Original subtitles

[Dijonay shouting] Penny!

Penny!

Wait up!

-[panting] -Why are you out of breath

and wearing a swimsuit?

Is it okay if I do a couple of laps in your pool?

I'm sweaty.

Don't you have a pool?

Yeah, but Basil popped it.

Please, Penny, please!

-Please, please, please, please! -Okay, but just you.

[yells] Sorry y'all! She said just me!

-[all exclaiming] -Oh, that's messed up.

Let's go!

-Ah! -[thuds]

[chuckles]

[blows raspberry]

Hey, Mama. Can Dijonay go swimming?

And stay for dinner?

Girls, I want you to meet my sorority sister,

Miss Rosa Lee Davenport.

[both] Hello, Miss Rosa Lee.

Penny, dear, do me a favor now.

-I just want you to turn around for me. -[spoon clinking]

-Turn around? -Yes. Just a little twirl.

[Penny] Hmm.

She'll be perfect, Trudy.

Uh, perfect for what?

The Alpha Theta Nu-ooh Beauty Pageant.

They're interviewing candidates.

But it's merely a formality.

I mean, since you're a legacy candidate,

you're assured to be accepted.

And from where I am standing,

you are going to walk away with a crown

and a four-year scholarship, girl.

-[chuckles] -Penny, isn't that exciting?

Yeah, I guess.

So, is it okay for me and Dijonay to go swimming?

And have dinner?

Sure. Take the twins.

-Yeah! -No!

No, no, no!

[screams]

Can you believe my mom wants me to be in a beauty pageant?

Yeah, girl. Ask her if I can be in it too.

What? You want to be in a beauty pageant?

Yeah! Toddlers & Tiaras is my show, girl.

I just never thought I'd get a chance.

[snaps fingers] Until today.

Please. Please, please!

-Penny, Penny, Penny, please! -Zang, you doing a lot of begging today?

Mom, is it okay that Dijonay apply for the pageant too?

Sorry, dear.

-It's an invi-- -Of course you can interview Dijonay.

But the idea is to uplift all girls.

Isn't it, Rosa Lee?

Yes. [chuckles softly] Of course.

There, it's settled.

-You're officially invited, Dijonay. -[screams]

Thank you, Mrs. Proud! [shrieks]

Thank you, Miss Rosa Lee.

Ah! You'll never regret it.

[Rosa Lee grunts]

I already have, dear.

[singing] ? The... Proud... Family... What? ?

? You and me will always be tight ?

? Family every day and every night ?

? Even when you start acting like a fool ?

? You know that I'm lovin' every single thing you do ?

I know I can always be myself

? When I'm with you more than anybody else ?

? Every single day that I'm headed off to school ?

? You know there's no one I love as much as you ?

-? The family ? -? The family ?

? Proud family ?

? They'll make you scream! ?

? They'll make you wanna sing! ?

? It's a family thing, a family A proud, proud family ?

? Proud family ?

? They'll push your buttons! ?

? They'll make you wanna hug 'em ?

? A family, family Proud, proud family ?

? Proud, proud family ?

[Oscar screams]

[school bell rings]

Congratulations, Penny.

I hear you're going to be in my sorority's

[sing-song] Alpha Beta Nu!

Junior Beauty Pageant.

I'm going to be in the beauty pageant, too, Principal Hightower.

Heavens to Honey Boo Boo. Who invited you?

Mrs. Proud and Miss Rosa Lee.

For real? [gasps]

I mean, oh, congratulations.

I'm sure you both will do well.

[laughs]

You guys are actually in a beauty pageant?

Are those even legal anymore?

Girl, I would never do a pageant.

I couldn't handle the objectification.

I couldn't handle the rejection.

And in your case, there would be plenty.

I doubt this is even a legitimate pageant

if they invited these two and not me.

Look, this isn't about you, LaCienega.

-This is a sister thing. -Mmm.

I stand by my statement, "sista."

Look, I didn't say I was doing a beauty pageant.

I said I was thinking about it.

Dijonay, I understand.

-Well, sorta. -Hmm?

But Penny, you?

Hmm.

Forget her, Penny. She's just a hater.

[squealing]

Penny! Hold up! [exclaims]

[straining]

Dijonay, why you got all them books on your head?

Practicing my pageant walk.

I want to learn how to glide.

Check this out.

[vocalizing]

[screams]

[Trudy] There's my pageant girls. Come here.

Penny, I wanna show you something.

This is me before my Alpha Theta Nu Junior Beauty Pageant.

I was Miss Congeniality.

-Cool. -Wow!

You look beautiful, Mrs. Proud.

Thank you, Dijonay. I was cute.

I don't know why I didn't win the whole darn-gone thing.

But guess what, Penny?

I still have that dress.

Of course, I'll need to make a few alterations,

but it's perfect for you to wear in the pageant.

Mama, about this whole pageant thing...

I don't think I can do it.

Why? What's wrong, baby?

I'm a Zoomer. We don't walk in pageants.

We do the Walk Challenge.

? Walk, walk, walk, walk ?

? Walk, walk, walk, walk ?

[grunting]

? Walk, walk, walk, walk ?

? Walk, walk, walk, walk ?

[grunts] Sorry, Mama. It's just not for me.

Don't worry, Mrs. Proud. I'll talk some sense into her.

Penny!

? Walk, walk, walk, walk ?

? Walk, walk, walk, walk ?

Penny, what's wrong with you?

You've gotta do the pageant, girl.

No, I don't.

It goes against everything I'm about.

We're 14. We don't know what we're about.

Well, I'm still not doing it.

Come on, Penny.

I can't do it by myself.

You'll be fine.

I'll be there to support you, girl.

Every step of the way.

I'll help you dress,

do your makeup, go to interviews with you.

I'll be your Malika and Khadijah.

-Come on, Penny. -[Penny grunting]

You're gonna make me late for the interview.

[grunting]

I said I would be your Malika and Khadijah,

not your 12 Years a Slave.

[siren wailing]

Mama, what are you doing here?

I'm here to make sure my girl is ready for her interview.

I told you, Mama, I'm not doing the pageant.

No. I mean, my girl, Dijonay.

[GASPS]

[gasps]

Come here, baby. Let me look at you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, dear. That won't do.

Step inside my office.

[creaking, whirring]

? Dance ?

[? dance music playing]

Now you look like an Alpha Theta Nu Pageant girl.

Oh, my Goddess. Your fit is fabulous.

[squeals] Thank you, Mrs. Proud.

Wait. One more thing.

These are for you, Dijonay.

They brought me luck when I went on my pageant interview.

Thank you, Mrs. Proud.

You're like a fairy godmother.

But Black.

[Trudy] Oh.

Now, go in there and knock them dead.

Remember, be yourself.

Mama, this stuff is heavy.

-Can I get a ride... -[engine starts]

-[engine revving] -[siren wailing]

[objects clattering]

...back home?

[? orchestral music playing]

[exclaims excitedly]

[Dijonay] Yeah!

Oh, hi, Miss Rosa Lee!

That would be Mrs. Davenport to you.

Oh! You got a man. I see you.

What on earth was that, child?

I saw it on Bridgerton.

Hmm.

Okay, okay. Look this way, please.

Thank you. Now, smile.

-First name? -Dijonay.

-Last name? -Jones.

[both] Oh. The Joneses of Martha's Vineyard?

Nope. The Joneses of Emilyville.

Oh. That's nice. So...

[both] Tell us about yourself.

About me?

Yes.

[both] We want to know about you, dear.

Um... Don't you want to see my walk?

-[shoes squeaking] -[vocalizing]

[twins] Please don't do that.

We just want to hear about you.

Uh...

-[? slow music playing] -[insect trilling]

I don't know what to say.

[Rosa Lee] Thank you, dear.

On your way out, could you please tell the next girl to come in?

I attend Willy T. Ribbs Middle School.

I'm captain of the cheerleaders.

I have my own talk show on the school TV network.

I'm a social media advocate and I'm on the debate team.

The debate team? [chuckles]

Well, what were you, the water girl?

No, I was the lead debater.

I have an eidetic memory.

That's a photographic memory,

which means, I'll never forget the faces of the people who gave me a chance

to make all my dreams come true.

[both] Best interview ever!

-So much fun. -So much fun.

Oh, my God.

-[twin 1] You're amazing! -[twin 2] So talented.

[Dijonay yelling] Penny!

Penny, Penny! They posted the girls who made it.

I'm too scared to look. You look.

Relax, Dijonay.

You got a standing O at your interview.

There's no way you didn't get in, girl.

I still can't look.

Yes, Dijonay, this outfit is giving me Michelle Obama at the inauguration.

I must admit, surprisingly, you look great.

Not as good as me, though.

Yeah,. I'd vote for you.

I'd say you look great, too, but I don't want to support the cause.

Thank you, guys. I try. [chuckles]

So, is my picture posted?

Did I get in?

-Uh... -[buzzer sounds]

[Penny] No.

I'm sorry, Dijonay.

Better luck next time.

[chimes]

[Maya] Hey, everybody, check this out.

I can't believe they did this.

[Lacienega] What can't you believe?

[Penny] Yeah, I don't see it.

I know where you're going with this, Nina Simone.

They're all light-skinned girls.

Bingo. And what else?

Maya, will you just tell us?

[Maya] They all took their picture

next to a brown paper bag.

Girl, no. What is this, 1924?

[Dijonay] What?

What does that mean?

-[grunts] -[Suga Mama] Get him, get him, get him.

Get him, Dr. Payne!

Pop him, pop him.

-Pop him, pop him. Come on! -Mama!

Oscar, would you stop playing around

and go to the store and get those buttons like I asked you to?

I've got to finish this dress.

I thought that Penny didn't want to be in that beauty contest

with you and all your bougie sisters.

Whoo, you got that right, boy.

I can't stand that one lady.

What... What's her name again?

Are you talking about Rosa Lee Davenport?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her.

She got a nose so high in the air,

she almost drowns every time it rains.

[door opens]

Perfect timing, Dijonay.

I'm working on your dress for the pageant.

That's okay, Mrs. Proud. I didn't get in.

You didn't get in? I thought your interview went well.

Dijonay didn't get picked because she's dark-skinned Mama.

Yeah. They only pick light-skinned sisters like they always do.

[sighs] Classic case of colorism.

Oh, you're mistaken, Maya. My sorority would never do that.

I was in the pageant and I'm brown-skinned.

Uh, Trudy, you light-skinned.

-No, I'm not. -Yes, you are.

No, I'm not

Look, this is my daddy.

My mother. My brother. My sister.

Yeah, they're dark-skinned.

But look at you, Halle.

Whatever, Oscar.

What exactly happened, Dijonay?

They gave her the brown paper bag test.

-What? -What?

I don't get it. But what's with the brown paper bags?

Well, it's a mess that bougie Black people

who thought they were better than everybody else used to do.

And if your skin was darker than a brown paper bag, eh,

they didn't want you to be around them.

I thought we had got rid of that mess.

Wow, that's terrible.

Yeah, between always having to carry receipts

and not being able to find your foundation color,

us dark and lovelies don't stand a chance.

What's your foundation, girl?

Chocolate truffle.

Got it! You can thank me later.

I had no idea.

Dijonay, I'm sorry.

Your skin color is a gift,

and no one should ever make you feel like

you're anything other than the beautiful young woman you are.

[? intense music playing]

Well, where are you going?

Well, I'm going to have a little chitchat with Miss Rosa Lee.

-[birds chirping] -[siren approaching]

[brakes screech]

[car door slams]

[Rosa Lee] Glide, ladies, glide.

Yes, a true lady floats above the debris we call life.

Oh, excuse me, Miss Rosa Lee?

We need to talk.

Of course, Trudy.

Okay, ladies.

Flamingo pose.

What is it, dear? You seem upset.

Did you make Dijonay take a brown paper bag test?

Yes, and she failed miserably.

Why would you do that?

It's the way it's always been done.

It was done to me, my mother before me,

her mother and so on and so forth.

It's just what we do, dear.

I didn't take a brown paper bag test.

Of course you did.

I was just looking at your interview picture the other day.

I thought that was a Basquiat.

So you're saying in order to be considered beautiful,

you have to be lighter than a brown paper bag?

[all exclaiming]

No. But you have to admit it does help.

Look, Trudy, Dijonay is cute for a brown-skinned girl.

But what?

Nothing. That's it.

You...

You...

-[scoffs] -[girls gasping]

Sorry, it's chocolate.

I guess now you don't pass the test.

-[gasps] -[chuckles]

[? intense music playing]

[bubbling]

And then I just lost my mind,

and I hit her with a chocolate cake.

Well, you're lucky I get igloo on retainer because Rosa Lee is suing you.

I don't understand why they're allowed to do that stupid stuff.

Somebody ought to put on a pageant where they can fight everybody.

That's a great idea, Suga Mama.

Why should we let Miss Rosa Lee define what Black girl beauty is?

We can have a pageant of our own

and invite girls of all shades and sizes.

Boys, too.

Boys, too? No, that's a terrible idea.

No. That's exactly what's needed.

That's it. I'm going to call my friends right now.

Thank you, Suga Mama.

Anything to take down Miss Rosa Lee.

[Penny] Presenting the Brown Paper Bag Pageant.

All Black girls and boys welcome.

Same time as that other raggedy pageant,

but at Snackland, land, land, land, land.

Come celebrate Black beauty, hey!

[all cheering]

[all whooping]

? Just come back around ?

? To the Brown Paper Bag ?

? Come be a superstar ?

? To the Brown Paper Bag ?

? You can have that mocha choca latte ?

? With the ya, ya, ya ?

? We welcome every color here ?

? With a ra, ra, ra ?

? Six foot or five foot two It's the middle ones ?

? Brown paper bag ?

? All the way from the suburbs Straight from the ghetto ?

? Brown paper bag ?

[Uncle Bobby] Welcome, everybody, to the first Brown Paper Bag Pageant,

a celebration of Blackness.

[all cheering]

Now, let me introduce to you our lovely judges,

starting with [sing-song] my mama.

[chuckles] Who lets me live with her rent-free.

[laughs]

News flash: Now that you've got a job,

-you've got rent. -[crowd exclaiming]

Moving right along,

next we have Randall Leibowitz-Jenkins.

He is the Chief Loan Officer at the Wizard Kelly National Bank.

[chuckles] Be nice to him, y'all, he's controlling that skrilla.

That's right,

'cause I'm a brother-in-charge.

[all cheering]

And finally, we have a TV personality we all know and love.

Sadie Bada-bada-- She's a bad mama jamma.

It's Sade Baderinwa, you got that?

Anyway, I am just happy to be here

for the celebration of Blackness.

[all cheering]

I'm looking to celebrate, too.

Uh, what you doing after the pageant?

Ah-ah-oh.

-[audience laughing] -Ow!

[snaps fingers]

[scratching record]

? It's what they see ?

? These diamonds, diamonds on my teeth ?

? It's what they see, yeah ?

-[crickets chirping] -[tumbleweed rustling]

[Rosa Lee] Girls, where have you two been?

And where is everybody?

-Snackland. -[crunches]

[both] They're having a pageant, you know.

[Rosa Lee] Who is that Ohio Player wannabe?

And why is everyone there and not here?

[both] Well...

Well, what, girl?

Spit it out.

Well, the way I see it, it's either your archaic beliefs on women's roles...

Or your anachronistic commitment

to light-skinned beauty being better than dark-skinned beauty.

[both] Either way, they ain't comin'.

Ain't?

Get out!

[both] We thought you'd say that.

You guys want to come along?

[both] Your parents are already over there.

[girls gasp, chuckle]

[both] Deuces.

Mm, mm, mm.

I'm so sorry no one showed up to your event, Miss Rose Bush Lee,

but the Wizard is still owed his full price, y'all.

And I don't take crypto even for a no show.

I'll pay you when you learn to speak proper English.

Which I suspect will never happen.

What are y'all doing here?

Bougieville is on the other side of town.

Dijonay, for the record, Ashley and I voted for you to be in the pageant.

Yeah, but Miss Rosa Lee wasn't having it.

[both] Sorry.

Mmm-hmm.

Nobody came to your pageant, did they?

Nope.

-[both] Not even the parents. -[girls chuckling]

This is amazing.

Is it too late to enter the pageant?

[both] Your flyer says it's open to everyone.

Yeah, it does.

[smacks lips] But you can't be in this pageant

unless you're darker than this brown paper bag.

Okay, we get it.

-Yeah. -We don't... We don't blame you.

[both] Come on, girls, back to Wizdome.

And if you're lighter than this paper bag,

you're in, too.

Because we accept everyone in this pageant.

Uh, in case y'all haven't figured it out,

the Brown Paper Bag Pageant is unlike any pageant you ain't ever seen.

We're gonna shake, shake, shake things up

like KC and The Sunshine Band

starting with our first category,

which is called "Skillz to Pay the Billz."

[chuckles] First up,

Maya Leibowitz-Jenkins.

And she's gonna modify and amplify

my mama's sanctified ride.

-[gasps] -[Uncle Bobby] All right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

-Doggone it! -[whirring]

Oh, Mama, your car went from sanctified to electrified.

EV, y'all.

You better put my car back, girl.

[barking]

Mama!

Mama!

? Here I go ?

-? Here I go ? -? Mmm ?

? Doing what I'm supposed to do ?

? Here I am ?

? Here I am ?

? Being who I'm supposed to be ?

? I got plans ?

? There's nothing that I couldn't do ?

Yes! The children are giving looks tonight!

? This is all up to you ?

-? I just can't stop ? -? Just can't stop ?

-? Loving myself ? -? Yeah ?

-? I just can't stop ? -? Can't stop ?

-? Loving myself ? -? No, no, no, no ?

? I just can't stop ?

[female announcer] And now, presenting Dijonay Jones.

? I just can't stop ?

? Loving myself ?

? Oh, I just can't stop ?

? I just can't stop loving myself ?

[all cheering]

? They can't break nothin' in me ?

? And tell myself I gotta be there ?

? Oh, ain't nobody climbing on me, yeah ?

? Oh ?

? And I know that's a guarantee ?

? Oh, there's nothing that I couldn't do ?

? Here I am ?

? Here I am ?

? And the rest is over, yeah ?

? I just can't stop ?

? Loving myself ?

? Yeah ?

? I just can't stop ?

-? Stop ? -? Loving myself ?

[all cheering]

? I just can't stop ?

? Loving myself ?

? I just can't stop ?

? Loving myself ?

And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for.

Drumroll, please.

[drum roll]

The winner of the first Brown Paper Bag celebration

of Black Beauty Pageant is...

Everybody!

[all whooping and cheering]

[all chuckling]

[Uncle Bobby] Because in the eyes of the Brown Paper Bag judges

and the Lord Almighty,

you are all beautiful.

[? upbeat music playing]

Congratulations on your successful event, Trudy.

I want you to know that I intend to drop that lawsuit

and I am truly sorry if I did anything to offend.

Before you say another word,

I'm not the one you need to apologize to.

[inhales deeply] Hi.

Mmm-hmm.

After seeing this wonderful show tonight

and all of you beautiful, beautiful children,

I just needed to tell you that

I do realize how hurtful my actions were.

Dijonay, I'm sorry.

And I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

First of all, Miss Rosa Lee...

Dijonay! Be respectful.

Okay, Mrs. Proud.

Just know,

every Black girl

deserves to be in any room she enters, period.

[all cheering]

[? upbeat music playing]

[crowd chanting] Dijonay! Dijonay! Dijonay!

[? upbeat music continues]

[girl] Come on! Whoo!

[? theme music playing]

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