All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s03e12 Vacation

Drew, it's me, Oswald.

And Lewis.

I know what you're thinking, but I
promise you we got some great stuff for

toy drive this year. I was able to sneak
out Drug Co.'s new mascot, Little

Druggie.

And his pet pony.

I call them my pretty percadets.

What is that, from the train spotting
collection?

Who's going to want those for their
little kids?

All right, everyone, I'm ready to judge
this floor's entry in the Beautify Your

Workstation contest.

So if you want those two tickets to the
Bahamas, pucker up one butt, no waiting.

Ah, sir, that's not garbage. That's for
our Christmas toy drive.

Yes, I'm well aware. It is a toy.

Kenny Cappy.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Mr. Wick flipped over what I did to my
counter. What'd you do?

I dressed like this and danced on it.

I'm getting the trip, and I made 20
bucks.

Nice job with the outfit, Kate.

I'll be thinking about it while I'm down
in the Bahamas, because you're going

down, O 'Brien.

Going down?

going down. I'm going down to buy a
bathing suit because I'm going down to

Bahamas. Then we're checking into our
hotel room. Roswell's going... I

don't know. Get me a drink or something?

All right, Mimi. What grotesque vision
of hell have you brought us this year?

Well, it ain't much, but I hope you like
it.

a second. It's not fair to use cute
little kids.

Bye to Snowboy! Bye to Snowboy! Bye to
Snowboy!

You dark... Well, Mimi,

that's incredible.

You've actually managed to recreate the
Abby of my childhood.

Well, I did a little research.

That's apparently not enough. I was
beaten up by every choir boy and none in

whole stinking place. You lose.

Mimi! We wish you hadn't said that. We
wish you hadn't said that. We wish you

hadn't said that. We know where you
live.

All right, Kenny, let's see what you've
got.

Well, it's not adorable little children
desecrating religious music, sir, but

it's the best I could do.

I can eat everything in my cubicle.

What's new about that?

Do I dare dream it?

Yes, sir.

Peppermint pink slips.

They're made out of rice paper. Go ahead
and try one.

Oh.

Melty.

Minty.

Well, sir, I'm the last cubicle. Time to
judge the winner.

Well, I'm very impressed with your
efforts, Gary, but on the other hand, O

'Brien's over there all tarted up.

It's a tie.

One ticket for you, one ticket to you.

Hey, I wanted to take my boyfriend.

And I wanted to take Mickey.

I want to give a damn.

No, no, no, no. No, I do. I really,
really do.

But I don't.

Oh, this is beautiful.

I might have lost, but you have to go to
the most romantic place in the world

with your friend.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where it belongs.

All the little chicks with the
crimson...

It's too cold to play. No, it's not.
Just one game.

Can we go in now? No, no,

look.

I need to talk to you. Listen, I don't
think I should go to the Bahamas. I'm

worried about being down there with Kate
alone.

Drew, this sounds important. So let me
tell you something.

I'm not making a point.

My finger's frozen.

I can't bend it, and I can't stop my
hand from shaking. Can we go in now? No,

Kate's in there.

Listen, uh, here.

Don't tell anybody I told you this, but
I think I'm jealous I heard Dayton

Oswalt. Oh, that's gonna come as news to
Oswalt.

What are you jealous about? You got
Nikki?

I know it's crazy, but, you know, I've
only known Nikki a few months.

I've been thinking about Kay almost my
whole life.

You know, it's crazy.

I always had this fantasy that, uh...

We were trapped on a deserted tropical
island together.

Well, you know, not totally deserted. It
had a McDonald's, but... Come on, Drew.

We've all had fantasies about the people
in our group.

I know I have.

Knock it off.

We were going to be sharing a room
together. That's a lot of temptation.

You know what this is?

Temptation's trophy case.

I'm just afraid if I'm down there with
her alone, something's going to get bad

or something's going to happen. It'll...

Screw things up with me and Nikki or me
and Kate or Oswald and Kate or me and

Oswald.

Okay, I just have one question.

Doesn't anyone find me attractive?

Come on, man. We've been over this.
You're just growing into your face.

Maybe it's the only decent thing to do
is to give the ticket to Oswald.

Why don't you give it to me?

Nothing will happen between me and Kate
since I'm so hideous.

Hey, Oswald, I thought you were watching
basketball with Kate and Nikki.

I was. They kicked me out because I
asked too many questions.

Hey, Lewis, can I be alone with Oswald
for a second?

I'm not offended. The warm air just hit
my lungs.

Listen, Oswald, I kind of wanted to talk
to you.

I was thinking, I'm not the guy who
should be going to the Bahamas with her,

here, you go.

Oh, my God, I'm going to the Bahamas.

This is the greatest thing that ever...
Wait a minute, I know what this is.

You don't think I can take Kate anyplace
nice on my own, do you? So I'm a

charity case, am I? Well, you can keep
your darn ticket.

Wait, Oswald, I'm just... On the other
hand, maybe this is an opportunity I'll

never have again. And I never let my
pride stand in the way before. Batch it!

Look what you've done to my self
-esteem, making me take a pity trip.

can take this ticket, mister, and you
can put it where the sun don't shine.

On the other hand, the sun shines real
nice in the Bahamas.

I don't have time for this.

Oh, wait a minute.

I can't go anywhere. I have to work
tomorrow. Thanks for the offer, man.

Hey, uh, hey.

I tried to give my ticket to Oswald, but
he's got to work. So, uh...

I was thinking, why don't you just give
me your ticket, and I can take Nikki.

Oh, no.

I'd love to go, but I got health issues.
I feel too fat to get in a bathing suit

right now.

Oh, come on, honey. We've been through
this already. You're not fat. You're

at your winter weight.

Look, if you're thinking of wanting to
lose 15 pounds, just so you can go to

Bahamas. All right, all right.

Now, a little bit in my biscuits.

Got a problem with that?

Hey, look, if I can be big and sexy, you
can be... Look, Drew,

it was really sweet you trying to give
the ticket to Oswald, but you and I are

going to have a great time doing stuff
alone together.

I got to warn you, I snore.

I can't think of anyone I'd rather go
with.

I'm sorry.

Ugly people have to clear their throat a
lot.

You okay now?

Yeah, but I surely do miss my Katie
there.

Well, it's nice of Drew to finally let
us use his house.

Yeah, about time he started treating us
like adults.

Yeah.

So what do you want to do first?

Dodgeball or king of the couch?

Dodgeball. You're it. Wait a second.

Think for a minute.

Oh. Nice try.

No, there's a lot of fragile stuff in
here. If we play dodgeball, we might

something. Oh, okay. Let's go outside.

No, we should play inside.

But we should take all the breakables
and put them in one big box.

Good thinking.

Breakable, breakable.

Oh, wait a minute.

This is crazy.

If we play in here, we might just break
one or two things, but if we put

everything in the box and something
happens to the box, we break everything.

You're just jealous because it was my
idea.

All right, I admit it. Talk.

Breakable, breakable. Hey, wait a
minute. Here's the question.

What do we do with the box?

Let's put it in the basement. No, the
stairway's too narrow.

No, stupid.

I'll slide it down the banister. You try
to catch it.

Okay, all right.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. It's
too damp in the basement.

The closet? Great.

Oh, no. Then where's our clubhouse?

What are we going to do with it? It's
ruining our lives.

All the pressure.

Drew didn't think he could handle
himself with Kate. Why didn't he just

home?

What do you want to deal with first?

The thing with Drew. What the hell are
you talking about?

Look, it's...

It's just all these silly ideas he has
in his head.

He's got all these unresolved feelings
about Kate and all these fantasies about

being on a desert island.

I could tell you not to do anything
stupid, but I'm... Looks

like all the beautiful people are
heading for trouble.

Boy, if I ever get my hands on the
baggage guy who pulled off my handle...

Wow, look at the one bed.

Hey, we've slept in the same bed before.

Yeah, well, we were ten.

Hey, you want to quit jumping up and
down on the bed like that?

You're right.

What am I doing cooped up in this room?

Let's go down to the pool.

Hey, what are you doing?

Taking my clothes off.

Oh, don't do that.

Drew, I wore my suit under my clothes.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm a big goof.

get your trunks on so we can go down to
the pool.

No, I'm going to stay here. I'm going to
kind of wipe down from the time change.

Drew, there's no time change.

Hey, I had six beers on the airplane.
There's a time change.

Come on down.

Look how tense you are from work.

Did I tell you that I'm really glad I
came?

I have more fun with you than with
anyone else.

Get up! My leg's asleep. My leg's
asleep.

I'll rub it for you. It's awake.

It's awake.

We're into this map, Damien. We're
somewhere over Miami.

Huh? Oh, I don't know what to think,
Damien.

I've never done anything like this
before, but Kate and I were friends and

fell in love. If it happened once, it
could happen again, right?

God, if anything is happening...

I've got to stop thinking about this or
I'm going to go crazy.

Well, if I could do that, then I could
relax.

So now aren't you glad we went down to
the pool? We were the most popular

there. Hey, did you like when I had the
cabana boy drop fish sticks into my

mouth?

It was very cute when you slid out of
the water on your belly and let that

little kid pet your tongue.

I knew it.

Pop bottles I brought from home to
replace the minibar bottles are too big.

Oh, crap.

It's the honor bar police.

Room service.

We didn't order anything.

Caviar and creme fraiche for the
honeymoon couple.

Compliment of the hotel.

Free food for honeymoon couple. Honey,
we should have got married a long time

ago.

While I'm here, can I check your honor
bar?

Hey, what the hell does honor bar mean,
huh, if you have to check up on a guy?

What happened to honesty?

What happened to trust?

Well, probably in your suitcase without
towels and the one, two, three, four

ashtray.

You know what, Drew?

I think we should do this every year.

Yeah, I'd like that.

Wow, we are so close to the ocean. You
can hear the birds. It's almost like

they're right in our room.

Oh, my God.

Those birds are all going to come in
here. Close the door.

What's going over there with all those
birds?

I think they just want the food. Give
them the food.

Give them the food? I don't believe
this.

Someone's in here.

We've got to call someone or something.

Yeah, hi. This is Drew Carey in 107.

Yeah, I got a bunch of birds flapping
around in my room.

Yeah, well, it may be part of the charm
of the Bahamas, but they're freaking us

out. Can you send someone up here to get
rid of them?

Thanks. Oh, oh, and hurry up, because I
think they're getting into the honor

bar.

Uh -huh.

Well, if we're going to be here a while,
I might as well make myself

comfortable.

This is perfect.

We're in the Bahamas, and we're stuck in
the bathroom.

Hey, want to hear the ocean?

Drew?

I don't know about Oswald and me.

76, 78.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I
see him. I might have to kill him.

Or kill myself.

Is that romantic or pathetic?

Hey, okay, good night.

Hey, he's 79.

If you were on a jury and I killed
somebody, what would you do? Where are

going? Hey!

I thought you guys were getting along
great. I'm shocked.

We are, but getting along great is one
thing.

How do I know if he's the right person?

Okay, let me tell you something I've
learned about relationships.

Okay, any more questions?

I'm at the age where if I'm in a
relationship and it's not heading

marriage, I've got to let it go.

I guess what I'm saying is, is Oswald
the guy or was he just there?

Well, you know, there's a lot of guys
who were there.

I know.

Maybe that's what's bothering me.

Maybe I need someone who I can talk to
like I'm talking to you.

I'm going to tell you something I should
have told you a long time ago.

Ever since we were seven years old,

Oswald knew you were the one.

He did?

He always thought, said, that you were
the prettiest and the sweetest and the

easiest to get along with.

And he even had this crazy dream that
one day you'd live on a deserted island

with him that had a McDonald's.

How could you not love a guy like that?

Thanks, Drew.

My eyes! My eyes!

Look, I've just about got all the birds
out, and I'll be done in a second.

Hey, Drew.

You said that Oswald felt this way since
he was seven, but I've only known him

since he was ten.

I've known you since I was seven.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. He was
ten, but his mom told me he was seven to

make him seem smarter.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Is this the Cary O 'Brien room?

Yeah, but you don't want to go in there.

Why not?

They went wild.

Look what them animals did to my
pillowcase.

Oh, my God. They tore up the pillow?

Them some bold little devils, too.

I walked in there, and they just
strutting around and crapping all

over the floor.

We're not talking about people anymore,
are we?

We're talking about the birds that got
in here and made this mess.

House wall.

What the heck are you doing here?

You got all the questions, don't you,
Mr.

Carey? How about some answers? I talked
to Lewis. What's going on between you

and Kate?

Wait a second. You can't...

All the way down to the Bahamas? You
thought something was going on between

and Kate?

All right, I got three questions for
you, and I want you to answer them

honestly. Yeah, sure.

Did you have sex?

No.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Okay, that's three.
Thanks.

Okay, listen.

Take this key. You're going to go in
there, and you're going to have a

evening with Kate. We'll tell her it was
a surprise. We've been planning all

along. You mean it?

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Listen.

Nicest? Wait a minute, I know what
you're trying to do.

You ran up a huge room service to have
and you want to stick it to me. Well, of

all the lousy... On the other hand, I
did come down here for free. It's 80

degrees and you're going back to
Cleveland where it's 10 below.

Wait a minute, I just read an article
that said that people in colder climates

live longer, so now you're trying to
kill me.

You're killing me with kindness. Thanks,
bud.

Hey, listen, I'm going to have a little
time on my hands. I heard there was a

new beach around here. Is that true?

Will you be watching or joining in?

I was thinking of joining in.

No, ma 'am.

Please enjoy the Winford Louder Boys
Chorus conducted by Ms. Mimi Bobeck.

Harry is a geek.

He sleeps alone at night because he
can't stop eating.

He'll never get ahead, and nothing
better.