All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s03e03 Strange Bedfellow

Hey. Three, four.

energy calling me back where it comes
from it's got your crude

attitude it's back where it belongs

I got some records from World War II.

I play them just like me granddad do.

It's not fair.

You were born in a pool hall.

No, Drew, I told you I was born in the
wagon of a traveling show.

My mom used to dance for the money
they'd throw.

Okay, my show's over. You can come back
in and watch hockey now.

How come he's always got to be by
himself when he watches Babylon 5?

You guys coming?

No, I want to see if there's any way in
hell Kate can make that shot again.

Yeah, like you haven't been humiliated
by enough women in your lifetime.

Wait a second. Is this the beginning of
a relationship, or was last night just a

one -time thing?

If you can do that every night, it'll be
a relationship.

You know, I never thought you'd want to
see another hockey game after getting

hit in the head by that puck.

I played hockey?

Yeah, don't you remember that summer you
learned to walk again?

Did that seem redundant?

Mr. Carey?

Yeah. Hi, I'm Nikki Pfeiffer from Norio
Realtors.

I'm working for the couple buying the
house next door. Oh, I thought I spotted

some movement over there with my
binoculars.

Thanks.

Hi. Hi there.

Wow.

I love what you've done with this place.

It's so retro.

I mean, you must know some great vintage
stores.

Yeah, it's where I got my head.

see many of the old square ones anymore.

So listen, you're going to be happy to
know your new neighbors are really

up the place. They're putting in a pool,
a brick barbecue, and a Japanese

garden. Hey, money's moving in next
door. We're going to be peeing in a

garden.

Anyway, with all that work going on,
they don't have anywhere to put the

construction dumpster, and they were
hoping you'd let them put it in your

I'll tell you, I'll make you a deal.

You can put the dumpster in my yard if
they don't start before 7 .30 in the

morning. Oh, sorry. They're on a tight
schedule. But we'll take you up on that

dumpster offer.

Thank you, Mr. Carey.

Nice to meet you. Okay, bye.

Bye. Come back any time.

Walk all over me because I have no
spine.

Why didn't I say no? I don't have a
stupid dumpster in my yard.

Why didn't you say no?

They would have found some other way to
screw me.

I always get screwed by the system.
That's my place in the universe. I'm the

system's bitch.

No, that's your problem, Drew. You just
roll over too quickly. Like at work with

all your promotions, they know and you
just accept it.

I'm sure they have their reason.

What about the delivery guy who brought
your pizza without any onions? And he

wouldn't take it back and you gave in
and took it the way it was.

I ordered onions.

Extra onions. And what did I get?

Nothing? Is it too much to ask to put a
couple extra stinking onions on a pizza?

Hey, Drew, look.

There goes the point. Oh.

Well, from now on, it's no more Mr. Nice
Guy.

You know, from now on, I'm getting what
I want. I'm not taking no for an answer.

Lewis?

You owe me $20.

I don't have that kind of money on me.
Give me the money!

Oh, I'm sorry, man. Don't even worry
about the money, huh? Oh, I won't.

here it is, huh?

You just rolled over, huh? Now fetch.
Oh, it's above your head. It's behind

back. There it is.

And I hope you'll agree with my idea to
advertise on

the Internet.

In short, geeks have to shop.

I know because I am one.

I'd also like to thank our parent
company back in Amsterdam for making

teleconference possible. How you doing?
I'm going to go down to my office

downstairs now.

Just get her out. I gotta go now. Bye.

Good morning, pigs friend.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Look, look, look, look. We don't want
any trouble.

Drew just tapped into the teleconference
so I could watch his presentation and

help evaluate it.

I'm telling. Okay, okay, okay, wait.

What do you want?

Do you still work in cosmetics?

Yeah.

Tomorrow, create a blush that falls off
the back of the truck.

You know what I mean?

Hey, so did you see me on the computer?
How did I look?

Like you ain't one too many megabytes.

How did she know?

Don't worry, I bought her off.

Wait, don't turn that off.

This is the nude you remember, fighting
back and taking chances?

I want to get to find out what they say
about me when I walk out the door.

Who am I?

have been worse true. At least they
didn't tape some nasty sign on your

Lock the door, Larry.

Do you know what day it is?

Wednesday?

That's right.

Hump Day.

Fine, let's do it.

Oh my God!

Today I'm Jane.

of the jungle, and you're the wild
monkey boy.

What's the matter, monkey boy? You look
sad.

Why can't I have Mr.

Wick's job?

He hasn't been to the last three
meetings.

If I was store manager, you could bet
I'd be here every day.

That jerk.

He can't do that to Mr.

Wick. I've got to go right up there.

I mean Mimi.

I can't thank you enough for taking me
in after that terrible storm. Is the

storm still in ruins?

Nothing but rubble.

Did they find Carrie's head yet?

Nope. I think it's probably where it's
always been. Up his butt.

It's good to laugh again.

Okay. To keep your mind sharp, let's try
a few decision -making exercises.

All right.

Let's say Larry was sleeping with Mrs.
Louder and bad -mouthing you. What would

you do?

Well, the old wig would have blackmailed
Louder and then crushed Larry like a

bug. Interesting.

But the new wig that's danced with death
would settle it with a pillow fight

followed by jello for everyone.

Okay, well, you made sense for a minute
there.

So you get that big bowl of jello.

Oh, you spoil me.

Is there nothing I can do for you?

Oh, well, I'll wait till you get your
full strength back.

Because you're going to need it.

Here are those files you asked for,
Drew.

Hi, Oswald. Hey, Kate, what are you
doing here?

I don't know. What are you doing here?

Hey, as long as we're all here, let's go
to lunch.

Actually, I have plans, but I don't know
about Kate. No, I have plans.

What are you doing?

Me?

I'm feeling faint.

Oswald, you tell them what your plans
are, and then when I come to, I'll tell

them what my plans are.

I'm working through lunch.

Errands. I was going to run errands.

All right, what's going on here?

Larry!

Well, I want to thank you, Carrie. You
and your peeping Tom computer here just

got me fired.

What? You let Mimi watch me make monkey
love to Mrs. Louder.

So, Mimi can't fire you?

No, but Whit can.

She told him and he sent a memo to
Louder. Said he'd blow the whistle on

affair unless I got canned. That's
freaking blackmail.

You know, Drew, this sounds private.

Sad and... Private.

But I tell you what, we will have lunch
with you. We'll see you at the

restaurant. Yeah. Oh, right, which one?

Amphibole and Sons.

What?

Amphibole and Sons and Sons. On the
corner of 8th Hall and Cordublus.

Yeah. What? Where? Get in there.

What were you thinking, Carrie?

What kind of sick pledge did you get out
of watching me and the boss go at it? I

mean, me, I gotta be there.

Larry!

Great, it's my wife. She doesn't know
about me and Louder. Shut up.

I came down as soon as I got your
message. Don't worry, you'll get through

Yes, we will, baby. Yes, we will. No,
you will.

And I ain't your baby, you fat loser
bastard.

I'm keeping the kids and kicking you out
of my house.

What are you looking at?

Probably my life if I got married right
out of high school.

This is crazy. What are you saying?
Things will work out.

I know about you and old lady louder.

By the way, I never thought bald was
cute.

Let me buy you lunch, Larry.

Oh, hey, Almada, I got your severance
pay.

I'm sorry it didn't work out, Larry.

Yeah, take it easy, Toots.

Well, I suppose you're proud of
yourself, Carrie.

Look, I had no idea Mimi was going to
see that and tell Mr. Wick. I'm really

sorry. Oh, really?

You know damn well you were next in line
for Larry's position on the board.

I was?

Yes.

Well, anyway, here's your pass to the
executive dining room and your key to

company gym.

You can use it for a paperweight or
something.

I can't believe I finally got on the
board. Yes! Ow!

Wait, pull the muscle. I'm used to
going, damn. I'm not used to going,

damn.

Anyway, finally I got on the board.

get some table manners here?

We knew in the popcorn and cake and the
popsicles you're grossing me out.

Be right back with the corn dogs and the
tacos.

Hey, Drew.

Did you see the front yard?

See all the crap the construction
workers left out there?

You know why I'm yelling but I got this
big smile on my face?

Because I'm the new employee rep on the
board of directors.

That's great news, Drew, but...

Wouldn't you rather earn the job than
have it fall into your hands because

poor co -worker got screwed over?

That's a good one, Kate. Why don't you
tell me the one about how I turned down

date with Uma Thurman because she's too
drunk?

And I found a perfect way to get rid of
that stuff in my front yard.

Why, hello, Nicky.

Come on in.

Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, Drew,
but do you have a dog?

Yes.

Does he ever go to the bathroom in other
people's yard?

He doesn't ask me, I don't ask him.

Does he usually put it in a paper bag
and write take this on it?

Look, I'm not saying who did what. All
I'm saying is if you get that port -a

-potty out of my front lawn, it'll stop
happening.

I'm sorry, Drew, but that's the only
place they can put it. Look, I'm not

no for an answer.

One other thing.

I want you to go out with me on Saturday
night.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Oh, I didn't even think to ask. You're
probably seeing somebody.

No. Drew!

Look what's on TV tonight. Shut up now
and save your pride.

Look, it has nothing to do with you,
really. It's just I really don't want to

into it right now, but I'll take care of
everything else you ask for, and thanks

again.

Screwed up again. I gave in too easy.

Hey, looks like she likes guys who give
in too easy.

Just to let you know, I'm free on Friday
night, too.

You're free every night, Carrie. Now
open up the door. I'll kick it in.

Larry, what are you doing here?

Got no money, no home, no family.

You're living all alone in this big
house.

All alone.

You wear jockeys or boxers? Boxers.

I'm coming.

I can hear you.

Hello, Carrie.

Have you been drinking?

Have you been eating?

Larry!

Larry!

Well, uh... Hello, Fran.

What brings you by?

What I came by for, Larry, was to give
you this.

Don't ever tell anyone about us.

Larry, our mod is not for sale. I'm
kidding.

Since we're being so bluntly honest,
Drew took your job on the board.

Have a nice night, boys.

I didn't plan it. It just happened. I
swear to God.

You may have won a little victory,
Carrie, but you're going to regret it.

You're not cutthroat enough.

Me? I could cut off your head, put it on
my bedpost, take my hat off to you

every morning, say hello.

But you, deep down, you're a nice guy.

The guilt's going to eat you alive.

Oh, yeah?

You don't scare me, Elmada. The new Drew
is ruthless. I'm pure evil. I'm going

to keep this job no matter what.

By the way, if it gets cold down there,
there's an extra blanket in the hope

chest.

But it's real scratchy.

Hello, Carrie.

Do you know what day it is?

No, it's not hump day.

No.

It's fire me -me day.

What's that?

Listen, do you hear church bells
ringing?

And look over there, it's a rainbow!

So when you fired her?

No, you're firing her.

Oh, I didn't get you anything.

Into her purse. I'll alert security.
When they catch her, you can fire her.

Oh. Uh, do we have to set her up like
that? I mean, there's got to be a

reasons to fire her.

Besides, I don't want to stick my hand
in her purse.

You need a henchman on the board,
Carrie. That was Larry's job, and you

so coldly, I just assumed you could
handle something like this.

Okay, give me the jewelry.

Now, this isn't going to happen.

I resign from the board.

I feel bad enough. I'm not going to sell
my soul just for a better parking space

and a lousy filet with Adara sauce and
broccoli florets and new red potatoes

just a hint of basil.

For dessert, your choice of chocolate
mousse or cherry cheesecake.

Just not worth it.

What a boob.

Trying to be nice.