All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s01e12 Isomers Have Distinct Characteristics

Read them and weep. Oh, man.

Boy, Drew, it's great you're finally
over this management employee, I can't

Lisa thing. I don't want to say
anything, but it was getting kind of

Yeah, I thought so, too.

What about you, Martha? Sure thing,
Fred.

Would you guys stop worrying? Lisa's
here as my friend, not as Drew's secret

girlfriend. Thought I was Drew's secret
girlfriend.

It was an experiment, and it failed.

So let it go.

Everybody ante up.

Oh, Oswald, this isn't strip poker.

I know, I'm just out of money and I'm
betting my sock.

Did you jog today?

Yeah, yeah. Well, here's five bucks.

Okay, what do you say we liven this up?

High card has to tell the weirdest place
they ever had sex.

King of Spades is high. Lewis?

Weirdest place, huh?

I guess I'd have to say Mr. Toad's Wild
Ride.

At Disneyland?

No, that's just what she called it.

Okay, I fold.

Aw, come on, Drew. You've been around.

What's your strangest place?

Oh, come on. There's been so many, I
don't want to brag.

What, are you afraid your friends will
think you have sex?

Shut up. They know I don't. All right,
let me guess. Could it be in your car?

In your bed?

On the pool table tomorrow night?

Oh!

Okay, well, it's a guy win. Everybody
leave.

You're going to sit tomorrow night.

I know, but I've got to call my mom and
tell her the good news.

Moon over Parma, bring my love to me
tonight.

Guide her to the one underneath your
silvery light.

We're going bowling, so don't lose her
in soul.

Moon over Parma.

Here you go, bud. Hey.

So, uh, Oswald, any problems at the job
interview?

I don't think so, but I may have gotten
something backwards. Is it you're

supposed to look him in the eye and
don't scratch your ass?

Come on, I have done this before. I'm
not totally inept.

So how did it go?

Not too good.

You know, you should never ask a woman
if she's pregnant.

So you didn't get the job?

Maybe if I hadn't rubbed her tummy and
said, Hey, you got a linebacker in

Hey, just the people from your store.

Hey, Kate. Oh, hi, Louis. Hi, guys.

Hey, how'd the union meeting go?

It's still going. We're taking a break
to have a few beers.

Oh, yeah? Going to celebrate that big
new contract?

I don't think so. We're headed for a
strike.

A strike?

Well, you're kidding me. You know, Drew,
you may want to leave now.

Why? Because of management?

It has nothing to do with you being
management. I just don't like you.

But I do like you, and I still want you
to leave.

Wait a minute.

Let me be the last voice of sanity you
hear. You can't strike a few weeks

Christmas. You'll shut down the store.

Besides, I hired every dwarf in
Cleveland to ride that little train in

lobby.

Oh, I'm sorry, Drew, but we're just sick
and tired of working our butts off for

low wages while management gets fat.

Maybe management has a slow metabolism.
Did you ever think of that?

Now you're just Mr. Big Shot sitting way
up in your ivory tower.

Ivory tower? It's a cubicle.

I sit in a plastic chair.

You wouldn't even have a job if it
wasn't for me. Hold on a minute.

Look what we're doing, Drew.

I mean, I appreciate that you gave me a
job, but it looks like there's going to

be some rough seas ahead.

So let's agree right now that if this
thing ever makes us forget that we're

friends, we'll take a time out and give
each other a big hug.

Deal?

All right.

Deal.

You know, I'm not against unions. I'm
just sure we can solve this thing

a big, ugly strike.

I used to be a salesperson. I know what
it's like.

I mean, I hired most of you. You're like
my family.

Kate, Larry.

You over there, the guy with the hat,
the woman with the sweater.

If you really want to avoid an ugly
strike, give us a scoop on how much

management's willing to bend.

All right, if it'll help save Christmas
for everybody, I'll spill my guts.

Okay, how much do they have in the
budget for raises?

I don't know.

Do you think we can get more vacation
time?

I don't know.

Can we get more health care benefits?

Don't know.

Let's try this one.

How can you be the assistant director of
personnel and be so completely out of

touch with what's going on in
management?

I don't know what he heard.

Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike!

Boy,

Drew, you're all covered up. Is it cold
out, or did the city pass an ugly

ordinance?

I'm covered up because I was trying to
sneak through the picket line.

I would have made it, too, except
someone pointed me out.

Hey, I didn't say your name.

No, all you said was there's a cause of
all your troubles and there's a pile of

rocks.

Oh, let me add this to your pile. The
first wave of incompetent temp workers

waiting in the lobby.

Lashandra, could you send in the first
temp workers, please?

Lashandra? Lashandra's on strike.

Hello? Who's there?

Hear that, Mimi?

One of the incompetent temp workers
heard the phone ringing and took it upon

himself to answer the phone.

Hi there.

Who's the eager beaver I'm speaking to?

Hello.

Where's that voice coming from?

How come there's so many buttons on this
thing?

Hey, listen to this.

I'll make sure they find their way up
here. I got a pocket full of feed corn.

I bet you got more than a pocket full.

Am I glad accounting isn't on strike? It
is, but I'm married to my job and I do

not cheat.

Laura, I know you and I have had our
problems in the past, but I may need

help on something. You see, I might need
to hire some, how do I put this,

undocumented Canadians to do a little
odd jobs around the store.

Do they have work visas?

Not exactly.

But it's very common. They come down
here to work in exchange for cigarettes

regular bacon.

I'm here for a job.

Hi.

I'm Oswald.

Glad you finally got that worked out.
Yeah.

Oh, okay, everybody.

Glad you're here.

We have openings all over the store, so
who has any special talents?

I can play Swanee River on the
telephone.

And we have a parking attendant. Thank
you.

Okay, go -getters.

You know, Drew, I don't want to take
advantage of our friendship and all,

Can I have a job where I travel?

Okay. But listen, we're setting that up.
How about if I start you out in, um,

cosmetics?

Cosmetics? That's a girl job.

Pay seven bucks an hour. Hey, I'll cut
it off for seven dollars an hour.

Did I just hear you're giving away jobs
in cosmetics?

Yeah, giving away and throwing away are
two different things, Mimi.

Instead of being a coach, I am ready. I
can do this.

Mimi, come on. The cosmetics counter is
right by the front door.

You don't have a choice.

You're up against the wall, and you
needed me.

All right. I'm giving you your chance,
but don't blow it.

Blow it? For your information, I've been
putting on makeup every morning since I

was 12.

Yeah, maybe one night you'll actually
take some off.

You can take my word for it, ma 'am.
It's really good makeup.

It's made in France.

So you're going to buy it or what?

Hmm. Was it tested on animals?

Yes. And they looked fantastic.

Yeah, it's not going to cut it, Oswald.
You have to tease the customer.

You want this makeup?

Can't have it. You want it? Can't have
it. Who's got the makeup? I got the

makeup. You want it? Can't have it.

Somebody's going to lose an eye.

How was your day?

Totally insane.

Everyone hates me except to hire the
people to fill in.

I do all the dirty work while the
bigwigs hide up in their offices.

Hey, look at Kerry down there running
through the picket line. He's quick for

big man.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

It's a little early, isn't it, Kate?

Well, I figured out my budget, and based
on the first week of the strike, I'll

be broke by December 24th, so... Oh,
you're a... Kate, this is so sweet. You

went out and bought us something nice
while you still had the money.

Oh, now I got you crap. I just didn't
want to bring you down Christmas

I'm sure it's not crap. I'm sure they're
great.

Hey, look, shoes.

What a great gift.

Wait a second. These are my shoes.

I know. I polished them for you. Merry
Christmas.

Well, Merry Christmas to you.

I can see myself.

Hey, look, I'm disappointed with my
crappy gift.

No, I love it. Thanks, man. Hey.

many rocks.

Unless they're on top of you.

Wow! It's an egg!

I can't believe it!

I painted it myself, Drew. Oh, you're
kidding. It looks store -bought.

Hey,

since we're opening presents, let's open
the ones you got for us, Drew.

No, those aren't for you. They're for
me.

It's positive reinforcement.

Every time I don't open the
refrigerator, I give myself a gift.

boxes?

Ham.

What's the matter, Fred? You can't top a
rock?

All right, go ahead, but I wish I would
have got you something else.

Hey, I bet it's my watch.

Oh, man.

I cannot believe you got me this
beautiful sweater and I got you an egg.

Well, you know, Kate, it's the thought
that counts. You don't have to make me

feel better, Drew. This isn't an easy
time for either of us.

Yeah, tell me about it. Must be tough
for you standing out in the picket line

the freezing cold.

Although, when you set the delivery
truck on fire, that must have warmed you

a little. Yeah.

How about you trying to replace
everybody?

I mean, that's got to be tough.

Yeah, boy, it's killing me.

I don't know about the rest of the
store, but the cosmetics counter is

specialized. You really have to know
your stuff.

Oh, I don't know.

Hug?

Oswald? You put Oswald in cosmetics?

It's not just me. I'm backing up Mimi.

You put Mimi in cosmetics?

Oh, great. Why don't we just put Ike
Turner in the complaint department?

You're right again.

I'm okay.

I'm all right.

This is not going to end well.

If I started this, I'll gladly give up
the job.

No. No.

That's not your fault. You just need the
work, and Drew's just doing his job.

Unfortunately, Drew's job is to hire
replacement workers to bust up the

so we don't even have enough money to
buy real cheese. I did buy cheese with a

Z. Gee, did I just say that? Hug.

You know, I'm only doing this to keep
the store open and save a job to come

to. I'm doing this to help you, Kate.

can't come too early or too often.

Hug?

Okay,

as if today hasn't been bad enough, I
have another emergency.

There's been a couple no -shows and
entrees, so I'm filling in with Nora.

This is something that's coming back to
haunt me.

So, if you have any questions, call me.
Do not leave the sales area.

Yeah, what

customers. For instance, if somebody
comes up to you and says, hey, Halloween

was over a month ago, you would say...
I'd say, how are you going to answer

phone if it's ringing out of your butt?

And?

And thank you for shopping at Winford
Louder.

Excellent. Now, Oswald, did you
familiarize yourself with all the

Yes. You can ask me anything.

All right.

What's this?

Powdery stuff.

Makeup of some kind.

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, and one last thing.

And you can't repeat this to anyone, but
the company is on the verge of

collapse. I wish I had someone behind
the counter who knew the first thing

what they were talking about, but since
I'm stuck with you guys, well, good

luck. We'll make you proud, bud.

Hi, can I help you to look more lovely?

Is Kate working today?

No, Kate's on strike because she doesn't
care about your beauty needs.

May I help you?

Well, I... I'm looking for an eye shadow
in sort of an aquamarine. Oh, like

this?

No, more rose tint.

Oh, like this? Yes, but darker.

Oh, like this? Yes.

Hazeltine sea breeze number 14, but you
won't find it in stores. I make it at

home. Sorry.

Okay, here's your wonder bra and your
wonder panties.

Have a wonderful day.

Some guy's in for a shock when he turns
on the lights and pours some wine and

everything he's interested in is still
in her underwear.

Hi. We're giving away free makeovers
today. Sit down.

Sit down!

Yes, Mr. Bell. Yeah, yeah. I know
there's only one guy in sporting goods.

It's okay. You'll be fine. There's guns
there.

Yeah, I'm doing the best that I can.
Thank you, sir. Bye.

Excuse me. Can someone help me here?

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Listen, you stay here and guard the
register and try not to look so

to be here.

Yeah, that's better.

Excuse me, I need some help picking out
some lingerie for my wife. We're going

to Tahiti.

That sounds fun.

I'd like something kind of sheer and
clingy. You know, Kelly and I are always

looking for ways to heighten the
anticipation of intercourse.

The primary exports of Tahiti are
vanilla and sugar cane.

Yeah, I like this.

But I'm not sure it'd fit.

Say, you're about my wife's height.
Would you mind holding this in front of

Oh. I suppose there's no harm.

Oh, yeah.

That looks hot.

It does?

Absolutely.

Rough.

Look, there's a strike going on in her
very short hair.

Does this look like your mother's size
or not?

Excuse me, please.

I'll be right there.

Look, it's comfortable.

It breathes.

I think I can even jog in it.

Boy, this day is never going to end.

What is it?

I'm wearing makeup.

You're kidding.

No. You can't see it because it's called
concealer.

Boy, if I see one more pair of woman's
underwear.

I wouldn't worry about it, Drew.

How much longer is this strike thing
going to go on, Drew? It's been three

weeks. I don't know. The teamsters won't
deliver merchandise.

The management's all on the floor.

Right now, the daycare center is just a
big, noisy closet with a lock on it.

I'm sure I could use a beer right now.
Hey, I'm working.

I'll buy.

Hey, Kate, a couple beers over here?

I told you, I'm not a waitress. I'm a
bus girl.

Kate, when did you start working here?

Wait, let me try to remember. Was it
before I got my rent overdue notice or

after my cat left me for a bag lady?

Oh, Brian, I didn't hire you to chat
with your buddies.

If you don't get it in gear and clean
the crap off the tables, you're out of

here. It won't happen again. I'll get on
the tables right away.

That's it.

This has gone on long enough.

Kate, I'm so sorry.

I don't know how I could be on the side
of people that have reduced my friends

to this.

And I'm killing myself trying to keep
the store running with a skeleton crew

just so the company can make a few
bucks.

I'm going on strike.

What? That's right.

Tomorrow morning, I'm on that picket
line.

When you're out there holding that sign
in the slush, I'll be there right next

to you. I don't care if I run out of
money. I don't care if I run out of

am not going back to that office as long
as there's decent people like you

fighting for what they believe in. As
far as I'm concerned, management can

go to hell.

Hey, drink's on me.

Merry Christmas!

Hey, Oswald, what's the outfit?

Well, I got used to having a steady
paycheck, so I spent all day

for another job.

Global Parcel hired me for the Christmas
rush.

This is for you.

Thanks. And this is for you.

And this is for you.

Thanks, Oswald, but these are just to
other people.

Nah, those are all undeliverable, so the
employees get them.

See, you can't tell if that's a three or
a five.

It's a five.

Hey, you want your Christmas present or
not?

Oh, listen, guys, I'm sorry. I have to
ask you to leave. I got so far behind

during the strike, I got paperwork up in
my ears.

Okay.

You want to stay up to clean up? No, but
thanks for the gifts. Hey, you bet.

Merry Christmas.

Thanks. See you later, man. See you
later.

Hey!

Hey! We're out of time.

Drew, what are you doing?

You remember? You and me.

Pool table.

A little strike got in our way, but now
I'm all chalked up.

And I'll break.

Well, you're not serious, right?

But you said... Yeah, but I was joking.

Hey, I would never have come if I
thought this is what you had in mind.

It's a pool table, Drew.

Oh, God.

What did you expect? Me to come over in
something like this? Yeah.

You get the idea, anyway.

It's December.

It's cold as hell out here.

Sure.

Kids

know

any Barry White?