did.
237
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,669
I just don't wanna come
back in here a little later
238
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,853
and sniff around and
think I'm in Mexico.
239
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,942
Come here, sis, I wanna
ask you something.
240
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,811
Come over here. Come
over here. Why is he here?
241
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,946
David and I are
studying together.
242
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,270
Studying what?
243
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:40,378
Anthropology.
244
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,307
In front of the child?
245
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,911
Anthropology is
the study of man.
246
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,848
That's the point. I don't
want you studying that man.
247
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,428
You don't understand...
248
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,697
Listen, Sharyn, this isn't
gonna work out. I'd better go.
249
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,432
All right. That's
a very good idea.
250
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,367
I think I'll hold
the door for you.
251
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,836
I'm sorry. Oh, it's all right.
252
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,092
We'll catch up later.
253
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,861
Jeez, he can't keep
his mouth off of her.
254
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,898
Mr. Bunker, it's been
a real experience.
255
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,301
Yeah, yeah, likewise. Likewise.
256
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,602
Yeah, bye.
257
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,371
(JOEY CRYING)
258
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:17,542
Look what your boyfriend done
there. He woke up the baby here.
259
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,044
Come on, sis, pick him up, huh?
260
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,723
The door scared him.
He'll stop in a minute.
261
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,980
I don't think he's gonna
stop. You better pick him up.
262
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,060
It's not good to pick up
a baby every time it cries.
263
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:26,763
It just makes it
harder for the mother.
264
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,631
The hell with the
mother. Pick up the child!
265
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,100
Believe me. If we leave him
alone, he'll go right back to sleep.
266
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,936
Well, how's he gonna go to sleep
when he's making so much noise
267
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,493
he's keepin' himself awake?
268
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:39,130
Oh, he ain't... He
ain't crying now.
269
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,199
What the hell was that?
270
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,201
Nothing. He went back to sleep.
271
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,848
Are you sure he
didn't faint in there?
272
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,138
He didn't faint.
273
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,018
Well, don't you think
we ought to pinch him?
274
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,575
No, he's asleep. Shh.
275
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,490
All right. Okay, I'm goin'
now, but I'm gonna come back
276
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,247
and I may be
droppin' in suddenly.
277
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,460
If my grandson is yellin' there
and you ain't pickin' him up,
278
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:00,051
you're in trouble, sis.
279
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:03,620
Mr. Bunker, maybe you'd feel
better if you sat with the baby.
280
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:07,525
Well, don't think I wouldn't if
I didn't have this poker game.
281
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:10,728
Oh. What's more important?
Your poker game or your grandson?
282
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:13,064
Hey, don't be fresh now.
283
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,032
My grandson's more important.
284
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:16,133
Well?
285
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,680
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
286
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,281
How much are they
payin' you for this here?
287
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:22,306
Nothing. I was doing it
as a favor for Mr. Stivic.
288
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,441
Terrific. Well, I'll take over.
289
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,543
Terrific.
290
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,146
I'll hold the door
open for you, too.
291
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:32,049
You know, David
was right, Mr. Bunker.
292
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,918
It sure was an
experience meeting you.
293
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:38,348
Hey, hey, hey, there's no sense
trying to make up with me now.
294
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,029
(JOEY CRYING)
295
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,296
Oh, gee.
296
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:48,232
Hey. Hey, hey, don't cry.
297
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,945
Hey, don't cry in
there, little fella.
298
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,770
Don't cry. Your ganpaw
is here with you here.
299
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:56,641
Don't cry. Hey, listen, I can't
pick you up every time you cry.
300
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,610
Huh? Because that makes
it hard on your mother.
301
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:00,978
(JOEY CRYING HARDER)
302
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,848
Oh, jeez, you sound
like your mother, too.
303
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,357
MAN 1: Gotta make expenses.
304
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,324
MAN 2: Let's go here.
305
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,827
All right, let's
go. Not too bad.
306
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,274
Hey, uh, I'm gonna
open for a half.
307
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,109
(EXCLAIMING) Kelsey
the Greek over there.
308
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,199
I'll call.
309
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,601
Me, too. Call.
310
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,514
Let's see what
we got here. Well...
311
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,716
Hey, hey, hey. Tiny, huh?
312
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:30,308
Don't be lightin'
up a heater here.
313
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:32,877
The smoke will go over
there and finixiate the child.
314
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,282
Sorry, Arch, I forgot.
315
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,629
Do you have to be clickin' your
winnings over there? Well, I...
316
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,021
The noise would
wake up the baby, huh?
317
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,967
Jeez, Arch, all we've
been gettin' for two hours
318
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,002
is don't laugh, don't
smoke, don't click the coins!
319
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:50,461
And don't raise your voice.
320
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,030
Hey, Arch, maybe you ought
to let the baby get used to noise.
321
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:54,299
Shh. Why?
322
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:57,635
Well, with you for a grandpa...
323
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,870
(JOEY CRYING)
Aw, look what you did!
324
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,179
You with your big mouth!
325
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,173
Bunker, are you in or out?
326
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,720
Aw, give me a break, will you?
327
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,045
I'm trying to deal with
a kid in trouble, here.
328
00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:08,579
All right, little fella.
329
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,182
You just try and go
seepy-bye in there.
330
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,117
Seepy-bye?
331
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,665
Jeez, if I knew it was
gonna be this kind of night,
332
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,129
I'd have brought my Barbie doll.
333
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,661
The kid must be hungry.
334
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:26,843
He ain't hungry. He ain't supposed
to be fed for another three hours yet.
335
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,234
Check. Maybe he lost his watch.
336
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,337
Well, if he ain't hungry,
it's the other thing.
337
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:39,176
What other thing?
338
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:40,544
Feel his bottom.
339
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,279
See if it's heavy.
340
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,922
I don't have to
do nothin' like that.
341
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,524
He got rid of all
that this mornin'.
342
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,494
Arch, you want the
kid to stop cryin'?
343
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,773
Why don't you do what I
always did with my kid?
344
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,497
Give him some beer.
345
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,499
What an awful suggestion.
346
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,469
Feedin' beer to a child
that ain't even weanied yet?
347
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,108
(JOEY CRYING)
348
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,611
He's in some kind
of trouble over here.
349
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,157
Well, maybe he's
havin' a nightmare.
350
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:16,992
Oh, he don't know
enough about the world.
351
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,784
He ain't even took
a subway ride yet.
352
00:15:19,853 --> 00:15:24,622
My grandmother used to say, "A
crying baby is like a nickel on the floor.
353
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,791
"Pick it up and
everybody's happy."
354
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:30,527
Yeah, everybody except
the guy who lost the nickel.
355
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,109
Sidney, the worst thing you
can do for a kid is pick him up.
356
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,431
It only spoils him.
357
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,301
Better he should be spoiled
than he should be crying.
358
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,973
My grandmother always said, "A
crying baby should be picked up."
359
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:45,509
She was pickin' me up
when I was nine years old.
360
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,278
I say you should pick him up.
361
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,647
Yeah, pick him
up, or deal him in.
362
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,382
TOMMY: Yeah.
363
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:55,019
Don't you see that your
laugh is torturin' the child here?
364
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,566
Hey, Arch. Arch, that
sounds like a rash cry to me.
365
00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,357
See if he's wet.
366
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,436
No, no, no, I don't like
to do that. He ain't wet.
367
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,292
How do you know? Did you feel?
368
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:05,363
I don't have to feel. He
don't even sound wet.
369
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,598
Hey, Arch, I think you're
afraid to change the kid.
370
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,545
I'll bet you've never changed
a baby. SIDNEY: Yeah.
371
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,935
I'm tellin' you,
Arch, it's a rash cry.
372
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:14,472
It ain't a rash cry.
It's a noise cry.
373
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,340
And the cause of it is
Tiny over there. Me?
374
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,978
If you ain't gonna pick
it up, the kid's hungry.
375
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:22,724
Yeah, come on, feed him.
Feed him, Arch. Feed him!
376
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,193
I'll give him a bottle.
I'll give him a bottle.
377
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,061
All right, you guys
all gather round here.
378
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,863
Jiggle the bassinoot here, see?
379
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,586
And I'll go get his stuff.
380
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:32,756
(SHUSHING) Okay, okay.
381
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:34,892
Hey, he's a cute kid, huh?
382
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,194
Yeah.
383
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:38,796
It's hard to believe
he's related to Arch.
384
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,033
Shh. Shh.
385
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:46,704
ALL: ♪ Rock a bye
baby on a tree top
386
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:49,240
♪ When the wind blows
387
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,043
♪ The cradle will rock
388
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:57,014
♪ When the bough
breaks the cradle will fall
389
00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,618
♪ And down will come baby
390
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:06,591
♪ Cradle and all ♪
391
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,960
Hey, how 'bout it?
392
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,562
Hey, hey, hey, Arch.
Did you hear that, huh?
393
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,899
Yeah, swell, three Andrews
Brothers and one Ink Spot.
394
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,673
I think I'll feed him now, huh?
395
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,386
That baby got nice features.
396
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:25,843
Yeah.
397
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,423
But I don't think he's getting
enough sunshine though.
398
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:30,514
He looks a little
pale, don't he?
399
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,418
You all look a
little pale to me.
400
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,922
Before you give it to him,
you're supposed to test it first.
401
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,191
I already tested it, Schwartz,
402
00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:42,994
and it tastes lousy
just like babies love it.
403
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,897
Arch, the bottle ain't
gonna stay in his mouth.
404
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,611
You gotta pick him up, you
gotta cradle him in your arms
405
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,868
and then you gotta hold
the bottle in his mouth.
406
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,381
No, no, gee, look at that.
407
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,405
He's slurpin' it up
pretty good, ain't he?
408
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,975
Yeah, yeah, I can't wait till he's
old enough to come to my bar.
409
00:17:58,043 --> 00:18:01,011
Hey, Arch, I don't think
he's drinkin' anything.
410
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,458
Maybe he has to burp.
411
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,781
No, kids only burp when
they finish their bottle.
412
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,384
Sometimes, it's before.
Sometimes, it's after.
413
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:09,687
There are no rules for burping.
414
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,057
(JOEY BURPS)
415
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,660
See? He burped.
416
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,835
That wasn't no burp.
417
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:36,948
Hey, Schwartz, there, I mean, you
know so much about everything, uh,
418
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:40,084
are you, uh, gonna help me
with this little change here?
419
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,852
I ain't a Jewish mother.
420
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,689
Johnson?
421
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,558
I ain't even Jewish.
422
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,393
Kelsey there?
423
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,362
Arch, I came to
play poker not house.
424
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,464
Let's get our
winnings, fellas, huh?
425
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,699
Hey, Tiny, what am I gonna do?
426
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,502
Open a window.
427
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,349
Yeah, Arch, and then after
that sing to him. You know.
428
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,807
♪ Rock a bye baby on a tree top
429
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,844
ALL: ♪ When the wind
blows the cradle will rock
430
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:11,649
♪ When the bough
breaks the cradle will fall
431
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,718
♪ And down will come
baby cradle and all ♪
432
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:18,189
Hey, you guys, you're leaving
an innocent child in danger here.
433
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,030
Well, okay, kiddo.
434
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,902
As the President said to the
boys, "I'll erase this myself."
435
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:39,977
All right now, just take
it easy. That's a boy.
436
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,490
You don't have to
cry about nothin'.
437
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,148
I like you quiet this way, see?
438
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:48,252
Where's the pins? No
pins. Jeez, what a diaper.
439
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,755
Oh, you're taped up there,
huh? Oh, that's pretty good.
440
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,591
We'll get that off there.
441
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,028
There we go. There we go.
442
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:01,031
Now we get it off
there. Now we get it off...
443
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,941
It's okay. It's okay.
444
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:14,811
Only take a minute
here. There we go. There.
445
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,080
Now we'll get it
all together here.
446
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,451
Now, I'll be right with
you, huh? Now, don't move.
447
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:21,852
(CRYING)
448
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,388
Okay, okay, I ain't
leavin' the room. I...
449
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,599
Here we are.
450
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,201
This is gonna feel good,
451
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:39,403
when we get you all
wiped off. Won't it?
452
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,805
Take it easy.
Take it easy there.
453
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:45,609
We'll get you all wiped off.
Get you nice and clean there.
454
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,645
And, uh, and then
we, uh... Yeah.
455
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:53,817
Yeah, we got a diadee
comin' for you now here.
456
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,586
Here's a nice clean one.
457
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:59,123
Okay, okay, take it easy there.
458
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,325
Now...
459
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,396
That's a boy.
460
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:08,032
I can't even get him up.
461
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,566
We'll get you out of here.
462
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:11,868
Oh, yeah, that's okay.
463
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,470
That's okay.
464
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,839
I'll carry you in
a minute there.
465
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,742
This is down here.
466
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,514
Tape it over there.
467
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,184
And over there.
And you'll be all set.
468
00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:34,959
There you go.
469
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,193
Good night.
470
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:37,894
There.
471
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:39,964
There.
472
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:43,267
Now, I left a note over there
for your mommy and daddy
473
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,779
that you're over
here with me, see?
474
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:46,748
And wasn't it better bein'
over here with all us guys
475
00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:49,406
than with that fresh girl? Huh?
476
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:50,741
Now.
477
00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:53,977
♪ Lullaby, and good night
478
00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:57,280
♪ And with roses bedight ♪
479
00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,084
Whatever that means.
480
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:03,286
A couple years, I'll be telling
you fairy stories, you know?
481
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:07,190
Oh, I don't mean stories
about them people, you know,
482
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:11,562
but stories out of fairy books
like "The Three Little Bears,"
483
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,063
"The Three Little Pigs."
484
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:15,032
See, "The Three Men in a Tub."
485
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:18,502
They had a water
shortage in them days.
486
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:23,440
See, everything in fairy
land was in threes, you know?
487
00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:26,443
Except the dwarves.
There was seven of them.
488
00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:28,512
'Cause they was little, see?
489
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:31,982
And, uh, the wolf
was after them.
490
00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:33,995
So the wolf come
runnin' after 'em.
491
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,287
Boy, and he had
one hell of a breath.
492
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,389
He blew down their house, see?
493
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:41,858
And he blew down their house
and they had to find another joint.
494
00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:46,363
So they run through the woods
and they run across Goldilocks,
495
00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:49,066
and she took them all
in to live with her, see?
496
00:22:49,134 --> 00:22:52,803
But nothin' wrong with that because she
was a nice girl, and they're old anyway.
497
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,575
So they got another house.
But the wolf come along
498
00:22:57,643 --> 00:22:59,943
and he blew that one down, too.
499
00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:03,447
So then they took off again through
the woods and they come to a...
500
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,082
(CRYING)
501
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:07,150
They come to a brick
house there, see?
502
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:10,120
And that belonged to
Disney. So they all...
503
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:18,061
They all moved in there and
started working for him, hmm.
504
00:23:18,130 --> 00:23:20,531
Yeah, well, that
ain't particularly right,
505
00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:23,033
but then, you don't know
the difference anyhow.
506
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:26,503
Yeah.
507
00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:28,872
♪ London Bridge is falling down
508
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:30,974
♪ Falling down, falling down
509
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:33,209
♪ London Bridge is falling down
510
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:35,478
♪ The Limeys built it wrong ♪
511
00:23:38,818 --> 00:23:41,284
Hi, Daddy. Hi, Arch.
512
00:23:41,354 --> 00:23:43,086
Hi, you're back, are you?
513
00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:44,232
Yeah. Yeah.
514
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:45,823
How's Joey?
515
00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:49,192
Ah, he's great there. You see
this in here? See what that is?
516
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:51,595
That's a nice, clean,
fresh diadee there.
517
00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:53,241
MIKE: You diapered
the baby, Arch?
518
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:55,899
Well, he certainly
didn't do it himself, huh?
519
00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:59,002
Daddy, what's that on the floor?
520
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:02,906
Oh, that's something that
Joseph flung out of his bassinoot.
521
00:24:04,743 --> 00:24:06,376
(BURPS)
522
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,812
Aw, he burped.
523
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:13,717
Oh, I don't think
that was a burp.
524
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,786
I'll tell you what there.
525
00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:19,290
I'm gonna... I'm gonna
let you take over here,
526
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:20,857
Daddy Meathead.
527
00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:24,194
You just take over, huh?
528
00:24:24,263 --> 00:24:25,329
Yeah.
529
00:24:25,398 --> 00:24:26,997
You know somethin'?
530
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,500
In this situation, he
looks like you again.
531
00:24:56,796 --> 00:24:58,840
MALE ANNOUNCER: All in
the Family was recorded on tape
532
00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:00,698
before a live audience.
40650
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof