Original subtitles

Cab, miss.

Are you touting, mate?

No, miss.

I'll pay you.

Now, how did you know what time we'd get here?

I'm a detective.

Oh, of course. Hello, James. Hello.

Charlie, you look fantastic.

Thank you.

I see you brought Sue Ellen.

For me?

Come on, let's get this stuff in the boot. I'll help you with it, Charlie.

We did his stage, you know. They offered a sheriff in Las Vegas. Yes, I had to

turn it down. You had to talk a coin for your wages.

As he decided to help the American economy, I should have brought a truck.

Hope it's been raining while we've been away. Oh, charming.

All the same, there's no place like home, Maggie.

I wish I said that.

All I want is a decent cup of tea.

She kept saying that all the way around America.

Oh, blimey. What have you got in here?

Ronald Reagan.

Dad?

Dad, we're home.

Was anyone keeping an eye on the place soon, Mrs Forbes?

Yes, well, that's what I don't understand.

I mean, my dad was supposed to be living in while we were away.

Where is he?

Well, did he know what time you'd be back?

No, not exactly.

Oh, he's probably up for a walk.

Well, I mean, you don't expect to get done during the day, do you? Oh, sneak

thieves.

Amateurs. You reckon?

Yeah, well, pros don't make such a mess, son.

No, they probably don't say a guy's high -fived this collection either.

Was there anything special about those records?

Oh, not really. Some pop and a lot of classical guitar music.

Could be something, I suppose.

Have we got the full list of missing items now, Mrs. Forbes? I can't think of

anything else.

Oh, yes, there was a couple of silver jubilee crowns.

There wasn't much else to take.

It was a mess more than anything.

Well, if you do think of anything... Yes.

I don't hold out... Much hope of feeling anyone's collar. Yes, I do know,

Sergeant. Sorry, ma 'am, I forgot for a minute. Oh, dear. Sorry I wasn't... Oh,

no.

What happened? Oh, dear.

It's been done, I'm afraid.

Eh?

Bloody hell.

What a work of home.

I haven't been gone more than half hour. Oh, come on, Dad. It's not your fault.

I looked after this place. Dad, it's not your

fault. Come on, there are thieves everywhere. We can't live our life

them.

Didn't the neighbours see nothing?

Not many people at home this time of the day, sir.

Well. I could certainly do with that cup of tea now. How about you two?

No, thank you, ma 'am.

Thanks all the same. Must get back.

Not as pushed out here as you are in town, but it's still pretty hectic for

Thanks all the same. Right, thank you. Good day, sir.

Good day, Sergeant. Thanks a lot.

Well, let's get stuck in.

No, wait.

Cup of tea first.

Here. Don't go home. Come on, Dad. I'm the one who's been on holiday. You go

sit down. Go on.

You stay for a spot of supper later, Jake. No, thanks, Meg. I'm on a late

Rain check?

Right.

Aye, well, I wouldn't be averse to you putting the fear of God into him.

Yeah, right. You tell him. As soon as he sets foot, I want him here in my office

on the double.

Right. Here.

What's up?

How much you for a rocket?

Ah, it's young Taylor skiving again.

Quick verbal knee capping, should soon sort him out. Yeah, well, I was going to

offer to buy you a quick one.

Ah, right.

Fine, Taylor, come wait. But I see you've got rather a lot to do.

There's nothing that can't wait till tomorrow.

Tomorrow? You're forgetting something. What?

Oi, Maggie.

Oi, Maggie.

This place, it looks nice.

Ah, midden. Right, well, thanks for the offer, but I'd better get stuck in,

otherwise her ladyship will do her fruit.

Well, it just sort of all piles up.

You know how it is. No, not really. I'm a particularly neat and tidy person

myself. All right. Not a block in my papers.

Anyway, I'll have one for you. I'll see you tomorrow night. Right. Oh, gov.

Um, I mean, you know we spoke about me getting my own office.

Come on, Bob. We've been over all this before.

You know as well as I do, we've outgrown this place.

Unless we get the promised extension, well, you're just going to have to

on. Okay, well, at least can we get another desk in?

I mean, it's like a madhouse out there. I can't hear myself think when they're

all in.

So where's it going to go?

Over there.

Hmm.

All right, I'll see what I can do.

Maybe it's not such a bad idea.

That way you can continue to slog it out in here and not inflict your blood feud

on the rest of the station. No, no, no, no, no. That's all in the past.

Oh, yeah? Oh, hey, there we go, famously.

Oh, Gub, I'm glad I caught you.

It's Maggie.

There's been a bit of bother.

I saw that.

Well, if Fran doesn't hurry back from the operation with that plonk thing,

you'll be able to pay for new wallpaper, won't you? Come on, let's put it out

now. It won't be much longer.

Remember that little Italian place in San Francisco where you tried out your

Italian? And they didn't understand a word because they were all polled.

What about like the little stars in that floor show and all for nothing?

Tom Jones, thanks, would you? Where are those sweat scarves you threw in? What

about that blonde and the cowgirl skirt that kept following you around?

She mistook my accent for Boston.

Thought it was one of the Kennedy kids.

Didn't you tell her?

Not straight away.

Bottom devil.

You know, your dad would have... Well, he would, wouldn't he?

Yeah. He'd have loved it.

First time, isn't it?

Yeah, we've never had a holiday without him before.

I missed him.

So did I, love.

Mum, we don't talk about it, but I know.

Well, no, you do, love.

Here. What would he say about police fans, Dave?

Let's emigrate.

Now, finish that, can you? And I'll do it, OK?

0283?

Oh, hello, sir. Well, that was some welcome home, wasn't it?

Jake just told me. Now, listen, is there anything I can do to help? Anything the

lads can do?

Oh, no, it's all right, sir. The local centre being very helpful. I should be a

bit late in the morning, though.

No, don't bother. Take the day off.

You're probably suffering from jet lag anyway. Get yourself together. I'll see

you the day after.

My tan will have faded by then.

Well, Sergeant Fenton can help you there. Understand his tan comes out of a

tube.

Well, are you sure that's all right?

Well, yeah, oddly enough, we've managed to get by with Archie for three weeks. I

think we can hold out for another day.

Have a dick out of that.

Oh, terrific.

Good morning.

I told me Angie Dickinson left town. She asked about you all before she went.

Are you that coloured all over? I'll eat your house out.

so which of you jokers has got more money than sent?

Didn't you know you had a secret admirer?

Well, we would have sent them, if we thought, Chief.

Thanks very much, but let's just write, OK?

Right, cheers.

Cheers.

Did you know that there was a bar in Washington that they won't serve you

you're sitting down? I mean, they don't serve customers if they're standing up.

They could be handy near closing.

Well, I remember what Dean Martin said.

You're not drunk, and if you can lie on the floor without holding on... Very

good. Thank you very much. There'll be something in that. Yes, something in

what? In that, if you're asking.

Bob, I'm supposed to be the Scotsman.

You know, I swear he waits for me.

Same again, and a half for me.

Not for me, but now I'm fine.

There's a parcel for you.

Arrived just after you'd left.

Oh. I wasn't expecting anything.

Which is the essence of surprise.

Yeah, well, isn't it?

Dead right, Squire.

Certainly is.

Oh, it's probably just another packet of bump from the Home Office. A neat

little 80 -page memo on a suspect's right.

Well, they'd hardly send it through the post.

That's true.

Anyway, we'll have to wait.

I've got to go with your man about that new wallpaper.

I'll probably be a bit late back. If the governor wants to know where I am, I'm

out taking statements, OK? Right. Cheers.

Bye.

It must have cost you a packet, those daisies, sir.

Why don't you just tell her?

The only thing you're going to pull this way is a muscle in your wallet.

Well, I didn't send Maggie those flowers.

Oh, come on.

We won't pull your pin out. Look at my oath.

I'll tell you the truth.

I thought it was you.

Not my scene, is it? Half a crate of light ale, yeah.

Come to think of it, it's more your senior executive style, isn't it? You

senior officer.

Don't look at me.

Can you imagine what Maggie would do with a basket of flowers I sent to her?

wouldn't like to try.

She's an inventive girl.

So, if it wasn't any of us, who?

Russell. Oh.

Maybe it's some wooden top in the CID office, cherishing a pure and secret

passion.

Yeah?

You told me you had my mysterious credit.

What are you doing?

Simple precaution. There's a note.

Now.

I hope you and Steve will enjoy these, a friend.

There's no card of the flowers, but it could be the same joker.

Was it delivered by hand?

Parcel post, central London postmark. It's no help at all.

What about the flowers? They must have been delivered personally.

Carrots, small boy, nondescript, obviously running an errand.

It's a joke.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry, sir. No, it's okay, it's okay. Come in.

They're all getting a bit heavy about my mysterious present.

Well, some funny things get left at police stations these days.

Do you not think that the bomb squad really... It's all right, I've done the

basic course. If it starts looking complicated, I won't push it, don't

And all because of the lady like... No, I don't think so.

I mean, it could be just coffee cream inside.

On the other hand... Do you think you're being a bit overcautious?

No harm in forensics having a look.

I'll make sure you count them first.

Here's Mum.

Steve. I'm his grandad.

Dad?

It's a lot of fuss about nothing.

I found him like this when I came home from football practice. I've sent for

doctor. What are the symptoms?

Well, I'm a bit groggy.

I'll be right as rain in a minute.

Oh, dear.

I must not like you to splash out an expensive gaffer, Dad.

Eh? I never.

Didn't you order it?

No.

A little toy van from one of them...

Posh French pastry shops.

Delivered it this afternoon.

I thought it was a surprise for me.

Oh, my God.

Have you both had some?

Well, I've had a bit.

Well, I feel fine, Mum. What's up?

Something Russell said about chocolates.

Oh, my God, I've got a phone.

0283. Mrs Forbes?

I just wanted to check the gatto arrived safely.

Yes.

Who is this?

Yes, but why... Never mind why, my dear.

Just checking.

Good night.

Can you take a deep breath?

Does that hurt?

Oh, when you press it that hard, it does. Right.

How was it delivered?

By hand, one of those special little delivery vans.

He managed to get a name?

No. Was there a card? No.

Pity.

Any other symptoms, Mr. Taylor?

No. Headache, loss of feeling anywhere, pins and needles?

No.

Well, Grandpa.

Oh, don't call me Grandpa.

Oh, all right. Sorry.

Well, I'm happy to be able to tell you that basically you're in your usual

of rude health.

Thank you very much.

Might I ask how many pieces of that delicious gaffer you had?

Three.

Large or small?

Medium. Oh, come on, Grandpa. You scoffed nearly half of it.

Well, you had a bit. That's dead right, a bit.

Yeah. Well, it was very Moorish. And at your age?

There you go again.

Still on about my age.

Very well. To a gentleman of your maturity.

Moorish is thickish is liverish.

Diagnosis, too much chocolate gato.

Oh, well, thanks a lot.

So you don't think there's anything wrong with the cake itself, Doctor?

No, it doesn't look like it. Steve's as right as ninepence.

Simple case of greed.

Look, give him one of these every four hours and keep him off the chocolate

gaffer. Goodbye, Mrs Forbes. Mr Ruttle, leave, sir.

Thank you very much, Doctor.

I'll still

have the rest of it analysed, even if it's OK while we've still got this

question. Why is someone sending you presents anonymously?

You know, to fit me up. Fit you up? What, a box of chocolates or Sasha Tori?

say they're trying to fatten you up.

What for?

The kill?

Well, I wonder when the one that's going to explode is coming. Well, maybe the

next one will be a mint coat. That'll calm you down.

Oh, Dave, no joke.

No, I'm afraid it's not. Now, listen, as from now, neither of you accept any

deliveries you're not expecting while your mother's out of the house, right?

Now, tomorrow I'll get on to tracing the van.

I'm not too hopeful. All the raids just now, aren't they?

Night, Steve. George, see you tomorrow morning. Steve, get a glass of water.

Thanks very much.

Well, you know, there's a recession on. Yeah, fine.

Uh, ma 'am, that was Arthur Hughes.

Says he's got something to tell us about that load of Russian watchers. Oh,

well, if it's kosher, look after him. How are you getting rid of Foley in the

GBH? Can't find any witnesses.

Do you know Foley? Oh, well, keep trying.

We'll have a conference about the reclamation run. Oh, where's Jimmy?

Uh, he's shaking down Jacko Robertson about the phony one -armed bandits.

Mm -hmm.

Mm. Oh, delicious.

Strawberry.

And just a hint of Cointreau.

I take it forensics have given them a clean bill of health. I hope not.

They have indeed.

How right they were.

Here. I suppose you'd better have them. After all, they are yours.

Well, thanks a lot.

Um... No.

I, uh... Don't. I think I've had just a little bit too much breakfast.

Oh, no.

Enjoy. Fine.

I suppose no -one's delivered a mint toad by any chance.

No.

Has anyone got a newspaper?

Eric,

look.

Practical guitar company.

To be perfectly honest, I thought it was just going to be a three -day wonder.

But this is different.

I mean, you fall for it. Puts you in a certain place at a certain time. His

choice. Now, Maggie, I want you to think back. Refer to your diaries if you have

to. Now, see if anyone springs to mind who you've put away in the past, been

released recently, who could bear you a particular grudge. I've already done it,

sir. So far, I've drawn a blank.

Sid Jago, a bit of petty, released six weeks ago. He's gone back to live in

Halifax. Mary Parker, now, she was a nasty bit of work. She came out last

But not a vendetta merchant.

Any luck on the van that delivered the cake?

Yeah. Bright lad on a night shift traced it to a little patisserie in

Kensington. They got a letter. Plain paper. No address.

Cash, money and clothes.

Simple message.

Deliver the cake to your place.

I think I'll go to that concert tonight.

See if we can sort this joker.

Well, you'll give him the advantage.

Now, you won't know who he is or where he is. On the other hand, he'll know who

you are and exactly where you are.

Oh, come on, he even knows about Steve.

Well, he could have got that from the newspapers.

Anyway, I think I'd like a word with him. I mean, there's no law about

anyone anonymous presents.

So far, he hasn't even committed a crime. Doesn't mean to say he's not a

criminal. Or what's worse, a psychopath.

If he intends you harm, public place like Concert Hall, ideal spot, isn't it?

Easiest place in the world to get lost in after a knife -acid job. Oh, come on.

You've been done before and you know it.

Then what?

Go to Concert, but with backup.

Jimbo can use Steve's ticket while Jake goes to walk about back of the hall.

Meantime, I'll get a couple of lads keeping an eye on your house. Tickets

through the post. I'll just dodge in the bookie at someone waiting in the house.

I think Steve will be there and I'll get Dad to pop in and keep him company.

Russell.

Yes, she is. Who wants her?

For you. No name.

I'm sorry, sir. If it's Jessica, I'll get it transferred.

Hello, Maggie Forbes.

Did you get the ticket safely?

Yes. It's him.

Sorry it's such short notice. It starts at 7 .30.

I'll see you both there.

Goodbye. Wait! Hello?

Oh, damn it.

Well, he will be there tonight.

So will we.

Well you did say it was an undercover job.

Thank you.

And as I appear to be in the chair... Excuse me, please, sir.

We're police officers. Would you like to come with us, sir? All right, now you

know who I am and where my birthmarks are. What the hell is going on?

If it's become a crime when I've been out of the country to try and pick up a

beautiful woman, I think I'll emigrate for good.

I really am very sorry, sir. It is that, well, someone has been sniping at me

and... Well, anyway, thanks for the compliment.

Have you done a time when your gorillas are being fed or something? I do

apologise, sir. It wasn't my doing.

Perhaps I can offer you some complimentary tickets to our next

What is it? The police ball?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Billings. May I have a word with the police?

Oh, yes, of course. Come in.

I think I may have found what you're looking for, Inspector.

Well, please, go on.

Well, um, these are all the actual ticket stubs here, and these ones here,

big white ones, these are the dockets from the ticket agencies.

The system we work here is that patrons are asked to exchange the dockets at the

box office for our own tickets.

To avoid any unpleasantness in the auditorium if someone has been double

How can that help us? Well, your seats were booked through an agency.

Here's the docket.

The purchaser must have come here this morning and exchanged the docket for the

actual tickets.

Some people do, you know, to avoid the crowd before the performance.

Anyway, this docket was in the box office when I took over for Miss

She does mornings.

And when I arrived... I still don't see it.

Well, look at the docket.

There are three seats on it.

Your two and a single one three rows behind yours.

Got the bugger.

Sorry, madam.

Could he have bought three together? I mean, if he'd wanted.

Oh, certainly.

These seats were booked yesterday.

And what was the number of the third seat?

K22. Thank you.

Three minutes.

Let's give it five minutes. We don't want to cause a stampede. Let me have a

look at that plan.

Couldn't this wait until afterwards?

No. Sorry.

Right.

Thanks for the transport, lads.

See, Steve's still up.

Fancy a cuppa? Yeah, as long as you've got plenty of ice and soda.

You never change.

You must be the only woman I know who keeps a fuse wire on top of the fuse

Here, poke it in the edge of me.

Sorry. Oh!

Cheeky. I'm glad you approved some of my household arrangements, Jake.

All the same, Maggie, I warned you about your shaky old wiring before.

There we go.

Well, Steve, what happened?

Oh, I didn't have a plug for the new music centre, so I stuck the wires in

banged. You're a twit.

If you've only got a new ring main put in, get fuse plugs... Well, Ray was

to do that after he'd finished rewiring the kitchen.

Just a minute.

What new music centre?

Well, this one.

I thought we told you to have nothing to do with anything that we weren't

expecting. Steve, you're not a child. It was in the greenhouse when I came home.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mum. I just thought you might have forgotten to tell me about

I mean, well, we've been meaning to get a new one. It just looks so great. I

just have to try. God, blimey. It's one you didn't block. Battersea Power

Station. Yeah, well, I did get a bit of a shock.

Well, are you all right now?

Yes, thanks. Fine.

You're asking for trouble sticking bare wires in a socket.

You should have known better.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Well, there doesn't seem to be anything dodgy about the music, Santa.

I mean, it's not a booby trap, right?

as if he's building up to something.

Santa Claus with a bomb in his sack.

Look at the ticket agency he used.

Look at the registration number of his sleigh.

This is all a complete waste of time.

Whilst you're plodding on here, he's getting further and further away.

Oh, Mrs Bulstrode, I do assure you that the description of the youth that

snatched your handbag has already been widely circulated. I've no doubt.

And also no doubt that it could fit half the louts in the city and no one's

taking the slightest notice of it. I assure you we don't send out

just to have them ignored.

If it were one of your own, you'd be jumping to it, I dare say. There'd be

sirens all over the city. Madam, if we could just get on with your statement.

If the police kept their eyes open, there wouldn't be so much bag -snatching

going on.

Too busy harassing motorists.

Yes, now, you say that you were at Cambridge Circus and that you were

for a taxi.

Taxi? Well, you know what they're like. Never there when you want one.

It's my belief that they're all the people I... Are you waiting for the

Well, I've said so three times.

Cool. I wouldn't mind swinging her, Sir Splendid.

Theatre club, son.

Got to be a member.

We always rate it.

True.

And you're sure there's nothing?

I mean, I'm taking my old aunt. She is easily shocked.

And very rich.

Your legacy is safe with me, sir. I've seen it myself and there's absolutely

nothing. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Why?

So much.

Absolutely nothing in it. I was only kept awake by the snores of the man next

me.

And what can I do for you, gentlemen? Something a little sportive?

Sorry, we don't do discounts for organisations.

Listen, Precious, save it for the poncers.

We're after information, not comedy.

And how can I help, Commissioner?

Sergeant will do.

Look for both of us.

Is this one of yours, is it?

Forgive the cautiousness. There's an awful lot of forgeries around, terrible

scenes in the aisles of theatres. You might care to look into it.

Yes, it's one of ours. Do you remember anything about it?

Well, I do, too. I recollect him wanting three seats, two together and one

separate a few rows behind.

As a matter of fact, I asked him about it in a roundabout sort of a way.

Yeah, I thought you might. And what did he say?

He said he wanted to give someone a surprise.

Doesn't that strike you as odd?

If you knew some of the things people ask for in here, you wouldn't think a

with two left feet was odd.

Can you describe it?

I can do better than that.

I can show you where he works.

The droid's leaning across the road there.

You can see him for yourself in a minute. He'll be coming out for his

the Copper Kettle.

11 o 'clock every morning, sure as fate.

You can set your digital quartz by him.

Thank you.

Let's go and lift him.

And what's the charge?

You know Russell's view on it. It's broken no law.

Yet. Yeah, on the other hand, if he is up to something, we'd only frighten him

off. It could be a trolley case ready to run wild any minute. Yeah, what with? A

bottle of cleaning fluid and a fistful of coat hangers.

Look, I'm going to get back to Seven Dials. Russell's yelling for a port on

Hallam Street robbery.

Now, you stay on here. Keep up on Charlie Boy.

I'll need the car.

Yeah, so will I.

Heads.

Oh, Jimmy, be careful.

I always keep the strap looped tightly around my arm precisely against such an

attempt. But this young thug rode past on a motorcycle, slashed right through

the strap and just simply whipped the bag away. I shouted with considerable

violence. However,

naturally, there wasn't a policeman in sight.

Madam, did you, while you were shouting, happen to get his license number?

No, of course I didn't.

Well, that kind of thing is the job of the police.

I sometimes wonder why we pay for a police force at all.

And you've just had a rise.

Madam... D .I. Forbes.

Hello, Inspector.

This is your friend.

Who is this?

Who's speaking?

I told you.

It's your friend.

Jean, it's him. Try and get a trace, quick.

You looked so lovely last night.

But I was very disappointed you didn't enjoy the concert.

How did you know it?

Well, you didn't stay for the second half.

I had to go, you know, somewhere during the interval.

I got back late and you'd gone.

And you didn't bring Steve with you.

Oh, um, I did enjoy it. But I had to get back.

Um, Steve wasn't well, you see. That's why I had to bring another friend.

It was very kind of you to send the ticket. Tell me, who are you?

What have you got all your bloody electronic equipment for? Doing the

Tell her to keep him talking.

Tell me, did Stephen enjoy his new music centre?

Did you enjoy it, come to that?

Keep him talking.

Oh,

very much.

But it must have cost you a great deal of money. Now, you shouldn't have. Don't

you give that another thought, my dear.

I've got lots of surprises for you yet.

So many surprises.

You just wait and see. It'll be just like Christmas.

Oh, I've got to go now. But don't you worry.

I'll keep in touch.

Oh, no, but just a minute. There are so many things that I want to know. I told

you, don't worry.

I know where to find you.

Is that one of those obscene telephone calls?

Any minute now.

There he goes.

What?

The copper cat is the other way.

Yes, but when do I get my handbag back? Well, we will make every effort, madam,

I do assure you. Oh, that's not very good at all. As soon as we hear

we'll be in touch.

That's all very well, but it's very inconvenient.

Then we'll confirm the details.

People like you would do well to remember that it's we taxpayers who pay

wages.

Santa Claus, on the end of that line, but not for long enough.

Tell me, how is it they can always do it in the picture?

Well, it doesn't matter.

We found him.

Know where he works.

Jake!

Tell me!

Well, Jimmy's watching him now.

The garden spade.

Well, what's his game?

Maybe he moonlights as a grave digger.

I don't like the sound of it.

I reckon we ought to pull him. How can we? All he's done so far is behave like

bandit, Lord. Well, I see the man is behaving in a suspicious manner, and he

ought to be lent on. Before he actually does something. Whereupon he promptly

starts screaming blue murder above, wrongful arrest, and the press have a

day. All we can prove for certain is that he sent Maggie a couple of concert

tickets. Now, the rest of the stuff, the...

The flowers, the chocolates, the music centre, it's all dodgy ground.

We'll prove it eventually, handwriting, the rest of it, yes. But at the end of

the day, what have we got?

Possible charge of harassment, conduct likely to lead to a breach.

Not unless Maggie's prepared to go Bible that she'd have taken an ax to him if

she'd found him.

Now, this one's clever.

He's practically begging us to get egg on our faces.

Yeah, we can't just do nothing. I agree.

Right. As from now, I want to watch on him round the clock.

I want to know who he is, what he is, what he's all about.

I want to know what makes him tick. I want to know if he's got any previous,

I mean anything, anywhere. If this man as much as burps, I want to know about

it. But that is going to take a lot of manpower.

Ed.

Always turns up heads.

It's the law of amateurs.

Off you go.

His name's Selby. He's 52.

His wife died three years ago and he's got no previous.

And he lives no more than a quarter of a mile away from Maggie.

He goes straight home every night. Doesn't seem to drink. He's got no women

friends.

Anything else?

Late last night, he drove very slowly past your house.

Then he went home, brought out the spade, real quiet like, and locked it in

boot of his car.

Right, tonight, I want a pair of you.

Observation. Maggie's house.

One inside, one out.

Maggie, send Steve off to his granddad's for the night. Don't care what you tell

him. Just get him out of the house. Don't want any clutter, yes?

You still awake?

Barely. What time is it?

Just gone half twelve.

That looks like Santa's cried off.

Could be.

Let's give him a few more minutes, eh?

All right. Not many.

I'm starving.

I'll get us some soup.

Oh, I bet Jake could do with some. He must be frozen out there. Jake?

What's up?

Would you get a bowl of onion soup?

Oh, don't call me.

Right. Give another ten minutes, then call it a day, OK?

This is stupid.

Wailing around for some latter with a shovel to pull some sort of stunt.

It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What?

Never mind.

How'd it go with that insurance bloke?

Oh, no problems. They'll pay for the telly and the other gear and the

redecorating. That's a relief.

I thought I was going to have to strip a few walls.

You don't like decorating?

Well, I prefer it to toothache, but only just.

Hmm, how's that gambit used up?

Got any more?

No.

I'm working on it.

No, wait. Could be your friend. Yes, well, it's me he wants to talk to. I'm

about ready for him.

Oh, Dad.

Dad? Do you know what time it is?

I am angry. Why aren't you in bed?

Not Steve.

Well, then he's got more sense than you have.

God bless, Dad. Bye.

Right, Sue.

Are you ready? Over.

Jake?

to keep me posted.

Jim, all the way.

What's he doing?

Let me alone.

I don't want to go in there. Shit, you rascal.

Let me go. I'm not doing any harm.

Let me alone.

What's in the bundle?

Well, you're not going to believe this.

It's a rosebush.

Joseph's coat.

Beautiful pink and yellow.

You've got to sit down.

Jimmy, why don't you go and have a drink?

Right, now, watch all this about, Mr Selby.

How do you know my name? Never mind about that. What's going on?

I wanted you to have a rose.

Yes, I can see that.

What about all the rest of it? The flowers, the chocolates, the music

What about all that?

I read in the local paper about the robbery and all.

And how you'd lost your husband.

And how brave you'd been.

And I knew he wasn't there anymore to help you.

Give you the pretty things he would have done.

The kind of things I used to give my wife.

And I just wanted to show there are people who care.

I mean, it makes me sick how they knock the police, spreading stories as if the

police were our enemy.

I can't stand that.

I think you do a terrific job.

Well, thank you very much.

Selby.

Just that when I started getting all those mysterious presents, not everybody

like you.

I got the wind up. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't have frightened you for the world. I think that's what frightened me

most of all.

Well, I was pretty sure you wouldn't accept presents if I came straight out

them.

Isn't there something in police regulations?

Also, I read something by Alexander Pope.

I read a lot since my wife.

Well, I read this bit by Pope, and it struck me.

Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.

That struck me.

Well, you ought to get this rose in, you know.

You need one just there.

If one of your young men would give me a hand.

Mr Selby, you really mustn't send me any more expensive presents, and I cannot

accept a music centre.

Oh, I see.

I'm so sorry, I didn't realise.

But I will stretch a point with the rose tree.

And I did love the flowers, they were beautiful.

Flowers?

I didn't send any flowers.

Well, then, who?

Not me.

Shall we?

Heads. There's tails.

Come on, sunshine, I'll do the spade work.

Are you sure no -one from the Knicks sent me those flowers?

I'm positive.

Do good by stealth and blush to find it fame.

It's the job, isn't it, Jake? I mean, do villainy by stealth. That we

understand. Do good by stealth.

Just didn't occur to us. You know what I mean?