Original subtitles

100, 101, ready or not, Mimi, here I come!

Are you in here?

Or here?

Now, you're good, but you're not that good.

Tell me, am I warm?

I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you.

Ah, too clever for that, are you?

punishment, Mimi.

Spanking machine, he said, with all the hope of a young boy at Christmas.

Well, my turn to hide.

Damn. Okay, but you gotta hide quick.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,

eight, nine, ten.

This better be important.

You what?

I told you, all of Wick's orders are going through me now.

Memo said he wants all the mannequins replaced with giant troll dolls.

No, no, don't call Mr. Wick.

He doesn't have time for games.

I'm hiding.

Come and find me.

Gotta go.

Oh, gee, I wonder where he could be.

Oh, there he is. Oh,

I know. How about a round of guess what you're touching? I'll go get the

blindfold.

We have to talk.

First, I'd like to thank you for letting me recuperate here after my brush with

death during that terrible, terrible storm. I trust it'll be kept quiet.

Oh, it's our secret, sir.

Is the store ready to reopen?

Oh, no, not yet. It's still in ruins.

They need me, which is good because I feel better and ready to resume the

responsibility of rebuilding a major department store.

Now, where are my big boy pants?

Well, I knew this day would come, sir I'll just go get your pants

Please let me stay a little longer.

Oh, well, whatever you think's best.

All this energy calling

me.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude...

I make this shot, I am king of the world.

Yes! Yippee!

I am king of the world!

Oh, how pathetic was that?

Hey, Nikki called you. She says she's coming over any minute.

How do I look?

Let me see. What a real estate woman with no interest in you prefer.

Hey. I may not be dating her now, but this is no ordinary sweater.

It's my lucky sweater.

It got me a maybe and a what the hell, it's three in the morning, let's go.

Hurry up. Come on, we're late. Wait.

We can't go in together because they're going to know that we're sleeping

together. Oh, how are they going to know?

Because you got that big stupid grin on your face?

I do not.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Well, why don't we just tell them we're dating and get it over with?

No, nobody should know.

Nobody should know? I told that to B .O. Betty in the sixth grade. Are you

ashamed of me?

Sometimes, but not about this. Go like that.

Like that?

Stop. All right, all right.

We'll tell them when we're ready.

We won't have to. We've got each other's clothes on. Oh, my God. I hope I'm not

wearing your underwear because I like it.

Okay, quick.

Nikki's coming.

Sweater on or sweater off?

Does she like grandpas?

Sweater off.

Hey, Nikki.

You been working out?

A little bit.

Is it Joe?

a little wet.

Why, yes it is.

I'll just go change.

Don't worry about it. I just dropped by to tell you I won't be bothering you

anymore. Your new neighbors are moving in tomorrow and my job here is done.

So thanks again for everything.

Oh, so I guess I can't use my regular method of wearing you down slowly. So,

here goes.

I think that you and I should go out.

I'm a nice guy.

I really am working on getting back in shape.

Drew, pizza's here.

I didn't order any pizza. I got three hog lover specials here that say you

sluggo.

I ordered them, pay the man.

Hey, uh, listen, Larry, I don't mind you crashing here while you look for a job,

but you gotta catch your own meals, huh?

Oh, and who made ice cubes last night?

By the way, nice pits.

All right, I'll pay for it. Never afraid to pick up a check. Friends will tell

you that.

Oh, man, I forgot to go to the bank.

Here, I got it.

Oh, you don't have to do that. My friends will pick it up. Hey, anybody

bucks?

I got four bucks.

I got a button.

I got a marble.

I got a marble.

Well, at least let me go to the ATM, and I'll pay you back by taking you to

lunch. Oh, I don't have much time, but... Hold it, yes.

Hello?

What?

Mr. Wick really said that? But it's a Saturday.

All right. Be right in.

Hey!

Want to see where I work?

Sorry, Drew. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

But we'll always have...

this awkward moment together. Bye.

Damn it, I was so close.

What the hell is wrong with Mr. Wick?

Nobody's seen him for weeks. He's sending all these crazy memos, and now

wants you to work on the weekend?

You know, at Drug Co., if you work on a Saturday, they'll let you play in the

mutant room.

You want to see a picture of me riding a monkopotamus?

Well, I'm here.

Yeah, we know you're here. We heard your hooves clicking down the hallway.

Oh, Mimi, somebody put graffiti all over you.

I'm glad you like it because here's yours.

What? I'm not wearing that. I'm not a billboard.

I'm thinking you want to rephrase that.

Out of my way. I'm going to talk to Mr. Wick right now. No, no, no, you can't.

Why not?

He's at the doctor's. You're hiding something. Who's coming up with all

ideas? They're memos from Mr. Wick.

Signed by his own hand.

And that would be?

Mr. Wick's idea. He loves troll dolls.

Oh, he does, does he?

Well, let me tell you, just when he gets done with his meeting with Mrs. Lowder,

just tell him I want to see him.

Oh, he can't. He's going to be in with her all day.

Ha!

You didn't say anything about a meeting with Mrs. Lowder. You said he was stuck

in a traffic jam.

He is a traffic jam on the way to the meeting.

Ha!

You didn't say anything about a traffic jam. You said he was at the doctor.

I'm going to call the board about this.

No, no, you can't call the board. Why not?

Because...

You're pathetic.

Well, you're fired.

What is this, another one of Wick's phony memos? Oh, no, this one's for

He had them made up for everybody so he could fire people even if he had

laryngitis.

Security, third floor, Operation Luau, come and get the pig. This is not a

drill.

What have you done with Wick, Mimi? Where is he? How should I know?

You're not getting away with this, Paul Beck.

I'm gonna find out what you do with Wick.

Oh, right, oh, right!

I'm leaving, okay?

You know, I worked here for ten years.

At least let me leave like a man.

Gentlemen, ladies, good day.

We want to tell you something before we tell Drew.

Jude, Kate and I are dating.

You mean dating, dating?

Doing full -on couple stuff?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Well, I got to tell you, I don't think Drew's going to take it as good as I

Okay, there he is. It's now or never.

Drew, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you. Maybe it's not the best time

to tell me.

Maybe it's not the best time to tell me. You know what just happened to me

today? I just got fired by Mimi.

So give me your big news, baby. Just toss it right down the middle.

The monkopotamus is dead. I'm sorry.

Well, now the muckapotum is dead.

Mimi can't fire you.

It was a memo from Wick.

I'm beginning to think she's done something to him. You mean, like, killed

Oh, no, I don't think that. But she did say all the memos were signed with

Wick's own hand.

Signed with Wick's own hand.

Hold on. Mimi wouldn't kill Mr. Wick. It's like Drew killing Ben or Jerry.

Hey, Larry. I almost didn't recognize you not eating my food.

Got any rent money?

Eh, this ought to be enough.

Enough? That's my whole mortgage payment.

Make it out to Ohio Stavings.

Where'd you get that kind of money?

I've been selling my hair.

Ah, he must be loaded.

Uh -oh.

Drew, who's the last person you want to see when you're sitting at a bar getting

drunk because you're out of work?

Chad Everett?

Oh, man, Nicky.

I look like a loser when I couldn't pay for that pizza. I'll be damned if I look

like a loser now.

Should we order his comfort food now?

No need. They do it automatically whenever he talks to a woman in here.

Hi, Nicky.

Just wanted to give you back that pizza money because Drew Carey... Six, seven,

eight, nine...

Is no 75, 80, 85, 90, 95, 96, 97,

98, 99.

Loser.

Thanks, Drew. Now I can go to the arcade.

Hey, uh, can I buy you a drink? Because, baby, you have no idea how much change

these pants can hold.

Yo, Drew, the waiter will trade his cash for food stamps.

For a couple of out -of -work drinkers like us, manna from heaven.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're trying to score free drinks. I'll talk to you later.

Out of work?

I should have recognized the sign.

Look, it's just a mistake. It just happened. I'll be back to work on

Please, Drew. I can't support another guy.

I've heard everything from things will get better to just idle the car while I

run to the 7 -Eleven.

Look, let me just take you to lunch. I'll explain the whole thing to you.

Sorry, Drew.

Damn it.

Mimi cost me my job. Now she cost me any chance I had with Nikki.

I'm going to go over to her place. I'm going to settle this right now.

But, Drew, we got you all this.

You think I'm going to sit here eating and stop feeling sorry for myself?

Rapid to go.

Calm down.

Now, remember, before you knock on that door, Mimi's a human being.

Well, she knows human beings, okay?

Also, keep in mind that she might be hunched over a table feeding off the

of Mr. Wick.

In which case, I'm glad I'm the skinny one.

Who is it?

Oh, my God, it's Mr. Wick.

Carrie!

Mimi told me you were dead!

Only on the inside, sir.

Why does it sound like a storm in here?

It's scary sounds of Halloween.

Warms of the century.

No storm, sir.

It's a sunny day outside.

Why would Mimi lie to me? I've been here for three weeks. She had to take care

of me. She fed me. She bathed me.

Wow, it's a wet one out there.

It's not fit out for men or... Beast.

You've done some pretty ugly things in your life, Mimi.

Everything in this apartment comes to mind.

But this time, you've gone too far.

Mimi, why the lies?

Why the deception?

Why am I so smooth?

I was protecting you, Nigel.

I was running the store to cover for the fact that you dropped a couple of

marbles. Don't be mad.

I only did it for you.

Let's go, Kenny.

Just tell me one thing, Nigel.

Were you happy here?

They were good times, sure.

And there's no reason that they have to stop.

Don't look directly into her eye.

Ah, my sunshine.

My only sunshine.

They smile in your face all the time. They want to take your place.

Ours went great. Better than ever. Sales are up.

It's just too bad you're not going to be there to take credit for the success.

Let's go, Gary.

Please don't take my sunshine.

Good to be back.

How was your day at job hunting, Huggy Bear?

Now look, so I cheered myself up watching our brand new big screen TV.

What's going on here?

Hey, the economy's booming. It affects everyone.

Don't you have to have a job to be affected by the booming economy?

Apparently not.

Here, I got you a leather hat.

Why are you doing this?

Hey, Drew, check it out. Larry got us a lobster.

Look, Drew, a little...

That'd be Satan.

Hey, the playoffs are on. Let's watch them on my new big screen.

Hi, Drew.

Oh, Nicky. They always come crawling back, don't they?

Uh, wait a second. That's me.

Uh, what can I do for you?

I came by to say I changed my mind.

I, uh, would have brought you flowers, but...

Oh, they're long stems.

If I was being stupid, I mean, just because I said I wasn't going to date

more jerks doesn't mean I can't date you.

But you know what I mean, Drew.

Hey, Nikki.

Hey. Hey.

Everybody, a toast.

I got my job back. I got lobster and a leather hat. Nikki's going to go out

me.

Is that third Snickers bar kill me on the ride home from work?

Well, Drew, how'd you like a little more good news?

Sure, let's see what the old ticker can handle.

I think I found the right guy.

Kate, that's great.

Well, who is it?

Oswald?

All right, fine.

Oswald, who is it?

No, that's who she's dating, Drew, me.

eating carpet dirt bag.

I didn't know it was in the packages. I was just holding it for a friend, I

swear.

Oh, my God.

Knock, knock. Anybody home? We're your new neighbors.

But we can see that you're busy.

We'll just exchange numbers another time.

Well, they seem nice.

So, uh, where do you want to go Saturday night?