All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s02e04 The Bully You Know

What do you mean you don't have it? It
says here beauty supply store.

Well, maybe this will jar your memory.

Excuse me.

I am on the phone doing very important
business, lady. Do you know how hard it

is to get somebody to refill my keg of
dippity -doo?

Oh, great, they hung up. What the hell
do you want, Miss Buttinsky?

Mommy!

Oh, crap.

Mother Wake, why don't you wait in my
office?

If you need to settle your nerves,
there's a little brandy hidden under the

scotch.

That's it, Mimi.

This attitude of yours, this wild
makeup, your outrageous manner of dress.

Oh, you noticed, did you?

Yes, I did.

And I want you to take your lunch hour,
go home, remove all that makeup, change

your clothes, find a new outfit, and
come back here looking like a

I don't think I heard you.

You can't represent me at the front desk
looking the way you do.

Perhaps if we were Winfred Lauder,
Barnum and Bailey.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with my
makeup or my clothes.

You're just used to seeing people who
don't care.

Look around.

These people threw themselves together
in 20 minutes. Stop.

I'd get up at dawn to look this...

Well, that's what scares the moon away.

Hey! Ain't your fight, hedgehog?

That's enough, Mimi.

I'm reassigning you until you're ready
to conform.

Care in?

What's the worst job in the store?

I've already got it, sir.

Care in?

Uh, I guess it would be reorganizing the
archives in the sub -basement.

That's it, then?

Unless you're willing to reconsider?

Come on, Mimi, you don't want to go down
there. You can adjust.

Just cut it down to one coat.

Forget it!

I'm not changing for anybody.

Not gonna break me wick.

I could do time in the hole standing on
my head.

I'm experiencing mixed emotions here,
sir.

Half of me is sad, and the other half
wants to beat the hell out of that half

for being sad.

Moon over, I'm offering my love to me
tonight.

Guide her to Cleveland underneath your
silvery light.

We're going bowling, so don't lose her
in Solon.

Moon over Parma tonight.

Hey, what are you doing behind the bar?

Tim had to run some errands and he
wanted to put someone responsible in

that he could trust.

Go pick a fight so I can pull the gun.

Wait a minute. I've always wanted to do
this.

One buzz beer's coming up. Look, I'm Tom
Cruise.

You're supposed to twirl it, then open
it. Like this way.

That was a 30 -year -old bottle of
scotch anyway.

You lose, you buy.

Not fair. I wasn't wearing my cuff.

What are you guys doing back there?

Oh, two minutes just to watch the bar.

So, what do you have?

I'll have a gin and tonic.

Okay.

What's in that?

We know.

Oh, forget it. I'll have a buzz beer.

Make that two buzz beers.

Okay. Why don't you go down to the end
of the bar?

Come on, I'm right here. Come on, I want
to slide it to you.

All right, but be careful.

Okay, we're on the honor system.

Watch it, pal.

I'm sorry, man. It was an accident.

Yeah, like your face is going to have an
accident with my fist. Hey, whoa, whoa.

It's all right. It's not worth fighting
over. You spilled my beer all over me.

Yeah, well, you know, you were asking
for it, standing there, minding your own

business and all.

Here, let me take my beer.

Hey, thanks, man. Yeah.

Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, it took you
long enough.

Man, Drew, you haven't aged a bit since
high school. You still look like you're

40.

You're bad, bad Simon Tate.

Wow, I didn't recognize you without my
underwear pulled over my head.

Hey, you guys remember Simon Tate?

Hey, you're Lewis.

Yeah, and I'm not sure if I recognize
you. Let me give you a hint.

Help!

Help me!

Oh, God!

Hey, Oswald!

You're Kate, right?

Flaxy, flaxy, you're flat and that's
that.

Congratulations. You got something going
on there now.

Hey, look about that, you know. I was
kind of a jerk in high school, you know.

My parents were breaking up and all, and
I wasn't handling it very well. But

that's just a reason. It's not an
excuse. Look, I wouldn't blame you if

you guys just wanted to take a shot at
me right now.

Lewis, come on. Settle down. That was
ages ago.

Yeah, but I can still taste that urinal
cake.

Yeah, I'm really, really sorry about
that, you know.

If I had any money, I'd buy you all a
beer. Ah, you're poor.

Lewis, you drove over here in an AMC
Matador. Shut up.

Look, there's been a lot of water under
the bridge, so why don't you sit down

and tell us what you've been up to?

Well, I went to California to do a stint
in the Navy.

Came back because my mom took a fall and
it affected her memory.

Actually, I shouldn't even be here
tonight because I'm grounded.

Oh, hey, there's the manager. I've got
to give him my resume.

Man, you know, you learn to use the
computer, you sharpen up your office

and you end up begging to be a busboy.

I hope you get it.

You know, I'm glad I'm going to get a
chance to make things up to you guys,

know? This might sound a little corny,
but by the time I get a few checks, I

might have done good box.

Wow.

Has he changed?

I actually feel sorry for the guy.

Yeah, you know, he saved my neck a
couple minutes ago.

Hard to believe that's the same guy who
made me a nervous wreck for four years.

Four years, Drew?

Yes.

My first day of freshman year, he told
me he was going to kill me on my last

of senior year.

Hey, how'd it go? Hey, it went great.
It's in the bag, man. I can't wait to

Mom.

Hey, listen, before you call her, how's
your typing skills?

Well, 95, 100 words a minute, why?

Well, some of the personnel over went
for louder, and I'm looking to replace

executive secretary.

You interested?

What? Hey, everybody deserves a second
chance.

Hey, I won't lay you down, Drew. I know
all that stuff. I used to be in the

steno pool in the Navy.

Isn't that a girly job?

Drew, Simon doesn't know where to file
these vacation requests. Have you seen

Mimi?

Nobody's seen her for a week.

She's still doing time down in the sub
-basement.

Do you know the number down there?

There's no phone.

You have to use this pneumatic tube.

They put someone down in the bowels of
the store without a phone?

I wouldn't worry about Mimi.

Word is, someone's been killing all the
alligators down there.

I heard that the cheese disappeared from
all the mousetraps.

So no, she has crackers.

Drew, we have a problem.

What's in the bag, Chuck? A head?

Yeah.

Mimi did this to half the mannequins in
the store, and now she's missing.

I think she might be loose in the duct
system.

I hear if she has to, she can live on
drywall.

Don't worry, Drew.

We have a disgruntled employee down
there that's bent on revenge, and she's

dangerously close to the store's
operations room.

Oh, God help us. She found the fuse box.

Hey, boss, you're gonna have to find
somebody to cover for me this afternoon.

I'm going golfing with Wick.

You're going golfing with the boss?

Yeah, I'm the big man on campus again.

Man, this is like in high school. This
is the best job I ever had.

Simon, what's my little bulldog doing
away from the phone?

Oh, Simon.

Brilliant choice to replace Mimi Carey.
It's nice not to be visually assaulted

when I step out of my office.

Hey, hey, Drew, look here.

I just like when we're kids, huh?

I'm just kidding, little buddy. Here you
go.

You might want to watch that, Simon. Pee
-wee's kind of sensitive about his

height. Oh, no, no. I tease him, he
laughs.

Well, this is a place of business. Just
take it easy, okay? Okay, you got it,

boss.

Hey, hey, going somewhere?

I wish to clean up now. Oh, okay.
Where's your dollar?

Please, I wish to clean up now. Oh, you
haven't heard the new rules?

Yeah, Mr. Rick, you need a dollar to get
into his office. Simon, what are you

doing?

Hey, don't look at me. Mr. Rick said he
didn't want all kinds of people going in

and out of his office.

Okay, thanks.

Hope you got a dollar to get out.

Simon, you can't take money from the
cleaning people.

No, I'll give it back to him later. I'm
just having fun.

Well, give it back to him now. I think I
said later, Drew.

I'm trying to have fun. You're not
trying to ruin my fun, are you, Drew?

No, no, no.

Because that would be a mistake.

Yeah, I was just going to say, hey, why
don't we go downstairs and beat the hell

out of that guy with the wandering eye?

Hey, I know the one you're talking
about.

Max,

don't ask any questions. Just put on
your dark glasses and take your break.

Don't stay too late, Drew. There's been
Mimi sightings all over the store.

Get a break. Everyone's going crazy
around here.

Hey, pig.

Welcome to Mimi Soft.

Download this.

How'd she scan that?

So she got into a couple computers. Big
deal.

Heal, Antonio.

It's time for dinner, Antonio.

I hope you're not on a fat -free diet.

Oh,

man.

My own dream, I made a fat -free joke
about myself.

It's true.

It's a dream within a dream. I gotta get
out of here.

Oh, it's not a dream.

Mimi, where are you? Over here.

Where? Here.

Marco. Polo.

Marco.

Polo.

Mimi, I don't want you to sit down
there. Why don't you come back up?

Giving a wick? No way.

I just wish it wasn't so dark down here.

So lonely.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

I can't hear you. Uh -uh, uh -uh. Mimi,
Mimi, you're fading out.

Come closer. I'm so weak.

What is it?

It's okay, Mimi. I can forgive you for
that because I... Ow!

Missed. I stepped on a donut.

I don't want to do that to my worst
enemy, let alone a donut.

Where's all my candy bars?

Simon, are those my candy bars?

Nope.

Come on, Simon. I'm sure those are my
candy bars.

No. But I'll let you watch them while I
go to the junk.

And if anybody touches these candy bars,
heads are going to roll.

I'll show him.

Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch.

Simon? Simon? Oh, good. He's gone.

Mr. Wick, you're here. Good. I need to
talk to you.

No time. He'll be back soon. Oh, wait.
You don't like Simon anymore either?

Good. Because I think it's time for you
to let him go.

I'd love to fire him, but you have to. I
can't. I've got slender wrists.

That's actually the Wick coat of arms.
Two slender wrists against a field of

heather.

Oh, really?

Well, the Kerry coat of arms is a guy
ducking behind a guy with slender

You fire him.

Look, you're the one that recommended
him. Plus, he's made an ungodly mess

the files.

I need Mimi to come back up here and
reorganize everything. I don't care what

she looks like. Just get her back up
here.

Wee -hee!

Look what I found!

Show some spine carry.

Fire him!

You're pretty fast on those slender
ankles.

Okay, Speedy, this is Skipper, Bee,
Shakespeare, Cassette, Guy, and

Guys, this is Drew's dog, Speedy. He's
new in the neighborhood. He's a little

bit different from you, but he can run,
bark, bite, and sniff butt as good as

any of you.

All right, now get out there and play.
Go on out there. Go on.

But stay in the yard. And remember, you
pee on it, you bought it.

Hey, have you guys seen the neighbors?
Everybody's outside looking for their

dogs. Yeah, we left a note with their
cats.

Oh, it's like see Speedy making some new
friends. Look, they're really getting

along. Well, they're really getting
along.

Didn't know Speedy could do that on
wheels.

Yeah, it's kind of like John Boyd and
Jane Fondon coming home.

See why I call him Speedy? Hey,

remember that great idea I had about
hiring Simon?

Uh -oh.

No, it's fine. Everything's working out
great.

Really? No, that's my impression of a
guy who makes good decisions.

Now here's my impression of a guy who's
really upset.

He's a nightmare. I gotta fire him, but
he's nuts. He's right back to where he

was in junior high. Today he made Wilson
call himself a duty head.

Drew, there's like 20 dogs having sex in
your backyard.

I'll get the hose.

Whoa. Never gonna let that dog lick my
face again.

Are you okay?

I heard a rumor that you tried to fire
Simon and he beat the crap out of you.

Actually, that's tomorrow.

Drew, you can do this. You're his boss.

Fire him. No, you don't understand.

He's become that guy we were all scared
of in high school again.

He's not that big, but he's got this
look in his eye that lets you know he's

capable of anything.

There's something wrong with his head.

I always thought he was like hearing
voices or something.

Why don't you guys hear voices and never
hear anything good?

Hey, go track down the president. Tell
him what a great job he's doing.

Fly him to the top of the watchtower and
just enjoy the view.

Who made the salad?

Bonjour, Guy.

All bark.

Deep down, all bullies are really
cowards.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can take him. Yeah.

He's a scrawny loser who couldn't get a
job until you helped him out. Drew,

you're a wrecking machine.

Ask any buffet line.

That's right.

Do to him what you did to the sizzler at
Easter brunch.

Yeah. And I ate on the way over there.

More fan mail from the Phantom?

Yeah.

Greetings from Empress Mimi of the
Underworld.

From now on, your surface laws no longer
apply to me.

P .S. I have found access to the
cafeteria.

Operation Dessert Storm begins at noon
tomorrow.

Oh, man, I sure am glad Wick didn't ask
me to go down there and get her.

Just remember, don't shoot till you see
the yellows, blues, and aquamarines of

her eyes.

Oops, missed the spot.

Missed the spot.

In my homeland, I was surgeon.

Simon, we need to have a talk we should
have had a long time ago.

Oh, sure, it'll cost you a dollar.

It's not going to cost me anything. I'm
going to talk, and you're going to

listen.

Okay, look, I'll give you a big chance
here, and you've turned on me. This

just my work. This is my home. These
people aren't my employees. They're my

friends. There's no room for a bully
around here.

It takes a lot of guts for you to say
that, Drew.

Yeah, yeah, I got a lot of guts, and you
know why?

Because you may act tough, but deep down
inside, behind that clenched jaw and

that vein that's starting to throb out
in your head, deep down inside, you are

just an insecure little boy.

didn't break.

Oh my God, I'm in the sub -basement.

Mimi!

Mimi!

What the hell's the matter with you?

It's just been a while since I've seen
you.

Like what you did with your face.

I just stood up to a bully.

Doesn't look like you stood up for very
long.

My friend told me to stand up to him.
That all bullies are cowards.

Let me tell you something. This bully
was no coward.

He beat me. Then he beat me some more.

He was a very, very brave bully.

You idiot.

Like nobody's ever been beat up by a
bully before.

Yeah, but I fired him. And that's the
point. That's why I came down here.

I got good news. You can come back up
amongst the top dwellers.

Go back up there?

No way.

I'm the boss down here.

No jerks breathing down my neck. No
distractions from my work.

Best of all, no pigs undressing me with
their eyes.

Look, this may just be the concussion
talking, but it would really mean a lot

me personally if you would come back up.

I want a 50 % raise.

Ten.

Three extra vacation days so I can go to
Club Med for singles.

Hey, if they let you in, sure.

not enough. What the hell do you want?

I want you to understand how I feel.

You don't know what it's like to be
treated like some kind of leper.

That's where you're wrong, Mimi.

I know what it's like to be humiliated.

Oh, please.

Look, you have to promise you'll never
tell anybody this, but I was in third

grade, and it was Christmas time, and I
had to play a sheep in the school

nativity play because I couldn't fit
into the shepherd costume.

You couldn't fit into a shepherd's
costume? They're robes for God's sake.

Oh, they're terrible.

There's more.

I crawled through the entire play, and
it wasn't until I sat on a bale of hay

that I realized that my bare butt was
exposed.

Now look, you have to promise you won't
tell anybody about this.

Drew, I swear I won't repeat it to
anyone.

Good.

worry, Drew.

It's our little secret.

Oh, by the way, the cafeteria is now
open for lunch.

What? Oh, nothing.

Gotta get some sleep.

Oh, I know it always works.

I'm getting tired.

Can't you stick a pill or something?