All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s01e22 Buzz Beer

I gave you say.

It says all annual reports go directly
to Mr. Bell's office.

And the one you distributed to the
entire store?

All annual reports go directly to Mr.
Bell's office.

But I'm sure it's just a typo, sir.

And the CC?

Okay, so the CC to the big jackass
probably isn't a typo. But I'm telling

buddy, it's a mistake. It was just all a
big mistake.

Do you have any whiteout, sir? I want
some respect around here, and I'll get

if I had to talk every one of you
Malkitans out on your ears.

It was you, wasn't it?

Oh, my God. I sent out a memo about
employees slacking off in the bathroom.

Holy cow.

Oh, is it the one with the picture of
you? It sounded topically correct.

I left it blank.

No, Mr. Bell accidentally threw out a
confidential memo at me. I'm in the

What does it say?

Oh, my God.

Some Dutch company is going to buy the
store.

Why would they want to do that? Business
is lousy.

That's exactly why they do it. These
foreign companies buy up failing

and they tear them down and put up
shopping malls and make millions.

What will happen to us?

You and me personally?

We're going to go through eternity
locked in a death grip like Popeye and

The rest of the store gets laid off.

Crap. This is the best job I ever had.

Well, just don't tell anybody. We don't
want to start a panic yet.

Yeah, you're right.

Did you hear? The Dutch are buying the
store and they're going to close it.

Oh, hey, Kate. You ready for lunch?

Didn't you hear? The store is in Dutch.
They may have to sell it.

What'd she say? She said the yogurt in
the cafeteria is Dutch chocolate.

I don't know, but Starsky and Hutch are
in the cafeteria.

You're kidding. Oh, my God. Does Drew
know? I don't know.

Drew, did you hear? The Dutch are buying
the store, and they're going to close

it. That's old news. Starsky and Hutch
are in the cafeteria. Come on, let's go.

Moon over, bothering my love to me
tonight.

Guide her to England underneath your
silvery light.

We're going bowling, so don't lose her
in soul.

Yes, I know you don't have a head of
personnel. That's what I'm talking

want to be the head of personnel.

So who does your hiring?

The head of personnel.

Let me guess, you don't have one.

Give me the manager.

You know, my first act as the head of
personnel is going to be to fire this

Don't you think you should just fax
these people your resume?

Aw, at least I balanced my desk with
people's resumes.

I mean, I did that, but it's also good
to have some personal contact.

Come on.

Oh, you've been so busy looking for
work, we haven't had much time for

contact. Look, you already have some
good job offers. It's easy for you to be

horny.

No,

not you, sir.

Yeah, I was calling regarding the head
of personnel.

Yes, I know you don't have a head of
personnel.

Wait a second.

You didn't transfer me. You're that same
jerk.

Wait till the Dutch come calling. Then
the wooden shoe's on the other foot.

Lemoners are impeccable, Drew.

I think a Xerox of your ass would be a
nice follow -up.

I have one on file from 82, but my ass
has done so much more since then.

There's nothing on the news about the
big Dutch buyout, Drew. If something

going on, don't you think we'd hear
about it?

I don't know. They're sly ones, the
Dutch.

You ever notice how sometimes they call
their country Holland and then other

times it's the Netherlands?

People like you, my friend.

You know, the Dutch own more of this
country than the Japanese.

But you never hear about it because they
sneak in unnoticed.

In fact, one of us could be Dutch and
you wouldn't even know it.

All right, I confess I'm a Dutchman.

First they buy up our country, then they
ruin my life.

I'd like to tell them a thing or two.
Those gouda -eating, tulip -sucking,

century -dominated clogheads.

Ah!

Where's the job hunting going?

Oh, well, I've been offered several
executive positions, but I can't decide

where I want to work more, the fryer,
the griller, the window.

There just aren't that many sales jobs
in the nicer stores. You know, I have

three ex -salesmen hauling boxes for me
and my moving company right now.

Hmm. Room for one more, Pumpkin Pants?

Let me see your hands.

What, you don't think I'm tough enough?

No. I just want to hold your hand so you
can't hit me when I tell you no.

No, honey, I...

Would you guys calm down? Just because
the Dutch bought the store doesn't mean

they're going to close it.

Yeah, but I've seen it happen too many
times. I don't want to get caught with

pants down.

Nobody wants that, Drew.

I just hauled a bunch of boxes over to
the IX Center. You know, they're having

small business expo there. You guys
should check that out.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Hello?

What? Head of personnel?

That's great.

For what salary?

Oh, that's wonderful. What's the
location?

Moronville. Yeah.

It's pitch blank. And it's the only
place in this crazy world where you can

truly be alone with your thoughts. I
gotta try this.

Why can't you just close the doors on a
porta potty? What's the difference?

What year is it?

Oh my god, Lewis, you aged.

You look so grotesque.

You're only in there a second, you
idiot.

Oh, gee, I forgot to turn the oxygen on
again.

Well, I'm sure sometimes when you were a
kid, you forgot to take your lunch to

school.

Nope. Sometimes I forgot to get dressed,
but I never forgot my lunch.

Well, kids love the idea of lunch in a
helium balloon.

Taking a balloon over there?

Oh, hey, look.

It's the Hindenburger.

I had a Mission Impossible lunchbox. I
always wanted to be the strong man.

Drew, did you bite that balloon?

No, and I was at the allegation.

My favorite was the rocket that shoots
garbage into orbit. Great slogan.

Shoot your crap into space.

Hey, loser.

And friends of the loser who are losers
by association.

Hey, Mimi, what are you doing here? Or
do you qualify as a small business?

I found another memo.

It's only two more weeks before there's
tulips on the desks and prostitutes in

the windows.

Oh, man, I thought I had more time.

Hey, is that cake in that balloon?

What am I going to do here?

Bartender, the usual.

Are you guys interested in starting your
own business or just sucking up my

samples?

Sorry, it's just to break beer.

Yeah, it really is.

So, what do you brew these in these
little tanks here? How much do one of

things cost?

Well, they start you up with those small
barrels back there that cost you about

a hundred bucks.

Boy, brewing your own beer, huh?

Beer, beer, beer.

Hey, we like beer.

Yeah. Everybody likes beer.

Yeah.

You guys think what I'm thinking? Yeah,
let's get as much up this guy as we can

and get the hell out of here.

You know, micro -brewing is a big thing
right now.

I mean, we all drink Great Lakes beer.
That started out in somebody's house.

You know, if we can pull this off, it
can support all of us.

Hey, here's my hundred bucks.

I'm starting a business.

Yeah, well, that's just about covering
your tap.

Those barrels back there just perfected
a flavor of a beer. Now, if you want to

brew beer for profit, you're going to
need one of these big babies.

dollars doesn't sound so bad, you know,
for starting a business.

I mean, if we all pitched in a little
something, I could get a loan on my

Drew, you can't lose that house.

You said it's the only place where you
can go to the bathroom.

Yeah, you worked your whole life to
build up equity in that house. You're

to risk it all for beer?

Look, I'm tired of playing it safe.

If I want to have my own business, I'm
going to take a risk.

I see you found the bell lunch table.

Everyone take a sip and tell me what you
think the flavor is.

I'm gonna lose my house. No, you're not.

Hey. Hey, I've got it.

Tidy beer.

Huh? It's blue, and when you throw up,
it cleans the toilet.

I'm gonna lose my house.

No, you're not. No, Drew, you're not
gonna lose your house. We're all in this

together, and I have a great marketing
idea. Jay's gonna be the spokesmodel. He

is? Yeah. I went to a bunch of bars and
asked the guys if they'd buy beer with a

man on the label. A lot of them weren't
sure, but then I went to one bar.

Oh, the guy said yes.

Hey, baby.

Hey. Hi.

All right, I've got it. Now, I'm not a
marketing genius, but I've come up with

container for our beer.

Now, what is more trustworthy, warm, and
familiar than a milk carton?

Oh, I'm going to lose my house.

They put everything in milk cartons.

Orange juice, candy, pancake batter.

And it's recyclable.

But it's a milk carton.

Little kids can't read.

Hey, can you see me come out and play?
No, I'm sorry, honey. He just had a bowl

of cereal and he's hammered.

Oh, and I suppose you guys came up with
the perfect flavor beer.

Well, we'll just have to see. Now, this
is my last brew and I think it's my best

yet.

bothered to swallow, you would have seen
that there is no aftertaste whatsoever.

Oh.

Hey, the rotten egg taste is gone.

How can you taste anything? You keep
taking a sip of coffee between every sip

beer. Hey, it's late. I'm trying to stay
awake. You know, when they go pretty

well together, it makes the buzz last
longer.

You like that, Drew? I'm not a pork
chop.

No.

Coffee and beer.

Coffee flavored beer.

That's perfect.

Coffee and beer. I got a P just thinking
about it.

We gotta have a name.

Why don't we call it, Drew put his house
on the line so he gets to name the

beer. No.

Or we could call it, Drew Brew.

I want to be sure I can get transferred
to one of their other dumps. Yeah, well,

I don't need that, because I've got
bigger things brewing.

Goodbye, Mimi.

You know, I just want to say that I know
we've teased each other a lot over the

last year, and I truly hope that you
live a long, miserable life.

You know, this possibly being the last
day and all, I probably ought to tell

I left you a few little surprises that
you haven't, you know, triggered yet.

Mimi, there's not a thing...

Well, first off, I've been spitting in
the coffee pot.

That's disgusting.

Other people drink from that coffee pot.

Friendly fire.

Oh, the other thing I've been doing is
I've been threatening the president in

your name.

please thank you actually there's only
one thing I did to you I rest

your hands on the home keys look at the
screen

They faxed over your loan papers. All
you have to do is sign. Are you sure you

want to do this?

Are you kidding?

This is the paper that's going to set me
free.

Stay away from the file cabinet, Kate.

Mimi? No, something she put in there.

Right this way, Mr. Van Houten, sir.

Oh, by the way, I have this keyboard
attached to my hand, so I'll always be

working.

of the humor of that comment by my
translator.

Perhaps I shouldn't have trusted an East
German to polish my zingers.

You know, you have a lot of nerve coming
in here, buying things up and putting

all these people out of work. Actually,
we've decided to keep everyone below

management. Are you below management,
miss?

You bet I am. High five!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You're supposed to high five me.

Yeah.

You're a regular American.

Good. Very, very good.

So you're firing all the management,
huh?

Well, that's fine.

Can you see this paper here, Dutchie?

This paper says I don't need this job
anymore.

I'm going to start my own business. I'm
going to be so successful, I'm going to

buy and sell people like you. You're not
fired.

We're interviewing management and
deciding who we're keeping on a case -by

basis.

mortgage my house on some beer scheme,
and I'm going to need a steady paycheck.

I don't even know if it's going to work.
It's a crazy beer and coffee

concoction. Well, that's not so crazy.

I heard that Heineken is releasing a
whole line of coffee beers.

They should be in the stores shortly.

What? See?

We do have a sense of humor.

The biggest question is, why have you
been in the same job for seven years?

I was taught that if you work hard,
you'll get ahead.

And boy, I've been working hard, but I
can't get anywhere because nobody ever

leaves this place.

Hell, no one even ever dies.

For a bunch of beefy Midwesterners, we
sure hold on a long time.

Then why didn't you leave?

Well, you know, I love this place.

My mom used to take me here when I was a
kid.

You know, if you flush all the toilets
at once, you can get scalding water out

of the drinking fountains.

Oh, this spear thing. Are you really
going through with it?

Yeah, I figure what the hell.

It's about time I tried something crazy.

I respect that.

I always wanted to do something crazy.

But you'll forgive me if I hope you're
not successful.

Because I'd like you to stay with us
here at Winfred Lauder.

You mean I can keep my job?

Oh, thank you, Herr Sir.

Just one.

I see you finally got the keyboard off
your hand.

You're paying for this, idiot.

Yes, I can pay for it. I still have my
job.

So do I, pig.

The Dutch boys just told me they're
keeping me on. I laughed at that stupid

Halen thing.

Well, then if you're not fired, then who
is?

question more stupidly?

Just hold on just one second, because
there's a few things I've written down

say to you in the event of your early
demise.

Really?

What happened, Carrie?

Did the wizard give you some courage?

All right, here we go.

Let's see.

Oh, that's kind of spiteful.

Never met your mother.

A dated Saddam Hussein reference.

You know what?

You just lost a job. It's hard out
there. Good luck.

Thanks, Gary.

I appreciate that.

By the way, you shake hands like a
little ballerina.

The name is Buzz Beer, the one he dunked
donuts in.

It's got that bean.

It's got caffeine.