Original subtitles

Look, Todd, 9 o 'clock means you're here at 9 o 'clock. How many times do I have

to tell you that? Currently 7.

What? Nothing.

Look, do you think I like calling you in here every couple weeks and reading you

the riot act?

Yes. What?

Nothing.

Look, Todd, you're 21 years old. It's time to buckle down.

You know, when I was your age, I had two jobs. I took the bus to work. I was

never late once.

That's very good advice, sir. Yankee very much.

Did you just say Yankee?

No, white ass.

What? I said no. Why'd you ask?

Okay, snothead, get back to work.

What? I said thank snothead, get back to work.

Hey, Mimi.

How was the Marilyn Manson concert?

Um, it was pretty tame.

Then me and some of the roadies threw a party down on the docks afterward.

Yeah?

Yeah, Canadian freighter pulled in about 3 a .m. Things really got rolling.

I think I might have got married, eh?

Sounds like fun. Better than getting reamed by old man Carrie here.

Old man Carrie?

Is that what people say about me? That's not fair.

Hey, does doing my job make me old?

Does being responsible make me old? Does wanting other people to be responsible

make me old?

Could you just not talk so much?

I kind of have a headache.

Oh, really?

What the hell happened to you?

It's called living. Get to know it.

Hey, I live.

I have fun.

I just have my own kind of fun.

Oh, yeah? What are you going to do tonight?

Oh, tonight I got a big night planned.

Big night.

Going to go home, do myself a couple of Hungerman dinners, have a beer, fall

asleep on the couch watching Diagnosis Murder.

Oh, my God, I'm old.

Ah, there's our Rook of Gibraltar. Good old caddy. Everybody.

It's time.

What's going on? Gary, you've done something that no other employee at

Louder has ever done.

You know, this is about the employee picnic. I was drunk and I misunderstood

term three -legged race.

No, Gary.

This is something you can be proud of. Now, you've been to work every single

for 3 ,000 days.

Well, technically it's 3 ,001. I would have awarded it yesterday, but I was out

sailing. But you were here, trudging away as you always are.

There can't be.

Congratulations. What? Congratulations?

In gratitude for your return to this little cubicle day in, day out, we offer

you this plaque engraved with the simple slogan, 3 ,000 down, here's to 3

,000 more.

50 ,000 days behind this desk?

That's almost a third of my life.

Unless the man would have gone insane, Gary. And that's why, as our final

Drubicle 17A from this day forth will be known as the Drubicle.

I don't know what to say. I didn't stop and smell the roses. I let time just

slip through my hands. There's so many things I should have done.

What am I doing here?

Breaking ice cream in my office!

They miss sleeping in on Sunday mornings. Hey, they can't sell buzz beer

don't deliver it.

Saturday night's a big beer night. We got to restock. Yeah, and if anyone

a coffee beer, it's a Sunday morning drunk.

Hey, man, it's our responsibility, okay?

What's the matter? Don't you like being responsible?

What are you saying, that I'm stodgy? That I'm in a 3 ,000 -day rut? Is that

what you're saying? Huh? Huh?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on. Let's not argue.

It's bad enough that we're delivering liquor on the Sabbath.

That reminds me, we have to deliver a case of beer to my church for Las Vegas

night.

Excuse me.

Didn't anyone notice I was ranting a moment ago?

Oh, I'm sorry, Drew. What's the matter?

I've become set in my ways. I've stopped living my life.

I'm just like my father.

Oh, come on, Drew. That's not true.

Your dad was a wild man.

You're right.

I've got a lot of catching up to do. Hey, take the sun ramp. What? I said

the sun ramp.

Get to know it.

Where are we going?

We're going to the city that never sleeps. We're going to be a part of it.

We're going to Paris?

I thought that was Las Vegas. We're going to Vegas? No, we're going to the

that never sleeps.

New York City.

Why New York?

This truck can make it there. It can make it anywhere.

Besides, the Indians are playing the Yankees tonight.

Yeah!

That's over 400 miles each way. I got to work tomorrow.

If I'm late, old man Carey's going to...

Hey, hey, hey.

To hell with responsibility, huh?

To hell with work tomorrow.

Yeah. Who's with me? I am. I'm tired of my rut. 9 .20 to 10 to 5 every single

day.

If it weren't for my hour and a half to two hour lunch, I don't know what I'd

do.

You know, now that you mention it, I'm like one of those lab rats at drug call,

you know, going through the maze, getting electrocuted when I take the

turn, getting my big hunk of cheese at the end of the week.

I think what we're trying to say, buddy, is... Rob Jets!

Swimming in a pool of blood, me without a spoon.

Same song, second verse, gopher style, and a whole lot worse.

Cow!

This is great, huh? Yeah. All of us together, head to New York.

Hey, another beef stick cake?

Wait, let me check.

No, I think I've had enough.

I have hickory coming out of my pores.

Hey, wait a second.

Smell that?

Oh, true.

No, no, no, not that. Beyond that.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait, I'm getting something.

What is that?

Judging by the potency, I'd say we're...

15 miles outside of Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Go, pay respects, and then it's out of New York City.

Get ready for life in the fast lane.

Man,

how far is it

to Yankee Stadium?

I don't know. We're just as close as we were an hour ago.

There's a guy behind us, rear -ended us.

Oh, man, let me just ask the local.

Excuse me, sir?

How far is it to Yankee State?

Wow, did you see that?

He didn't even let me finish. He just instinctively flipped me off.

Well, he didn't show you his... Oh.

There it is.

Oh,

man, where does he want us to go? There's only six inches between us and

in front of us. Hey, does it really matter if we move up six inches?

Okay, I guess we'll do it.

Oh, great. Now we're getting it from both sides.

If that guy didn't have a free John Gotti bumper sticker, boy, I'd be all

him. Let me stretch my legs.

Wow. Hot one, isn't it? Let me have a nutty buddy.

Oh, my God.

You're Donald Trump.

Look at this. Right here on the street, it's Donald Trump.

Kind of weird, isn't it? Sort of like I'm human.

Let me have a nutty buddy, please.

Oh, we don't have any ice cream.

Isn't this an ice cream truck?

Uh -huh.

So, what's in the back of your truck?

Beer.

Beer in the back of an ice cream truck? What are you, morons?

No, I'm from Cleveland.

Ah, you're from Cleveland.

Okay, look.

We just drove to New York on a kick to see the Indians play the Yankees. Now

we're stuck here. Okay?

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. That I am sorry about. But you know what you do?

Give this to the guy at the gate. He'll take you to my box seats.

Use them, enjoy them, and welcome to New York. Wow. Wow.

Thanks, Mr.

Trump. I'm going to go see the Star Wars trilogy.

You'll probably still be here.

We'll have a beer later.

All right,

that's it.

Oh, my God. It's you. It's Carol Channing. Get back in your truck. Any

now, this whole thing is going to break wide open.

Wide open?

This car is as far as the eye can see.

So what are you calling me, a liar?

Because I think you're calling me a liar.

Look, I don't want any trouble.

We just drove in from Cleveland to see a Yankees game, okay?

Oh, you came all that way.

Well, let me help you to get there a little faster.

in the freaking truck.

Hey, hey, hey, traffic's moving again. Everybody get back in.

I'm going to try to get off this street, see if I'm clear to get into the right

lane. Go for it.

What the

hell happened?

We're out of gas.

We've got to get some gas. If we don't move, they're going to kill us.

All right, I'll get the gas. Who's got some money? We blew all our money when

bought that 10 -pound kiss in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

This?

Anybody want to split the rest?

How are we going to get some money for gas?

Okay, Lewis, lend me your hand.

western lot -ass farm boy.

Hey, if you're not cheating, notice my ass.

Hey, excuse me, we have kind of an emergency here. We need some gas.

I don't sell gas.

No, uh, we'll get the gas. We just need some money.

Listen, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but the nose and mustache

fell off your graduate glasses, bro.

No, no, we're not here to rob.

We're not here to rob you. We just want to sell you some beer.

What kind of beer?

It's a special brew we brought all the way to Cleveland. You guys came all the

way from Cleveland just to sell beer door to door?

No, actually, we just wanted to chuck it on and see a Yankees game.

That's why I came here from Cuba, baby.

You guys want half off some expired herbal ecstasy?

Now, listen, all we want is 30 bucks for the beer. You can get 100 bucks for

these two cases real easy.

I'll give you two bucks.

What? It's from Cleveland. What do you make West guys know about beer?

Would you like to meet our spokesbelly?

25 bucks.

20. I'll take it.

Drew, does that sound like a bat hitting the side of, oh, I don't know, say, an

ice cream truck?

Oh, my God.

Baseball. Hey! Hey! Get out!

This is my territory.

Hey, the only reason we're here in the first place is because we're on our way

to a baseball game and our truck got stuck.

Oh, you want a baseball game?

Look, I'm Joe DiMaggio.

Hey!

What's going on, Fluffy?

This lobe and his friends are trying to take over my territory.

Shoot him.

We just ran out of gas. If you're going to bust anybody, bust Carol Channing.

She's been riding our tail all day.

Ohio plates, huh? You got a license to sell that ice cream?

We don't have any ice cream in the truck. All we got is beer.

Beer, huh? You got a license to sell a beer?

We don't need a license. We haven't sold anything.

Oh, yeah, me neither.

Cook cut.

I just tried one of those beers you sold me. They're great, man. I'll take

another case.

So, I thought I was giving it away.

Oh, is that why you gave me that 20 bucks?

I thought you thought I was a gigolo.

You know, like that guy, Joe Buck in Midnight Cowboy.

Midnight Cowboy? Yeah.

Handsome kid, comes to the city.

Please don't take us to prison.

I need a specific soap or else I get a rash.

I'm not going to go to prison, honey.

I'm just going to get a fine.

We got us 20 bucks.

All right, that's it. Well, see, now you made me a liar. Come on.

Out

of

my way. Shy bladder coming through.

Well, why did you hold it so long? Why didn't you go when we were in jail?

paper. I could have got some, but it would have cost me my innocence.

I still can't believe they let us go. What a great bunch of cops.

Yeah, how about when they took up a collection of the holding tanks so we

buy gas? What a great bunch of criminals.

Yeah, not the most intelligent guys, though. They're probably still waiting

us to come back with that pizza.

There you go.

That's bumpkins.

Okay, I'm ready. Does anyone want to ride? Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait.

Nobody's going anywhere. We haven't had any fun yet.

Hey, let's have a party. A slumber party at each of our individual houses, huh?

Yeah. Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait.

It's not even 11 o 'clock yet. I bet we could go see a midnight movie.

Hey, how about we each rent our own individual midnight movies and watch it

our own beds? Hey, let's go. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm talking about the midnight movie.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Oh, my God. We haven't done that since high school.

That sounds like a lot of fun.

Let's do it. Yeah.

Only this time we won't get wasted and question our sexuality.

Like everyone except me did.

Let's hurry up and change.

I can't believe I can still fit in my Brad costume.

So now do you feel outrageous?

I don't know about you, but that breeze I'm feeling is pretty outrageous.

Let me ask you something, Oswald. Why is it that that corset you've had stored

away for all these years looks so frayed? Hey, I use it as a weight belt

I'm delivering packages.

Yeah, I don't really like beer because those little frogs are so damn cute.

I don't know.

Look. Oh, my God, it can't be.

Hey.

What's going on here? What happened to the Rocky Horror Show?

It's gone, like your pants and his self -respect.

Oh, yeah?

Rocky Horror's a hell of a lot better than Priscilla.

Oh, my God!

You're a transvestite.

Stop coming together now.

She's as straight as the rest of us.

Oh, this stinks.

Rocky Horror has better music, better dancing, better everything.

Sorry, Kenny. Your drag is old. Our drag is new.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I got something to say about that.

It's astounding.

Time is fleeting.

Madness. Take this toll.

Show you how to do drag.

just a jump to

You're killing me. Next time, I'm a transvestite in sensible shoes.

Still, for a bunch of corn -fed Midwesterners, we really turned it out.

ask you one thing?

How come we always get sucked into these big dance things?

Why?

I'll tell you why.