Original subtitles

- Previously on Royal Pains... - Somebody needs Mama's help.

I'll be right back, okay?

You're choking on something,

and I'm gonna get it out.

Hey, what are you guys doing? That is my daughter!

You'll have to take this up with Child Protective Services.

Get your-- Get your hands off me!

Ma'am, you're under arrest.

What?

[upbeat music]

♪

Hello.

I'm Dr. Jeremiah Sacani.

I'm looking for Divya Katdare.

Is that how you say it?

Yes, "Ka-dar-ee." I'm her friend.

Your friend's a real piece of work.

I'm here to take her home.

Sorry. She's staying the night.

Is that necessary, Chief Kern?

It's Officer Kern, and yes.

May I ask why?

Well, let's see for starters

she assaulted a police officer.

Divya? Are you certain?

Pretty certain, since it was me

when I tried to restrain her.

I'm sorry, that must have been very difficult for you.

Why were you trying to restrain her?

We found Ms. "Kat-dare's" daughter left alone

in a Range Rover on Windmill Lane

while she was out shopping.

And to get out of it she claimed that she had just arrived

and was a doctor or something,

helping someone in medical distress.

Divya's a physician assistant.

It's a fully respected and accredited profession.

Okay, have a good night.

Maybe you could corroborate her time line

with the credit card record from her parking meter.

I have someone on that right now.

Did she call 911?

If so, I'm sure you also checked the call logs.

If Ms. Katdare were helping someone in medical distress,

I'm sure the call logs would certainly

support her version of the events.

What do you think about "Papa"?

Oh, Evan.

Is that too Hemingway?

Then what, just "Dad"? "Daddy"?

Everyone says "Daddy."

"Sir." Is that too formal?

Don't you think you're jumping the gun

just a bit?

I'm just excited.

Who knew trying to make a baby

could be this much fun?

Well, just think about how much more fun it'll be

when we're back in our own place.

Why, are you not comfortable here?

Listen, I--

I really appreciate Hank letting us crash here.

It's just--

- What, no privacy? - Yeah.

- Voices carry. - Mm-hmm.

I hear you. Hank probably can too actually.

Oh, that makes me feel so much better.

Yeah.

Where you going?

To get a glass of water.

You can't.

What if Hank's date hasn't left yet?

What if they're doing their own baby making down there?

Just use the bathroom sink.

We really need to get back to our own place.

As soon as snakes stop popping out of our chimney!

"Pops."

[upbeat music]

♪

[groans]

Right.

Oh.

Well, good morning.

And I take it you had a good evening as well.

Shh, not so much.

You made her sleep outside?

No, of course not.

When she finally let me go upstairs at 4:00 a.m.,

I told her to sleep on the couch, but...

[laughing] Yeah, it does.

[Hank] Everything was okay at first.

Are you gonna finish that?

Uh, I-- No, no.

[Hank] I've got nothing against a hearty appetite.

But after my steak,

she polished off two bottles of wine.

Oh.

Oh, it's still going!

[Hank] But the topper was...

[slurring] Dr. Delicious...

Yeah?

Can you check out this thingy

I have on my forehead?

I just-- I want to make sure

it's not a tumor or a cyst or something really bad.

It's--

Yeah, okay.

So it's more of a good news/ bad news situation.

You don't have a tumor,

but you do have a tick up there.

Uh...

Knew I shouldn't have slept in that guy's truck.

Oh.

I couldn't let her drive home like that,

so here she is.

Yeah.

What are you boys whispering about?

You made her sleep outside?

No, I did not make her sleep outside, ugh.

[Evan] Oh.

Hello.

Good morning.

Ugh!

Jeez.

Oh, my head.

Becki, this is my brother Evan

and his wife, Paige.

I will get you some aspirin.

A dozen or two should do the trick.

Yeah.

Hi there. Nice to meet you.

[sighs]

Well, this isn't too embarrassing.

Don't worry about it.

It's a little embarrassing, but we can handle it.

[Evan] How was your night?

[gasping, coughing]

Are you okay?

It's hard to-- [wheezing]

- Hey, Hank. - Yeah?

Becki can't breathe.

Okay, okay, take it easy.

Let's--let's sit you down.

That's it.

Has this ever happened before?

- Never. - Okay.

[wheezing]

Becki, do you have any allergies?

Okay, Evan go!

Get my bag. Get me some EpiPens.

Do you have a family history of anaphylaxis?

[wheezes]

You seem to be having an allergic reaction

to something.

I just--

I've heard of cases where a bite from a certain tick

can cause a red meat allergy.

I think you're having a delayed reaction

to last night's steak.

I'm gonna give you an injection which should help you breathe.

[wheezing, groaning]

- Uh, that didn't work. - No, it didn't.

All right, I'm gonna have to intubate.

Becki, I'm gonna lay you down.

Easy.

That's it.

[wheezing]

Okay.

It's okay, Becki.

Okay.

Nope, anaphylaxis is causing too much swelling.

I can't get the tube in.

- So now what? - Another epi pen.

What if that one doesn't work?

Then I'm gonna have to do an emergency cricothyrotomy

to establish an airway.

[grunts]

- Damn it. - It didn't work?

So you do the crico thing?

Does that involve-- Oh, yeah, okay.

Oh.

[inhales deeply]

Did it work?

It worked.

- [breathes deeply] - It worked.

[laughing] Whoa.

You're okay.

You're okay.

Becki, let's sit you up.

[murmurs]

[sighs] Thank you.

Good thing I didn't ruin an otherwise perfect date.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, how 'bout I whip up some eggs

and get some protein in you?

[gagging]

[retches]

Hm.

So...did you pop the question?

- Too soon? - Yeah, too soon.

[upbeat music]

♪

.

[upbeat music]

♪

Anyone know where our fearless leader is?

I mean, it's five after.

It is unlike Evan to be late for a staff meeting.

Sorry I'm late.

Evan will be right with you.

He made it this morning. You guys will love it.

Good morning, Angels.

Hank. Divs.

Jeremiah.

Hello, Evan.

That's what we get for always sitting in the same seats.

You're all looking wonderful. And, uh...

It is a new shirt. Thank you.

Shall we get started?

Seriously?

Divya, please stop talking.

How on Earth--

And welcome to our semi-annual HankMed budget meeting.

Sorry I couldn't join you guys in person.

It's just my schedule at the hospital made it impossible.

So before you, you will each see an agenda,

a time line and minutes from our last budget meeting.

If you'll kindly turn to page one--

Okay, so I'm gonna go grab a bagel

before my 10:00.

I'm out of diapers.

Talk to you guys later.

Jeremiah.

[sighs]

I wanted to thank you again

for bailing me and Sashi out yesterday.

I'm glad you were supposed to pick me up

at the train station so I could help.

I have been trying to figure this out,

but how did you do it?

Actually, it's very simple.

I freaked.

Well, when I did that

it just seemed to make the policeman angrier.

No, F.R.E.A.K. is actually an acronym

that Bob, my new therapist,

uses to help with potentially challenging social interactions.

Oh, I didn't know you were seeing a new therapist.

Yes.

It's been very interesting speaking with him.

He's unconventional.

F.R.E.A.K. for instance.

Um, F.

"Face the person with whom you're speaking."

Yes, "Ka-dar-ee." I'm her friend.

R, "React."

Is that necessary, Chief Kern?

E, "Empathize."

Oh, I'm sorry, that must have been very difficult for you.

A, "Affirm."

I'm sure you checked the 911 logs.

And then finally K, "Kill it."

Not literally homicide.

It's--it's a euphemism

meaning do it to the best of your ability.

Yeah, you certainly did kill it.

And I'm glad that I was supposed to get you

at the train station too.

Good-bye, Evan.

[muted speech]

[upbeat music]

♪

[groans]

[cell phone beeps]

Hey, you must be Hank!

Josh Dunlap.

Yeah, almost done.

You gonna just stand there?

All right.

You a runner?

More of a jogger.

Eh.

Just out of curiosity,

how long are we doing this for?

I got another patient today, and I've already showered.

Just a couple hundred more feet.

Be 13.1 miles for me.

Wow, now I feel bad for complaining.

Don't.

I'm training for the Hamptons Triathlon.

Oh, yeah, isn't that Sunday?

It is, it is.

It's my last timed run.

117 minutes, 3 seconds.

Every second counts, every step counted.

- You ever see one of these? - Nope.

Called a RaceBand.

Automatically detects and tracks

all my running, cycling, swimming,

which I've been doing a lot of lately.

Here we go. Let's finish strong.

You got it, pal.

Hold on.

Ah.

[breathing hard]

What's up, Josh?

I--I just--

Man, I've been finishing so weak lately.

Instead of building stamina,

I'm just getting lightheaded and--and fatigued.

Think I'm pushing myself too hard?

It's a possibility.

Look, I know I'm not exactly the poster boy

for a triathlon,

but training for this race,

it's been the toughest thing I've ever done.

I just--I'd rather die

than have it all fall apart right now.

Well, how about we try to avoid both?

Yeah, that'd be great.

[upbeat music]

♪

Morgan, how's it going, man?

Dr. Foley, I heard your request

about Wi-Fi in the elevators loud and clear.

- I'm working on it. - Thanks, Evan.

Stan, I got your email.

I see how much overtime you orderlies have been working.

I'm gonna lighten your load.

- Thank you, Mr. Lawson. - All right.

Margaret Redding, head of nursing.

Hamptons Heritage employee of 11 years.

Goes by "Maggie."

Yeah. Who are you?

Evan R. Lawson. I'm your new administrator.

Ah, I heard you were interim administrator,

and you can call me "Margaret."

Got it.

[upbeat music]

♪

You know, I've always thought about doing a triathlon.

Well, that's not how they get done.

Right.

It's just the open water swimming

would just crush me.

You know, we all got a weak event, Hank.

- Ugh, that's why you train. - Right.

When I first started my weak event was running.

And biking and swimming.

Oh.

Yeah, but hey, now I can swim a whole mile.

No problem, yeah.

You know what, I should coach you.

I got a date with the ocean this afternoon.

You wanna come?

Ah, yeah, if my day isn't too crazy,

I might take you up on that.

I like that.

I'm guessing that tastes better than it looks.

Oh, kale, celery, organic whey, yum.

Any other dietary changes?

You know, as the race has gotten closer,

I started adding MCT oil, creatine to my shakes.

Just for the extra boost.

Yeah, well, if it's supposed to be giving you a boost,

it doesn't seem to be working,

but it could be elevating your blood pressure.

How about you enjoy those smoothies without the creatine?

I'm sure they'll be just as tasty.

Eh.

Hey, look, you've gotten this far.

You'll do great Sunday, even without it.

Yeah, well, it's not just Sunday I'm worried about.

See, one of the great things about the RaceBand

is the social aspect.

Get to share my workouts.

You know, see how well I'm doing.

Ah, daily competition with your training partners.

Partner. Jane, my girlfriend.

And she's kicking my butt.

It's great that you and your girlfriend

are training together.

Is that how you met?

Oh, no. God, no.

We met the same place everybody does these days.

Right. Of course.

And where is that?

Hi.

- Hey. - Hey, hey.

What did they think of the video staff meeting?

Oh, they, um-- They loved it.

You didn't stay, did you?

Oh, I needed to get ready to meet the exterminator.

That's okay. Are the snakes gone?

Ah, no.

Turns out "Do It All Pest Control" doesn't.

- Huh. - So we're back to square one.

I just want to get back home

so we can get it and us ready for a baby.

We will, we will.

We just need to stay patient, okay?

Listen, Evan, I've got to run.

I've got a client meeting with Russell.

Hey, we're gonna figure all this out.

Okay.

I will try to stay patient.

And yet, I can't help but feel crazed and crazy

because it's all so new and exciting.

I mean, Evan, we've never been parents before.

I know.

[giggles]

I know.

Okay, I gotta go.

Bye.

Hi there.

I, um...

Hypothetically if someone made a donation

about 13 or so years ago,

is there any way to find out if it...

turned into people?

.

[upbeat music]

You don't like 'em, you don't like 'em.

She doesn't like 'em.

Your shirt's nice.

Thank you.

Okay, the poses are a little...forced.

I think Hank looks winning.

Very accurate skin tones.

Did you take these pictures, Jeremiah?

I did, yes.

Look, I don't know how I've avoided online dating so far,

but I think I'm gonna be pretty terrible at it.

I mean, there are more dating websites and apps

than there are dates.

You got your Tinder, your Snapchat,

Coffee Meet Bagel, Grindr.

I don't think you want Grindr.

I'm not sure I want to swipe and tap and double tap and like.

It just kinda makes me long for the simpler times, you know?

I mean, whatever happened to meeting someone face-to-face?

So then why are you doing it?

I guess after what happened with my last date,

I need to be open to anything.

Not to mention it is where everyone meets these days.

- It is? - Mm-hmm.

Hank, why don't you read her the profile you wrote?

Yeah, great idea. I'd love a woman's opinion.

Okay, um-- [clears throat]

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Oh, Evan, um, Hank was about to read Divya his dating profile.

I helped him write it. Would you give us your advice?

Oh, yes, yes.

You did say you'd love a woman's opinion.

[chuckles]

Yeah, happy to help.

Okay, um...

"I'm Hank.

I'm a single doctor who was raised in New Jersey."

[child laughs]

"Eventually I found my way to Brooklyn,

"where I was an ER doctor for a while.

Then I was..." [fades out]

"Mahjong, street dance, fluent Spanish."

So what do you think?

Ev?

Home run.

[cell phone beeps]

Hello?

Okay, we'll be right there.

New patient. It's an emergency.

Um, I'll go.

Maybe you should stay and work on our profile.

I mean your profile.

Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Why?

No, just you seem a touch distracted.

And I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I could really use your input.

I told you, it's great.

It's-- Really, it's perfect.

Yeah?

Tell me one thing I said.

Okay, I'm sorry.

It's just--

I have to tell you something.

When I moved to Brooklyn after college,

I--I needed some money.

And, well, there was a sperm bank.

Of course there was.

So I made a donation.

Of course you did.

So I called them to see what happened with it.

Like, if they hit their mark

and how many marks they may have hit,

but they wouldn't say over the phone.

So...

So what's Paige gonna think

about the fact that I might have more kids

than an NBA player?

Why 13 years later are you suddenly worried about this?

Because I totally forgot about it.

Then Paige got pregnant. It just hit me.

Paige is pregnant?

No, she was pregnant. Now she's not.

That's not the point.

The point is we're trying, and Paige doesn't know

that our baby, whenever it comes,

might have hundreds and hundreds of siblings.

Okay, okay, it doesn't work like that.

Would you please fill me in on Paige's pregnancy?

She was pregnant.

And then she wasn't.

That's really helpful. Thank you.

After it ended, did she go see her doctor?

How is she?

Her doctor is out of town for the week.

Didn't seem like waiting was a big deal.

Why, is waiting a big deal?

No, no, I'm sure she's fine.

But you okay if I give her a call?

- Of course. - Okay.

One more thing,

donating your sperm?

What were you thinking?

There are easier ways to make money.

Name one.

That's a fair point.

Oh, thank you for coming so quickly.

Come on, Gretl, up.

I'm Caroline Koch.

I'm Dr. Sacani.

This is Divya. You said it was an emergency?

My tongue died.

Oh, uh, is it feeling numb

or painful?

So much worse than that.

And the scariest thing is I know why it happened.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

While Gunther and I don't have children,

we do have our babies,

and like any good mama I love my babies.

And I show them this love with lots of kisses and cuddles.

But yesterday after I kissed Gretl,

I realized she had dragged a dead squirrel into the house.

Actually, it was half a squirrel, the wrong half.

You look so familiar.

Anyway, after I noticed the dead rodent,

I immediately became nauseous because I realized

that whatever poison this vermin passed on

to sweet Gretl, Gretl then passed on to me.

How long do I have?

Uh, may we see your tongue?

Mrs. Koch, you're not going to die.

Uh, well, eventually obviously.

But did you take Pepto-Bismol

when you became nauseous?

How did you know that?

Your discolored tongue is called by bismuth,

and ingredient in Pepto-Bismol.

The bismuth can combine with sulfur in one's saliva

to produce that type of discoloration,

but that is all it is, an ugly tongue.

And the discoloration will go away on its own.

Ah, thank you.

Imagine the irony if Gunther outlived me.

His tongue died years ago, but that's not a problem.

Okay, nice to meet you.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't go just yet.

There is something else that is killing me.

Divya, where do I know you from?

Blackstone? Watermill Spa?

Oh, you are "Socialite Mom Who Abandoned Baby."

You attacked that police officer.

That's not what happened.

How could you know that?

Oh, honey, you are splashed all over DansPapers.com.

- Hey, excuse me. - Sorry, ma'am.

You'll have to take this up with Child Protective Services.

Child Protect--what?

Hey, just-- Hey, get--

Get your hands off of me!

Ma'am, you're under arrest.

[sighs]

More than half of all first pregnancies

result in miscarriages soon after conception.

Usually the mother never knows she was pregnant.

But since at-home tests detect pregnancy earlier than ever,

women are finding out that they're pregnant

before the miscarriage occurs,

which is what I think happened.

Do you think it'll happen again?

I don't know.

But your ultrasound looks fine.

Okay.

Hey.

Are you okay?

I am sad.

And I'm scared

that I might not be able to have a baby.

I don't know anything about my birth mother or father

or their medical history.

I can see why that would make you anxious.

You know, you could get genetic testing.

I mean, it may help answer

whether or not you can have a baby.

The thing is,

I think I'm afraid to find out.

So you ready for this?

Well, I'm not sure about that.

I thought we'd start off with a mile.

What?

Joking.

No, we'll take it slow.

- Okay. - Ish.

[grunts]

Oh!

I got you a present.

- Oh. - Yeah.

It's got my app on it.

Yeah, now we can be training partners.

Nice.

You start slacking off,

I'm gonna be texting you to get back to work.

Thank you, I think.

[chuckles]

So what are the chances

your app can help me with online dating?

[laughs]

I don't know, man.

I mean, you're the success story.

Maybe you can give an old man like me some advice.

Oh, yeah, single, successful, handsome doctor.

Yeah, must be agony for you.

No, seriously, I don't get it.

I can't even pick my photo.

- Seriously? - Seriously.

Well, you know what?

You should try the site I used.

Yeah, don't need a picture to start.

It's all about connecting you to people based on who you are,

not what you look like.

That sounds more my style.

And then, you know,

after you find a personality match for your profile,

then you can trade pictures.

Yeah, I don't have a profile yet either.

- Really? - Really.

You are really not good at this.

Not good, no.

Okay.

So there are certain attributes

you can use on your profile

that are gonna attract a high volume of women.

Okay.

Like say, you play guitar.

Or you watch Homeland.

Or you have tattoos.

You-- you do all that?

Well, I've seen Homeland.

Like, a couple times.

Ah.

So what did Jane say when she discovered

you don't play guitar or have any tattoos?

I'll let you know when she finds out.

- Ah. - Yeah.

Jane and I have actually never met.

She's from Sydney.

We do everything online.

Okay, see, I don't get that.

How is that--

We know each other better than most couples.

I mean, I'm able to follow her training regimen,

her heart rate, diet.

So when does she get here?

Tomorrow. [chuckles]

You know any good tattoo parlors?

Kidding. Kinda.

Honestly, if I could do it all over again,

I'd be fully aboveboard.

- Yeah? - My only advice to you is

I'd just be yourself.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you ready for this?

Absolutely.

Let's do this.

Yep.

Whoo!

[energetic music]

♪

All right, pace yourself.

Hank, I'm coming for ya!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Hank, wait up!

Nice, easy strokes.

Need me to slow down?

[suspenseful music]

Josh?

Josh!

Josh!

.

[tense music]

♪

[gasping]

[groaning]

Excuse me!

Call 911 now, please!

♪

Damn it.

Breathe, Josh.

Come on.

[panting]

Damn it!

Come on, Josh!

You can do it.

Come on!

That's it. That's it.

Okay, okay, easy breaths. Easy breaths.

You're okay.

I think so.

Okay, do you remember what happened?

I was gonna ask you.

Okay.

We'll get you to the hospital,

and we'll find out.

You're gonna be okay, bud.

Hi there. Hi, I'm Evan R. Lawson.

I'm the new administrator.

I just wanted to tell you guys a little bit about my plan

to streamline the--

You know, stream--

Daddy!

Hi there, I'm Evan R. Lawson.

I'm the new administrator. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, we met this morning.

Oh, we did?

Sure.

Don't you remember?

Of course, yeah, yeah. You are, uh...

Uh...

Starts with an M.

Margaret.

Right, yes!

Uh, here for 11 years. Hates when I call her "Maggie."

You're gonna fit in great here.

Hey.

What's happening?

You sounded freaked out. Now I'm freaked out.

I'm glad you're here.

Here.

When I was young, I made a terrible mistake.

Okay, before I met you, way before.

Just I wasn't thinking about the consequences

for my future, for our future.

You have a child.

I may have more than one.

You were married before?

No, of course not.

[whispers] I--I needed money.

You were a male prostitute.

What? No, I--

Look, I donated sperm to a sperm bank.

I called them earlier

to see if they would tell me more about it,

but they wouldn't do it over the phone,

so I'm gonna go in there tomorrow.

No, no, no.

We'll both go.

Great.

So you really think I coulda been a male prostitute?

[laughs] Sorry.

You don't seem to have any abnormalities on your EKG,

and your MRI results were also clean.

So what do you think happened?

I'm not sure, but to be safe

I want you to stay here until we get your blood tests back.

Is there any chance it could be from anxiety?

Yeah, sure.

I mean, a first triathlon could make anyone anxious.

Ah, no, it's not just the race.

Um, do you remember how I said

that Jane and I were sharing all of our training stats?

Uh-huh.

Well, what I didn't say

was that I actually invented RaceBand.

So I can go in and tweak the data a little bit.

Aha.

So you've been improving your results.

Yeah.

Ugh.

It's just training together,

it just made us so close.

You know, we bonded on this race.

Then...

you know, when my times stopped improving, I got scared.

You know, I was like, what if she stops liking me?

Gah, I just-- I really like this girl, Hank.

I mean, she's special.

I just want to be the guy that Jane thinks I am.

[gentle music]

♪

You've got to be kidding me.

Well, that's absolutely ridiculous!

What's ridiculous?

They're calling me a rich bitch,

a liar and a terrible mother.

They watch this and they think they know what really happened,

but they have no idea what really happened,

and then they're just assuming the worst.

I don't think you should get yourself invested

in these people.

One of them spelled "physician" with an F.

[sighs]

I saved a life that day.

But no one believes it

because it's not on some website video.

People who write these kinds of comments are bullies.

The only thing worse than physical bullying

is cyber bullying.

Except for the punching and the bleeding.

And the having to hide from them in the bathroom.

Well, maybe physical bullying is worse,

but cyber bullies can't do anything but bluster.

They don't know you.

And they don't matter.

And by dinner they'll find something else

to get self-righteous about.

What matters is that you saved a life.

Sashi knows you're a good mother.

Yeah.

[sighs]

Okay, nice, easy strokes.

Nice, easy strokes.

[cell phone rings]

Yeah, this is Hank.

Hank, hey, um, I fell,

and I went to take my pulse to check my heart rate--

Josh, Josh, you should call a nurse.

They can help faster.

I can't. I left the hospital.

You what? Why?

[Josh] A doctor told me my blood work was fine,

so I took off.

I went biking, and I must have passed out again,

because the next thing I know, I'm on the ground.

Twice in two days.

Where are you?

I don't know.

But wherever I am, I don't have a pulse.

.

Hey.

Hey, how'd you find me?

Your RaceBand app.

911's on the way.

Let me take a look.

I'm--I'm pretty banged up.

[murmuring]

Ah, see, that hurts.

- What does? - My arm.

Yeah? Like, over here by the elbow?

No, no, it's like it's inside of it.

Huh.

Am I having a heart attack?

Uh, I don't think so, no.

Well, is it cardiac tamponade or ventricular fibrillation?

Or aortic dissection?

How do you--

Oh, I was Googling my symptoms.

There's nothing else to do except wait here to die.

Turns out everything leads to death.

Yeah, never Google your symptoms.

Well, I don't think it's any of those,

and I don't think it's constrictive pericarditis.

You know what, I think it's--

Takayasu's arteritis?

Yeah. Actually, that may be it.

Let me just check something.

No brachial.

You don't have a pulse in your left arm,

but the one in your right seems fine.

Combine that with the lightheadedness,

joint pain, and shortness of breath you've had,

and Takayasu's makes sense.

Well, now that I know how to pronounce it,

what does that mean?

Ah, it's an inflammatory disorder that can cause

a constriction of the aortic arch,

such that when you exercise

your vessels can't get enough blood to your head.

That would--that would explain why I'm passing out.

Which means as soon as this ambulance gets here,

you're going back to the hospital,

and this time you're gonna stay there

until I tell you you can leave.

Yeah.

No, no, Josh, I'm serious.

Well, not in that tri suit you're not.

[both laugh]

Ah.

[upbeat music]

♪

Your old neighborhood is pretty chic.

Pssh, not when I lived here.

Nicest place on the block was a building full of garbage.

Must have been so hard starting out on your own,

under a mountain full of student loan debt.

Trying to get your first job.

Yeah, yeah.

I get why you had to donate sperm to make ends meet.

Yeah.

Actually, funny story.

I did it for a sandwich.

I'm sorry, a what?

Defonte's.

The best subs in the world.

Like, my mouth is watering right now

thinking about the Big Daddy 12-inch with extra pickles.

Ooh!

Anyway, Defonte's is cash only.

But I didn't have any that day.

But I needed a Big Daddy,

so I was like, what am I gonna do?

And then, there it was.

Right across the street.

I thought it was the perfect solution.

Until I found out after I made a donation

that they don't pay you for the first specimen.

Pfft, you believe that?

You did it for a sandwich?

[seethes]

What could possibly be taking this long?

You think I have dozens of files or something?

That would mean I have dozens of children.

Or it means it's been so long

that she can't find your file.

[sighs]

But if you do have children out there

and they want to know their father,

they will be family.

Our family.

Evan R. Lawson.

Shh, hi.

Yep, we're right here.

Where you told us to wait, remember?

I found your record.

Your sample was definitely never used.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Definitely?

Yeah, why definitely?

Mmm.

I'd donate my sperm for this sandwich.

I get why you did what you did.

Come on, eat. You'll feel better.

I have no motility.

Not no motility. Low motility.

Low isn't no. It's just--

Slow, right?

Slow sperm.

That's right, I have sluggish, lazy,

lackluster sperm.

I have sperm who roll over and play dead.

I have unmotivated loser sperm.

I have loser sperm.

Can you keep it down, the sperm talk?

This is a family restaurant.

- Of course. - We're really sorry.

Say whatever you want about your slow swimmers.

One of them crossed the channel last week.

That's true.

We were pregnant.

Yeah.

And we don't know why it didn't last.

Maybe I have genetic challenges.

You are not blaming yourself.

No, no, there's no blame.

Just the facts of my DNA and yours.

And we're gonna learn what we can.

Maybe it's gonna be harder to get pregnant than we thought,

but at least we'll be informed.

And Hank's a doctor. He can help us.

No, Paige, we are not telling my brother

about my sorry and inadequate sperm, okay?

Yes, you're imperfect.

And I'm imperfect.

And we are gonna try to have a baby,

which will also be imperfect.

But when we have our little baby,

we will be the most perfect imperfect family.

I can't wait.

I really want to be a pops.

I know.

Eat up, Big Daddy.

You're gonna need your strength.

[chuckles]

.

So they're gonna put a mesh tube inside your aorta

to hold it open,

which means you will be the proud owner

of a stent graft.

While that sounds like a ton of fun,

I'm gonna have to miss the race?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

And while there's no cure for Takayasu's,

with annual check-ups you should return to normal.

Which means you'll make next year's race.

Although by then, I may be out-swimming you.

Ah.

You know, I am a pretty good coach.

More than you know.

I have a date tonight,

thanks to your advice.

Nice.

She a fan of Homeland?

She's a fan of the New York Mets.

MetsFan86.

We are gonna listen to the game tonight against the Phillies.

Her idea.

- Man, that's old-school. - Yeah.

Good taste in baseball teams.

That could be love.

Speaking of which,

how'd it go with Jane?

She's on her way right now.

Uh, I don't know if I should be more excited or terrified.

Maybe both.

Eh, that's a good point.

Hey, when she gets here,

you think I should, like, play it cool

or maybe, uh, open up, show her I'm vulnerable?

How 'bout you just be yourself?

Eh.

And if that doesn't work,

maybe get some guitar lessons and a tattoo.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Good advice.

Oh.

You're HamptDoc17?

You're MetsFan86?

It's fate.

Yeah.

How are you feeling?

A million times better, thanks to HamptDoc17.

Imagine if I ended up with HamptDoc12.

Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.

Look, I know I didn't exactly impress the other night.

I'm sorry

and a little mortified.

And the worst part is you're a really nice guy.

Can you give me a second chance?

Yeah.

Sure, I can.

Great.

Nice spread.

Yeah.

My God, what a beautiful night, huh?

Ah, it is.

So have you always been a Mets fan or...

Oh, pssh.

No, I don't really follow baseball.

My roommate told me to put that in there

'cause she said I'd get a lot of hits.

Oh.

And here I am.

Shot?

[chuckles]

Yeah, sure.

Whoo!

Yeah, there were some wonderful candidates in Philadelphia.

I winnowed out the ones I like less,

but hopefully we can get

the Center for Rare and Orphan Diseases--

um, the lab fully staffed by the end of the month.

That's great.

Yes, and with more manpower,

we'll be able to genetically engineer new models,

from construct creation to microinjection,

to evaluation and characterization.

[cell phone beeps]

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

This is very important, Sashi.

Because when only a small population

is afflicted by a disease, the funding can be limited.

But we'll be able to accelerate research and development

of new treatments by building preclinical models,

not only for ourselves but for global entities as well.

[softly] Come here. Come here.

What's the matter?

That was my attorney.

Rafa's lawyers, they saw that video of me online.

They pulled the custody agreement.

They think they have a case against me

as an unfit mother.