Original subtitles

Are you in?

Yeah, I'm in. What do you say, Michael?

I'm thinking.

Come on, you gambling or what? I said I'm in. Patience.

We're not playing patience. We're playing poker.

I'll see you.

Well, let's see your money, eh?

I'm out.

See you.

King Flush.

That's it then, Ben?

Bank.

Must get to a bank which way?

Turn right out the front door, right round the block, right and right again,

first turning on your left.

You're on.

Do you reckon you'll make it?

I'll see ya.

Is it worth it? Worth it? Waiting for?

Are you daft or something?

Don't call this just... Best available. It stinks.

I'll open a window.

Are you suggesting that... What?

Nothing. Any more tea? Stop rebarricating, Dooley. Holy mother, how

know? You're a man of the world.

I've knocked about a bit, it's true, but basically I am an innocent. Basically

you're a bum.

Well, I won't split hairs with you.

Right, now, you answered this advertisement.

I've no choice, Maggie, I swear.

Oh, Dooley, do him to seek an honest job. Times must be hard.

Hard? Would you know? I would have written the page.

Times were, being unemployed, I mean professionally unemployed, gave a man

standing in Soho.

You were reckoned to be something of a rebel, a bit of a bohemian, which

nowadays they're all at it, and the glamour's gone.

The only way to prove your individuality is to go out and get a job.

How was it worded?

The advertisement? Ah, dead simple.

It said, man wanted to do little jobs about the house.

I've got a cat who does that for free.

Where? In a tobacconist's window.

Oh, yes?

It's a Westminster number and it pays a pound an hour. Your employer?

She's a lady.

Now he's splitting hairs.

Well, all right, she's a whore, but she's got a soft spot.

I bet.

What a speciality.

Lessons in humility.

How do they work?

The fella comes in, gets his gear off, she looks at his diddler and starts

laughing.

Did he pay?

Oh, handsomely.

I never understand men.

She hired you?

Sure. To do what?

To look after her dog.

That's the thought one?

The old dog has cataracts in both eyes and a gammy leg.

She needed someone to, you know, look out for it.

Sort of a guide man for a blind dog.

Yeah. Sort of. Yeah.

Hey, yeah.

What's been happening?

What? Well, I've been up north for the week. Yes, of course.

But it's Antwerp's all refreshed, sir. Oh, aye.

Well, it beats working for a living.

Yeah. Stiles, tell me.

Is there anything I should be aware of?

Aware of, sir? Yeah, any individual or group paranoia?

Any minefields waiting to be trodden on?

Conversely, any medals waiting to be won?

Not that I know of, no, sir. This Irishman on the loose, what have we got

far? I haven't got a clue.

Silly question.

How's the wife?

Nice of you to ask, sir.

Problem is, I'm not married.

Yeah, well done.

Good.

Thank you, sir.

Where are we now? We're in the flat. You and the dog? Right.

Madame's away.

She doesn't operate out of the flat?

She's got business premises off Greek Street. Right. Her classroom. Go on.

It's Wednesday night and I've fed the dog.

He's dashing about on all three legs, bumping into the furniture, having a

of a time.

Thursday morning, he's as dead as a dodo.

She's upset?

You can imagine.

That dog meant a lot to her. What was left of it?

Well, you know.

She'd watched it disintegrate over the years.

So you agreed to bury it?

I owed it to her to do the decent thing.

You all right?

Ah, yeah.

Well, you know, it was very moving.

She pointed out the exact spot she wanted the animal buried.

Where was that?

Soho Square.

Sentimental reason.

I said I'd do what I could. I felt I owed it to her.

So you were actually digging a grave when you... When this Detective

Cooper approaches me. Now, I'm not to know he's one of yours.

What are you at, says he?

I am disposing of the remains, says I.

Of who, says he?

Willie, says I.

The dog's name was Willie? Yeah, after a client she'd had a few laughs with.

And then this Cooper person gives me a funny look. So I says, playfully like,

you know...

It's official.

Who are you to say?

CID says I.

CID? I says to him I am an official informer for the CID.

Then what?

He arrested me.

You got

a

detailed statement from Miss Watkins, right?

Right. Where is it?

Now, what's this?

What's that, Chief? Well, this. I can't make it in the tale of it.

We'll talk about higher bloody glyphics. What's it written in, Urdu?

Oh, it's just a sort of mixture. A mixture of what?

A sort of mixture of pitmans and good memory.

So what's it say?

I can't quite remember offhand. Good grief.

Answer that for me, would you? If it's mine, tell her I'm otherwise engaged.

know, you should live.

DCI Russell's office.

Oh, hello, Mrs Russell.

Yeah.

Ah. So, he locked you up for the night? He did.

And Willie? In a plastic bag downstairs.

Maggie, will you help me?

Yes, all right. Oh, it's all right. I'd like a word in private.

Yes, Mr Julie was just going. You up?

Yeah, Forbes.

What? Oh, no, I don't believe it.

What's that, the third?

Where was it this time?

Alarming. Say that again.

Kiss what?

Look, tell them I'll be there in 20 minutes, OK?

All quiet on the home front. What did you tell them? Updated courses. Good.

of you were taken on leave. Very imaginative.

You want to bring her back?

No, just leave it.

Pick a dilly.

I'm not very sure of it. Get one in for me.

Sergeant Barrett, will you escort Mr. Dilly down to the front office? Ask them

to let him go and I'll accept full responsibility, whatever. If you get a

chance, have a word with... What's the man's name? Cooper.

No jokes, just tell him. Sure.

Come on, chum.

Oh, what are you doing about one hung? Who? A Chinese restaurateur, a Mr. Lowe,

hence... We pulled him last night. What for?

Drunk in charge of a chopstick.

causing an affray.

Well, his priest's been on the blow on his way over. A lot of pidgin English.

You going to see him?

No way you see him. Well, I'm up to ear. All right, all right, I'll see him. You

wanted... A minute. Yeah, Jake.

Hang on, please, sir.

Now, listen, Jimbo had a couple of reports, didn't he? Got a bit hairy by

accounts, yeah. What happened?

Well, Watkins is mainlining now. What's he on? He'll use Brasso as long as it

comes in the syringe. But Jimbo handled it all right. So busy handling the

butcher's knife, he forgot to watch his...

Coin job?

Didn't he tell you? Well, I thought he looked a bit pale.

He talked a bit high pitch for a day or two.

Look after him.

Don't I always?

Come on, sir.

How does he get away with it? Who, Jake?

No, Jake.

We're talking about our other clown.

He doesn't give a monkey's tizzy. Well, this one could provide a leash.

What? An eyewitness saw him putting on his false nose.

Who are we talking about?

Our celebrated, hot -off -the -press, inebriated bank robber. Who do you think

we're talking about? I thought you were talking about Jimbo.

You got problems? A few.

Personal? Mm.

Janie? Mm.

What have you been up to?

Look, I... They're 20 minutes. I could actually make it in ten. No, no, no.

trail have gone cold. I'll have cooled off by then. Will Janie have cooled off?

No.

Perch.

Go on.

Ten minutes.

Starting from now.

You do this often?

Only when I'm flush.

Because you lend a survivor.

How long you been playing cards?

Years. Where?

Prison. Poker?

Patience.

Ah, Jake.

Gov. Hi.

Look, Russell is not in his office.

He's in with Maggie. No, she's not around either. Then she's out on a job.

job? It's likely.

But you're not certain? No, Gov, I'm not certain. I've got an intro of my own.

One GBH, one assault with intent, a possible abduction. Yeah, yeah, all

all right, all right. You've got to work, Lou. But tell me, do I detect an

of conspiracy?

Of what? Well, let's just call it a smoke screen.

I mean, no, I'm not getting paranoid, but this Paddy with the gun, I mean, is

a protected species?

Has he got the freedom of the city? What?

Oh, you fancy him.

You could say that.

Keep yourself available.

Right, go.

I'll be in the pub.

Listen,

don't give me that hard time. I'm not in the mood, understand?

Not in the mood for any heavy dialogue. I'm not being unreasonable.

I've just had a very gruelling morning.

I have had it up to...

You listen.

Oh, grovel, grovel, sacks off the nashes. I am listening, but I never

Jimmy how this morning went at the office. What a selfish person I am. Yes,

are. I am. I am. I admit it.

Last night, we ate, we screwed. I stay awake while you toss and turn and groan

in your sleep, right? I get up at the crack, clean up, iron some stuff, make

some breakfast, keep him happy.

Kiss, kiss at the door. I'll miss you too. Have a nice day.

Trumbloff, half drunk, half hard, leaving me to get the entire goddamn

together before I go to school so that I can erose without getting back in time

to start the whole cycle all over again. And when we do meet up, I'm supposed to

be... Be quiet, that's all. Just be quiet.

I love him.

I'm tender.

Stop it! Who the hell do you think you are?

Listen, I'm the worker, mate.

We were out on a job today early, right? Had to pull a fruitcake named Watkins.

Now, not only is he big, he's got muscles in his pith and he's a lunatic.

That's why I was a bit... You know, last night, I wasn't so much scared as I was

petrified. But I'll handle it.

I'm not quite the bionic man, but I'll handle it.

And I'm here in one piece, and you're not celebrating. Why? Because you want

have a go.

Well, the last thing I need is somebody not particularly guilty, probably my

thuggy with malice of all thoughts. You want to put the boot in, go elsewhere.

I'm feeling fragile.

You selfish bot. You got it. Number one original.

I'm leaving.

This finger indicates the direction in which you are more than entitled to

What do you want?

I'll start with a Harvey Warbank.

Leave it out, Jim.

It's expensive. I'll enjoy it.

So, where are you heading?

I'm over the bridge. Can I drop you off?

Bless you, darling, but no. I've made an arrangement to meet up with me nephew.

He's not a blood relative in the proper way, but he married the stepdaughter of

me cousin Brady's sister -in -law, so he's family, you know what I mean.

And any time he comes down from Liverpool, he gets in touch and we meet

So, um, he loves a drink, you know, and he treats me like royalty.

So we'll have a few, and then he'll organise a blow -up.

Blow -out? Oh, absolutely.

I'll leave it to him.

Hi, Mr Dash.

Good luck, Dooley. I want to... I'm going to keep it close to the ground.

I owe you for this, Maggie, and I remember, believe me, I remember what

advantage is...

There you are.

Are

you

fit? Yeah, I'm fit.

Well, let's go.

Said the blue -eyed boys, run to Maggie.

You can ride air skirts all the way to the top.

I'll have a word with you when we get back.

You know where to find me.

Are you spoiling for something?

Get up my nose. Yeah, one more snide remark about blue -eyed boys and I'll be

your nose, understood?

You realise you are so sensitive?

Meaning what?

You'd be fair to wear it to your face, wouldn't you? Yeah, that sort of crap

rather not hear at all.

You're in country, mate. You can't stop people talking. Yeah, well, don't lay

odds on that.

I'm not a betting man.

He's going to push his luck too far one of these days. Yeah.

What's the matter, Mark?

You in the mood?

Try me.

She says she wants to pick her nose.

Get up.

That was a memorable meal.

I overdid it.

Now, don't show me up there, you good man. Back on your feet.

I wish you wouldn't wear that hat in public.

You're a haley cab.

Let's trotter. I need some fresh air and some money.

Can I be of assistance?

Miss Fring?

I'm Sheeby. I'm Detective Inspector Forbes.

I'm sure you are. I spoke to you on the telephone.

I speak to lots of strange people on the telephone.

This is?

A warrant card.

And this is Count Dracula's calling card.

Miss String, this is business. I'm buying.

Fantasy dress?

I'm after a comic mask.

For you or your companion?

For a third party.

Are you really a detective?

I am. From the yard? No, seven dials.

It gets better. I'm after a man.

Yes? He committed a serious offence. Yes. Now, this man is armed and

He robbed a local bureau de charge this morning.

Afternoon. What do you want?

It's all right. We're with her. These are Sergeants Fenton and Barrett.

be... This is Louise Phillips. She's the cashier from the bureau. Miss Phillips

is a vital witness. Excuse me.

Have you been drinking?

Not so you'd notice, no. No.

Take my advice and don't breathe heavy near a naked flame. Oh, what's

Well, look, I've spoken to the manager of the bureau. He's being very

cooperative. He reckons he should have the names and addresses of all the

that were in the place immediately prior to and just after the robbery by three

o 'clock. Well, is that it?

My man is erratic. I'm going to play this one by ear.

We might just get lucky.

I've got a couple of radio cars prowling the vicinity.

Well, you don't reckon he's still hanging around?

He can't have got far without attracting attention, according to all reports.

And this is confirmed by the cashier there. He wasn't just drunk, he was

legless. Same description.

No change.

Long dark coat on that.

Bowler hat and the comic mask.

It's a party piece.

It'll suit you down to the ground.

Do what?

Oh, God, gee, you might.

Shall we make a start?

I've been called to see them on.

I'm here to provide the service.

She don't recall that different, does she?

I think he ought to be a man.

Sergeant Fenton?

Lee, Bob. I'm serious.

So am I. Well, under the light, Miss Phillips.

No.

He ain't straight.

Look, for real, like... Sorry, what?

I think he ought to wear a hat.

Bowler hat?

Long or hardy? Either or. That's size nine.

I

don't

think he should be stood like that.

Like what?

He ought to be more... He?

Well, more menacing.

A long, dark garment, you think?

Count Dracula Cape fits the bill.

Now, how's that?

No, that's not how it was.

Can we stick his hand up?

Up where?

I think Miss Phillips means... Oh, I see. Yes, all right. Well, go on.

Don't just stand there. Do it.

Well, there can't be many men staggering around the metropolis looking like that

by day.

True. He must have been seen by scores of pedestrians.

I think I want to jog somebody's memory. Have him dressed and hovering outside

the bureau.

Hovering? You know what I mean.

Jake, I want you to stand up.

Use your discretion. Anyone taking an overt interest in him, anything like

You know what I mean? Sure.

You have to be so enthusiastic.

Well, Maggie's right, Jim. It's in a good cause. I want to register a

Stop it. It's a simple reconstruction.

I resign.

That's it. She's recognised our man.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Take it easy, take it easy. Come on.

Now, sit down.

I'm going to look all right, bloody hell.

It'll work.

Well, I think it will. But I think it would better if he was sort of moving

about. Know what I mean? Rather than just stood still. I said hovering.

Hovering. Right?

Right. Oh, yes, right, right. I'll give it a buck this time. I'll give you the

desert song. Run your way, Sergeant, and sober up.

You.

Made of horse. Be with you.

Are you cold?

No. You've got no top coat.

No. Well, let's provide you with one.

Will you look at that?

Oh, I'm looking.

A lot of sheep went into the making of that.

God, it's wonderful, though, isn't it?

You want it?

Come on, let's get you back to your room. You can have it. Will you stop the

blarney, Michael? It's the drink talking. Will you listen? No, I will

Wait for me here till I get back. to a bang.

Would you look at the price?

Don't concern yourself with the humdrum finances.

Wait for me here, will you?

Already? Filly out there, innit?

How do you like to see?

With or without?

Shop!

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

They're tearing me back.

No business.

As usual, right?

Don't point that at me.

Don't point it at me, please.

Mr. Skelton!

Hey, the business, the business. No funny business, no yelling for help or

anything like that. If you yell for help, and if I get to hear about it,

the first to know, right?

Mr. Skelton!

Anything the gentleman wants, Miss Phillips, you understand?

Anything the gentleman wants, he may have, without recourse to violence or

bloodshed. I understand and I accept, and I hope you do too.

Spoken like a true coward.

There are certain situations for which we are trained.

That is why they made me manager, and why they have put me in charge.

I know the proper procedure.

And what's that?

Deutschmark, Steiner, Hesod, Desaites, Goudos, Quisaros.

Let her the lingo, let her the lingo.

Sturly? No, old ones. Well, not too old.

£275, please.

Um, hey, make that guinea.

Where's Jake?

I left him hanging over a balcony.

On his own?

In Oxford Street, leave office crawling.

With armed bank robbers? Look, I've read the reports this man is drunk, he's

armed and he's dangerous.

Drunk and bankrupt.

Can't be all bad.

Are you serious?

Well, he hasn't shot anybody yet. And if he does?

Well, if he's that drunk, he'll probably miss.

Can I help you? I've come to bleed the radiators. What for?

Do you mean what for?

I'm Ministry of Works. I'm an employee.

I've got a paper to prove it. On it, it says bleeding radiators.

They'll be bled regular. Know what I mean?

No, I bloody don't. What are you happy for?

Well, if they're not serviced regular, they don't function proper.

Go on.

Yeah, you get in there locking your pipe, you won't be so blasé either.

You'll be the first enough.

Yeah, well, you'll need authority. He has to go through the proper channels.

You'll need a P -stroke nine.

Who are you?

D .A .V.

Who is he?

D .A .V. Could be a bloody terrorist, all you know. Have you searched it?

No. Right, you search him now. Get him over to that desk and search him.

Sorry, mate. A thorough job, understood?

Yes, sir. Yeah, and I want to see his pass.

Could have half a hundred weight of jelly up his trouser leg.

Rose!

Rose?

Holy mother, what do you think you're doing, woman? I'm going to kill him.

him be, the man.

Let go of me, you rat bug. I'm going to do for him.

Oh, but my dead body. Oh, I can arrange that as well. Will you come away from

that phone?

Who do you think you've got a phone?

Are you tremendous, woman? I must be. I married him, didn't I?

Here you come back here.

I'm not done with you yet. You're not going anywhere. Get in that bed.

Here. Did he purchase this? He did.

He must be fond of you.

He is.

I'm away to sell this for a few reddies. But don't you worry, I'll be back. And

you hadn't better be here.

You're a heathen woman.

So me.

Here.

I'll get you a doctor.

Get me a wet towel.

She gave you one hell of a wallop.

Not the first.

I'll get you some medicine.

Oh, good man.

Make that a large scotch and a couple of aspirin.

Your bog -trotting wife has run off with me good, Colton.

Well, that's the last you'll say of that.

And may she die, Rawdon.

Doing anything special?

I want you to stand guard over this, uh, this thing. No one's to touch it. And I

mean no one, okay?

Stiles, there's a car in the car park.

Get away. I've got a uniform, lad, keeping an eye on it. I want you to get

and take over from him. Am I suddenly a traffic warden? I want you to get down

there and stand over that car. I want it untouched by human hands until

forensics take over, understood?

You insist.

Mum.

I don't mean at your convenience.

I mean now.

Where are we at, then? A walkout?

Sorry? Where's Sergeant Barrett? He's in with the chief inspector. Thank you. I

didn't know, ma 'am. Oh, great. There's someone waiting to see you. What? In

your office with Mr Dooley. Oh, no.

He says it's of the utmost urgency, ma 'am. Yes, I bet. Well, tell him I'll see

him when I can. I'll be with Mr Russell.

The unorthodox approach is fine, just as long as you don't come unstuck. It was

very funny, though. Golly, it's finding yourself back on the beat.

only needed one punter. With a camera at the ready, that little scene would have

been captured on film. Now, I'd take enough stick without having Fendon in

dress splash across front page my governor's favourite paper.

You've got him. Who?

You haven't got him.

Fendon? Oh, they got him.

Who's Fendon there? Well, a couple of other tellers' follies in a patrol car

pounced him as he was stepping out of the Bureau de Change.

The governor doesn't think it's very amusing.

Oh, so I've just conjured up a picture.

Well, I suggest you think of something serious.

Like what? Like getting the sack.

While you lot are cavorting about, playing charades, your Irishman, only

back, same bureau, Deschamps turned it over again.

Well, say something, someone.

I don't get it. Well, join the club. There's a car in the car park.

That's reasonable.

It's an old Ford Popular in the back seat of Bowler Hacks, house six and

eight.

Long, dark coat.

Maker's name and address in the tag.

Donoghue, Dublin. The coat contains one colourful plastic mask. It's parked in

my space.

Get someone down there at the Dublin. Dan, Sal's is on it. Now, fingerprints,

forensics. You got an index number?

2353UE. You want me to check it out? Yeah, I'll take this.

The Irish connection.

Point taken. Get on the bomb squad. The rear outside door is safe.

Well, how do you know? I tried it.

Oh, God, Maggie, a touch, it never comes.

Listen to what I have to tell you. Not now. I've got a very important phone

to make. Do you mind? But you've no idea. I've been mugged.

This Amazonian female come at us with a bottle. She's robbed me and battered her

husband. Yes, I want to check it out. I think I'm right in saying an old Ford

popular car, early 60s, colour dark blue, registration number 2353, uniform

echo. That's my car. Now, this car has been abandoned in our car parking lot.

We're treating it as... What?

Well, it's Micah's car.

Hold on a minute.

That's the car I've driven over in in order to inform you... It's all right. I

think I've sorted it out.

Yes, thank you.

Julie, what is it you're trying to say? I'm trying without much success to

report a robbery with violence. I'm offering you a criminal.

What's his name?

Rose.

Again? Rose slugged Michael with a whiskey bottle and then she had to go

me. Now, I put up a tremendous fight, but she's bigger than I am, so I decided

it was prudent to let her win. So she made off with me new coat and Michael is

laid out on the bed looking like death warmed up.

Where did all this take place? In a hotel in Carden Street, where he's

This hotel got a name?

The Balmoral.

And who is this Michael?

He's Michael. He's me nephew, Michael.

And you borrowed his car? Well, it was an emergency.

And Michael is in the hotel room still? Still.

He wasn't jumping about much when I left him.

They've taken the car apart. It's clean.

Well, it's not exactly clean. But it's not going to go bad?

No. Company.

Is that the one from the car?

The same.

I think we've got him. You think?

Well, it's a long, complicated story. I'll fill you in later.

The owner of that market holed up in the Balmoral Hotel in Clarence. That's

right. Do you want me to round up a team? Yeah. Jay, get old Jimbo. Gull. I

dealing with an armed man, Gull. According to Dooley, our man is feeling

decidedly under the weather. Hangover. He's been hit with a blunt instrument to

wit a whiskey bottle.

Blended or straight.

What's the matter?

Well, it obviously went to his head.

Oh, God, get going.

You all operate firearms?

Yeah, I'll round them up.

Maggie, you hang around, tidy things up.

It's got to be him, Clare.

Having doubts?

Seems too good to be true.

It's been seen by dozens of people. Talk to dozens of people. They'll remember

him in detail. Even a costed one woman, she's talking about bringing her charge

of indecent assault.

Shall I get her in?

It's worth a try.

Yeah, well, if they bring him in before it gets dark, I'll...

Stick him in a line -up, OK? Yeah, Maggie.

Well, it's just that Jane is coming in. Tonight?

Well, she's picking me up here. And you'd like me to have a word with her?

I could explain to her. I mean, I should. But it would be better coming

Does she know you've talked to me? I did mention it in passing.

Well, you better let me have the... The evidence?

Don't have it.

Yeah.

Yes.

Well, Mrs. Slater, do you think there's any possibility of you picking out this

man in the line -up?

An identity parade.

Oh, fine.

Well, look, as soon as we get this man in custody, I'll send a car over to pick

you up.

Yes, an unmarked car.

Your neighbours will think it's a minicab. Exactly.

Yes, well, thank you for being so cooperative.

Goodbye.

Wakey, wakey. Come on, Cinders. We're all ready to go. What's happening? We've

located our drunken bank robber.

I don't think I'm going to be in my shoes. Now, don't you believe it. You're

going to give him the kiss of life.

Come on.

Decided to come out of the closet then, have you?

Oh, very droll.

Sergeant, you are in no fit state to accompany us, do you hear? Barret with

I've sent the others on ahead.

Oh, well.

Better dog out for you, Jim.

How do you feel?

Rough. There's nothing to do around anyway.

I'll try now. Are you sure I'm not going to be in the way? It's all right. Come

on, sit down.

Thanks.

Oh.

Who are you?

The plumber. What? D of E. Department of Environment. Bleeding radiators.

It's all right. I'm authorised. I have been searched and I've got a P stroke

nine. I don't doubt it, but do you think you could go and do whatever it is

you're doing somewhere else? I need my office.

Oh, bloody Nora, I've been up and down those stairs like a yo -yo.

This is the only floor I haven't done, not for one to try.

Every time I race up there from down there, someone says, sorry, it's

Like now.

Yeah, well, that's it. That's life, I suppose.

Well, obviously you're entitled.

I think I'll go and inspect the lavatory.

Then the one I get in there, someone says, sorry, it's occupied. Thank you,

madam.

Thank you.

Bill told you he'd had a word.

He sort of mentioned it in a roundabout way. I don't know how much he told you.

Well, in terms of details, I'd like to hear your side of it.

About six years ago, we were going through a bad patch.

Bill was...

Working all hours, and I had the children to contend with. We were

apart.

I do remember thinking that we'd reached the end.

Anyway, it was then that he met this woman.

Did he mention her name?

Lucinda. Lucinda Rice, yes.

She had a nickname. She was known as Fluffy or Fluff. Well, I only mention

because it's a sort of a clue.

How did you find out?

One of his colleagues phoned me.

A police officer?

Yes. He felt that I should know. What?

That Bill was seeing this other woman.

Were those his exact words?

Well, I'd say they were to that effect.

Why, is it important?

I'd say it was rather flimsy evidence.

Would you?

Look, I've got a flout, an informant. He's one of many.

I meet up with him in the most peculiar places at the most peculiar times. He's

a good -looking man.

He's bright, he's good company, but I'm not having an affair with him.

Bill was having an affair.

Or did he forget to tell you that?

Now,

I don't want any goofs, right? And when I go in, I go in fast and furious. You

follow me that way, understood?

We'll be right behind you, Gav.

Now, what, you're sitting up slowly, arms above your head, and don't move.

Um, which is it to be?

Up, up.

I said up, now move it.

He means it, Michael.

Right, keep your eye on those two.

I am.

I'm in an unenviable position.

You want a swap?

You know that he saw her recently?

I know that he made a date.

Another telephone call?

No, we share a desk at home.

I was writing a note to confirm an appointment and I needed to check the

Bill's diary was lying there. I found a couple of pages and there it was.

He'd written Fluff, along with a telephone number, a date and a question

I just sat there and felt my stomach turn over.

You tell Bill this?

No, I couldn't. And apart from having him accuse me of prying, no, I couldn't.

Jenny, can you remember that telephone number?

Clearly.

Is it?

Yes, it is.

Are you in the number?

No.

Well, I suggest that you talk to him.

Go on.

I'm sorry?

Oh, I think... No, no, I must have got the wrong number.

It's at Margaret's.

It's a hospital just outside Beckley.

Bill got word from a mutual friend that Lucinda Rice was in there after a

motorway pile -up.

She died the day after he received the call.

I see.

I'm damned if I do. I mean, why in God's name couldn't he have told me this

himself?

D .I. Forbes?

Ah, you have.

Fine, thanks.

I'm sorry.

Mum, we called the Irishman.

Yeah, so now gather.

You'll barter his deadly weapon.

Well, I've got heavy, now. Yeah, and armless. It's a replica.

Did you go in guns blazing for this?

About the little big horn. Colonel Croft led the charge.

Oh, well, I'd better say I'm sorry.

Well, tell Croft that. He's sick as a pig.

Are you taking a bit more?

We do appreciate it. Please, sit down.

You do work amongst a lot of men here, don't you? There are some. Please sit

down. I have noticed that you are desperately outnumbered, aren't you?

What is it, 12 to 1?

That's some odds, isn't it?

I mean, you're virtually surrounded by them all day.

And I suppose you do some nights, too.

Oh, you mustn't mind me.

When I am to listen to me, you'd think I was jealous.

No. I am.

Mrs. Slater, when we go into the yard... There'll be a line -up of men.

Now, I don't want you to feel nervous. Do I not?

I think it would be better if you could concentrate on a mental image of the man

you saw outside the bureau.

Oh, I was such a nice young man. Pick me up. The one you sent over, I mean, in

the car.

Now, I... I didn't... quite catch his name.

Detective Constable Spears?

Very nice and very proper with it, but underneath, you know, it was all going

on.

Now, if you could just keep this picture in your mind.

Will the same young man be taking me home?

Constable, yes.

I could quite get to enjoy this.

Assisting the police.

Have the press been invited?

Press? No.

Oh, shame.

I was just conjuring up the headlines.

Key witness, Edna Slater, in dramatic bid to identify dangerous

criminal.

Shall we go?

You don't need to do this, sir. I mean, after all... Here we are, sir.

Hello, Mrs Slater. Now, you've been asked here today to see if you can pick

the mouth.

whom you say accosted you outside the Bureau des Champs this morning.

I should first explain that not only is there a suspect on this parade, but also

seven other men who couldn't have been involved. In a moment, I'm going to ask

you to walk down the line and to touch or otherwise indicate the person whom

say accosted you. He assaulted me.

I know him.

Before doing so, however, I should point out that the person may not be here and

that you should touch or indicate the person only in the event you're

certain it is the man you saw.

I'll punch him up the throat.

That won't be necessary, though.

Looks quite harmless, doesn't he?

Without his gun, he is.

The gun was an imitation, though, wasn't it? Well, it looked lethal.

But still perfectly harmless.

Unless he hits you over the head with it.

He used a coal hammer for that.

A bit silly, walking into a bank and pointing a coal hammer at someone.

I have never heard such bloody rubbish spoken in my life.

It smelled like a brewery. You can't put a man in dock for that. Oh, can't you?

I could. It's a clue.

Can I hear him speak, please?

Speak? Oh, would you care to say something?

Like what?

Ask him to recite something.

Recite something?

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do...

You're not obliged, but the lady would like to hear you say something.

Well, I was walking down the street and I met this woman with a goose under her

arm and I said, where are you going with that pig? And she said, that's not a

pig, it's a goose. I said, I was talking to the goose. It's him!

It's him!

Get off, you villain, you!

Thank you again, Mrs. Slater. We're very grateful.

Oh, I don't know.

Don't know what?

I'm not sure I want to go through with it. I mean, would I have to give

in the court, like?

It is possible, yes. And could that evidence help to put him away?

That is the object.

There's something about him.

Yes, we call it the plausible rogue performance.

Shall we go and find Detective Constable Spears?

Yeah, Diaphobe.

Get off this line, sonny, now.

Who is that?

This is Forbes' little boy.

It's Nick, not a nursery.

Diaphobe? Mum.

Oh, Steve, look, not now, lover. I'll call you later, OK? No, don't hang up.

It's urgent.

What is? We've got a problem. It's the tank.

Tank? What tank? Whose tank?

There's a water tank in the attic. Our attic.

Was that unusual?

It's burst.

Water tanks don't burst. You mean it's leaking?

I mean it's burst. It's come apart at the seams. The water's pouring down the

stairs. Oh, my God. Do something.

Well, I don't know. Turn it off at the mains and call a plumber.

I can't find the mains tap.

I've managed to wrap some stuff around the ball cock.

I've been through yellow pages. There's either no answer at all or an answer

phone thing or they're out on a job.

Our phone was up the spout and I had to call you. I didn't know what else to do.

I just had to call you.

Oh, well, look, don't burst into tears. That'll only make things worse. Look,

bail out. Use a bucket. You do what you can, your end, and I'll sort it out

mine, OK? Look, I'll get back as soon as I can, OK?

Sandra, that man, the man from the ministry. Dan, Dan, the radiator man.

Fitz? I need you desperately.

I think this calls for a discreet... Look, can you come with me now?

Please, this minute, now!

Oh, don't point out what's on me, because Maggie does not.

What's more to the point, Maggie?

You haven't got a fee strength nine.

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