Original subtitles

Hey, Drew. Hey.

Take a look at this. What's that?

It's a tattoo. Really scary skeleton riding a motorcycle.

What was your scare to motorcycles?

I'm scared of tattoos, too. That's why I drew it on.

What'd you do that for?

Everyone's doing it. I wanted to look, you know, hip.

Oh, man, you go crazy trying to keep up with all that stuff. I mean, what is

hip? Let me tell you something.

We'll be right back.

What is hip? Come and tell me if you think you know.

What is hip?

You're really hip. How can a hip go?

You and a hip trip.

Maybe hip is a hip.

What's hip?

What is hip? Tell me, tell me. You think you know.

What is hip? You feel really hip. The past and the years before.

You want a hip strip.

Maybe hip with a hip.

What is hip?

Oh, it's the Warsaw's first annual Latin music night.

I just had the biggest plate of Polish sausage, black beans, and guacamole.

And the fuse is lit.

Hey, I thought it was Latin night, not pig Latin night.

Hi, Mimi.

Always wondered what made the bulls run.

Dios mio.

Yo soy palaca, pero mi lengua es español.

Usted es una diosa.

Todas las otras mujeres aquí son aperitivos.

Pero usted es el banquete.

Vamos.

Hey, after the dance, does he give you your ear?

Luis,

you got the guts to show Drew some of our new moves?

Yeah, how's that dance class coming along?

Oh, it's working out great. You know, I took the class to meet new people. How

many people have I met, Kate? Hey, you know, it's your fault. You're scaring

them away.

You don't go up to a woman and say, hey, grab your socks, we're going to doggy

dance.

Hi, guys.

That's what's coming out of the chimney. I don't want to know what's in the

furnace.

Listen, I'm starved. Now that Bonnie's here, let's go get some decent food.

Oh, thanks, but we're just going to have a... quick beer here and probably go

back to Drew's place.

You know, we always go back to my place.

Let's just go to a real fancy restaurant.

You know, someplace we can get out of our car to eat.

she sees me dance, she'll be mine.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

Look, I appreciate you worrying about me spending my money and everything, but

I'm not broke.

I know that.

I'm just a low -maintenance gal.

Give me a spork and a wet nap and I'm happy.

Hey, let's pick a song. It's our song.

I mean, we've been dating two weeks. I think it's time we get one.

How about Everlasting Love?

Everlasting Love?

Gee, I don't know. It's a lot of pressure.

Oh, hey, how about the streak?

There's a whole side of Ray Stevens on us here. Oh, yeah, we're in some great

little corner of heaven, aren't we?

You know what? You can't just pick a song. It's got to be music that's

during a special moment.

Well, you know, maybe this could be a special moment.

I was thinking maybe we could just, you know, see each other.

You mean not date anybody else?

Yeah. I promise I won't get rejected by any other women while I'm seeing you.

This is a big step, Drew.

Yeah, but the last two weeks have been so great. You know, whenever you're not

around, I see your face. It just makes me smile.

Hey, this damn machine ain't my quarter. Open up, you piece of crap.

See? Now I'll never be able to hear that without thinking about you.

After you're done with the beer, you just hang it on the tree. That's a great

idea. I know.

I can just picture Christmas morning, the kids running downstairs, their eyes

all aglow.

Oh, look how beautiful the tree looks with all those bottles. And look what's

under the tree. It's Daddy.

Hey, guys. Hey. Hey. I brought these back from the Warsaw. The rest of them

out in the yard. Great.

Check this out.

Oh, yeah. Oswald, Wonder Woman called. She wants her belt back.

Actually, I won the first Global Parcel intramural boxing title. Hey!

Wait a second. Since when do delivery guys box?

Well, we got a lot of ex -poster workers down at Global.

There's been a lot of tension, so they started the Gloves Not Guns program.

Hey, who'd you fight for the championship?

Joe Special Delivery Lupo.

Careful, do not bend Oswald.

Joe's going to be here any minute. He's such a good loser, he's taking me out to

a victory dinner.

If he's a really good sport, he'd take out your manager, too.

Who's my manager? Me.

So,

Drew, what did you and Bonnie end up doing last night?

Oh, we had fast food again, and I went back to my place.

Now even the drive -thru guys are starting to recognize us. You know how

embarrassing it is when a 14 -year -old kid in a paper hat calls you a cheap

bastard?

Well, if she's going to make that big a deal about it, surprise me. or don't

give her a chance to say no. Hey, how about you make her a special dinner? I

know a meatloaf you can make with two Big Macs and a bottle of ketchup.

Yeah, if you mow the lawn, you could have a nice salad with that.

Hey, you know, dinner's a great idea. I could go all out. The most expensive

food, romantic music, tuxedo, a can of wine.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, I can get you a specimen cart from Drug Co. to keep the food

warm. Yeah, you can heat six dishes and restrain a monkey if you have to.

Hey, Oswald. Hey, Joe, everybody. This is Joe Lupo. Hey.

Hey. Watch out. Come on. Come on. Hey.

Hey.

What's up?

You ready to go, champ?

I got reservations at Sammy's, and then afterwards we're seeing Space Jam. Wow,

cool. All right. Oh, then I guess we're not seeing that together.

Oh, I'm sorry, Lewis.

I'll tell you what. I'll see it again with you, buddy. How about that?

Okay. You're right.

Very clingy. Yeah.

Okay.

You guys doing anything?

No, why?

Could you take me to the hospital? Because I'm waving at you right now and

just ain't happening.

special night and it's my what's this

this is my husband

steve my husband and this is this is the caterer the caterer yes

he's come to serve us dinner surprise yeah surprise here's another surprise

caterer drinks

Much of his own cooking, huh?

Yeah.

How about some champagne?

Oh, look.

Somebody made me a note in the shape of a heart.

I'll read that for you. It's all part of the service. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It says here, Roses are red, and here's tonight's feature.

Please be my schoolgirl, and I'll be your...

Shoes teach.

I don't know how this exclusive dating thing works with you, but it usually

means no husbands.

Drew, I tried to tell you, but I never got on the right time.

Oh, really?

Well, here's a little guy.

Nice to meet you, right time.

Would you like to go back to my place, right?

Actually, we've been dating for weeks.

Actually, you're all set up, so I'm just... Hey, wait a minute. How much do

have to pay you to get you to stay and, uh... make breakfast?

I'll tell you what. I'll turn on the gas, but I won't guarantee I'll cook

anything.

Honey, I can set it up. Let him go.

All right. Thanks, pal.

Oh, and, uh... Here's the ten I promised you.

What?

Look, Jeff, a special dessert.

It's another little glass dish marked Test Group A.

Hey,

Jerry, you ready for lunch?

No, I haven't eaten all day.

Bonnie's married.

She met someone last night?

No, she's been married this whole time.

I can't believe I was actually starting to fall for her.

I don't believe it. She's married and she never told you?

That's a sin.

One of the bad ones.

All this time, I've been the other man.

You're the other man?

Who's she married to? The elephant man?

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Drew's dating a married woman.

Bonnie married?

Wow. Drew, you big dope. There must have been some clues.

Yeah. He knows that I'm low on cash, so he takes me out to dinner. He takes me

to the movies.

He buys me nice things.

But don't get off the subject. We're talking about how oblivious Drew is.

Are we all agreed

on this?

You're dating him.

What?

Oswald, he's dressing you. You're dating him.

shirt cost well it was pretty expensive but joe said oh my god i'm dating a guy

oh my god we're

supposed to go camping this weekend i'm guessing special delivery

joe is a package for you

Why not?

Because I'm not gay.

What are you talking about? We've been going out for a week.

You've been going out. I've just been getting gifts.

I don't believe this. You sent me all those signals.

No, I never sent you any signals.

You asked me out to coffee. You wrote me notes.

You were chatty.

I love to gossip over coffee. I got it from my mom, okay?

I think I'll let you win that boxing match.

What?

Oh, come on, Oswald. You're slow as an ox.

I threw the fight.

Why?

I just couldn't hit that pretty face.

Aw.

Hey!

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on.

That's a misunderstanding.

So we're still friends?

Are we still going camping? No!

Listen, I know this is kind of a heavy question, but I didn't have anyone else

to call.

Is it still adultery if one of the people doesn't know?

Uh -huh.

In the eyes of God.

Uh -huh.

Oh, man, thanks. I feel so much better.

So, hey, let's make that a large pepperoni and some of that cheesy bread.

time i was just about to take the wife and kids out for a picnic i feel

about this well you should because according to antonio's pizzeria you're

to hell look my marriage was a mess and you and i were having such a good time i

can't date a married woman and don't try to rationalize it because according to

chicken on the run there's no shades of gray when it comes to morality

Your dinner kind of opened things up so that we could talk.

Well, good.

My little plan worked.

See, I was going to find a beautiful woman, date her for a couple weeks, and

then convince her to get back with her husband. You know why?

Because I'm schmucked.

Just eating and drinking.

That's what I thought.

Yep. Yep.

I just broke up with Bonnie.

Man, I hate breakups.

Me too.

Joe and I just... Ah, you know.

How'd he take it?

It was hard on him.

You know, for a while there, I was on a roll.

I was dating Lisa, and I was dating Bonnie.

I was on a roll too.

Apparently, I was dating three guys at work.

or meet some new women.

Between the two of us, I'll bet by closing time we can have ten numbers and

bet you one of them is going to be real. Oh, right.

Hey, I heard of a new bar over in Lakewood. Yeah?

Yeah, it's supposed to be really great, but you've got to dress like a cowboy.

Hey, listen, I'm waiting for a pizza. Why don't you just go down there and

meet you there. Okay.

He's got to figure this one out for himself.