All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s02e09 Mimis Day Parade

Oh, I see you majored in business at
Yale.

Warden MBA, three years of Procter &
Gamble.

You know, I think you are perfect for
the job.

Here's your Santa stomach and your suit.

Might want to wash out the stomach.
Congratulations.

I'll keep this on file in case a CEO
position opens up.

Ho, ho, ho.

I am done.

Yes, yes, yes. Let me guess. They
finally found the hunters who stole your

tusks.

Oh, you think that's funny? The
slaughter of an endangered species?

Were you laughing when Buffalo Bill was
destroying entire herds? It's different

when it's family, isn't it?

Quite neat, chief rubbing thighs.

If you have to know, I'm happy because
for the first time in seven years, I am

done early with all my holiday hiring.

Which means I can have a hassle -free
Thanksgiving.

Hey, did you know that on Thanksgiving
Day, Domino's delivers in only 15

minutes?

Alone for Thanksgiving, huh?

Can't find anybody to watch you eat this
year?

For your information, I have a date.

And just because I'm the kind of guy
that likes to slow down at accidents,

are you doing?

Well, like the rest of the world, I'm
going to be with my family.

We're going to be talking about the
things we're most thankful for.

Last year, mine was, I'm not you.

Drew? Hi, Debbie. Hi.

Who's that?

She fixes the coffee machines.

She's also my Thanksgiving date.

Oh, so this is her.

This is what you left me for.

After I gave you the best six years of
my life.

She's kidding. We never went out. Just
ignore her.

Oh, well, you can't ignore me. If you
could, you wouldn't be knocking on my

every night and begging for it.

Is this true?

Well, of course it's true.

Oh, who am I kidding? Yes, it's all
true.

Come on, honey.

Give Daddy some sugar.

Now I know the last thing a pizza sees.

So, Drew, since it's just going to be
the two of us for Thanksgiving, you

mind if I come over early, watch the
game, do you?

As long as you don't mind me sitting in
front of the TV in my underwear.

Well, one more thing to be thankful for.

We're talking boxers, right?

Oh, for company. Sure. Why not?

Get in.

Pick a name out of the hat.

Jones, you're fired.

Doesn't it bother you that you have to
do that?

Yes. I long for the day when I can do
it. Simply because I want to.

And that day may be coming soon. I've
just thought of a brilliant business

A Winford Loud Earth. Thanksgiving Day
parade.

Wow, a parade.

Cleveland has another Thanksgiving Day
parade in years. That's a great idea.

I want you to organize it. Oh my God,
thank you, sir. I can't wait to get

started. You know, next year we're going
to have the best Thanksgiving Day

parade ever.

No, this year, Caddy.

Yep, next year is going to be great.

I said this year, Caddy. I heard what
you said. I said next year is going to

great because this year is going to
suck.

I can't put together a parade in only
two weeks.

Well, perhaps you should have told me
that before I put out the press release.

You put out a press release? With your
picture.

The entire city of Cleveland is
depending on you, not to mention the

of this store. If this holiday sale
isn't a success, I'll be finding new

firing people.

Look, I don't want anybody else to get
fired, and I love a parade.

But unless the crowds want to see me
walking up and down Euclid Avenue with

thumb up my butt, this ain't gonna
happen.

Save all that for the press conference.

What press conference?

The one you're having in five, four...

Tell Cleveland about your Thanksgiving
Day Parade.

All I can say is, I give it a big thumbs
up.

Yeah, hello.

I know this is short notice, but I'm
calling from Winford Louder, and I need

some giant balloons for a Thanksgiving
Day parade.

Have you got anything available?

Oh, really? A world -famous cartoon
character?

Well, who the hell is Tommy the Rabbit?

Well, what else you got?

Uh -huh.

A cow and a big spark plug.

Well, I can put a giant Santa hat on the
spark plug, but what the hell would I

do with a cow?

No thank you. That's where I keep my
thumb.

Coming!

Gotta keep my spirits up. Gotta stay
positive.

I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope this is
death.

Hi, Drew.

I got your mail.

Wow. That's kind of a big step, getting
each other's mail.

Well, an even bigger step. You passed
the no weird catalogs test.

Glad you didn't get Friday's mail.

How's the parade going?

Great. It's really coming together. I
got a cow, a giant spark plug, and Tommy

the Rabbit.

So the parade's going to be really
crappy, huh?

Well, at least I got my permits.

That's the first step in a really
successful parade where the city won't

off the streets, so the floats have to
travel at the minimum speed of 40 miles

an hour.

Well, hey, here's an idea. Instead of a
parade, you can call it a race.

Hey, that's great. Next time we go
bowling, we'll call it exercise.

Hi.

Hi. Hey.

Hi. All right, Drew, I will be right
back. I'm just going to finish spraying

hunk if you love turkey on your car for
the parade.

It's my car. My car's in the shop.

I've got to go.

So, how's the buzzed beer float coming
along? You guys are my last hope.

Great, great.

We had a little accident with the glue
gun.

Well, give it here. I'll show you how it
works. It seems the freezing

weather cuts the drying time down from
20 minutes to pretty much when you touch

it. Yeah.

If I had known that, I wouldn't have
tried to scratch my back on the garage

wall. Look at this.

We're doing the best we can, but we're
trying to build a float on Moses' van.

Can't we get flatbed trucks like a
normal parade? Yeah.

Trucks? Yeah. I got tons of trucks, but
see, I keep them in a giant airplane

hangar because I'm jacked!

Hey.

Hey, did you get the Ohio State Marching
Band?

No, they're booked.

How about the Shriners?

I love when they drive those cute little
cars.

Oh, yeah? Aren't those great?

Couldn't get them.

Look, I appreciate all the stuff you
guys are trying to do for me, but let's

face it, I'm screwed.

This isn't going to be a parade. It's
going to be a 40 -mile -an -hour piece

crap.

Well, the goodness news is, by the time
people realize that they hate it, it'll

be in Akron.

Oh, that Debbie is so polite.

Come on in, sunshine.

Where it is, your parade's marching down
Suck Street.

Let me tell you something. This parade
may be starting out on Suck Street, but

with a little elbow grease and
determination, we're going to push it up

Hill and let it roll down Could Have
Been Worse Boulevard.

I got them. And I can make your permit
problems disappear.

Ow.

My dad's got his own trucking business.

Does a lot of work for the city.

Oh, a teamster baby. Who would have
guessed?

Wait a minute.

You're not doing this out of the
kindness of your heart. What do you

Not much. Just one little thing.

Let me guess.

You want me to put on a giant diaper and
go as Baby New Year's at the office

Christmas party?

All right.

And I want something else. I want to be
the Snow Queen.

Barry, the Snow Queen.

In the parade, moron. I want to be the
Snow Queen at the head of the parade on

the main...

Question mark.

Drew,

if you had trucks, you could have people
build real floats.

People that know how to use glue guns.

All hail the Snow Queen.

Fairytale? I got a parade.

Hey, you want to know the best part?

Snow Queen just slipped on the ice and
fell on her royal ass.

I want to thank everybody for getting up
for the break of dawn and helping out

on their Thanksgiving holiday.

The floats look great.

Also, I'm not saying I approve of the
legalized marijuana float, but if you

are going to finish it, you've got like
an hour.

They're still at breakfast.

Okay, then. Well, let's just get out
there and give Cleveland and Whitford

Louder the best damn parade.

Let's just try not to embarrass
ourselves, okay?

You've done brilliantly, Kerry.

You may have saved the jobs of hundreds
of employees.

All you need now is Grand Marshal
Squiggy. Hello.

Oh, my God. You're Squiggy. Well, no.
Swiggy is just a character I portray. My

real name is David L. Lander, and I want
you to know I really don't want to be

here. Of course you do.

Of course you do. Mr. Lander was kind
enough to volunteer. I didn't volunteer

for anything. I'm on a three -hour
layover, and you promised you'd take me

the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is
the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is

our Buddy Holly display.

Listen, Kerry, I have no idea who he is,
but people at the airport seem to be

excited about him.

Look, he's really great, but I promised
Mimi she'd be on the head float. She got

all the trucks for us.

It's like this, Kelly.

With Squiggy Lander, we get television
coverage. With Mimi, we get thousands of

people twiddling with the color on their
TV sets.

Now, do it.

Yes, sir.

Now, Lander, what was that funny thing
you used to always say on your TV show?

You think I should call the airport?

Yes, that's it.

I've told the compliments. Just show me
to my float.

Mimi, you look great.

Okay, what's wrong?

Why did I just walk past Squiggy?

Mr. Wick made him the Grand Marshal. I'm
really sorry.

Why? I'd love to ride on a float with a
TV star.

You don't understand.

You can't be on the head float. How
about another float? How about the

sausage?

No.

and this dress was designed to match the
throne.

Look, I don't have time to stand here
and argue with you. I have 30 other

to worry about.

I'll tell you what to worry about. You
should worry about the Snow Queen and

five ladies in waiting.

Well, I guess it's time for me to count
my blessings.

Okay, I'm done.

You should see it out there, Drew. It
may be smaller than the other floats,

our turkey van roars.

The only problem is every time we park
it, people keep picking at it.

doing here you're supposed to be
downstairs inflating the giant yam why

maybe took all the keys to the truck
said the parade is off blamed you and

taught my daughters a new word oh my god
where'd she go i don't know when that

outfit comes at you just get out of the
way oh i thought you might be interested

the uh tommy the rabbit balloon has a
working genitalia so

there weren't any cabs huh

the airport. I couldn't wait an hour and
a half to get to Mimi's.

Couldn't wait an hour and a half, huh?

No, when all the other cars were blocked
in by floats.

All the other cars were blocked in, huh?

Now, what are you doing?

Trying to keep my face moving before it
freezes.

Is there some way we can get in the van?

No. If there was, we could get Lewis
out. I can't believe you built a float

right over the doors.

Gobbler, this is Jebless. Come in.

What do you want, Oswald?

Can't you move this bird any faster?
We're freezing up here.

No, I can't. The heater's stuck on and
I've got sweat in my eyes.

What are we going to do when we get to
Mimi's?

We're going to ask her for the keys
back.

And she doesn't give them to us. Mr.
Wick gave me permission to fire her.

So either way, there's going to be a
parade.

Hey, look, there's the teen center.
They'll get a kick out of this float.

kids.

Hey, Louis, honk the horn.

soaking warm water, I could lose my
hand.

Well, there goes your love life.

Oswald will just have to warm his hands
on your autographed picture of Antonio

Banderas. Give me that.

I'm getting drood germs on it.

It doesn't turn into a pig now.

You're not getting the keys.

Something wrong, kitten?

wonderful Drew Carey, Mimi's friend from
the store.

Somehow I knew they'd be drunk.

So from everything that my little girl
tells me at the store, they're grooming

you two for bigger things.

Did you know that my little princess was
third in her class at finishing school?

I would have bet on her to place.

Oh, so here he is.

Don't tell me you're...

Mimi's mom.

Yes. And you'll have to excuse me
because I barely had time to put my face

You got somebody's face on.

Oh, I see you've met our other daughter,
Gigi.

You want to see my glass...

lewis has a gun on their uh... fine uh
-oh uh... that's our code for big

look i'd love to stay and see what's
behind the next

curtain i have a little business to take
care of and then i have to go all

please please we want to tell you how
we're thrilled about meaning being on

head float great you know we can't
believe our little girls actually going

on t .v.

about this.

Yeah, I'm sure she told you about the
first time she was supposed to be Snow

Queen. Yeah, look, I really gotta go.
You know, she was in junior high, and

had promised her the part, then they
went and gave it to the principal.

You'll have to excuse me, I don't
normally cry.

Yes, you do, but it's alright.

Look, there must be some
misunderstanding here, because this

Mimi that you could... Hey, is that a
mouse?

Where?

leave us alone for a couple minutes? Oh,
sure, kitten.

Now, you two behave out here, huh? No
hanky -panky.

There might be some uppy -chucky, but
there won't be any hanky -panky.

I can't believe you didn't tell them. I
couldn't. You saw them. They lived

through me. This would crush them.

I'm just going to hang around for a
couple minutes and then pretend I'm

the parade.

What happens when they turn on the TV
and you're not there?

That's why I came home and broke the TV,
moron. What do you think? I'm as stupid

as you look?

Look, I don't want to hurt your parents
either, but I don't have any choice.

Now, give me the keys.

No way!

Well, fine. We'll just go downtown, tell
David Lander to get back on the plane.

We probably won't get any TV coverage.

Winfrey Lowder will go out of business.
Hundreds of people will lose their jobs.

Also, spoiled little Mimi can be the
Snow Queen.

Okay, let's go.

No!

Look, Mimi, I didn't want to come down
to this, but Mr. Wick told me that if

didn't give me the keys, you're fired.

All right.

Here's your stupid keys.

luck in the parade.

Oh, hi Grandpa.

Mimi, I just want you to know that even
though this may be my last

Thanksgiving, seeing you as Snow Queen
on TV

will make it my best ever.

Everyone, I have something to say.

What is it, dear?

Talk fast.

I'm not going to be on the head float,
so I won't be on TV.

What? Oh, no.

That's right.

She won't be on TV unless we leave right
away.

What? Yeah, the parade starts any
minute.

What's a parade without a snow queen?
Well, then go on. Get out of here. Good

luck, honey. Hey, she's on TV.

Hey,

thanks, pig.

I mean, Drew.

It's just good to be out of your
apartment.

I'll meet you down at the truck.

Well?

bakery float.

Hey, look, Mimi's on TV.

Maybe I better adjust the color. No,
that's fine.

God, something's happening to one of the
balloons.

Good Lord, the giant cow balloon is
broken loose.

What about the bakery float?

Is the bakery float okay?

Oh, no, it looks like it's going to hit
the power lines.

They'll never make it over the store to
the power lines. Those things are too

heavy. It'll never happen.

to sit on.