Original subtitles

-[intro music] -[Chesney] That was the stag night.

[Libby] Fiancé's jilted me,

ran off on his stag night, god knows where.

Where's your dignity woman?

I'm celebrating my freedom.

-[Carl] I thought it was about dad. -[Libby] I have no interest in him.

Humph!

I'm going in as an out-patient, to get my meds assessed.

Have you been here this whole time?

I'm not sure.

[Libby] Frank! My Frank!

I never doubted you for a second!

-[tapping] -[intro music]

Anyone watching, thinking we know fuck all about knowing fuck all about owt,

needs to watch their back. [cries out]

So, you've had your Labour, reclassifying skunk,

sending prices sky high,

literally, literally taking the grass from its own roots.

And now you've got your con-dem-nation,

Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up.

Have we had a national fucking stroke or what?

Is revolution a word or was it never?

Anybody watching, needs to know

we cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth.

Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester

and they charge us for water!

I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found,

this green and pleasant land in ancient times...

yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak!

It's not theirs any more.

-This is our England now. -[cheering]

Party!

[intro music]

[intro music fades away]

[Frank] People get confused about Freedom, as a concept,

they think Freedom concerns human rights,

y'know, freedom of speech, of expression,

blah, blah, fucking blah.

All bollocks.

The meaning of the word has been distorted beyond recognition,

sliced up like it can be quantified.

"I'll see your Freedom of Assembly, and raise you Freedom of Association."

[soft music]

Queen, seven, six, yeah?

-Now, okay, who wants a card? -Hit me.

[Frank laughs]

[Frank] Queen to the Chezer,

Big Bull to Tab-lations.

[Frank] Ask any one of these muppets about Freedom,

and they'll tell you

you've no idea what it is till it's been taken from you.

Three! To the dealer,

which was my size when I came out of those bastard freezing showers earlier.

-Right, who wants a card? -Hit me.

No, you... No, look,

you've fucking already got twenty!

Alright, I'll get to you... Fuckin'... Eh, Scanlon!

Scanlon!

Who was up front for City last night?

[female voice] Medication time.

Hit me.

I will in a minute. Scanlon!

Scanner... when, what?

I just... I... Y'know...

Take me now. Alright, buddy.

Eh, where d'you think she keeps her loose change?

There? Or there? What you think? [laughs]

[Frank laughs]

Eh, come on.

Scanner!

He can't...

S'cuse me, love, excuse me, love.

Do you think you could just turn the music down a bit

so that perhaps the boys don't need to [loud] shout [normal tone] to be heard?

Don't get upset.

A lot of old people on this ward wouldn't hear the music

-if we turned it lower. -Well,

when I'm gone, put it as loud as they want,

-but... -You're not going anywhere.

Oh, really?

And what part of blowing your examiner back in nursing school

qualifies you to make that decision?

As it happens, the length of your stay

is largely my decision.

I make a recommendation and the panel act on it.

An abusive potty-mouth is unlikely to strengthen your case.

"Potty-Mouth"?

"Potty Mouth"!

Am I being hospitalised in the 1950s?

Is James Robertson-Justice doing the rounds?

-[laughing] Eh? -[nurse] Your medication.

-What's in it? -There's no need to be squeamish.

If you don't take the drugs orally, we can find another way to administer them.

Squeamish about drugs? Me?

I have never been so insulted.

I was just trying to figure out a way how to get his and hers and hers.

[hit]

You were talking about sticking them pills up my arse, weren't you?

[man voice] Visiting is two till four

and is permitted entirely

at the discretion of the Clinical Consultant.

Thank you, that was just as helpful the first twice you told me.

My fiancé was suffering memory loss until very recently,

familiar objects and faces might be of value,

couldn't you make an exception, just this once?

[whirring]

[male voice] No.

I want to speak to someone in charge.

Get me the Chief... Psychiatrist!

[male voice] That's me. I'm the Chief Psychiatrist. What do you want?

Don't be ridiculous! You're an arsehole in a crew-neck sweater with epaulets.

I want someone who stayed on at school beyond year nine.

[male voice] All right, just a minute.

[beep]

[male voice] Hello? Yeah, it's me, the... Professor. What can I do you for?

I can't... Frank!

[baby crying]

-Give me another one. -What's wrong with that one?

[Carl] Nothing, it's just...

Tell me you're not missing him.

Three weeks gone

and I'm now getting the stink of piss and tobacco out me nostrils.

-But? -[Carl] It's just the one time

it in't his fault and you can't wait to put the boot in.

And we're like, "We know him better than you, Libby,

he'll rob, cheat, run away..."

In fairness, Carl, he has got previous.

Don't make it right, does it?

[Micky] It's her I feel sorry for.

Women start planning their weddings when they're little girls.

To wait till you're her age,

till you're nearly a coffin-dodger,

only to have it snatched away.

-Ah, well, fuck all to be done. -[Karen] We could put it on for 'em.

The wedding. We could organise it to say sorry.

[Jamie] No.

-We could. -I'll spread the word.

[machine voice] You got no new messages.

[Monica] Ah.

All dressed up and nowhere to go, what a shame.

How did you get my number?

There's not much gets in my way when I want something.

That do it for him, does it?

-Frank, the Slutty Librarian look? -It's not a look.

-I am a Slutty Librarian. -Humph.

Except for the 'Slutty' bit.

-You've got... -[Monica] You and your cripple mother

are occupying my marital home,

and I would appreciate it if you would vacate before I have you evicted.

I don't mean to be cruel, but Frank divorced you, it's time to move on.

-It's just all there... -When one is divorced in absentia,

one can contest it, which I have done,

and the original petitioner has 28 days

in which to challenge my challenge,

-which Frank hasn't. -He's in hospital.

Well, how's poor little me to know that?

Frank's 28 days run out tomorrow,

so... make sure you hand the keys over by five.

-You've got a house, you don't need ours. -I know, but...

it's not so much about me having it,

it's more about you...

-not having it. -This has nothing to do with the house,

or Liam, or Stella,

this is about Frank.

Humph. As if...

[slow steps]

Watch yourself, Monica,

nothing much gets in my way either.

[old man] This is my first erection since 1987.

[knocking]

-Mimi? -[Mimi] Upstairs.

-Mimi? -I'm in the...

I need your help, I have to see Frank.

Monica's trying to nullify the divorce, stop us getting married.

[snort] Bitch!

Would it be all right if I wipe my arse first?

[stammering] So he went off with the other...

girl and I never saw him again.

Is that why you tried to kill yourself, Carly?

-You were ashamed? -[Carly] I'm...

[stammering] not ashamed...

[nurse] Do you know how it felt for your parents her daughter

behaved like...

well, like a slut?

[stammering] I didn't... do what they said...

Slut' isn't my word,

it's the word others might use.

-Something to add, Mr Gallagher? -No, nothing, fuck you very much.

[nurse] Perhaps the group can learn from your situation.

Well, I'm always happy to oblige, y'know, for the sake of the group.

Okay, go ahead... Mildred.

Why do you think you're here, Frank?

Well... I'm here

because I fight,

fuck,

imbibe to excess every day in life,

regular as religion,

and that...

scares the living shit

out of dusty-cunted control freaks such as your good self.

-[giggling] -Is that close enough?

[laughing]

Point is we are a community, and one of us needs some help.

We've got 24 hours to pull together a wedding

-and everyone is gonna play their part. -[baby crying]

[murmuring]

-I could... -We're fine. Thanks.

No, no, just try and keep up, will ya?

Superman, Spiderman, Wizard of Oz, fictional.

Barbara Windsor, real.

[male voice] Mr Gallagher, to Reception.

Two minutes.

[breaths heavily] How did you...

I'm not allowed visitors...

I gave him chocolate.

Is that like a euphemism?

You let him... up the shitter?

No, God, no, real chocolate.

Mimi knows everyone,

put out feelers.

The Head of Security's a big fat fella,

do anything for a couple of airport-sized Toblerones.

I thought you'd got cold feet.

Well, I had, in a manner of speaking,

not just me feet, the fuckers took every thread of clothing I had.

I feel so ashamed.

I believed everything they said,

-that clip on the web... -Well,

to be honest, I, I seriously considered shagging her,

just, just for the warmth... but I, I couldn't,

I just couldn't...

because of you, Libby.

I bought the new kitchen

and joined in,

casting stones when no sin had been committed.

[breaths heavily] Can you ever forgive me?

Frank?

Er, what? Sorry. Er...

Sorry, just a bit... Midnight Express for a minute there.

Monica's trying to sabotage our happiness.

We won't let her.

We've only got 24 hours, or your divorce is annulled.

I'm getting out, for you.

I'll wed you, Libby Croker.

I love the bones of you, Frank Gallagher.

And I love-- Did you say we got a new kitchen?

-Yes. -[guards] Time.

Hope we didn't stump for it...

[Frank] One of the few advantages of local authority housing.

That's what Council Tax is for. Did you get the receipt?

I am coming home, Libby. Mark me.

Get your kit off, Trix, veil and all, it's needed.

I need netting, Lillian,

fine coloured netting, yellow, pale blue, salmon pink... and ribbon.

It's a bastard getting haberdashery round here.

I might need mine.

Wedding favours...

Bomboniere in lace and ribbon,

maybe a whisky fudge filling.

They go for five quid each in the shops, easy.

What? Just 'cause I'm a bloke,

I'm not allowed to appreciate a bit of decorative embroidery?

Dresser on't landing, left hand cupboard, just take what you need.

[Lillian] You're not doing Malcolm Talcum, are you?

Do I look like I work without a harness?

-I'm baking the cake for Frank and Libby. -You?

[Kelly] Yes, there is more to me

than remarkably strong pelvic floor muscles.

We're out of flour.

[Frank laughs] And this young lady wants to work with children

and bring about world peace,

this one is kind to animals,

overly affectionate if you ask me...

[Carly] Can't hear you.

He's just a [stammering] deaf

and dumb Indian.

Oh, is that right, Chief?

Eh? You can't make a sound?

Eh? [ululates like an Indian]

-[Frank laughs] -He likes to [stammering] burn stuff.

[Frank laughs]

What's with the [stammering] Porky Pig routine?

You're not what's become of Gareth Gates are you?

You've been here three weeks,

I always [stammering] stutter.

I've been mashed off me fucking tits. I couldn't have counted me own testicles,

let alone told you the therapeutic speech needs of my room-mates.

So, how come you're not [stammering] mashed.

Because...

I've been doing this

for the last 48 hours.

Spit, don't swallow.

Something me first wife lived by, more's the pity.

[door opens]

Believe me, it goes against the grain.

Outside, I'm an outspoken advocate for pharmacology

and all its liberating qualities,

but in here they use it to keep you down.

And if I'm breaking out, kid,

need a clear head, you know?

Your fly's are undone, Chief.

[Chesney] Feel free to roll your tongue back in.

I would if she stopped hanging her fanny in my face.

It's bad luck for a muff to be wearing a wedding dress that's not hers.

[Micky coughs] Don't call her a muff.

Besides we don't do superstitions, we're Catholics.

So was Jesus, didn't stop those fuckers crucifying him.

Jesus was a Catholic killed by Muslims...?

[Lillian] No religious disputes till after the ceremony.

[heartbeat]

I need your oven, ours is too small.

Sorry. Is this okay?

Yeah.

No, it's fine.

[Patty] You look like a hooker.

Thank you, Mum.

A desperate middle-aged one.

I understand couples growing apart, seven year itch...

I even heard of women

who so repulse their men

the poor fellas turn to homosexuality!

But to drive a man insane,

to push him over the edge of reason, that's quite a talent.

What are you doing?

Excuse me, I'm having a conversation with my own daughter.

Have you seen it out there?

That lot could put on the Olympics for ten bob and two milk bottle tops.

Seb Coe'll be crying into his Pimms.

I'm really touched, Mimi, [sobs]

Frank would be too.

There's not one woman on the estate would've done any different you know.

I let him down, Mimi.

You misjudged your fella, it's not a fucking crime,

especially considering his previous record.

It's all for nothing,

all those good people out there,

this... Who am I kidding?

There won't be any wedding.

Monica wins, we lose.

That's bollocks.

[Libby] He's incarcerated.

They're never going to let him out,

[sobbing] I don't deserve him after what I've done,

and she's pulling the strings,

like the puppet-master... [cries]

[Mimi] I'm going to tell you something my mother told me,

and it's always stuck.

Stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, you whiny little bitch!

If he matters to you so much,

then get off up your arse and go and fetch him.

-Humph. -And it's not [stammering] just me.

Taking over the asylum, are we? Good for you, kid.

Now, if it's all the same, I've got a lot on me mind.

But I thought we were [stammering] getting out?

Yeah, well, easy said... or not, in your case.

We've got a map, Taber.

[Carly, stammering] It's tattooed across his back.

Fucking knew Prison Break was realistic!

[Carly, stammering] Tomorrow morning, after meds,

the Orderlies go to brekkie.

[Frank laughs]

[flash]

-[beep] -[flash]

-[beep] -[flash]

[knocking]

Come in.

It's Liam, says if I'm best man, I'm supposed to do a speech.

-That's right. -[Carl laughs]

I don't do speeches, I'm the strong silent one.

You're a shit-stirring little fucker.

[Monica groans]

Dunno how you can stand it here after all he did to you,

it makes me want to take a nail-brush to my skin.

-[Monica] Mm. -[Mildred] Sometimes think they should put

Serotonin in the water supply for these places,

do us all a favour.

Hm...

Still...

another 24 hours and we're done, eh?

[Monica] Hm.

I do love you, Mon.

-[Monica sighs] -Don't know what I'd do without you.

What?

Oh, yeah. [chuckles] I know.

Could I have a napkin, please?

[horn]

[horn silences]

Fucking 'ell I can't look at that.

I can't fuckin' get any more, mate, I tell ya.

[Frank] Pop 'em in the bag, they'll be put to good use on the outside.

Here y'are, something to remember me by when I'm famous.

[Carly grunts]

-[Carly, stammering] You can't make me. -[Mildred] I can,

-these are prescribed for you. -[Carly grunts]

-Eh! -Is this your doing?

-What? -Carly hasn't taken

her meds in nearly 24 hours, it's no wonder she's anxious.

Ramming them down her throat in a clenched fist won't calm her.

You're a medical practitioner?

Something else to add to your talents.

I'm just... That is not necessary...

Take your hands off me!

All right! Don't fucking ease up. Come on then.

I'm just trying to fuckin' help.

Fucking hell!

[beep]

[Frank grunts]

[beep speeds up]

-[frantic beep] -[shock]

[clinking]

[bagpipes sound]

-[baby cries] -We're alright,

she slept from ten-to till twenty past.

Carl kept us company.

Right, this is what I've got.

[yawning]

"Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the Bride and Groom..."

That's took me all night,

if I wanted to do speeches, I would've stuck in at school!

[Jamie sighs]

We are fucked.

[baby crying]

Please...

can you help us?

[Libby grunts]

[Libby screams]

Oh...

And up...

[Mildred breathes in]

And relax...

-[sighing] -[laughing]

And stretch again.

All right, Mr Gallagher?

The group were exercising.

Pardon me,

I just...

I'm supposed to have

my anti-psychotics now.

Wait there, please.

[door opens]

[Mildred] Open the door!

-How? -I've got a tolerance, haven't I,

s'how we got our kicks when the kitty was empty:

jump leads. [imitates a buzz]

-[alarm] -We'd better g...

They'll be here by the time you've said it. C'mon!

-[pounding] -[Frank] Eh...

[Frank laughs] Lovely.

-Lov-- -[Mildred] Let me out.

You?

And her? [in anger] And you?

[alarm keeps ringing]

[Mildred yells]

Let me out!

[hubbub]

[Carly, stammering] Frank, c'mon!

We've got the fucking keys, Sitting Bull.

C'mon.

Frank!

[body hitting the floor]

[Mildred] Let me out!

C'mon!

-Let me out! -C'mon.

Lillian... What the fuck is that?

[Lillian] I've improvised, inspired by Versace.

Oh, well, no wonder he got fucking shot.

Haute cuisine!

It looks like you've sneezed a lucky bag onto a doily.

Right, love, let's have ya.

-Jamie. -Yes, mate.

[Celtic folk music plays]

Like a pig in fucking clogs!

[music stops abruptly]

It won't bind.

[crying] I can't make the cake fucking bind.

-[Shane] Come on, you were doing so well. -[Kelly] No, Shane, I wasn't,

this... is the only layer I can get to bind.

[heavy bump]

[crying] Fancy a bite?

-[heavy bump] -Oh, easy, they're delicate these.

Oh, shut the fuck up!

You're such a woman these days, I'm surprised you're not breast feeding.

-I thought you were home? -I've been in there gone an hour.

Ate one of his flipping curries.

It's nowt wrong wi' the cooking,

maybe it's got something to do

with vodka ices she was sneaking in all night.

[Jackson] What's this about you drinking that?

[Kelly] For fuck's sake, what's wrong with it? Eat it! You eat it!

[ruckus]

[Mimi] What's this? Wedding by chaos theory?

[ruckus continues]

[crowd quiets down]

Right, everyone!

I think it's time we got organised.

[Frank] Right, look, look!

It's very nice, y'know, very flattering...

but it's like Shaun of the Fucking Dead.

I'm very proud to be captain of the Merry Pranksters,

but you're hardly inconspicuous, are you?

You'll get me huckled.

You'll be alright, go on.

Go on.

Go on, cowboy.

Cheer up, Charlie.

-[stammering] It's C... -Carly, I know,

it's just an expression.

Frank!

Look,

you'll be all right, love.

Just don't...

give yourself away for nothing.

-I want lads to like me. -Sweetheart,

any lad who likes you because you ride him behind the pavilion

is hardly likely to have your long-term interests at heart, okay?

-Can I visit you? -Yeah, 'course you can.

I've a son at home who'd be lucky to know a lass like you.

He'll try and shag you before you get your coat off, but make him wait,

make him appreciate you.

[car engine]

-Come on! -[honk]

Fuckin' 'ell, help us out, will ya?

Oi!

[Frank groans]

Thank you.

[steps]

[man] Gallagher, Frances. Must be sedated. C'mon.

[baby crying]

[Lillian] I gathered opinion, it seems you might have a point.

If I had to get married in that,

I'd throw myself in front of a tram.

-A slow death in Manchester. -Where does that leave us?

She could use the old dress I married in.

Ancient, but me mother,

grand-mother and great grand-mother wore it before me.

[baby laughing]

Half of the battle is knowing when you're beat.

[Kelly] Truth is I can barely toast bread.

A case of ambition exceeding ability.

-So, what's this? -[Shane] Where there's a will, Karen.

[Kelly] I'm gonna make my contribution to Libby personally,

something more in line with my area of expertise.

[Carl] Liam's gonna email a speech over,

you can download them, you got a printer?

I love it when a plan comes together.

[Karen] Coming together... now there's a thought.

[cheering]

-[whistling] -[flash]

Libby!

You look beautiful.

I'm so proud of you.

[Libby] Oh, Mum,

I always knew it would be like this,

thank you so much.

Hang on a minute,

you can't walk...

[Frank] It's all too perfect, innit?

Of course,

it's a dream.

Perfect things don't happen to you, Libby.

[distorted crackling echoes]

My God!

[Libby yells]

[Frank coughs]

[upbeat music]

-[Karen] It's better than a wedding cake. -Slaved over a hot stove for these.

Second time lucky, it's all good.

[Karen] Very good.

-[Karen] Good choice. -[Mimi] Someone's coming.

-[music stops] -[bagpipes tunes]

[bagpipes music plays]

-[music stops abruptly] -[Micky grunts]

Thought we might need one of these.

-I had a funeral. -They won't be going anywhere then.

[bagpipes music plays again]

[Frank] I made it. I made it.

-Thank fuck for that. -[everyone cheers]

Right,

so where is she?

Oh, Libby?

-Thought she was with you. -[music stops abruptly]

[door opens]

[Monica] She's probably just being fashionably late.

What's this, Spirit of the Blitz?

What have you done with her?

Who, the geek?

I'm surprised you're not relieved.

I'm fuckin' warning you, Monica--

[Monica] I haven't done anything. If she's not here then,

she must've found sense.

One thing I will say for Chatsworth...

you do know how to party.

Did you miss me?

Any word?

Where is she?

I'm not her keeper.

Oh, but you know something.

Tell him,

or I'll take Boyzone off the juke box.

She left before dawn,

she might have said something

about going to the nut-house to fetch you out.

[Frank sighs] Oh, fuck!

-Her phone's ringing. -[phone rings]

-Libby? Libby, is that-- -[alarm rings]

-[Chief ululates like an Indian] -Hello! Help!

Fuck.

-D'ya think we should... -Yeah, probably.

Frank!

[baby crying]

Did Peck and Niven have to contend with crying infants

-when they stormed the Guns of Navarone? -I couldn't leave her in the pub.

It would've been irresponsible.

[explosion]

Right, what's the plan?

Shane and Ches, up the rear,

coming in a pincer movement with Jamie and Carl in the corridor.

I'm gonna parascend down through the sky-light...

How the fuck do I know what the plan is? Do I look like I was in 'Nam?

Well, you could've been.

-Altrincham, maybe. -Fucking Chippenham.

-Nottingham. -Cheltenham.

-Didsbury. -[explosion]

I'll leave the intrigue to you in the cheap seats, I'm gonna get Libby.

-He's like Scott of the Antarctic. -It'll be the drugs he's on...

still affecting him.

He's completely forgotten he's an arsehole.

Debenhams.

[Frank] You're just looking after that for them, are you?

-That why you're only taking the cash? -How dare you?

-Security will be... -Oh, shut up,

you're not dealing with fucking... Don't work on grown-ups, love.

You can't have her, you know?

Monica's moved on, she's with me now. She's happy.

[Frank] Oh, yeah, I can see that.

That's why she's hanging round my home, my pub,

why she's trying to stop we getting hitched.

She doesn't care about that, she's only bothered about her kids,

can't stand the thought of them being neglected.

Oh, really? And what kids is that then, Mildred?

-Liam and Stella. -And the others?

-What... others? -The other five.

Oh, yeah.

Total of seven.

The one in there must have to brace itself against the sides

when she's taking a dump.

[Frank laughs] You stupid cow,

she's gonna ditch you and run,

same as she's done with everyone else.

Men like you should be locked up.

Oh, f...

[Mildred screams]

Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

[Frank] Eh! Where is she, Chief?

Come on, tell me, and I'm out of here.

And the world's your lobster.

When the fire alarm went off, they bolted,

left her in the treatment room.

[Chief imitates a buzz]

She stumbled out ten minutes later, all electrodes and stuff still on.

Phone.

Come on.

Knock yourself out.

You're taking the piss!

-Frank! -C'mon.

-Libby's at The Jockey. -What?

[Shane] There's time.

Have we got time for a pint? It's been a while...

Move!

-[Libby cries] -[door opens]

Ah! Frank!

Frank, listen!

Maybe it isn't about the kids, maybe Esmerelda here isn't entirely wrong.

About what?

[Monica] We've been through a lot together, eh?

A whole life-time together...

-Oh, you don't... -No,

it's only the finality of the divorce that's made me realise

that I still want to be...

No, I need to be...

Monica Gallagher.

Oh... She had you sectioned.

[Monica] Yeah, only because I wanted to keep you.

It was always you, Frank.

Yeah, well, it was Norma for a while.

-Yeah, but... -Then Nurse fucking Lobotomy in there,

Ian's dad,

the hypnotist,

the bloke from the dole,

the mechanic when we wanted a spark plug that time...

Yeah, I know, I've made mistakes,

we both have.

But I'm back.

I'll always come back.

The others don't matter.

I know now...

you're the one.

Yeah.

But you're not.

She is.

[Monica cries]

[Monica breaths heavily]

'Fuck's going on?

I knew you'd come.

[Carl] Wait, wait a minute...

Fuck's sake, Carl, what?

[Mimi] You don't need your speech,

they're not getting married, we had to let the priest go.

-Oh... -It's not my speech,

it's from Liam.

[Carl] "Carl,

if you're reading this out loud,

it means you haven't looked at the speech till the last possible moment,

and so are completely unaware that this is a letter from me

and not a speech."

[laughing]

[Carl] Twat... I'll...

I'll skip.

"Dad, I know what you must think,

but I didn't betray you on that stag night,

Mum did,

so she could have you locked up,

grab hold of me and Stella

and use us to get a decent house off the Council."

You fuckin' what?

Well, have you any idea how long the list is for a single woman?

I'm with child.

[Carl] "But don't blame Mum,

don't hate her,

life didn't deliver what Mum hoped,

and she's found that harder than most,

it's damaged her.

But she's my mum,

-and that's why I'm gonna stay with her." -[murmuring]

"I'm gonna fix her, if I can,

coz' if I can love her, then maybe she can love herself.

So, Carl,

you twat,

don't come after me,

it's where I want to be.

Love you. Goodnight and good luck. Liam."

[Lillian] Can't half drone on, that Liam, eh?

Thought he'd never shut up.

[upbeat music]

You did good.

Hear, hear.

[Shane] Shame they couldn't actually get wed, innit?

Kinda sweet, though.

[Kelly] D'you think they're kinky weird or just weird?

-Do you fancy... -Yeah, I do,

and I have done all day, desperately,

so much so...

I taped my stiffie to me belly.

I was gonna say "pakora"...

But if you wanna come back to my bed...

I do.

Our bed.

[cheering]

Now.

I want you now.

[Frank] Is it how you imagined it?

No, not remotely, not even a little bit.

But... what they've done... for us...

-it's incredible. -Yeah, you're right.

Usually, they're...

cunts,

and I wouldn't mourn any one of them,

but, y'know, this past couple of days

yeah, they're all right.

-Yeah. -[Libby sighs]

We're soul mates, Frank.

Yeah.

We are, and it's great and all that, but...

About this kitchen...

-what the fuck was wrong wi' the old one? -[Libby laughs]

["Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley plays] ♪ I remember when I lost my mind ♪

♪ There was something So pleasant about that place ♪

♪ Even your emotions had an echo ♪

♪ In so much space ♪

♪ Does that make me crazy? ♪

[Frank] Hey!

♪ Does that make me crazy? ♪

[Frank] Freedom isn't quantifiable,

you can't measure it,

it's a feeling you either have or you don't.

One man's straightjacket is another man's keys to the kingdom.

-[music fades away] -[end music]

-Got another job lined up for tomorrow. -Working for the family now.

[Libby] It's Carl's 21st, we need to mark it.

[Jamie] Give it to a guy called Kermit.

You must be Carl.

-Carl Gallagher. -This is two grand light!

-He hasn't been home. -[Mimi] Been talking about your lot.

[Jackson] Alright, alright. Calm down, calm down.

[Sita] How've you run up a 500 pound phone bill?

[Micky] It's a gay sex line.

Joe rented it out, got some lads, he raked it in.

[Chesney] Wanna stick it up my nice, tight virgin ass?

[Lillian] I'll stick in on a cracker.

[spaceship engine]

[creaking]

[alien voice] Gallagher, you're barred.

[dogs barking in distance]

[Frank puffs] Fucking Scousers...

I knew it!

Oh, me arse...

[spaceship engine]