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1
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:06,621
-[tapping]
-[intro music]
2
00:00:06,701 --> 00:00:11,381
Anyone watching, thinking we know fuck all
about knowing fuck all about owt,
3
00:00:11,461 --> 00:00:13,500
needs to watch their back. [cries out]
4
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:16,620
So, you've had your Labour,
reclassifying skunk,
5
00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:18,381
sending prices sky high,
6
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:22,261
literally, literally taking the grass
from its own roots.
7
00:00:22,341 --> 00:00:25,101
And now you've got your con-dem-nation.
8
00:00:25,181 --> 00:00:28,501
Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up.
9
00:00:28,581 --> 00:00:32,341
Have we had
a national fucking stroke or what?
10
00:00:32,421 --> 00:00:36,341
Is revolution a word or was it never?
11
00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:38,741
Anybody watching needs to know
12
00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:42,181
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
13
00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:45,501
Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester
14
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:48,260
and they charge us for water!
15
00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:53,580
I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found,
16
00:00:53,661 --> 00:00:56,781
this green and pleasant land
in ancient times...
17
00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:59,381
Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak!
18
00:00:59,461 --> 00:01:02,661
It's not theirs anymore.
19
00:01:02,741 --> 00:01:05,181
-This is our England now.
-[cheering]
20
00:01:05,981 --> 00:01:07,621
Party!
21
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,140
[intro music]
22
00:01:10,541 --> 00:01:11,901
[intro music fades]
23
00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:18,661
[Kelly] The first throes of love
are all about passion.
24
00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:23,741
Eyes, hands, lips, limbs, kisses,
25
00:01:23,821 --> 00:01:27,661
I love yous and promises
of never-ending devotion.
26
00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:33,021
Burning to memory
every nook and cranny of that face,
27
00:01:33,101 --> 00:01:35,901
that body, drowning in each other,
28
00:01:35,981 --> 00:01:38,140
getting your fill,
getting more than your fill,
29
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:42,420
that thirst you can never really quench,
no matter how much you try.
30
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,621
And fuck knows we try, don't we?
31
00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,101
[Kelly pants]
32
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:49,821
I read in some mag,
in a waiting room years back, that,
33
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,780
if you put a coin in a jar
every time you made love
34
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:55,621
in the first three years
of your relationship,
35
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:58,580
then took one out every time you did it
after three years...
36
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,700
Yeah, yeah!
37
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:04,021
...you'd never ever, ever, ever...
38
00:02:04,101 --> 00:02:05,780
Yeah, yeah!
39
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,261
...be able to empty it.
40
00:02:07,341 --> 00:02:08,461
-[Kelly screams]
-[Shane pants]
41
00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:11,301
-[Marty pants]
-[Shane pants]
42
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:15,421
["Time (The Revelator)"
by Gillian Welch playing]
43
00:02:22,301 --> 00:02:23,980
[music fades out]
44
00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:30,260
Cum again and soon.
45
00:02:30,341 --> 00:02:32,941
Not too soon though, eh, tiger?
46
00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:34,701
Give me some time to recover.
47
00:02:36,461 --> 00:02:37,980
[Kelly growls]
48
00:02:39,181 --> 00:02:40,581
-Dickhead.
-He's tipped you?
49
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,701
He thinks he made me cum.
50
00:02:41,781 --> 00:02:43,820
Screams were almost convincing.
51
00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:45,181
The yelps helped.
52
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:47,181
I had cramp. Came in handy.
53
00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,341
I can spot a fake a mile off.
54
00:02:48,421 --> 00:02:50,820
Well, I guess you've pulled
a few in your time.
55
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:52,301
Didn't need to.
56
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,661
[Lillian] My Brendan were gifted
in the trouser department.
57
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,100
When he stripped off
put me in mind of a tripod.
58
00:02:57,181 --> 00:02:58,260
[door opening]
59
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:03,061
-Any chance of you finishing early?
-We've got a stag do in any minute now.
60
00:03:03,861 --> 00:03:06,820
I'd leave the girls to it but we need
all hands on deck for this one.
61
00:03:06,901 --> 00:03:08,301
Lillian just took a call
62
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,301
and the lads've been chewing Viagra
since they left Burnley.
63
00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:12,980
They won't walk in,
they'll be pole vaulting.
64
00:03:13,061 --> 00:03:14,021
No worries.
65
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:16,661
I'll catch you later then, okay?
66
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,141
He knows that you're lying.
67
00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:23,341
Orgasms aren't the only thing
I'm good at faking.
68
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:24,501
He hasn't got a clue.
69
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,461
-Don't know what's wrong with her lately.
-I do.
70
00:03:34,061 --> 00:03:37,181
-[mumbles] It's too small.
-It'll keep the wind off your back.
71
00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,581
Yeah and give me
twatting frostbite at the front.
72
00:03:41,260 --> 00:03:42,781
[Micky sighs]
73
00:03:42,861 --> 00:03:46,181
-I'll look like a fucking nutter.
-But you are a fucking nutter.
74
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,221
Take no notice.
75
00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:49,420
[Micky] Look, beggars can't be choosers.
76
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:50,820
As soon as you get a few bob rolling in,
77
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:54,301
it's me and you straight down to Primani
for a proper makeover.
78
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:56,980
But until then,
it's our Shane's cast-offs.
79
00:03:57,061 --> 00:03:59,941
-It suits you.
-Yeah, it looks... nice.
80
00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:03,700
-It's pink and it smells of perfume.
-Only real men can wear pink.
81
00:04:03,781 --> 00:04:06,140
-[Micky] And it's aftershave that.
-This is a bird's fluffy jumper.
82
00:04:06,221 --> 00:04:07,221
Angora.
83
00:04:07,901 --> 00:04:10,941
-He's allergic to manmade.
-It's got tit shapes in it.
84
00:04:11,021 --> 00:04:13,301
-Must've been me mam's.
-You need to try it on.
85
00:04:17,461 --> 00:04:19,180
[Marty chuckles nervously]
86
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,021
Ah!
87
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:23,581
You look lovely.
88
00:04:24,701 --> 00:04:26,701
None of it fits! Right?
89
00:04:26,781 --> 00:04:30,141
[Marty] I can't survive much longer
on two pairs of socks, three T-shirts
90
00:04:30,221 --> 00:04:32,141
-and a pair of undies.
-Just one pair?
91
00:04:33,060 --> 00:04:35,101
-Huh-uh.
-I wish I'd known that sooner.
92
00:04:36,381 --> 00:04:38,581
[sighs] I'm only on a tea break.
93
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:40,981
Laters.
94
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,620
Look, just go commando
whilst they wash and dry, hey.
95
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,940
-Ready for action.
-[blurting out] Homo! Sorry.
96
00:04:50,901 --> 00:04:52,341
I can't, I'll chafe.
97
00:04:57,581 --> 00:05:00,421
It was only going go on a bottle
of baby oil and some poppers.
98
00:05:05,981 --> 00:05:07,940
You've been a pal to me, Micky.
99
00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:09,821
And if I were queer,
I'd bum you here and now.
100
00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:11,180
Thanks, Marty.
101
00:05:13,301 --> 00:05:16,021
You're going to make someone
a lovely wife! Partner one day.
102
00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:19,060
But I've got to stand up
on me own two feet.
103
00:05:19,141 --> 00:05:21,940
I need cash, so I'll have to do a job.
104
00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:24,180
Get a job.
105
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:27,901
[hysterical scream]
106
00:05:27,981 --> 00:05:31,341
[Marty] Everybody get down! Shut up.
107
00:05:31,421 --> 00:05:35,821
[Marty] Shut your... This is a fuck up!
Shut the fuck up this is a stick up!
108
00:05:35,901 --> 00:05:37,940
[Marty] Rectal prolapse!
109
00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:39,341
[alarm blaring]
110
00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:41,500
[Marty] Gimme the money, gimme the money!
111
00:05:45,141 --> 00:05:49,261
-[woman] Wicked evil!
-[Marty] Fuck off! Fuck off!
112
00:05:49,341 --> 00:05:50,581
[gunshot]
113
00:05:50,661 --> 00:05:53,701
-[all laughing]
-[Shane] Sit down, wait till you see this.
114
00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:56,380
-It's class!
-Come on, you're in my seat.
115
00:05:58,541 --> 00:06:00,380
[Mimi] Soon have you smiling again, girl!
116
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,981
-[Billy laughs]
-[TV news plays]
117
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:05,701
[Billy and Shane laugh]
118
00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:13,821
-[Mimi] Isn't that the shittest--
-Crappest robber you have ever seen?
119
00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:17,141
-How much did he get away with?
-Enough for some chips and a taxi home!
120
00:06:17,221 --> 00:06:19,620
-[Mimi laughs]
-[Billy] Fucking shame of it!
121
00:06:19,701 --> 00:06:23,461
-[everybody laughing]
-[melancholy music]
122
00:06:24,581 --> 00:06:27,740
[Mimi laughs hysterically]
123
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,861
[laughing continues]
124
00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:33,060
D'you know who that was?
125
00:06:35,141 --> 00:06:35,981
C'mon, you know.
126
00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:39,021
I don't know. So...
127
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,221
-why don't you tell me?
-Marty.
128
00:06:43,301 --> 00:06:45,021
-How'd you know?
-He was wearing my old coat.
129
00:06:45,101 --> 00:06:47,820
Not his style, is it?
Armed robbery, not the coat.
130
00:06:47,901 --> 00:06:50,060
[Shane] I don't know him enough
to know his fucking style is.
131
00:06:50,141 --> 00:06:52,021
What do I know is
it's only a matter of time
132
00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:54,981
before the filth get their shit together
and clock it's him.
133
00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:56,701
-And?
-Arrest him.
134
00:06:58,301 --> 00:07:00,261
-You're not arsed?
-He's a punter, Shane.
135
00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:04,301
Offering a ten-grand reward
for somebody to grass him up.
136
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,101
If he's daft enough
to threaten people with a gun,
137
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:08,781
he deserves grassing up.
138
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,981
It's deposit on a house that,
you know, ten grand.
139
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,500
-Maguires don't grass.
-Hmm.
140
00:07:18,581 --> 00:07:22,060
-Fucking stupid though, weren't it?
-Well, he is fucking stupid.
141
00:07:22,661 --> 00:07:26,141
[screams] Aren't you? I said, aren't you?
142
00:07:26,901 --> 00:07:28,981
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
143
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:32,060
I'm here, skint,
I can't work, I can't sign on.
144
00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:35,421
What, in case the police catch you
for non-payment of maintenance, you mean?
145
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:39,221
As opposed to armed fucking robbery,
you gormless twat!
146
00:07:39,301 --> 00:07:40,861
-I needed money!
-[Kelly] Then ask!
147
00:07:41,781 --> 00:07:45,541
Don't go holding up Post Offices
with fucking guns!
148
00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:49,981
You could've killed someone, some...
poor bastard collecting their pension.
149
00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,940
You could've got killed yourself
and then what would I have done?
150
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:58,981
[Kelly] I mean...
151
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,380
I mean,
how would I have explained that to Sue?
152
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,180
Where'd you get the gun?
153
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:08,141
They're stashed here! It's family stuff,
you know the score, Kel!
154
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,461
You keep him away from guns, you got that?
155
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:12,901
-Guns and fucking matches!
-Sorry!
156
00:08:12,981 --> 00:08:15,021
It could bring a load of trouble and...
157
00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:18,301
[sobs] We've had enough. That... that gun,
158
00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:21,180
could be linked to Shane,
maybe and they'll...
159
00:08:23,421 --> 00:08:26,221
[sad music]
160
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:36,541
[Billy] You're looking lovely.
161
00:08:37,741 --> 00:08:40,460
You do, you look dead nice, like. Nice.
162
00:08:41,661 --> 00:08:44,581
Proper like... glowing, healthily.
163
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:47,741
I was thinking...
164
00:08:47,821 --> 00:08:50,901
-do you want me to make tea tonight?
-What's going on?
165
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,100
Why would anything be going on?
166
00:08:52,181 --> 00:08:54,100
I was married longer
than you've been alive.
167
00:08:54,181 --> 00:08:56,621
And I know
that when a man's buttering you up
168
00:08:56,701 --> 00:09:00,941
with a string of compliments, it usually
means he's about to do one of two things.
169
00:09:01,021 --> 00:09:02,901
Confess or request.
170
00:09:02,980 --> 00:09:04,821
-Which is it?
-Er...
171
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:08,381
Don't lie!
If you've got something to say, say it.
172
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:11,061
-I've just--
-Speak!
173
00:09:11,141 --> 00:09:14,021
Well, now it's out in the open,
who Cilla's dad is,
174
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:18,901
I was thinking if... if we could... well,
you know, when she's Christened,
175
00:09:19,621 --> 00:09:21,021
if we could give her a second name?
176
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:25,021
You know, cos her mam gave her her first
name, her dad can give her her second.
177
00:09:25,621 --> 00:09:27,220
-What were you thinking of?
-Maureen.
178
00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:29,181
-Fuck off.
-What, it's my mam's name.
179
00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:31,541
-She can keep it.
-[Billy scoffs] It's not fair, Mimi.
180
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:36,381
You get to do everything and I just get
shit on by you, Shane, Jamie and Micky.
181
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:39,061
-Okay.
-Always taking the piss out... out of me.
182
00:09:39,141 --> 00:09:40,541
Did you just say okay then?
183
00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,021
On one condition.
184
00:09:46,181 --> 00:09:49,701
That you convert, come over to our side.
185
00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:51,901
You mean support Liverpool?
186
00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:55,581
I mean become a Catholic, you knobhead.
187
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:56,941
Oh! Right. Yeah, yeah.
188
00:10:02,421 --> 00:10:04,781
[tense music]
189
00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:13,100
You've been named, Marty boy.
Armed robber at the Post Office.
190
00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:14,141
[Marty tuts]
191
00:10:14,901 --> 00:10:18,701
Cuddly little Marty
with his funny little ways.
192
00:10:18,781 --> 00:10:21,061
-Wouldn't harm a fly, eh?
-[stammering] Fuck off.
193
00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:24,061
Terrify a gang of pensioners half to death
in a Post Office queue,
194
00:10:24,141 --> 00:10:26,701
yes, but... wouldn't harm a fly.
195
00:10:26,781 --> 00:10:29,340
-Fuck off, Shane.
-Come on, I'm fucking wi' ya.
196
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,621
You know what, I've been doing
a bit of research, mate.
197
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:34,340
All you have to do is type in 'Arson'
198
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:36,781
and 'Fuengerola'...
199
00:10:37,661 --> 00:10:39,741
and it's fucking amazing what pops up.
200
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,340
You know, it's funny you never mentioned
201
00:10:43,421 --> 00:10:46,421
that your wife
and kids died in a house fire.
202
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,581
Anyone'd think you had something
to hide, mate.
203
00:10:49,661 --> 00:10:50,941
[Marty grunts nervously]
204
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,541
Save your breath, Marty,
you're going to need it.
205
00:10:53,621 --> 00:10:55,141
I've just called the filth.
206
00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:58,021
I've told them where you were.
207
00:10:58,740 --> 00:10:59,781
Run.
208
00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:04,340
[Shane] Run!
209
00:11:16,781 --> 00:11:19,100
I've got a few more cast-offs for Marty.
210
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:24,901
I was dr... dragged out of bed last night
211
00:11:24,980 --> 00:11:29,821
by an armed copper with his gun
shoved half-way up me fucking nostril!
212
00:11:29,901 --> 00:11:32,821
-What, family stuff?
-They were asking me where Marty was.
213
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:36,421
I said, "I don't know",
and spent the next...
214
00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:41,541
nine hours
helping the police with their enquiries.
215
00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:44,021
Someone must've grassed.
216
00:11:44,901 --> 00:11:46,261
That'd be me.
217
00:11:48,581 --> 00:11:50,781
And since when
did you develop a conscience?
218
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:54,661
When I found out Marty's wife
and kids died in an arson attack.
219
00:11:55,421 --> 00:11:57,621
Spate of fires across Fuengerola.
220
00:11:59,061 --> 00:12:01,860
Culprit never found.
But you got a fucking nutter out there
221
00:12:01,941 --> 00:12:06,220
that's got a history of that sort of stuff
and, well, one and one is two.
222
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:11,021
-He killed them?
-Yep. Seems that way. [Shane tuts]
223
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,100
I was thinking of a trip into town.
224
00:12:13,181 --> 00:12:16,661
Get you some new gear,
something to eat, eh?
225
00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:20,301
That ten grand you got for grassing
him up burning a hole in your pocket?
226
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:22,621
It were anonymous.
227
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:26,021
I'm booked solid all morning.
228
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,460
-Who wants a fuck at this hour?
-You.
229
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,941
Once upon a time.
230
00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:37,460
The thing is, I don't know anything
about God or religion, Father.
231
00:12:37,541 --> 00:12:38,781
He's C of E.
232
00:12:38,860 --> 00:12:41,460
Is he allowed to change sides, father?
233
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:43,901
We don't really think of it as sides, now,
do we, Mimi?
234
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:45,661
[Mimi chuckles]
235
00:12:45,740 --> 00:12:48,141
It'll be a lot of hard work
on your part, Billy.
236
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,381
You'll have to research
the faith, attend classes.
237
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:53,220
He's not afraid of a bit of hard work.
238
00:12:53,301 --> 00:12:55,941
-It's for my daughter.
-And for you, too.
239
00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:56,941
[chuckles nervously]
240
00:12:57,021 --> 00:13:00,220
Front of the queue at the Pearly Gates
if you're a Catholic, eh, Father?
241
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,701
We'll er... We'll keep it informal
for the time being.
242
00:13:03,781 --> 00:13:04,860
Yeah.
243
00:13:04,941 --> 00:13:08,021
Look forward to getting to know you
as well as I know the rest of the family.
244
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,860
-Lovely seeing you, father.
-And you, Mimi.
245
00:13:10,941 --> 00:13:13,181
-Take care.
-I will.
246
00:13:13,261 --> 00:13:14,821
See ya.
247
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,141
-Micky.
-Father.
248
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,620
[Mimi] Bye now!
249
00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:24,661
-What's he doing here? Has someone died?
-Billy's going to be a Catholic.
250
00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:28,501
What the fuck for? It's shit! Thou shall
not do this, that and the other.
251
00:13:28,581 --> 00:13:30,141
And the guilt...
252
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,460
Takes you about a week
to get over spilling your seed.
253
00:13:32,541 --> 00:13:35,781
-Stay proddy, man, much more fun.
-I'm doing it for Cilla.
254
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,620
You're doing it to get in with me mam.
255
00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:39,340
I'm doing it for my daughter, your sister.
256
00:13:39,421 --> 00:13:42,701
[Micky] She won't thank you.
If I was going to change, I'd go Muslim.
257
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:46,301
Food's better and everything,
and all you've got to do is grow a beard.
258
00:13:46,381 --> 00:13:47,901
You won't even pass the exams,
you, anyway.
259
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:50,501
-Why's that, then?
-Cos you're a thick cunt.
260
00:13:55,421 --> 00:13:57,220
[both grunting]
261
00:13:57,301 --> 00:13:58,340
Mam!
262
00:13:59,021 --> 00:14:02,980
-Mam!
-You, living room, now!
263
00:14:03,061 --> 00:14:06,460
-It wasn't me!
-Don't have me saying it twice!
264
00:14:14,141 --> 00:14:16,541
No matter how hard I try,
265
00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:18,781
your lads are just gonna keep throwing it
back in my face.
266
00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:20,460
Nothing I do'll ever
be good enough for them.
267
00:14:20,541 --> 00:14:22,980
It's a lot for the to take on,
you being here.
268
00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:24,261
[Mimi] Gonna take time.
269
00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:26,340
You can handle this.
270
00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:27,860
You're a tough lad.
271
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:30,381
Made of sterner stuff than they know.
272
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,500
-Aren't you?
-Yeah.
273
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:36,620
Now, these spuds aren't going
to peel themselves, are they?
274
00:14:46,980 --> 00:14:48,340
Shane's here.
275
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,340
I told you. Tell him I'm occupied.
276
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:51,821
I did but he said he'd wait.
277
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:55,301
Look, if you and him's got a problem,
sort it!
278
00:14:55,381 --> 00:14:57,860
Cos punters don't like looking
at a face like a smacked arse.
279
00:14:57,941 --> 00:14:59,261
They can get that at home.
280
00:15:00,261 --> 00:15:01,581
Give me a minute.
281
00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:03,901
Tell him I'm just tidying,
then send him up.
282
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:22,381
The only time I see anything floral
is weddings, funerals
283
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:24,740
and when you're trying
to keep me sweet after a fuck-up.
284
00:15:24,821 --> 00:15:27,301
-By way of an apology?
-A fuck-up.
285
00:15:27,381 --> 00:15:29,541
Yeah. A monumental fuck-up.
286
00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,340
You know, I've been...
287
00:15:32,421 --> 00:15:35,301
I've been that busy,
me mind's been preoccupied
288
00:15:35,381 --> 00:15:37,781
with a million
and one different things,
289
00:15:39,301 --> 00:15:41,821
and I've neglected the one thing
that I value most.
290
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:43,541
I said thing, I don't...
291
00:15:45,181 --> 00:15:46,141
I mean you.
292
00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:47,941
[Shane] And I'm sorry.
293
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,500
I know you've been distracted as well.
294
00:15:55,581 --> 00:15:57,500
-Hang on a minute--
-I don't blame you.
295
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:00,021
I forced you away.
296
00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:10,860
[Kelly sighs heavily]
It takes two to tango... badly.
297
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:15,100
-We are good, us, y'know.
-We used to be.
298
00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:16,661
We still are.
299
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,061
Let's make a bit of time.
300
00:16:24,061 --> 00:16:25,021
Get away from here.
301
00:16:26,661 --> 00:16:28,100
I want to be your husband again.
302
00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:31,620
I love you, Kelly Maguire.
303
00:16:32,661 --> 00:16:34,141
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
304
00:16:36,941 --> 00:16:38,541
-Yeah?
-Yes.
305
00:16:39,261 --> 00:16:40,901
[emotive music]
306
00:16:42,661 --> 00:16:44,380
-Yeah?
-Yes!
307
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:56,740
[women cheering]
308
00:16:56,821 --> 00:16:58,701
[woman] Yeah! Let's go!
309
00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:00,661
He's lovely, isn't he?
310
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,781
Wouldn't think that if you had
to spend as long as me looking at him.
311
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:06,100
I meant Father Craig.
312
00:17:06,741 --> 00:17:07,940
So did I.
313
00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:12,541
Ever since Billy started his conversion
classes, we can't get rid of him.
314
00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:15,701
-...and a Mars Bar.
-[both laugh]
315
00:17:15,781 --> 00:17:18,140
["Personal Jesus"
by Depeche Mode playing]
316
00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:25,140
♪ Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares ♪
317
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,340
[jeering]
318
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:33,461
-[speaking inaudibly]
-♪ Your own personal Jesus ♪
319
00:17:35,101 --> 00:17:39,461
♪ Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there ♪
320
00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:42,061
[cheering]
321
00:17:43,581 --> 00:17:45,541
♪ Reach out and touch faith ♪
322
00:17:51,621 --> 00:17:54,101
-Well, he can convert me any time.
-[Jamie] Oi!
323
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:56,701
-I heard that.
-What?
324
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,940
-What's got you smiling?
-Wouldn't you like to know!
325
00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:06,741
The look of love,
little twinkle in the eye I can detect?
326
00:18:06,821 --> 00:18:09,101
-Come on, give ya brother a hug.
-[Jamie] Fuck off!
327
00:18:10,061 --> 00:18:11,581
Sorted your differences, then?
328
00:18:12,741 --> 00:18:15,420
Never heard it called that before,
but we talked.
329
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:17,781
[Kelly clears her throat]
330
00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:21,180
Toilets. Now!
331
00:18:26,581 --> 00:18:28,741
Look, I'm tired, that's all this is.
332
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:30,501
I'm relieved your marriage
is back on track.
333
00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:32,700
I appreciate the concern,
334
00:18:32,781 --> 00:18:34,781
but we've never been close
and I'm not the sister type.
335
00:18:34,861 --> 00:18:36,301
I just wish I'd had someone to talk to
336
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:38,741
when me and Jamie
were fucking ourselves over.
337
00:18:38,821 --> 00:18:41,781
We've had a rough few months.
Like I said, we've talked and we're okay.
338
00:18:41,861 --> 00:18:43,221
Good, I'm glad.
339
00:18:43,301 --> 00:18:45,061
Cos it'd be all too easy
to get hung up on someone
340
00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:46,781
who might let you down, wouldn't it?
341
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,940
You know, someone who might offer
a bit of excitement short-term.
342
00:18:52,101 --> 00:18:53,141
But long-term?
343
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,621
You wouldn't back him if he was
a horse at the National, would you?
344
00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,741
No, I don't think I would.
345
00:18:59,821 --> 00:19:01,341
Use the men's!
346
00:19:04,861 --> 00:19:08,501
[Karen] Sometimes we can get distracted.
Things can seem a bit mundane.
347
00:19:09,141 --> 00:19:10,940
We think the grass is always greener,
348
00:19:11,021 --> 00:19:13,180
-but before long we've--
-I lost everything.
349
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:16,700
This isn't a bollockin', Kel.
350
00:19:17,301 --> 00:19:20,660
I just don't want you to make
the same mistake I did.
351
00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:21,821
Joe?
352
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:25,341
-There's no bog roll.
-Well, drip dry.
353
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:28,700
Without going into too much detail,
that approach won't have much effect.
354
00:19:28,781 --> 00:19:29,741
[Karen] Fine.
355
00:19:35,101 --> 00:19:38,660
You can talk to me, you know...
when it comes to stuff like this.
356
00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:41,900
You can trust me.
357
00:19:44,021 --> 00:19:48,381
[girls cheering and chatting]
358
00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:57,700
Jamie, usual, double and whatever
those boring bastards are having.
359
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,621
With a cyanide fucking chaser
for each of them.
360
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,501
-You not enjoying it?
-He's everywhere I turn.
361
00:20:03,581 --> 00:20:07,741
Never shuts the fuck up!
God this, God that, God the other.
362
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,621
He's got a bleeding parable
for everything.
363
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:16,101
Can't even wipe your arse without him
turning it into some kind of a lesson.
364
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,741
Hello, Father Craig!
365
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:24,501
[Mimi] Hiya, father. Going already?
366
00:20:24,581 --> 00:20:26,461
Service in the morning, Mimi.
367
00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:29,420
-Billy says you'll be there.
-Not going to miss out, am I?
368
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:34,501
["Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode
playing on stereo]
369
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:36,940
Stop this now.
370
00:20:37,021 --> 00:20:39,660
-Gone! [cheering]
-I just wanted to impress you.
371
00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:44,420
Get rid of that boring bastard,
then I'll be impressed.
372
00:20:44,501 --> 00:20:46,261
[crowd cheering]
373
00:20:49,621 --> 00:20:50,900
Jamie! Over here.
374
00:20:52,261 --> 00:20:54,221
[unintelligible chatter]
375
00:20:57,940 --> 00:20:59,861
She obviously wants something extreme.
376
00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:02,581
Y'know, a declaration of your intentions.
377
00:21:03,301 --> 00:21:05,141
-Reckon?
-Think big, Billy.
378
00:21:05,221 --> 00:21:06,940
It's obviously the way to her heart.
379
00:21:07,021 --> 00:21:09,501
If not her heart,
might get you into her knickers.
380
00:21:11,381 --> 00:21:13,781
[Aidan] What d'you think she'd really,
really like?
381
00:21:13,861 --> 00:21:16,501
What d'you reckon'd make her happy?
Her and the boys?
382
00:21:22,141 --> 00:21:23,301
What's going on?
383
00:21:23,381 --> 00:21:25,700
Well, I just want you to be happy,
that's all.
384
00:21:25,781 --> 00:21:29,101
So... I did something
that'd make you happy.
385
00:21:34,381 --> 00:21:36,781
[mystifying music]
386
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,341
-So you robbed my car?
-Borrowed.
387
00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:47,420
-Then what the fuck did you give him?
-Just a load of ale.
388
00:21:47,501 --> 00:21:49,141
-Bottle of whisky.
-And?
389
00:21:49,221 --> 00:21:51,021
Some pills I found
in Micky's sock drawer.
390
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,581
What? The blue ones?
391
00:21:52,660 --> 00:21:53,940
Orange?
392
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,660
Not the yellow ones.
393
00:21:55,741 --> 00:21:58,940
One of them'd floor all the Happy Mondays!
How many d'you slip him?
394
00:21:59,021 --> 00:22:00,781
-Four.
-[Micky gasps]
395
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:05,581
Well, no wonder he's dead! They're meant
for horses of a nervous disposition!
396
00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:08,021
What in the name of God
did you think you were doing?
397
00:22:08,101 --> 00:22:10,261
You said you'd be impressed
if I got rid of him!
398
00:22:10,341 --> 00:22:12,900
I didn't mean kill him, you thick twat!
399
00:22:12,981 --> 00:22:16,301
I meant out of my line of vision
for a split second!
400
00:22:16,381 --> 00:22:20,221
Out of my range of hearing,
not bleeding dead!
401
00:22:20,301 --> 00:22:22,460
-So, what we gonna do?
-[Mimi sighs scornfully]
402
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:26,460
Pray for forgiveness.
He's killed a priest.
403
00:22:26,541 --> 00:22:29,821
Well, let him fucking pray then.
It's nowt to do with us.
404
00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:32,301
[Billy] I'm going to hell.
And I'm not even Catholic!
405
00:22:32,381 --> 00:22:35,141
And you think God's going to turn
a blind eye to the fact
406
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:39,861
that we're sitting round the table,
discussing how to get shot of the body?
407
00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:42,981
Er, excuse me, I just come up
with a solution to the problem,
408
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:45,781
-which went down like a lead balloon.
-The solution being
409
00:22:45,861 --> 00:22:48,341
that we take him
to your mate's sausage factory?
410
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:49,781
You've never objected before.
411
00:22:49,861 --> 00:22:53,061
I've never turned a priest
into a sausage before!
412
00:22:55,420 --> 00:22:58,940
-We'll be excommunicated.
-We're already excommunicated.
413
00:23:00,381 --> 00:23:02,581
Call your mate.
Make the arrangements.
414
00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:06,301
Hang on!
415
00:23:06,381 --> 00:23:08,021
You're not actually going to go
through with this?
416
00:23:08,101 --> 00:23:11,381
-Have you got a better solution?
-Remarkable.
417
00:23:11,460 --> 00:23:14,021
Just when I thought
you'd never be able to shock me.
418
00:23:16,621 --> 00:23:21,141
OK, if we're going ahead with this,
you need to make yourself scarce.
419
00:23:21,221 --> 00:23:25,341
No way! He got us into this shit,
he's going to help get us out!
420
00:23:25,420 --> 00:23:28,381
They'll get a fair few sausages out
of him, though, won't they? I mean...
421
00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:29,700
He was a big lad, wasn't he?
422
00:23:29,781 --> 00:23:31,660
Fucking arse!
423
00:23:37,420 --> 00:23:38,660
[mobile beeps]
424
00:23:54,261 --> 00:23:55,261
Kelly!
425
00:23:56,221 --> 00:23:57,221
What d'you want?
426
00:23:58,940 --> 00:24:00,061
What?
427
00:24:00,141 --> 00:24:02,741
Played me for a fool, didn't you?
428
00:24:02,821 --> 00:24:04,621
-No.
-Not that I blame you.
429
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:08,460
I am a fucking idiot,
falling for you, your lies.
430
00:24:08,541 --> 00:24:10,261
If you think I lied, why did you come?
431
00:24:11,180 --> 00:24:14,460
To tell you to get out me life,
to keep on running.
432
00:24:14,541 --> 00:24:17,381
Fuck off so far away from me
and never come back!
433
00:24:17,460 --> 00:24:18,581
Sue left me.
434
00:24:20,141 --> 00:24:22,221
She walked out and took the kids.
435
00:24:23,061 --> 00:24:25,101
She wanted stuff
I couldn't give her and...
436
00:24:26,141 --> 00:24:28,061
She found someone who could.
437
00:24:28,141 --> 00:24:29,741
And I begged her.
438
00:24:29,821 --> 00:24:32,981
I begged her to come back,
but she said: "To what?"
439
00:24:35,341 --> 00:24:36,541
To what.
440
00:24:37,581 --> 00:24:39,460
[Marty] I was on me own.
441
00:24:39,541 --> 00:24:42,221
[Marty] And I was getting pissed
most nights cos...
442
00:24:42,301 --> 00:24:44,581
[sighs] And I lost my job because...
443
00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:46,940
I couldn't get out of bed
for the hangovers.
444
00:24:48,741 --> 00:24:50,061
I ended up on the street.
445
00:24:51,261 --> 00:24:53,741
And I was angry with meself,
I was so angry.
446
00:24:54,861 --> 00:24:56,741
I'd lost my wife, my kids.
447
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:58,660
My job, my flat.
448
00:24:59,940 --> 00:25:01,101
So, you set fire to them?
449
00:25:01,180 --> 00:25:05,900
[slow, sad music]
450
00:25:07,861 --> 00:25:08,900
Took a while, but...
451
00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,261
here he is at last, eh?
452
00:25:12,581 --> 00:25:14,981
Will the real Marty Fisher
please stand up.
453
00:25:15,061 --> 00:25:17,900
-[mumbles] Look...
-The lying, murdering Marty Fisher.
454
00:25:17,981 --> 00:25:19,420
-[stammering] No, I...
-Save it.
455
00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:22,660
I thought you were different.
456
00:25:24,101 --> 00:25:25,781
[Kelly laughs]
457
00:25:26,541 --> 00:25:27,981
Fucking cliché alert!
458
00:25:29,741 --> 00:25:31,741
[Kelly] I hope they find you, Marty.
459
00:25:31,821 --> 00:25:35,741
I hope the filth drag you in
and I hope you go down for life.
460
00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:38,900
Sue didn't deserve that.
461
00:25:40,381 --> 00:25:41,420
And your kids.
462
00:25:45,061 --> 00:25:46,621
-[stammering] Kelly--
-Fuck off.
463
00:25:48,061 --> 00:25:49,101
I love you!
464
00:25:51,861 --> 00:25:52,861
And I love Shane.
465
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:57,220
[music intensifies]
466
00:26:03,501 --> 00:26:06,420
[Marty sobs]
467
00:26:10,501 --> 00:26:13,261
[Jamie] Oh, shit!
They're still looking for Marty.
468
00:26:13,341 --> 00:26:15,541
Right, Father Craig's pissed
after an all-night wake.
469
00:26:15,621 --> 00:26:16,981
We're taking him back to church.
470
00:26:17,061 --> 00:26:18,981
[Jamie] Everyone stay calm.
471
00:26:19,061 --> 00:26:22,141
-Can I ask where you're going, lads?
-Just bringing a mate home.
472
00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:23,061
Bit worse for wear.
473
00:26:23,141 --> 00:26:26,741
Hope you sober up for Sunday, father!
Me daughter's christening.
474
00:26:27,581 --> 00:26:29,101
-He's going to puke!
-[Jamie] No!
475
00:26:29,180 --> 00:26:31,341
-Do you want to get out, father?
-No! He's just rat-arsed.
476
00:26:31,420 --> 00:26:32,660
But don't tell the Pope.
477
00:26:33,301 --> 00:26:34,700
D'you want to open
the boot for us, please?
478
00:26:34,781 --> 00:26:36,981
-[Billy sobs and whimpers]
-Shh!
479
00:26:37,061 --> 00:26:39,781
-[sobbing] I can't.
-[Shane] Shut the fuck up!
480
00:26:41,301 --> 00:26:42,261
[boot closing]
481
00:26:42,981 --> 00:26:45,101
-Yeah, that's great, mate.
-Cheers.
482
00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:48,460
-Your other mate looks in a bad way, too.
-He can't handle his booze.
483
00:26:48,541 --> 00:26:50,141
Think it was the punch
what finished him off!
484
00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:51,700
[chuckles] That'll teach him.
485
00:26:52,460 --> 00:26:53,420
Cheers, lads.
486
00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:58,141
See you, father!
487
00:27:02,341 --> 00:27:03,581
Vodka. Double.
488
00:27:04,381 --> 00:27:07,341
And one for yourself, Mimi.
Fuck knows you could do with one.
489
00:27:07,420 --> 00:27:09,581
-[Kelly] What you having?
-Bit early for me.
490
00:27:14,101 --> 00:27:18,900
To the useless, lying, two-faced,
manipulative, deceitful gang
491
00:27:18,981 --> 00:27:21,220
of total bastardry that is men!
492
00:27:21,301 --> 00:27:22,781
Fuck knows I'll drink to that.
493
00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:26,301
Unless it's our Shane
you're talking about?
494
00:27:26,381 --> 00:27:28,861
A punter.
Finally revealed his true colours.
495
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:34,301
Same again please, Mimi.
496
00:27:34,381 --> 00:27:36,581
You're supposed to be at work
in ten minutes.
497
00:27:36,660 --> 00:27:38,541
-Got the barbershop quartet's in.
-Fuck 'em yourself.
498
00:27:38,621 --> 00:27:39,940
Turn the light off,
they'd never know the difference.
499
00:27:40,021 --> 00:27:41,101
Course they would!
500
00:27:41,180 --> 00:27:44,741
This is the male of the species
we're talking about, brains in cocks.
501
00:27:44,821 --> 00:27:47,101
Fuck knows there's not much room
in there for a brain.
502
00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:51,220
Fuck 'em yourself, or better still,
tell 'em to go fuck themselves.
503
00:27:51,301 --> 00:27:53,621
You've had two verbal warnings, Kelly.
504
00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:54,781
Third written.
505
00:27:54,861 --> 00:27:56,821
What? You're going to dismiss me?
506
00:27:57,460 --> 00:27:59,341
Then I take you to a tribunal and--
507
00:27:59,420 --> 00:28:01,900
[chuckles] No, that's right I can't!
508
00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:04,460
On account of how your business is illegal
509
00:28:04,541 --> 00:28:06,700
and you'd end up in t'nick
for being a madam!
510
00:28:06,781 --> 00:28:07,741
Madame!
511
00:28:11,460 --> 00:28:13,220
All you need do sometimes,
512
00:28:13,301 --> 00:28:16,261
is take a step back
to get a good perspective, isn't it?
513
00:28:16,341 --> 00:28:17,940
Where's all this coming from?
514
00:28:18,021 --> 00:28:20,741
From me being let down once too often.
That's where this is coming from, Karen.
515
00:28:20,821 --> 00:28:22,541
-Shane?
-No, we're good.
516
00:28:24,141 --> 00:28:25,021
Yeah?
517
00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:27,940
Yeah.
518
00:28:32,501 --> 00:28:35,700
["Wild'n Cuz I'm Young"
by Kid Cudi playing]
519
00:28:47,581 --> 00:28:48,980
[Jonno] Y'all right, kidda?
520
00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:51,381
-All right, mate?
-Not bad, mate? Yeah, good.
521
00:28:53,021 --> 00:28:54,021
[Jonno] Nice one.
522
00:28:58,541 --> 00:29:00,261
-All right, boys.
-All right, mate.
523
00:29:01,261 --> 00:29:04,541
Right, we need to get him in here, yeah?
And then get him to the processing room.
524
00:29:04,621 --> 00:29:06,460
There's gonna be
a tea break in ten minutes,
525
00:29:06,541 --> 00:29:07,980
so it's gonna be empty.
526
00:29:08,061 --> 00:29:10,381
-And I'll need a hand get him stripped.
-I'll do it.
527
00:29:10,460 --> 00:29:12,341
You wanna bring him over here, Micky?
528
00:29:21,381 --> 00:29:22,621
[Father Craig gasps]
529
00:29:29,381 --> 00:29:30,621
Shit!
530
00:29:36,460 --> 00:29:38,301
[tyres screech]
531
00:29:39,781 --> 00:29:40,621
Mam...
532
00:29:41,541 --> 00:29:43,861
you need to be here, and quick.
533
00:29:48,581 --> 00:29:49,821
[church bell rings]
534
00:30:02,261 --> 00:30:05,061
Hey! You said you'd checked he was dead!
535
00:30:06,141 --> 00:30:07,141
I did!
536
00:30:07,220 --> 00:30:09,301
Well, you obviously
didn't check properly!
537
00:30:22,660 --> 00:30:25,581
[groaning] Fuck!
538
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:30,101
It's a miracle.
539
00:30:30,180 --> 00:30:33,420
I'm telling you, it's a miracle!
Go! Leave the talking to me.
540
00:30:40,261 --> 00:30:46,781
[Mimi] And I prayed and prayed to God
to find a solution and he did.
541
00:30:49,220 --> 00:30:50,460
You okay, father?
542
00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:55,220
I, er... I don't know.
543
00:30:56,781 --> 00:30:59,581
I'm sorry, Mimi, I'm not feeling 100%.
544
00:31:00,420 --> 00:31:01,621
Must've nodded off.
545
00:31:05,660 --> 00:31:07,061
Had the weirdest dream.
546
00:31:10,420 --> 00:31:12,341
And the Lord said to me...
547
00:31:16,940 --> 00:31:21,621
Next time you want to impress me,
try a bunch of roses, a box of chocolates.
548
00:31:21,700 --> 00:31:25,741
We were lucky this time, Billy.
Make sure there isn't a next time, yeah?
549
00:31:25,821 --> 00:31:27,660
You said he was a problem.
I thought you wanted rid.
550
00:31:27,741 --> 00:31:29,141
Why'd she go to you if she did?
551
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:31,501
Cos... cos I'm the father of her child.
552
00:31:31,581 --> 00:31:34,460
-That was a biological accident.
-A happy one!
553
00:31:34,541 --> 00:31:36,980
Yeah, but an accident
none the less, Mum.
554
00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:38,381
Get this straight, Billy.
555
00:31:38,460 --> 00:31:40,980
If there's a problem
within this family that needs solving,
556
00:31:41,061 --> 00:31:43,381
this family'll solve it, you got that?
557
00:31:43,460 --> 00:31:45,381
We don't need you. We don't want ya.
558
00:31:47,541 --> 00:31:49,301
By the way, you've pissed yourself.
559
00:31:50,821 --> 00:31:51,980
[Mimi groans]
560
00:31:59,700 --> 00:32:02,101
That hit the spot. It was lovely, that.
561
00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:04,940
-Thought you'd like it.
-Liked it? I loved it.
562
00:32:05,021 --> 00:32:07,700
[Kelly laughs]
You don't have to overdo it, Shane.
563
00:32:07,781 --> 00:32:08,861
No, it was nice that!
564
00:32:09,940 --> 00:32:11,301
It was chips, bacon and egg.
565
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:13,261
It was great!
566
00:32:14,581 --> 00:32:16,460
-I'll do t'washing up.
-No.
567
00:32:16,541 --> 00:32:19,021
-Come on, I said--
-I know, and I said I'll do it!
568
00:32:20,141 --> 00:32:22,420
-Sorry.
-No, it's me.
569
00:32:22,501 --> 00:32:26,101
-No, I'm probably trying a bit--
-No, don't. It's not you.
570
00:32:26,180 --> 00:32:27,220
This.
571
00:32:27,301 --> 00:32:29,900
It's not... It's not you.
It's me, Shane. Just, em...
572
00:32:31,301 --> 00:32:32,261
[Kelly sighs loudly]
573
00:32:33,621 --> 00:32:34,781
it's just me.
574
00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:40,180
That mean I can go watch
the footy that I recorded?
575
00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:47,021
I love you, Kelly Maguire.
576
00:32:52,141 --> 00:32:53,141
Yeah, you said.
577
00:33:00,220 --> 00:33:01,301
Thank you, Carmel.
578
00:33:20,101 --> 00:33:21,581
[Jamie] Just thought
we'd give you this, father.
579
00:33:21,660 --> 00:33:24,900
Our contribution
to the new roof for the vestry, father.
580
00:33:24,980 --> 00:33:27,101
Ah. That's very kind. Thank you.
581
00:33:27,180 --> 00:33:28,621
So, ten minutes, yeah?
582
00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:33,141
-For?
-[laughing] Nice one.
583
00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:34,740
[Jamie] Making out he's forgot.
584
00:33:34,821 --> 00:33:37,940
-[laughs] You!
-Cilla's christening.
585
00:33:38,021 --> 00:33:39,420
[Jamie] Two o'clock.
586
00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:41,781
You did say two?
587
00:33:41,861 --> 00:33:44,980
'Course I didn't forget.
How could I forget a thing like that?
588
00:33:45,061 --> 00:33:48,220
And Billy is proper excited, yeah.
589
00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:52,261
You know, about getting christened
at the same time as his daughter!
590
00:33:52,341 --> 00:33:54,501
Very kind of you to fast-track him.
591
00:33:54,581 --> 00:33:59,420
He's welling up.
You know, he's so proud.
592
00:33:59,501 --> 00:34:01,821
-I'm going meself.
-I'll just prepare.
593
00:34:03,301 --> 00:34:04,460
[sighs with relief]
594
00:34:06,021 --> 00:34:07,460
[whispers] I'm sorry.
595
00:34:22,501 --> 00:34:25,180
-What the fuck's going on?
-Baptism.
596
00:34:25,260 --> 00:34:28,141
Cilla's. And you're godparents.
597
00:34:29,180 --> 00:34:31,180
-Lovely. When?
-Now.
598
00:34:31,260 --> 00:34:32,260
Nice one.
599
00:34:32,340 --> 00:34:36,021
[Mimi] If I snuff it,
soft arse'd get custody of Cilla.
600
00:34:36,101 --> 00:34:37,660
That's not gonna happen.
601
00:34:38,541 --> 00:34:40,180
Look at him.
602
00:34:40,260 --> 00:34:44,340
He's a lovely lad, but a few bricks short
of a full hod, know what I mean?
603
00:34:44,421 --> 00:34:48,220
-Mimi, I don't actually believe in--
-[Mimi] We've heard it all before, Kelly.
604
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:50,820
You don't believe in God, we know.
605
00:34:50,901 --> 00:34:53,260
Half the congregation'll be
in the same boat.
606
00:34:53,340 --> 00:34:56,220
I just want you to nod
when you're supposed to,
607
00:34:56,300 --> 00:34:58,780
light a candle, renounce the devil,
608
00:34:58,860 --> 00:35:02,261
then get back to the pub
and get pissed with the rest of us.
609
00:35:02,340 --> 00:35:05,300
Got that? Come on, soft lad.
610
00:35:06,221 --> 00:35:07,981
Did that just happen?
611
00:35:08,061 --> 00:35:10,101
-Who does she think she is?
-Oh, geez.
612
00:35:10,181 --> 00:35:13,101
-Come on, Kel, she's always like that.
-Well, she can fuck off!
613
00:35:13,181 --> 00:35:15,221
You know what?
You're always like that, actually.
614
00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:18,181
And you're always like that.
Sitting on the fucking fence.
615
00:35:18,261 --> 00:35:21,221
What's it going to take for you
to back me up, mummy's boy?
616
00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:22,461
[Shane scoffs]
617
00:35:24,340 --> 00:35:27,261
You knew what you were getting into
when you took me on.
618
00:35:30,941 --> 00:35:33,701
[downbeat music]
619
00:35:37,300 --> 00:35:39,421
[woman] Hang on, wait for me!
620
00:35:39,501 --> 00:35:41,181
[mobile rings]
621
00:35:57,381 --> 00:35:59,501
Barbara Castle? In her day.
622
00:35:59,581 --> 00:36:02,381
Edwina Currie? Posh Scouser.
623
00:36:02,461 --> 00:36:04,381
A contradiction in terms.
624
00:36:04,461 --> 00:36:07,541
See, I'd have slotted Thatcher one
in her heyday.
625
00:36:07,621 --> 00:36:10,581
From behind, obviously.
Show her who's boss.
626
00:36:10,661 --> 00:36:14,181
Oh, not for turning? Well,
you fucking will be after this, Maggie.
627
00:36:14,261 --> 00:36:17,780
[grunts] One up the mineshaft
in memory of Scargill.
628
00:36:17,860 --> 00:36:19,101
But Widdecombe?
629
00:36:19,181 --> 00:36:22,901
Wouldn't really be an angle
that would satisfy, would there?
630
00:36:22,981 --> 00:36:27,181
It's not as if you could half close
your eyes, so they're all fuzzy
631
00:36:27,261 --> 00:36:29,661
and convince yourself it's somebody else.
632
00:36:29,741 --> 00:36:32,860
Fucking Churchill'd be
a more attractive proposition.
633
00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:34,901
Miliband's got a pretty face.
634
00:36:36,181 --> 00:36:40,061
I think your mistake was...
going for someone with such a low profile.
635
00:36:40,141 --> 00:36:41,501
-What do you mean?
-A priest?
636
00:36:42,101 --> 00:36:44,221
If you want to impress the Maguires,
aim high.
637
00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:46,421
Take out some gangster
and you'd be quids in.
638
00:36:46,501 --> 00:36:47,461
I'm telling you.
639
00:36:48,741 --> 00:36:51,461
If you want to reach puberty,
keep your trap shut.
640
00:36:52,061 --> 00:36:53,181
Bin. Now.
641
00:36:58,101 --> 00:37:01,461
If I'd wanted a gangster,
I wouldn't have gotten rid of Paddy.
642
00:37:01,541 --> 00:37:03,941
[Mimi] I like you because you're you,
okay?
643
00:37:04,860 --> 00:37:05,820
Just be you.
644
00:37:08,141 --> 00:37:09,501
A toast!
645
00:37:11,461 --> 00:37:14,141
To Cilla Maureen Tutton-Maguire.
646
00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:18,741
-Welcome to the family.
-[everybody] Welcome to the family!
647
00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:20,621
[Mimi] And to Billy Tutton.
648
00:37:20,701 --> 00:37:23,981
-Welcome to the family.
-[everybody] Welcome to the family!
649
00:37:25,101 --> 00:37:27,261
You're one of us, now. [chuckles]
650
00:37:29,421 --> 00:37:31,300
She means Catholic, by the way.
651
00:37:31,380 --> 00:37:32,421
Not one of them.
652
00:37:35,221 --> 00:37:37,021
-[Jamie] For fuck's sake!
-[groaning]
653
00:37:37,701 --> 00:37:40,701
[Cilla cries]
654
00:37:48,541 --> 00:37:51,101
-What the fuck's done that?
-Rats.
655
00:37:51,181 --> 00:37:52,981
Big fucking rat!
656
00:37:53,061 --> 00:37:57,501
-[indistinct chatter]
-[tense music]
657
00:38:15,300 --> 00:38:17,181
[door opening]
658
00:38:17,261 --> 00:38:19,981
Excuse I for queue jumping.
I've got a turtle's head.
659
00:38:20,061 --> 00:38:21,181
They're all occupied and I'm next.
660
00:38:21,261 --> 00:38:23,621
-I'm touching cloth!
-Gents!
661
00:38:27,421 --> 00:38:29,901
-[Marty stutters] I'm...
-Sorry?
662
00:38:30,941 --> 00:38:33,581
Gonna do the decent thing?
Hand yourself in?
663
00:38:33,661 --> 00:38:37,860
Admit you're a fucking scumbag
for killing your wife and kids?
664
00:38:37,941 --> 00:38:39,820
A pathological liar
665
00:38:39,901 --> 00:38:42,300
for leading me on making me believe
we had some kind of future?
666
00:38:42,380 --> 00:38:45,021
-It wasn't supposed to happen this way.
-Too right!
667
00:38:45,820 --> 00:38:47,981
[Kelly] I wasn't supposed
to fall for the nutter
668
00:38:48,061 --> 00:38:51,860
with fuck all to offer
but a criminal record and an empty wallet.
669
00:38:51,941 --> 00:38:56,261
I wanted the white charger
and the shining armour, and I get you!
670
00:38:57,340 --> 00:38:59,701
Fucking you!
671
00:38:59,780 --> 00:39:02,780
[door opening]
Lights will be back on any minute.
672
00:39:02,860 --> 00:39:03,981
Great.
673
00:39:10,021 --> 00:39:13,461
Making sure no-one's fallen over,
broken their neck.
674
00:39:14,780 --> 00:39:16,780
Home soon, eh?
675
00:39:21,981 --> 00:39:24,340
You never asked.
That's what fucking hurt.
676
00:39:24,421 --> 00:39:25,941
After what we'd said.
What we'd done.
677
00:39:26,021 --> 00:39:28,741
What you said you felt.
You never asked. Never!
678
00:39:28,820 --> 00:39:31,621
What did I never ask, eh?
You fucking lunatic!
679
00:39:31,701 --> 00:39:35,300
I wanted to tell you what happened,
but I wanted you to know me first.
680
00:39:35,380 --> 00:39:39,820
-You wanted me to fall for you first!
-I didn't do it.
681
00:39:39,901 --> 00:39:42,061
If you need me to, I can prove it.
682
00:39:43,461 --> 00:39:45,061
I didn't do it, Kel.
683
00:39:46,021 --> 00:39:47,221
I couldn't...
684
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:51,741
[Marty sobs] But even you thought I could.
685
00:39:52,820 --> 00:39:54,421
Even you.
686
00:39:54,501 --> 00:39:58,501
[sobbing]
687
00:40:01,141 --> 00:40:02,461
I'll be at the bus stop.
688
00:40:03,661 --> 00:40:09,581
Corner of Muirfield Avenue
and Lytton Street. Nine o'clock.
689
00:40:11,380 --> 00:40:12,860
I want to start again.
690
00:40:13,581 --> 00:40:14,741
New life...
691
00:40:16,461 --> 00:40:17,541
with someone I love.
692
00:40:18,860 --> 00:40:22,421
Someone... I never thought
I'd have the luck to come across.
693
00:40:23,380 --> 00:40:26,780
It's a lot to think about, I know,
and I would've done it sooner if...
694
00:40:26,860 --> 00:40:28,701
all this hadn't have happened, but...
695
00:40:32,021 --> 00:40:33,061
I love you
696
00:40:33,661 --> 00:40:36,141
and I want you with me.
697
00:40:46,621 --> 00:40:48,061
[Kelly sobs]
698
00:40:52,581 --> 00:40:55,701
-[crowd cheers]
-[Kelly sighs heavily]
699
00:41:00,820 --> 00:41:03,421
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
700
00:41:16,541 --> 00:41:18,661
Well, maybe you'll get one
if you're lucky.
701
00:41:20,261 --> 00:41:24,261
["Take Everything" by Mazzy Star playing]
702
00:41:28,901 --> 00:41:30,661
[Karen] One, two, three, go! Ching!
703
00:41:39,380 --> 00:41:43,661
♪ All of you... ♪
704
00:41:44,340 --> 00:41:48,380
♪ ...all right ♪
705
00:41:53,780 --> 00:41:58,461
♪ Just because... ♪
706
00:41:58,541 --> 00:42:02,340
♪ ...I wanna know ♪
707
00:42:07,661 --> 00:42:14,661
♪ Do you still come last night
With clear eyes peeled ♪
708
00:42:14,741 --> 00:42:20,141
♪ You never got there
even though you say you will ♪
709
00:42:21,461 --> 00:42:27,741
♪ Sorry now that
you've fallen from my eyes ♪
710
00:42:30,661 --> 00:42:34,101
♪ That's the truth ♪
711
00:42:41,860 --> 00:42:42,780
I've not seen ya.
712
00:42:45,541 --> 00:42:49,221
["Take Everything" by Mazzy Star
continues playing]
713
00:43:07,300 --> 00:43:13,941
♪ Why tell me about everything ♪
714
00:43:14,021 --> 00:43:20,741
♪ Why tell me about everything ♪
715
00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:27,221
♪ You're just waiting
for her to come apart ♪
716
00:43:27,300 --> 00:43:31,941
♪ You're just waiting for her ♪
717
00:43:32,021 --> 00:43:33,061
Fuck!
718
00:43:33,141 --> 00:43:36,860
[Kelly] I used to wonder how I'd know
if it was love and not lust.
719
00:43:36,941 --> 00:43:38,380
How you could tell?
720
00:43:38,461 --> 00:43:41,501
Because in the past,
I thought it was there and it wasn't.
721
00:43:41,581 --> 00:43:43,981
It was nice, don't get me wrong, but...
722
00:43:44,061 --> 00:43:45,501
It wasn't what it should've been.
723
00:43:45,581 --> 00:43:48,021
It didn't feel like it should've felt.
724
00:43:49,181 --> 00:43:52,021
If just the thought
of them doesn't warm you,
725
00:43:52,101 --> 00:43:54,501
if being with them
at the end of the day isn't all you need,
726
00:43:54,581 --> 00:43:59,221
if you're not counting the hours
until you see them again,
727
00:43:59,300 --> 00:44:01,421
if you don't keep
their old messages on your phone,
728
00:44:01,501 --> 00:44:03,501
just so you can hear that voice,
729
00:44:03,581 --> 00:44:05,860
then it's not love.
730
00:44:05,941 --> 00:44:11,380
[mobile ringing]
731
00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:51,860
[song fades out]
732
00:44:55,741 --> 00:45:00,141
I need every single one of you
to start pulling in some serious money!
733
00:45:00,221 --> 00:45:01,581
I've got me community service.
734
00:45:01,661 --> 00:45:03,820
[Shane] He's doing drama
and plays and that.
735
00:45:05,221 --> 00:45:06,701
I think there's been a mistake.
736
00:45:06,780 --> 00:45:10,741
[Mimi] Been years since I did a burglary.
It was always a bit of a turn-on for me.
737
00:45:10,820 --> 00:45:13,221
-Oh! You're gay!
-Don't say owt, will you?
738
00:45:14,101 --> 00:45:17,340
-[Micky gasps]
-We won't say a word either.
739
00:45:17,421 --> 00:45:20,380
-You never go bareback.
-It wasn't business, it was Marty.
740
00:45:20,461 --> 00:45:22,501
[Micky] Going to have to do a bit more
than kissing to make him sweet.
741
00:45:22,581 --> 00:45:25,141
[Micky] Aren't ya, eh?
You know what I mean. [gagging sound]
742
00:45:25,221 --> 00:45:28,021
Mary's giving Joseph a blowjob?
743
00:45:28,101 --> 00:45:30,101
[Mimi] I kind of liked having you
by me side.
744
00:45:30,181 --> 00:45:31,900
[Billy] Maybe we should make it
more permanent.
745
00:45:31,981 --> 00:45:33,541
-[Mimi] You having a laugh?
-Will you marry me?
746
00:46:16,860 --> 00:46:20,741
-[Scary music playing]
-[Mimi grunting]
747
00:46:28,340 --> 00:46:31,501
Ah! For fuck's sake, Mam!
748
00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:33,900
Is that gastric band playing up again?
86024
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