Original subtitles

Boy, skull mugs, scary signs.

Hey, how come we didn't do a Halloween promotion for Buzz Beer? Halloween's a

crazy pagan holiday.

No beer's classier than that. Remember our slogan, a beer that throws up

Yeah, but we still need a promotion.

Hey, I got it.

We put something spooky in every bottle.

We already do that.

Hey, how about Lewis and I dress up in costumes when we deliver the beer? No,

costumes. It's too professional.

It's like you're going to the bank every Halloween and having to show two forms

of ID to the Riddler.

Drew, you've got to get into the spirit of it, you know? Hey, you know, Drug Co.

said we could wear costumes to work this year. I'm thinking of going as a

burglar. You're the night janitor. The only other guy there is an armed

guard.

Why don't you gain some weight and go as a mop?

Why don't you lose some weight and go as Earth?

I'm not fat.

Then I'm not skinny.

Okay.

All right.

Can I have some more chili cheese fries? You want some? No, that cracker filled

me up.

Hi, guys. Hey.

Did you notice the way I just walked in here?

I thought we weren't supposed to watch you walk anymore after our little talk.

still stands.

What I meant was, I'm over this, I need a man to fill complete thing.

For the first time, I walked into the Warsaw without scoping the room.

That's good news.

Kate, I'm really happy for you, but you didn't scope the room because it's

always the same people in here. We know everybody.

Look, turn me down, turn me down, turn me down, turn me down, turn me down.

Gay, turn me down.

Oh, wait a minute.

Gay, gay.

all gay just because they wouldn't go out with you yes they are they wouldn't

out with us either you know that

is a point we're not meeting anybody new here maybe it's time we ought to try a

new bar but why bother i mean i enjoy talking to you guys way more than some

handsome stranger who just sat down over there in the corner hello new blood

I don't look unattainable, do I? No, you look easy.

Thanks.

Excuse me, kitty.

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

Oh, oops. Sorry again.

Hey, you all right?

I'm fine, thank you. I was just a little embarrassed.

Hi, I'm Kate, and these are my strictly platonic friends who might never date.

Drew, Oswald, and Lewis.

You can just call us the eunuchs.

Well, eunuchs.

I should do real well at this bar.

Listen, can I buy you guys a beer?

Hey, we like this guy. Come on.

Gee,

I bet there's a story behind that shirt, the devil.

Yeah, does your dry cleaner mix up your laundry, too? Somebody's swimming here

in the Holy Spirit's boxer shorts.

Actually, my buddy's made this for me. It's just a nickname.

Huh. Devil, huh?

So how do you get a nickname like that?

Oh, just...

So what can I get you guys?

Look at us. What can't you get us?

How about one round of beer? I'm out of work. Things are a little tight right

now.

This waiter's going to take forever. Let me get those beers.

He seems nice enough.

For the devil.

It's just a nickname.

Yeah, nicknames don't mean anything. I remember Drew had lots of them. Turf

Shut up. Four Eyes. Shut up. Lord of the Fries. Shut up.

Fat Masterson. Shut up.

Louis had nicknames, too. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Loser with Turf Top. Shut up. Loser with Lord of the Fries. Shut up. Loser with

Fat Masters. Shut up.

But they call me.

Shut up, Oswald.

Oh, yeah.

Good times.

So don't lose your soul and moon over Parma tonight.

Drew, stop!

There's something wrong with that coffee! Oh my God, what?

It was the last cup and you had it.

Hate you in the morning, hate you in the evening, hate you at suppertime.

Oh, how I hate you, hate you all the time. Here's a message!

to sing to me unless you want a fistful of trouble, jerkwad.

Jeez, you kissed the boss's butt with that mouth?

What? Mr. Rick wants us to wear costumes to work on Halloween? No way, it's the

most idiotic thing I've ever heard in my life.

And then I said, maybe we should think about this. It has some merit.

Very sound thinking.

And then I said, Carrie's a complete horse's ass, and we all had a jolly good

laugh. Ha ha ha ha!

If I may speak to thee, my lordship, I don't think there's anything wrong with

it. In fact, I think it encourages employee camaraderie and goodwill

customers. So a tiny between two buses.

Bite me, bloato.

Stop it, you two.

Anyway, clown face is right, bloato. Now, which have you seen less of, Prince

Albert?

Uh, sir, I'm just afraid that management will lose a certain amount of respect

in costumes.

Really?

Do you respect me any less now, Kenny?

No, sir.

Well, do you respect me any less now, Kenny?

That wouldn't be possible, sir. Well,

back to work, you two. Get on, Burbeck.

Jack, what's up?

It's not due for a break for another half hour. Yeah, I know. I'm here to see

you. Oh, this is all so sudden. It's all right.

No luck finding a job, huh, buddy?

Nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if it's me.

Hey, you'll lose that attitude right now, mister.

You got anything open?

Maybe. At least what we can do is get you on file.

Can I have your full name?

You going to check this out?

Well, I am now.

Okay.

It's the devil.

T -H -E.

Wait a second.

Could you slow down? My pen's out of blood.

See? With a sense of humor like that, you're bound to get something sooner or

later. Okay, full name, real one this time.

That is my real name.

I am the devil.

Oh, look, come on. Let's see your driver's license.

The devil.

Jersey, huh?

and take a better picture. Where's your horns?

You know, you have one bad hair day in the 13th century, all of a sudden you've

got horns.

What were your last jobs?

Well, I've had my hand in this and that.

Used car sales.

The DMV.

fits the darkness right now, but I'm sure to keep my eyes open.

Cool. Listen, I have to show the unemployment office that I'm out

you mind, um, signing this piece of paper?

Oh, the devil wants me to sign something. That always turns out good.

And that, my friends, is why I always end by saying, boys,

what's the name of the game?

Drew's a big jackass?

Is nine ball.

Oh, man.

See, Oswald?

Nobody beats saturated fats.

You want to play another game?

Kate's not here yet.

Geez, I hope she didn't go with that Jack guy.

Does he have a van?

I bet the devil has a really cool van.

He's not the devil, Oswald. He's just some wacko who thinks he's the devil.

Kate, where have you been?

Guys, you would not believe the day I've had. Suddenly, I am the luckiest woman

alive. Uh -oh. I'm buying Jack lunch, right?

They forget to give us a receipt? I get it free.

The devil, you say.

Ben, you know how bad I wanted the apartment upstairs?

The newlyweds are getting a divorce.

They've been married a week. How lucky is that?

Kate, I think you better sit down.

What's up? Are you okay?

Yeah, we know Jack came by my cubicle today.

Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said you'd help, but he is such a sweet guy.

Yeah, well, he's got a couple of quirks.

Such as?

He thinks he's the devil.

He can be.

No, he's serious. I checked it out.

Today I pulled a TRW report on the devil.

What did it say?

Oh, not much. He's got five credit cards. He pays them all off every month.

He's evil, I tell you. Evil!

Come on, do not... Knock it off. He's just kidding around with you.

No, he's not. This guy's even got his devil name on a check -cashing card at

pick -and -pay.

Good morning, Mr. Devil. Paper?

Plastic? Human skin?

Okay, so he's got a dark sense of humor. We all do.

Oswald, remember your little joke when you worked at the Oregon Bank?

Hey, you want some onions with that liver?

I didn't even make the lunch hour on that job.

Look, I'm serious, Kate. This guy's nuts.

Look, at least talk to him tomorrow, because if you don't...

I will.

Yeah, you know, you've got to take this stuff serious. I mean, we had a guy at

Drug Co. who said he was the president of the company.

Let me just give you a little tip.

Corporate presidents don't spank you and then drive off on a moped.

Happy Halloween, Drew.

Oh, that's scary.

Beyond scary, that's just upsetting.

Bite me, dough girl.

Bloody good, Carrie.

See, now you've joined in and had a bit of fun, everyone won't think you're such

a tight -ass, stick -in -the -mud buffoon, will they?

I didn't know they did, sir.

Why would they, eh? Delightful people carry on.

Hey, Kate.

Great costume.

Thanks.

clothes to work, huh, Drew?

Bite me, bug boy.

I finished that security check on the devil, Drew.

The devil's clean.

So who do you want me to look up next, Drew?

The boogeyman?

Hey, look, it's three guys dressed like Dilbert.

Hey, Jack.

Kate, you look hot.

Hey, Mimi.

Ready to go to lunch?

Uh, wait a second, Kate.

Don't you have something you need to talk to Jack about?

I can't believe you're making me do this.

Jack, would you tell Drew that you're yanking his chain?

He really thinks you believe you're the devil. Oh, man.

This always happens.

Because of the nickname, right?

Yeah, and because I am Satan. Let's go to lunch.

What? Look, I know it takes some getting used to, and I'm sorry I lied, but it's

no big deal. No big deal? I really liked you.

You were the sweetest, most gentle guy I've met in a long time. Now I can't

you because you're in that job.

Sorry, it doesn't work that way. We have a deal.

A deal? When? What kind of deal?

Remember the other day at lunch? You said you'd sell your soul for a

That was just an expression.

I want a milkshake. I want to be president. I want a spot between

ER. It's all the same thing.

It's a contract. You're stuck with me. So what if I don't go along with our

little deal?

What are you going to do? Follow me around and do creepy things?

The devil does not follow.

I am so far ahead of you. Wherever you go, I'll already be there. It's going to

look... Like you're following me.

Ah, great.

You're just another jerk. See?

Wow, that was pretty weird.

Stop it. Stop it!

This is ridiculous.

We're acting like he is the devil. Listen, I've dealt with guys like this

before. If you don't humor him, we're never going to get rid of him. And he

hasn't done anything we can go to the cops about.

Okay, mister.

I'll play along.

In your little devil world, what does it take to get someone out of bondage?

You can exchange them for another soul.

All right, take hers.

Oh, man, it's bad enough down there as it is.

I read somewhere where you're a betting man.

Why don't you and I play a little game of nine ball for Kate's soul?

Ah, now that's interesting.

If I lose, I give up Kate's soul. What if I win?

Oh, if you win, you can keep me in middle management for the rest of my

I've got news for you. No!

If I lose, you can have Kate's soul, my soul, and I'll even throw in the soul of

that temp we just hired.

It's a deal.

I'll see you tonight. Soon, all your worldly desires will be fulfilled.

Damn, I forgot to validate.

Drew, here's the files that... You wish.

Don't you, pal.

You are going down.

Down. Oh, wait a minute. Up. You're going up.

Are you sure this is a good idea? Shouldn't we just beat the crap out of

run?

We tried that before in third grade with little Timmy Hawkins, remember?

Next thing you know, the devil's mom is calling my mom. I have to mow their lawn

for a month. None of the other kids in hell are allowed to play with me.

You better win, because if you don't, I'm never going to get this guy out of

life. Don't worry, Kate. Nobody beats Drew on his own table. Is there anything

we can do?

Hey, get that garlic out of here. He's not a vampire, Oswald.

Oh, and I suppose the devil's above that sort of thing.

Okay, let's go. Jack, you break.

Make it a good one, because you're going to need it.

Yeah.

The devil went down to Georgia. He was looking for a soul to steal. He was in a

bind. He was way behind. He was willing to make a deal.

When he came across this young man sauntering on a fiddle and playing it

and the devil jumped upon a hickory stump and said, Boy, let me tell you

Okay,

double or nothing.

I'm sure I can find a couple more souls.

Wow, you're going to sell out your friends.

It's fun, isn't it?

So, can I break again?

Hey, go ahead.

Thanks.

Hey, look, there's God.

Stand back and I'll show you how mere mortal cleans the devil's... Fuck. Yeah,

buddy.

Size it up.

Look at that.

You're up.

Hang on, I got an idea, okay?

Say, Jack, did you know that a person pure of heart can steal the devil's

Got your soul.

Thumb, moron.

The devil is no inner child. It's sad, really.

Uh -oh, here we go. I'm going to lose my soul.

Your soul? How about that poor guy at work when ready time tells him his next

assignment is a turtle damnation?

Well, I guess it's up to me to outwit the devil himself.

I'm not touching the devil. I'm not touching the devil. I'm not touching the

devil. I'm not touching the devil. The last guy who did that has to wipe a

mouth for eternity.

Get your shot.

Okay, Kate, we'll do it your way. Lewis, hold him. I'm going to sit on the

devil's head and see how he likes wearing a butt helmet.

This is so stupid.

Jack, what are you trying to prove here? You want to be the devil?

You're the devil. You can be good King Wenceslaus for all I care. I just want

you to leave me alone.

Nope. We have a contract.

Well, a real man wouldn't need a contract.

Excuse me?

What, are you afraid you're not man enough for me without being the devil?

That's ridiculous.

The only way you can get a woman is to steal her soul.

I never thought of it like that.

Kate, if I hadn't been the devil, just Jack, the ordinary guy

you met by accident in a bar, would you have kept going out with me?

Well, sure, if you were really that guy.

Kate.

Yeah?

Who do you think invented the sensitive guy routine?

Kiss me, I'm hurting. All right, that's it.

Oswald, hold my coat. Kate's soul in the corner pocket. The devil's about to

take a virgin bride.

You got my coat. What'd you say?

Corner pocket in the virgin Kate is mine.

Did Kate tell you she was a virgin?

Yeah.

Was I drinking?

Because sometimes I'm a virgin when I'm drunk.

Okay, all right.

Wait a minute. There's some leeway here.

Have you ever... Just a little bit.

Forget it!

I cannot believe you guys.

I met a nicer class of people in Gomorrah.

Coming. Ooh,

scary costumes.

Oh, let's see what we got here.

Oh, chocolate bars. You know, these are bad for your teeth. I'll take these and

I'll give you this can of tuna and this exercise video.

You're welcome. Happy Halloween.

Or what?