Original subtitles

Are you sure this is the sex channel?

Been that long, huh, buddy?

It's just I can't make it out through all the squiggly lines. Why don't you

pay the ten bucks a month so we can actually see it?

I can't. I already get the Cartoon Network, and I heard if you get that and

sex channel, they put you in a special file.

What are they doing?

You see, Oswald, when two people fall in love...

How old are these porn stars? I could swear he's giving her oxygen.

Wait, I think they're actually talking.

And as the doctor cuts into the patient's abdomen, the pancreas

isn't the sex channel, it's the surgery channel.

Yeah, but if you think about it, they're still naked.

Well, if history has taught us anything, it's my mom.

Kate, my pet.

I'm sorry I took so long.

Did you miss me?

No.

say we start off with a little drink?

Okay, okay. Why not? Since we're here all alone.

I knew you were fooling around with me, woman.

Oh, no.

Clark, my obsessively jealous boyfriend.

That's right, and I'm mighty angry.

Gee, I didn't know you were living here with someone. Maybe I should just leave.

Maybe you ought to, because things are going to

He's not dangerous, he's just stupid.

You can go. I'm fine.

Stupid?

Stupid?

Somebody calls me stupid!

Hey, what the hell's going on here?

Uncle Billy!

Thank God you're here!

Clark? What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear to you, this is

woman. Oh my God, I got...

She's gonna have a baby.

You're pregnant?

Yeah. It's my baby.

I'm her brother.

If you're her brother, why do you have an accent?

Uh...

of Trailer Park Dinner Theater.

Join us tomorrow when we'll present Tennessee Williams' A Truck Stop Named

Desire.

the passing of a fellow employee.

Even though she only worked here a week before she was hit by that speeding car,

Sally Krasinski will always be thought of as a member of the Winford -Lauder

family.

Was she the one with the red hair?

Brown. Anyway, it was a tragedy.

Who knows why these things happen?

I'll tell you why.

Because there's no light at that damn intersection out front.

She's the fourth one this year. It's like a freaking death tragedy.

For, you know, what's -her -face here?

Does anyone have anything they'd like to say?

Well, maybe there's something in her file.

Let's see, her hobbies were... Oh, this is ironic.

Speedwalking.

Uh, Mr. Wick, anything you'd like to say?

No, not really.

Might boost morale, sir.

Yeah, of course.

Well, what can we say about Sally?

She had a good, um, heart and a lovely spirit.

Uh, yes, Sally Pullman will be sadly missed.

Sir, it was Sally Krasinski that passed away.

That snitty little bitch.

I suppose she wasn't that snitty.

Well, carry on.

In closing, if we learned anything from the passing of Sally, may she rest in

peace. He said, if you drop your purse in the middle of the street, let it go.

Enjoy the donuts.

Amen.

Sorry I'm late. Good morning, Mr. Wick.

Did I miss the memorial?

Yeah, just

Oh, my God, it's Malibu cake.

It's going to be so great to start fresh. I think my problem was as a

I looked too dark and angry.

Now I'm sunny, happy, easygoing.

You know, Kate, I don't think your hair color has any... Shut up!

Can I have one green?

A bit much, don't you think?

Said the desert to the grain of sand.

peripheral vision Krasinski's job.

First of all, let me thank you for not bringing that up during the ceremony.

And secondly, and it pains me to say this, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why not?

Because we're transferring someone and you fight, you lose away.

Why'd they bring in somebody else? I can sell electronics just as good as

anybody. That's where you're wrong, my multicolored friend.

We are bringing in the best. That's to the best. Dexter K. Roberts, the highest

grossing salesman in the history of the Winford Ladder chain.

He had to trade five shoe salesmen and easy Edna from accounting, but we got

him.

I know who Dexter is. A friend of mine went to one of his parties. She didn't

come home for three days, and then it was just a shower, check her mail, and

right back.

I can't wait to meet this guy. I mean, he gets connections. He goes everywhere,

and I know we're going to hit it off. I mean, he's a party guy.

I'm a party guy. He likes sports. I like sports.

egos to all the cool places, I'd like to know where they are.

For once, I don't totally disagree with your stupid, asinine opinions.

It'd be good to have somebody breathe a little life into this place.

I haven't brought out my party dress in a while.

Is that the one with all the horns sewn into it?

Yes.

You know, Dex, I don't usually laugh at ball jokes about myself, but that was a

good one.

So when do you want that karaoke system delivered?

Gee, I don't think I can afford it right now.

Hey, it's less than 95 cents a day.

What else can give you that much pleasure for less than 95 cents a day?

Well, I guess my kids don't need that speech therapy.

I'll go get a check.

Wow, you are good. Everything I heard about you is true. Welcome aboard.

Nice voice.

You sing?

Hey, don't start that stuff with me.

Listen, I've heard a lot about you.

Really? You heard about me? Are you kidding? Everybody's talking about the

you've done at this store. You're the man. You're the guy to know. You're the

guy that gets things done.

I'm sorry, I can't quite hear you. Can you yell that?

I'm serious.

I was told you're the guy to connect with.

And if I could ever do anything for you, would you say the word, Mr. Wick?

Oh, uh, I'm Drew Carey.

Well, hey, it's good to meet you anyway.

And all that stuff still goes.

I'll see you when I see you.

I'll see you when I see you.

Oh, and who are you, my lost little chip?

Did you get separated from the herd?

of the next employee to end a sentence with a preposition.

Now, where did Mimi go to?

Be quiet.

Oh, boy, that could have been ugly.

Where did you guys go?

We went to Manny's Grill with Dex. I was in the coffee room. I was only gone for

two minutes.

How are we supposed to know?

I left a sign on my desk. I'm in the coffee room. I'll be back in two

I'm sorry, Carrie. You were abandoned by your co -workers. Now you're feeling

left out.

Oh, dear.

I feel inappropriate laughs are coming.

wants to accept me oh it wasn't everyone hey drew hey hey wasn't that a great

lunch good times huh oswald you went too you didn't miss anything at lunch drew

well the magic tricks he did magic yeah he removed the tablecloth without

disturbing the food i've seen that yeah and then he put it back

drew we missed you at lunch oh that's okay i did a little magic trick of my

I went to the copy room for two minutes and the whole office disappeared.

I'm sorry, man.

Although, it looks like you had a nice lunch here.

Still got a little something right by your mouth.

Here, let me get it for you.

Oh, my God!

What do we have here?

And I think it may be coming out of the other end, too.

Thanks,

buddy.

Wow, that was either incredibly fun or really humiliating.

That depends on if you're us or you.

See you guys at the party tonight.

Okay. Yeah, all right.

There's a party?

Dex's party. Everybody got an invitation this morning. Yeah, even me and Louis

were invited. We're going to stock the party with buzz beer.

You did get an invitation, didn't you?

Is it in those little envelopes with the writing on it and the directions?

Yeah, yeah. It's around here somewhere. Okay. See you at the big party. Okay.

Bye.

If you're looking for your dignity, try checking your confetti hole.

What'd you do with my invitation to Dex's party?

What invitation? What party?

Uh, nothing.

Did you find yours? Yeah. Really?

No. You?

No.

Well, it's not like I really wanted to go anyway.

Hey, maybe it slipped under my computer.

It's like everybody got invited but us.

Why us?

coming here since junior high. How come you never named anything after me?

They did. Give them the key to the Drew.

I'm sorry, Drew. Those tables are reserved for parties of three or more.

mind sitting at the bar?

Yeah, if I can fight my way through the crowd.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Coming through. Watch your hands. Pardon me. Excuse me.

Hi.

So I guess you didn't find your invitation, huh, pig?

Well, let's see. It's Friday night, 9 .30. I'm stuck here talking to you. Take

wild guess.

You mad Dexton invite you?

No. Better things to do with my time.

You paying for the lady?

Oh, her.

Sure, why not?

Thanks for coughing up the buck. I think I'm in love.

say that to me again.

So, uh, I guess it's like this a lot for people like us, huh?

People like us?

Yeah, you know, not getting invited to parties and stuff.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm very popular.

Dex just didn't invite me because he was jealous. He was afraid that I would be

the center of attention.

Well, then why didn't he invite me?

Well, look at you.

an outsider ever?

If I did, I wouldn't tell you.

Well, if you don't tell me, I'll tell you an uncomfortable story about my teen

years.

You're bluffing.

I was under my covers, and I thought my parents had left for the night.

All right.

All right.

There was a time when I wasn't so popular, but that was before I started

makeup.

You do a lot of children's parties, huh?

You know, I don't see anyone else here.

Uh, sorry.

This sucks.

You know, this really sucks.

Yeah, it's bad enough when kids do it. When adults do it, it really stinks.

Well, you know what my grandma always says?

When people hurt you, just turn the other cheek.

And when they think you're not looking...

want to shake?

I'm sure there must be some way to get back at these people.

What's the best way to ruin a party?

My mom and dad had a big party once.

I was under my covers again, and the pastor and his wife walked in. Knock it

off.

What are we going to do?

I know, I know, I know, I got it.

We show up.

Brilliant.

For the party. Ooh, good one.

This has got to be at least the fifth biggest margarita I've ever drank in my

life.

The fifth biggest?

Well, frat party, frat party, frat party in the super mucho grande margarita at

La Cucaracha's.

Which actually has its own undertow.

Hey, did you try the Corona toilet?

Am I going to get some?

Hey,

you seen Drew?

No, he hasn't gotten here yet. What happened to your face?

Global Parcel just changed our slogan to, if we're more than 20 minutes late

with your package, we'll fight you.

Men are so shallow.

Why don't you come over to my place later and we'll talk about it.

Drinking margaritas from a waiting pool. Nothing is obvious.

You guys haven't noticed that since I've become a blonde, every guy here is

majorly hitting on me?

Hey, anybody know where the ice is?

Just say off, buddy.

I'm not easy just because I'm blonde.

Uh, right over there where that brunette is sitting.

Whoa, he's sexy.

So, Kate, uh... Oh, right!

Nobody's hitting on me.

I believe... my hair to my skin burned and what do I get?

Excuse me, I think a clump of your hair

crashing your party?

Crashing it? What are you talking about?

You were invited.

Oh, yeah? Then how come I didn't get an invitation?

You got one. No, I didn't.

Check your breast pocket.

Why'd you expect me to find it?

I put one in every pocket. I figured you had to check one.

It was sleight of hand when I was doing the scarf trick.

What, did you think I was just trying to make you look like a jerk?

Well, yeah.

And now I got a little trick of my own. It's

Actually, you weren't invited.

Why not, you big sack of stupid?

Well, you're mean.

Oh, yeah?

I'll show you mean.

Drew, let's get to work.

I got an invitation, and I think it's in these walls somewhere.

Hey, hey, Mimi, Mimi.

You know, I think you should leave.

Oh, what? Are you going to call the cops?

I already did. They should be here any second.

All right.

We're going.

Come on, Drew.

Uh... Drew?

Right with you.

Hey, are those three different kinds of potato salad?

Drew?

Drew, join the party, man. You don't have to leave.

He's right.

You don't got to go.

I can drive myself.

Uh, yes.

I do have to leave. And I'll tell you why.

It's because Mimi's a fellow employee.

and I know what it's like to be left out.

Let me tell you another thing.

I don't think it's right for nothing to be a part of.

Because people are people and you have to learn to accept them for what they

are.

And they're people.

That's all they should be. That's all they should have to be. That's all

ever going to be. Come on, pal. What are you saving it for?

I think I made my point.

Anybody who stays here ought to be ashamed of themselves.

I thought I'd see the day when Drew left a party with Mimi.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

We're here.

Thanks for ruining my gas mileage, Anvil Butt.

And thanks for leaving the party with me.

Ah, doesn't matter anyway. It wasn't right.

Hey, look, I don't want to get sappy or anything. Get out, pig. It's not a date.