Original subtitles

We just wanted you to look over the lease for a new apartment, Drew, because

you're the stickler for detail in this crowd.

Well, here's the first irregularity. It's written on a cocktail napkin.

Hey, it's the apartment above the Warsaw. It's a bar. It's all you have to

on. Yeah, and it's ours as soon as we fill out our credit report.

Are you guys sure you want to live above a bar?

I'm just kidding. Come on.

Sorry,

guys. The wedding went kind of long.

Wow, that bridesmaid thing looks like a great deal.

Not only do you get to go to a party, but you get a dress you can wear again

the Grand Ole Opry.

Thanks. I hate weddings. She had five bridesmaids. So?

So it made me realize I don't even have five female friends.

I can only think of one, and when she finds out what I did with her boyfriend,

won't have any.

Why do you need girlfriends when you have us?

It's not the same.

Watch.

Oswald, close your eyes.

What am I wearing?

You're naked.

That's it.

I've got to get some girlfriends.

But where do women hang out?

What do they think?

What do they do?

I don't know if this helps, but they hang out in groups.

They think of me as just a friend.

And they're really sorry, but they're usually busy on Friday and Saturday

Okay. This meeting of the owners of Buzz Beer is now in session.

I called you here to discuss corporate finances.

Now, the good news is, after a year of hard work, sweat, and determination,

we've made enough profits to be in the black. Cool, I'll drink to that.

Oops, now we're in the red again.

Well, let's just charge more. How much do we need to charge for each bottle to

make it profitable?

Uh, $29 .95.

Hey, yeah, and I've got the campaign.

Buzz Beer.

The penis -enlarging, cancer -curing, fat -reducing, guaranteed -to -get -you

-in -the -heaven beer, huh?

Still, $30.

Wait a minute.

We've still got about 300 gallons left in old Bessie here.

If we're going to go out of business, we should go out with a bang.

I say we throw a party, we invite a bunch of our friends, and liquidate the

inventory. Free beer for everybody.

Wait.

I've got it. Don't give up yet. I've got the one idea that will save our

business.

Let's put the beer in a bottle shaped like a vase.

Then, when people are done drinking, they can put flowers in it.

Come on, Lewis. You're supposed to meet me at the Warsaw. You haven't even left

your apartment yet?

Well, hurry up.

Hey, bud. Sorry we're late.

Man, living above the Warsaw's a blast.

You can go out, get drunk, and be home spinning in bed in 30 seconds.

Good times. Good times.

So, you guys will be coming out of the Warsaw in your pajamas from now on?

in the winter. Summer's wide open.

Hey, uh...

And you look selling that brewery equipment, and you know if I default on

loan, I'm going to lose my house.

Don't worry, we'll find a buyer. Our ad came out today on the Dollar Stretcher,

and with a couple of clever abbreviations, I managed to save us a

First sold.

Oozed beer quip.

Real check.

What the hell is that?

Well, you pay by the letter.

No, I think what Drew's trying to say, buddy, is, ah, you ooped -inking oron.

Guys, I'd like you to meet my new friend, Jewel.

Jewel, this is Drew.

Hey. And I guess this must be Hef and the beef.

Hey, guys.

Hey, I know you.

You're the assistant manager of payroll down at the store. Yeah, for seven

years. I must have a sign on my back that says, do not promote.

That's the bar of mine.

You know, there's something about you that's so familiar, but I can't put my

finger on it. Could you take off your glasses?

No.

There it is again.

Check out the glasses.

Hello, Internet.

You care to join us? No, thanks. We're waiting for my two best friends.

Oh, here they are now.

Lois, Olivia.

You are looking at two smart chicks.

I just cheated the pay -to -let out of 25 cents.

Not as dumb as they look.

Are you guys ready to go?

I've planned a full girls' night out. We're going to coordinate some outfits,

trash my mom, talk about my boyfriends, and, you know, other stuff women do.

Right, ladies?

Yeah, good times.

You know, I don't say this very often, but...

Hey,

Drew, there's a cute little redhead at the bar who's looking at you.

Yeah, and she's thinking...

Look at that nice man. Should he buy alcohol for his two special friends?

No, she's coming right towards you, man. Yeah, miracles happen every day.

Excuse me.

Could I borrow your ketchup for a second?

Uh, sure.

Hey, double chili cheeseburger. That's my favorite.

I usually get double onions on mine.

Isn't that cute?

Hello.

Hello.

Hey, uh, I haven't seen you around here before.

That's because I'm from Akron. I'm here on business till Sunday.

Oh, really? Well, what do you do?

I have a chain of my own small bakeries.

Ho, ho, ho.

Hi, I'm Drew. The Vienna Boys Choir's Oswald and Lewis.

Nice to meet you.

Shoot, I gotta go.

Uh, is there a muffin in trouble? Because I don't hand them out.

Maybe.

Thanks for catching.

Sure. Oh, hey, listen.

If you're in Tomball Sunday and you're not having a big party Saturday night,

maybe you want to stop by.

Sounds fun.

Oh, by the way, did anybody catch the score at tonight's Bulls Cavs game?

it was 120 -115 Cavs. You a Cavs fan?

Isn't everyone?

See ya.

Ah, man.

She is perfect, man. She's everything I wanted. She's... Who the hell is she? I

don't even know her name. I forgot to get her name.

Don't worry, Drew. She works at a bakery in North America. You're bound to find

her eventually.

Hey, Mimi.

Copier's out of toner again.

How many times do I have to tell you? Your ass is a two -machine job.

I was just thinking... and more copies for a big party I'm having on Saturday.

Oh, I shouldn't mention anything because I have no intention of inviting you.

How uncomfortable I am now.

Ripping off the company, huh?

Figures. I was talking on the phone to my aunt in Australia telling her what a

pig you are.

Oh, crap. I left her on hold.

Ah, it's okay. I got her conferenced in with my uncle in Guam.

Why do your relatives live so far away?

Oh, yeah.

Help us say goodbye to buzz beer this Saturday night. All the buzz beer you

drink, free, free, free.

Gee, going out of business, huh?

Well, I can't imagine where all the profits went.

Nice one, Mimi. By the way, did I mention how beautiful your hair is

What's wrong with it? Is it messed up?

Not today.

Mr. Wick's finally taking me out to lunch.

And who's paying?

Safe person who rented the hotel room.

Lucky bastard thinks he's only getting a lunch.

Kind of late to be decorating for the holidays, isn't it?

eat under here.

Oh, dear.

You've been after me for so long to do this.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am.

Perhaps we can try again in another six months.

Keep your chin up.

Just an expression.

You crossed the line this time, pig.

Come on, Mimi. Good friends, good fun. Hey, good luck getting that crap out of

your hair.

This is the approved artwork for the big white sale ad. It's going into every

edition of Saturday's newspaper, so don't scratch the originals. I'll get it

the printer immediately, sir.

Good.

By the way, Kerry left one of his party flyers in the copier. Slap his hand and

charge him ten cents, would you?

Are you sure that's enough?

On his salary? Probably drop him into a different tax bracket.

So, anything that goes into this envelope is going to be read by half the

Yes.

to it.

Oh, so Mimi, have you decided which side is tingling?

Thank you for delivering the enemy into my hands.

Oh, what am I saying?

Thanks. Oh, you won.

I think one sub

sandwich should have been enough. I ordered a second one just in case.

Oh, my three new girlfriends won't be coming. They made other plans.

Oh, yeah? Star Trek convention or Singles Night at Camp USA?

No, they canceled Singles Night. Only desperate men were showing up.

So I hear.

Drew, what the hell is happening in your neighborhood? I don't know if I'm being

paranoid, but there are like a thousand cars following me.

You want to hear something weird? I picked up a paper at the Warsaw.

I looked at the Winford Louder insert in this call -out.

It's your party flyer. What? I can't hear you. It's your party flyer. It was

the Winford Louder insert.

I thought I just had momentary fly vision.

And they just keep coming. We can't get out the free beer fast enough.

There's a bus outside full of National Guard guys, Drew.

Oh, good. Finally somebody will bring some order to this thing. No, they came

party. They want to know if your roof will support a chopper.

Okay, that's it. I may be losing my business. I'm not going to lose my

Okay, listen up, everybody.

There's been a big mistake.

section.

I'm going to need it later on.

Drew, the phone book is long gone, but I managed to save your baseball cards.

This is totally out of control. It's like the whole city of Cleveland is

Oh, hey.

Hey, buddy. Hey, no calls, all right? No phone calls, huh?

No calls, man. I'm sorry. I have to make a very important long -distance call.

Oh, my God. You're the mayor.

Mayor White. I can't believe the mayor's a...

It is my phone. No long -distance calls.

I think I found the place to put the rubble from the old stadium.

Hey, Kate, have you seen a little red -headed girl about this tall? I don't

her name, and she's leaving for Akron tomorrow.

I'll keep an eye out for her. I've got to get some air.

Don't you gross enough to part this crowd.

You guys?

What are you doing here? I thought you were all busy doing different things.

You guys are ditching me? Look, Kate, the truth is, we don't always want to

about shopping or clothes or boys. We have other interests.

Frankly, you're too girly.

Who are you calling a girl?

That's the other thing, Kate.

Your anger.

It scares us.

Take off your glasses. I'll show you anger.

Lois, Olivia.

Hey. Hey, you.

No touching.

Hey, you. You watch her with those hands.

Hey, you good looking.

No one told you to stop.

This is insane. There's no way we can keep up with the man. My back is killing

me.

Lay down on the conveyor belt. What? Just do it. All right.

Oh.

Great. When did you discover this?

A guy tried it on a conveyor belt at Drug Co.

Unfortunately, he fell asleep, and when he woke up, he had 400 pills and a pound

of cotton shoved up his butt.

Hey, I got a drunken mob out there screaming for more beer. I'm hauling out

trash out back as fast as I can, and what are you two doing?

Get off of there.

Somebody roll me.

Oh, my God, this is... Oh, yeah.

That's right. Oh, roll me, baby, all night long.

Just one more time, Mayor White.

Go long.

Oh, my God. It's Bernie Kosar.

I'm sorry. I thought this was the men's room.

Wow. Bernie Kosar. Go wherever you want, man.

Yeah, unless you have to take a Modell.

Hey, you're the guy with the crew cutting the glasses.

There's this cute redhead outside looking for you.

She said if she missed you, say thanks. This is the best party of her life.

Cute redheaded girl? Good grief.

We were looking for you guys. We saw you earlier. We were going to ask if you

wanted to go somewhere after the party.

You know, Olivia, I'm really attracted to you. You remind me of someone I know,

but I just can't figure out who it is.

I know, Louis. I feel the same way.

Me too, Louis.

I mean, Lois. Lois.

Okay.

You owe the company $300 for the ad space you used up.

But I left a bit of a trade spot in your loo, so we'll call it even.

Hey, baker lady.

Hey, hey, wait up.

Sorry.

VIPs only.

It's my house. It's my bedroom.

Tonight, it's Little Richard's bedroom.

Little Richard?

Good golly, Miss Molly, Little Richard is here?

Yes, and Mr. Joe Walsh. And they have a list.

And you aren't on it.

Oh, oh, I get it. You're only letting the beautiful people upstairs.

Now I'm confused again.

Great party, Drew.

Boy, Lou Richard and Joe Walsh, never gonna see a chess game like that again.

You know, you did a lot of crappy things to me, Mimi.

But, uh, making me the most popular man in Cleveland, I don't know if I'm ever

gonna get over this.

Still the bestest Stratego, man.

Wow, Joe Walsh and Little Richard, what are you guys doing at my house? We were

over at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, saw your ad in the paper, and I said,

man, I hope they got giant subs.

Look, everybody, it's Little Richard and Joe Walsh!

You mind if we dance?

Ooh, can I play my accordion?

No! Shut up!

Okay, uh, anybody got a guitar?

Listen up, everybody.

There's this cat, and I don't even really know his name, but Lewis just

that his old lady just had a baby.

Yeah.

Yeah. And that made me think, wow, it really is a city here, man.

So this is for you and your old lady, man, and woo, that kid is going to be

out.

Also, I just received a warning that the blue nachos circulating around are not

specifically too good, so it's suggested that you stay away from that. Of

course, it's your own trip.

Hey, everyone, I just heard on the radio Drew's house is now the 10th largest

city in Ohio.

What a way to go out of business. My head's still spinning.

Well, two hours of plunging toilets will do that.

Hello?

No, sorry.

We're all out of buzzed beer.

I'm sorry. I don't know where you can get any. Sorry. Bye.

That's like the tenth call this morning.

Wait a second.

Are we stupid?

All these people calling, bugging us for buzzed beer?

Yeah, we should unplug the phone.

Wait a second.

We can't go out of business. Last night we turned half a Cleveland on a buzz

beer. Yeah, it's not like the other half drinks wine.

Buzz beer's back in business.

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