All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s02e16 Check Out Drews Old Flame.eng

Oh, well, that's smart eating, Drew.
Most of the fat is in the skin.

Oh, Mimi, why you got to be like that?

I mean your face.

They're seat covers. Finally save enough
money to put a down payment on a new

car. Wow, you can afford a new car?

Yep, brand new 91.

Well, what's the matter? Was the old one
getting a little tight around the hips?

I'm back.

Hey.

I got your postcard from Atlantic City.
Looks like you and Grandma had some good

times. Yeah, until Grandma got drunk and
decided to talk to me like I was her

girlfriend. Oh, guess what? Her new guy
can still go at it like a 65 -year -old.

Do you have my mail?

Yeah, it's mostly bills. And your
Victoria's Secret catalog came, but I

Did you get the new car?

Fuel for Saver.

You know, it's a little more than I
wanted to spend, but at least now when

cute girl in the next lane laughs at me,
I know it's not the car.

It'll just be me.

You didn't have to stretch yourself so
thin, Drew. Haven't you heard of

payments? It's great.

I didn't owe anything on my microwave
for six months. It's not due until March

1st. And I bought this TV.

No payments for a year. So that's not
due until...

March 1st. But the pottery wheel, no
payments for a year and a half. So I am

good on this baby till March 1st. Oh, my
God, that's in two weeks.

Pottery wheel?

Gee, I think that would have paid for
itself by now.

Oh, my God, I am so screwed. What am I
going to do?

You need money?

I got three words for you.

Prisoners love panties.

Hello?

Yes, this is Drew Carey's desk.

May I ask what this is regarding?

Oh, well, that's okay.

Because I'm his wife.

What? Oh, how awful.

Oh, one minute. I'll go get him.

Drew Carey, your bank is on the phone.
They need to talk to you because you

bounced a check.

I repeat, bounced a check.

I don't believe this.

The bounced a check wasn't the one for
my prostate exam, was it?

Bounce the check. I just deposited a
bunch of checks.

Oh, one of them bounced? From who?

I don't even know Akira Sullivan.

Is her phone number on the check?

Oh, you know, one of my friends must
have took it when I had my garage sale.

Thanks. Just transfer the money for my
savings.

Yeah, I know there's a fee for that.

Yeah, I know there's a fee for this
call.

What? A multiple fee fee?

Well, listen, buddy, I got a few fees of
my own.

I got your fee right here fee.

Oh, that was rude.

Bounce check. I don't believe it.

What'd you blow all your money on?
Having your corkscrew tail removed?

Real nice, Mimi.

Get a guy while he's down.

I gotta call this woman to get my money
back.

Could you please file this paper for me?
And for once, could you be careful? I

was up all night working on that
proposal.

Lucky it wasn't on.

Oh, I forgot. That wasn't my proposal.

That was your vacation request, your
medical claim forms, and oh yeah, you

finally got a letter back from Antonio
Banderas.

She better show up. I think I've been
sitting here for the last hour drinking

beer for nothing. I could have been...
Well, she better show up, that's all.

Could you pass the ketchup?

I know you're in trouble, but you can't
go a whole month without spending any

money. Why don't you just let me lend
you a few bucks?

Hey, look at this.

What do we got here?

Post -it notes, staples, napkins,
lemons.

I'll let you know.

for us to remember the story of the
grasshopper and the ant.

Wait, how'd you hear about the
grasshopper and the ant?

Nobody outside of Drugco is supposed to
know about that.

What do you mean? I'm talking about the
fable.

Oh, yeah, the fable.

Genetically engineered ants and
grasshoppers kill two workers.

All a big fairy tale.

Guys, I don't need a lecture about
money. I may be cash poor, but I am

rich.

Hey, they're throwing out old meat. at
the stop and shop. Who's going to give

a ride?

Oh, me?

Why didn't you say so?

I'll give you a ride if Drew lets us
borrow the new car.

Come on, I just got it. All right, you
can put your meat in my trunk, but don't

get it mixed up with my meat.

No playing Starsky and Hutch. Oh, come
on. We're not going to play Starsky and

Hutch. Two guys and a girl? Looks like
Dick's a hazard to me.

Let's see, a woman's approaching me in a
bar, and it's not last call on St.

Patrick's Day. You must owe me some
money.

I'm Keira Sullivan, and I'm so sorry
about this. Yeah, I know this must be

embarrassing for you. Let's just get it
over with.

Right. I have the cash in here.

Oh, I hope I didn't forget it.

Oh, dear.

Let me retrace my steps.

Step, step, step, Warsaw door.

Step, step, step, my car.

Drive, drive, drive, my house.

Step, step, step.

Oh, there's my earring. That doesn't
help you. Okay, let's not have so much

here. Before we get back to crawl,
crawl, crawl, let's just sit down and

Boy, Kira. That's an unusual name.

I knew a Kira once.

In junior high, Kira Sims.

That's my maiden name.

Oh, my God.

I knew that name sounded familiar.

Drew. Drew Carey from junior high.

Kira Sims?

I don't believe it. Look at you. You
look great. Well, you lost a lot of

Oh, and look at you.

Big as life.

What a loser way to meet you after all
these years. No, no. I'm really the one

who should be apologizing to you. Look,
I know this is kind of late, but I'm

really sorry I told all those guys in
seventh grade that I got to second base

with you. Hey, you had more of a second
base than I did back then.

Well, it's still nice of you. I was 13.
I was tired of running the bases by

myself.

Yeah, it was a full week.

Oh,

what a jerk.

Hey,

look, I never thought I'd ever say this,
but...

Why don't you lay low at my place till
the heat dies down?

Baby.

You'd do that for me?

Yeah, if you don't mind sleeping on a
lumpy couch.

Oh, wait a minute. What kind of
gentleman am I? Listen, I'll take the

couch and you can have the lumpy bed.

This is so great.

Oh, before I forget, let me write you a
good check off my other account.

Oh, you know, I should have asked you
this before I asked you to stay with me.

You're not still married or anything,
are you? Oh, no. I dumped my old man a

long time ago.

Wow. You dumped your old man, now you're
shacking up with me till the heat dies

down. Hey, Drew.

Everything's fine.

The car drives great.

Boy, those airbags really come at you,
don't they?

Good morning.

Hey, you're up early.

Yeah, I forgot to reset your alarm
again.

By the way, I'm impressed.

Clocks that run on potatoes?

Potatoes. They taste good. They're a
natural source of power.

Try running anything on stuffing.

Actually, I'm going down to where my old
roommate works, and I'm going to give

him hell about stealing those checks.

Where does he work?

Toll booth on the Ohio Turnpike.

Toll booth, huh? You know, there's
something I've always wondered about

things. There's a porta potty on the
side of the road. Oh.

You know, it's really sweet of you to
give me your bedroom, but why don't you

just use the other bedroom?

Oh, I figured you kind of needed your
privacy. Besides, at night, my body's

of an orchestra.

You know, I just get more and more
attracted to you.

Well, I better get going.

Oh, wait.

I want to show you something. It's the
valentine he gave me when we were in

seventh grade.

See how the two skunk's tails form the
top of the heart there?

Will you be my valentine, you little
stinker?

That is so cute.

Hey, wait a minute.

You haven't been, like, carrying that
around in your wallet all this time,

you? No, of course not. I keep it pinned
to my underwear.

I'll never forget what you wrote inside
here.

I think it's one of the sweetest things
anybody ever said to me.

I don't think you're fat.

Kira, you know, since we're already, you
know, living together, why don't we

go out tonight, you know, like on a
date?

Okay, but I get to make the plans.

Pick me up at my place.

Oh, Kira.

Well, you came and you wrote me a bad
check.

But you paid me right back. Oh, Kira.

Oh, Kira.

You were gone, you lost weight, but
you're back now.

Yeah, listen, I just bought a car from
you, and I don't even have the paperwork

yet, and now it's stolen.

Yeah, 91 Buick LeSabre.

Repossessed?

Now, look, my down payment check
couldn't have bounced. That's

The only way it could have bounced is if
that woman who wrote me the check and

it didn't clear. I'll call you right
back.

Listen, everybody, I know you're used to
big fancy cars for your executive

carpool, but in the meantime...

Hey, how many of you have ridden in a
real delivery truck before, huh? Let's

a show of hands.

Come on, it's not my fault no one else
had a car available.

Well, here comes our delivery man.
Scooch in, will you?

There were pounds!

You didn't tell me there were pounds!

I forgot.

I'm freezing!

Hello, Bean. I thought there was someone
in here.

Problem is? Slow metabolism?

No. I believe the best of people. I
trust people.

Here we are. Hey, buddy, you mind
running this up to that house for me?

what's wrong with this place?

Nothing. Trust me.

All right, then. Out with it. What's the
problem with this stuff?

It's no problem. You see that beautiful
woman, Drew Stockett, too? Huh?

is a guy.

And so it's a little overly
affectionate.

That's a lovely idea, but I'm sure when
Cary gets up close, he'll see it's a

man. No, he didn't!

Thanks, buddy.

Talk about gorgeous.

My date should kiss me so good.

Yeah.

He's actually in a real good mood when
he gets his estrogen.

What a day.

Here is probably a thousand miles away,
but I can't get my car back without a

cashier's check.

Thanks for giving me a ride home, Kate.

Hey, what are friends for?

I mean, what do we use? Maybe three,
four gallons of gas at what?

$1 .20 a gallon?

And my time is certainly not worth more
than $10 an hour.

And that would come to $21 .50. But
you're a friend, let's call it $20 even.

Fine.

What, no tip?

Bounty hunter.

For 50 bucks, I'll cover the state and
find her for you. Yeah, if you can find

her, I'll give you 100.

Hey, Drew.

Found her. That'll be 100 bucks.

You're still here? You've got a lot of
nerve.

Yeah, if Hickory Farms wasn't giving out
free samples in 10 minutes, I'd give

you a piece of my mind.

Give her hell, Drew.

What happened?

What do you want, lady? The puff is dry.

Oh, no. My second check bounced.

Oh, God, Drew. I'm so sorry. That
bastard roommate of mine must have taken

checks from both accounts. Oh, yeah, the
evil roommate. Let me guess, this evil

roommate of yours, can he change shapes
and become you, for example?

Let me tell you, Drew, your anger is
misplaced. No, no, no, no. My car is

misplaced. My money is misplaced. My
trust is misplaced. But my anger is

but net.

Oh, wow.

I wanted it to be romantic. It was
supposed to be our first date.

Ribs and ham.

Wow, you made everything I like.

And no vegetables.

Actually, I did make vegetables.

Beer -battered broccoli.

Wow, you can hardly taste the broccoli.

Great. I get it.

I eat this. I get sleepy.

Next thing you know, I wake up on a
cargo ship, part of some...

chubby white guy slave trade thing you
got going on.

And here I thought I was so smooth.

But you got me, Drew.

You know what a middle management guy
your size goes for these days?

We'll make millions.

Oh, man.

I wrote a check for Girl Scout Cookies
last week. It's probably one of their

goons.

Is Kira Sullivan here?

Who are you? I'm her old roommate.

Wait a second. There really was an old
roommate?

Yeah, and he's plenty ticked off.

You think that was funny, parking your
car in my toll booth today?

I could have called the cops, but
technically you weren't in Pennsylvania

Ohio.

Wait a second, there really was an old
roommate?

You're the reason that I lost my car.

You're the reason my grandma lost her
teeth. You're the reason I kissed a man

full on the mouth. I'm bouncing checks
all over town because of you. I think

owe both of us some money. Oh, yeah?

Well, what are you going to do?

You know, I may not be able to beat you
up. I may not even be able to stop you

from beating me up.

But I know a woman with stubble who
would walk through fire for me and she'd

kick your ass.

You're insane.

Insane? You want to see insane?

That was my dinner. Now I'm really mad.

Here.

Drive safely and have a nice day.

I didn't mean that.

Just force a habit.

of Derby out there, huh?

Thanks for standing up for me.

I hope I can kiss as good as that man.

Oh, Kira, are you here? Are you making
my

breakfast? Where the hell is my
breakfast?

furniture's gone i told you he'd notice
she's the sweetest you know she felt so

bad about bouncing that second check she
wanted to give you something so she's

having all your furniture reupholstered
yeah am i stereo what is this a test she

ripped me off don't you get it she took
everything she robbed me it's

everything's gone are you sure yeah she
ripped you off why is your tv still here

oh gee why would someone take a 17 year
old tv where you have to use pliers to

change a channel

And she even took the pliers.

Gee, and they seem like such nice
people.

They?

Yeah, her and her brother.

You know, come to think of it, he was
pretty in shape for a guy who worked at

toll booth.

Oh, my God, he was in on it. It was all
a big con. How could I be so stupid? How

am I going to find these people?

We're sorry we let him get away with it,
but at least one of us was on the ball.

She dropped her wallet, and something
told me maybe I should hold on to this.

Hey, I never said this when I was sober,
but Oswald, you're a genius. Yeah.

idea. I mean, there's five social
security cards alone.

And eight driver's licenses.

Hey,

Kate. It's Kate.

Hey, you're finally getting your floor
buffed. That's one way of putting it,

yeah.

Hey, I got good news, too. I went to the
bank and consolidated all my debts into

one big loan. Only 21 % interest. No
payments for a year.

Hey, it's the Idiot's Club. Welcome.

Hey, I found this note. Kira on your
door.

Dear Drew, I'm sorry. I feel real crappy
conning you like this, but I'm my own

boss and the hours are good.

I'll always remember the special times
we had in the fifth grade at that place,

that time you said those nice things.

Always Kira Sims.

I thought she spelled Sims with two M's,
not one.

She did.

And we didn't meet in fifth grade. We
didn't get together until seventh grade.

Oh my God, she's never the same person I
thought it was.

stranger. I slept with a stranger.

Hey, I slept with a stranger.

Well, how bad did she need furniture?

Coming.

Are you Drew Carey? Yes, sir.

Did you have some furniture stolen?

You're a detective, right?

Well, be thankful you engraved your name
on all your stuff.

Because we found it on a truck that had
a... Little accident pulling out of a

toll booth.

Ha! Told you they'd start those lanes
soon enough.

Can you identify the suspects?

Of course, if you can, you're in line
for a reward, Mr. Carey.

See, I knew something good was going to
come out of all of this.

How much?

Fifty bucks.

Fifty bucks, really? Oh, that's great.

I'll be right out. Thanks very much.

Thanks. Thank you. Bye -bye. Thank you.
Did you hear that?

The insurance company would have gave me
$5 ,000 for all my old crappy stuff,

but I'm not getting it. Instead, I'm
getting all my old crappy stuff back,

50 bucks.

I'm screwed again.

Drew, this only happened because you're
one of the most wonderful, caring,

trusting people in the world.

Sure, once in a while you're going to
get burned. You're going to lose your

your furniture, your dignity.

But hey, look on the bright side. We got
a great place to play soccer inside.

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