Original subtitles

This milk is warm.

And this cheese is warm.

Oh, my God, you're warm all over. Nikki, help!

Poor baby, you're shaking.

Oh, no, that's me.

What's going on? It's Bessie. She's sick.

Bessie? Who's Bessie?

We've got to cool her down. We need ice. Lots of ice.

Oh, sweet Mary and Joseph.

Popsicle juice.

Sometimes the motor sticks.

Stand back.

Clear!

She's gone.

I never told her that I loved her.

Look, we can still save some of the food.

Leave the lettuce in the crisper.

Shake him in here with it, she'll go out with it.

Hey, Drew. Having another expiration date eat -a -thon?

I wish this was a joyous occasion, but it's not.

I have some bad news.

Jesse's dead.

You couldn't lead up to it any better? You just had to blurt it out like that?

Maybe I should say a few words.

Uh, observation from the new guy in the group.

Isn't this just a little strange? I mean, it's just a refrigerator.

You don't understand, Nick. You know, Bessie's been everything to us. She's

our town square, our campfire.

She gave me my first beer of my last shake of pudding.

We're still gonna be friends, though, right? I mean, we're still gonna hang

right? Yeah, sure you will, buddy. Listen, here.

Let's have a toast, huh?

To Bessie.

Goodbye, old friend.

Get the hell out of here.

All

this

energy calling me.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude attitude.

Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!

Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!

Ohio! Ohio! Ohio! Ohio!

Hear it?

Johnson and I have been having some trouble communicating. I thought perhaps

human resources director you might be able to help us out.

Well, first, let me see how wonderful I think it is that you're reaching out to

an employee and taking time out of your busy day like that. That's really great.

You should consider yourself very fortunate there, Johnson. Yes, I think

appreciated more if you'd stop kissing my butt and actually make a suggestion.

Well, sometimes role reversal helps. I mean, it always helps to put yourself in

the other person's shoes.

Role reversal, eh?

That just might work.

Johnson, you be me and I'll be you.

You start.

Okay.

Johnson, I'm very disappointed in your work.

Very well, then. I quit.

Wait a minute. I don't want to quit.

Very well, then. You're fired.

Oh, what do you know? I'm weak again.

Sir, you've got a little evil right here, by the way. Oh, thank you very

Kerry, do you know what time of year it is?

Oh, of course, sir.

How could I forget such an important day?

Happy birthday, sir.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, it's...

It's time for the Winfred Lauda Employee Games.

Oh, yeah.

Yesterday was the day I finally forgot that I lost last year.

So today it starts again.

Leaf blower hockey?

Vacuum cleaner races?

I can't wait.

But as you know the employees best, what kind of grand prize do you think would

inflame their passion?

Wow, a 40 -cubic -foot refrigerator with ice maker and juicer.

The refrigerator, eh?

How odd you didn't choose the treadmill.

Hey, uh, do you mind if I, uh, keep this picture, you know, to kind of motivate

the employees?

She is a beauty, isn't she?

I wouldn't mind having some of that around the house.

You have to win her first, sir.

You're not a double -doors, brushed stainless steel type of man, Carey.

bag of ice in the tub.

I may not be able to fill her with truffles and caviar, but I can make her

happy, damn it.

Go ahead and snitch, you big baby.

Drew, I walk into the bathroom to fix my face.

Shut up.

I wonder what mine sprawled on the sofa like a walrus, but this.

I had a migraine I needed to lay down. How come there's no couch in the men's

room? If there was, would you want to lay on it?

Oh, believe me, while you were in there, my eyes were closed so tight they bled,

sweetheart.

Look, Larry, stay out of the ladies' room, and Mimi, stay out of the ladies'

room.

I ain't going nowhere till you put him on report.

Aw, your baby picture before you had hair and glasses.

Just so happens to be the grand prize in this year's Winford Lauder Employee

Games.

The refrigerator?

They're giving away this refrigerator?

Well, I was going to retire undefeated, but if they're giving away this puppy,

it would be my pleasure to come back and humiliate you again.

Things are going to be a little different this year, Mimi.

Your old partner's been fired, and I have Nikki on my side.

Like the doctor said the day you were born, it's going to get ugly.

Wait a second, Mimi. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

You're thinking of kicking you in the crotch, too?

No, I could be your partner this year. I could use one of those fridges, too.

Why should I kick you?

Because I do what it takes, baby.

I'm sleeping with my 80 -year -old boss, I run a crap scam in my mom's nursing

home, and I sold my son's comic book collection for lap dances.

Welcome to Team Boback.

Wait a second, Mimi. You can team up with whoever you want, but it's not

to make any difference.

This year, it's my year.

No more nervous nosebleeds. No more game day meat lovers breakfast.

No more starter gun induced incontinence.

This year if I lose, it's because I participated and I did poorly.

You can huff and you can puff, but you still gotta pull the other pant leg on.

You can't scare me, Mimi.

Oh yeah? Come Saturday, I'm gonna be doing my victory dance.

Okay,

he did it.

Praise Nikki.

We're never going to win that bridge.

Honey, I know things are tight. Why don't you just let me buy you a

refrigerator? What am I, a gigolo?

Drew, you're good, but you're not paid for it good.

Drew, we got a surprise for you.

Wait a second. If you guys went out there and bought me a new refrigerator,

going to feel so awful.

Oh, and tell us how you feel about this.

Oh, my God, it's Frankenfridge.

Well, you know, we don't have a lot of money, so we went to the salvage yard

we got you the best we could.

And we filled it with... Baking soda.

Because it had a really bad smell?

Best I can tell, it's a combination of ham and feet.

You know, I've smelled ham and feet.

That ain't ham and feet.

But it's almost like new.

It's true new.

I'm always selling for stuff I can afford. I'm never going to have a

I'm never going to have a Rolex.

That fridge is my one big chance to have something that's top of the line.

Except your fiancée, right, Drew?

Which I was about to say before you jumped in and made me look small.

Listen, I really appreciate what you guys did for me, but, you know, I gotta

that other refrigerator, because if a guy's big dream is to just have a nice

refrigerator, he can't even do that.

Drew, are you crying?

No, it's that smell. It's killing me.

It's like wet cat and cheese.

Oh.

Oh, my cat and cheese.

Get that stinking piece of crap out of here.

And hey, thanks again.

I tell you what we're going to do, Drew. We're going to make that little dream

come true. We're going to all enter that contest.

And if we win, you're going to get the fridge.

Yeah.

You know, I really appreciate you guys doing such a great thing for me. And

here you are, sitting on your asses, while this refrigerator is actually

flies into my house in the middle of winter.

Okay, all right.

Suddenly Mr. Pull -My -Finger is selective about smells.

I wasn't wrong to turn on that fridge, was I?

No, it was really creepy. It really smelled bad, and none of its parts

Wow. Glad I didn't have the nerve to say no when the first time they brought

Lewis over.

I'm telling you, it doesn't matter. We're going to win that refrigerator.

I don't know. I talk big, but that Mimi.

Forget about Mimi.

Picture this.

You've already won, and the Aurora 6000 is right in front of you.

Can you see it, Drew?

I can't see it.

Ah, look harder.

It's here.

Can you see it?

Wait.

I do see it.

Cool your drinks, and cheese and meat.

I don't want to try my meals inside a party, you big fiends. Mobile whiffers,

real big whiffers, free of CFCs.

Overfill it, you can't kill it, it's got warranties.

It's big and wide, it's huge and fine.

I can take a seat and eat and eat in party.

Hey, here's our entry point.

Great. Now all you gotta do is sign this waiver here.

Uh, initial here for loss of limb.

Here for loss of life.

Oh, you better put down who to call in case of medical emergency.

Hey, why do I have... Yeah, alright.

Dude, I can't wait to check out that fridge.

I hear it can hold three turkeys and it's got a pie bin.

That's right. And ma 'am...

To avoid any injury, you should know that all the food in the display fridge

fake.

Hey, why do I... Yeah, right.

Guys, guys.

All right. Here's a trick I picked up in Little League. Everyone around here is

our enemy.

And if we screw up, Daddy won't love us anymore.

Hey, Drew.

That fridge is as good as yours.

Pinky signed up a drug code to test the drug that stimulates the competitive

part of your brain.

Yeah. Okay.

We've got spirit. Yes, we do. We've got spirit. How about...

I rip your head off and shove it down your throat.

You go, girl.

Mimi and Larry, don't let him psych you out.

Sorry I'm late, everybody. I had to stop by the hospital and see the guy that I

beat for the prize last year. He had a message. He said, blink, blink, that he

screamed and took a nap.

It won't work, Mimi. We're ready for you.

What are you doing here? You don't even work at the store.

Yes, I do. At Christmas, I work as an elf.

For the record, we like to be called little people.

I'm going to leave now because you're going to lose.

I've been popping steroids like Pez for the last three days.

Bad liver, shrunken testicles, you betcha.

Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.

to you or your shrunken testicles.

I'm talking to you, Mimi.

Hey, if you're such a tough guy, how come you're wearing knee pads?

I always wear knee pads.

Elbow pads?

In case somebody pushes me down while I'm on my knees.

How come you're wearing a cup?

People keep tapping me there.

This is my partner, Tia. She has the strength of two men and is six times

stronger than me.

We met at the gym.

He's giving me $300, and I get to keep the fridge.

What do you get out of it?

We get to, uh, work out together.

Don't make it sound like sex. We're just gonna work out. That's right. We're

just going to work out.

You think I'm scared of you?

You're the one who should be scared.

Scared of my...

Cold, dead hand grabbing onto your leg as you cross the finish line.

Deal with that.

Our first event is leaf blower hockey.

First couple to score a goal wins.

It's too rough, too rough.

One of them, are you going to take that?

Maybe.

Give me a wuss!

Wuss! Give me an E!

E! What's that spell?

Wuss!

Come

on,

let's start this race!

Yeah, we gotta win that fridge for Drew.

Yeah.

and Marie are very good looking and solid entertainers. I take that as a

compliment.

Take that any way you want because you're going to lose. You don't want

enough. Look who I've got as a partner. I've got the devil's babysitter.

We got bigger problems than that. Look up ahead.

Oh, my God.

Teddy.

Okay, so we're turning with me this fridge, right? So all

you got to do is step aside. Let me score a goal. And, hey, dinner's on me

tonight.

First, I'm going to beat you. Then I'm going to humiliate you. Then I'm going

rub it in.

Hey, Lewis, we got a problem here, man.

I'm the meanest.

angriest, toughest woman named Pinky you're ever going to cross bath with.

Hey, hey, Louis, you're stuck on high.

Who's going to beat you?

Pinky! Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

Pinky, honey, Drew's our friend. Remember how we treat our friends?

Uh -huh.

Are you okay?

Oh, I think I broke something.

Oh, my God, don't move. Don't move.

Drew, can you hear me? Yes.

You're out.

You lose. We're great.

You suck.

Don't pout. Don't cry.

Kiss this.

Goodbye.

All right, we're down to the last two couples. The winner gets the beautiful

Aurora 6000 refrigerator.

Contestants, are you ready?

Unbalance your loads.

I'm unbalanced, Chip.

This washer's ready to creep, Chip.

Oh, I came for the other big thing that holds a lot of food.

Come on, what are you, scared?

Hey, everybody.

Mimi's scared.

I'm a guy with a sprained wrist and a crutch. I ain't scared.

Oh, yeah? What's that new mascara you're wearing? What's that color? I think

it's yellow.

All right, that's it. You and me.

Winner takes the fridge.

Loser goes home to Drew's life.

Would it be scary if I told you I didn't need this crutch?

No. Give me the crutch back.

a refrigerator.

What if you just did? Would you sell it to a cheap chip?

Yeah, yeah. Look, here's 50 bucks. Think you could report it stolen?

Can't steal a refrigerator that's never been here.

Hey, Drew's got a fridge.

Let's tell him before he loses consciousness.

Now, that other refrigerator was kind of vulgar.

This is all I really need.

Yeah, it has a kind of quiet sophistication. Yeah.

Too bad those delivery guys didn't get it when they were moving it in the door.

Yeah.

Hey, did I really win the consolation prize for bravest little soldier?

That's a story.

Now, how about some TV?

Hey, great.

You know, the Cavs are playing tonight. It should be a pretty good game.

Ah.

I got a real bad feeling about this one.

Hold the phone.

This dream's starting to look up. Hey, guys.

Want to play some touch football?