Original subtitles

They are really going at it. A lot of tongue.

Too much tongue.

I think it's kind of weird that we're watching them, though, right? Well, it's

hot. I think it'd be weird if we didn't watch them. They are super young,

though. In fact, everybody in here is super young.

Oh, God damn. Oh, come on.

Hey, are you 21?

Yeah, what does it look like? Yeah, fuck off, Grandpa.

Oh, the mouth on him. Wait a second. Didn't we, like, just deal with this?

We just dealt with something like this. We did, right? Not very long ago. All

right, let's kick him out. God damn it, son!

I can't believe you're in a bar. You are in so much trouble. I mean, how many

times do we have to tell you to stay away from her? We're in love.

Yeah, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Oh, my God, that was riveting.

It turned into a real Romeo and Juliet thing, didn't it? Yeah.

Hey,

guys, you guys look familiar.

Yeah, you do, too.

Hang on a second.

What are your names? I'm Trey. This is Tammy.

Huh? Did you say something? I wasn't listening. Oh, yeah.

That's Trey and Tammy. They were lovers in high school.

Tammy dragged a bang. Dude, I don't give a flying fuck about any of this gossipy

bullshit. Oh, you're not into teen drama?

No, because I am an adult, and I like adult stories, like a sexual,

psychological thriller, you know? This has no weight to it.

Well, this has been fun catching up. Oh, we're done? Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. You

know, we should do this more often. It's so hard to believe we haven't seen each

other since high school. Yeah. Well, since we were in high school.

You were 30.

Okay, well, let's not do that, you know?

Time's all in your head, Tammy.

And in your ass, apparently.

She's just making a joke. You look great. If our son ever comes back in

again, can you please send him home? Or at least not sell him alcohol?

Speaking of which, I assume you will be picking up the tab, yeah? Because they

kind of hustled out of here and you are legal guardians.

I actually think that's a law. I think you have to pick up your child's tab.

Here.

Let's go.

No. Oh, man.

What a trip down memory lane, huh?

Trey looks good.

Yeah, so does Tammy.

You know, sometimes I feel like she might be the one that got away.

Hey, did you sense something off? Something was off, right? It was all in

body language. Yeah, there was a strain there, right? There was a strain there.

God, that's hot.

Is it? Oh, married, forbidden lust.

Uh -huh.

Oof, I bet those two are just screaming for some strange.

Yeah.

and try to sleep with those two people that don't want to sleep with them at

all, it's probably going to wind up in a rape or a murder.

What?

Jesus Christ, you know we can hear you. I would never do that.

Well. Don't tell her, though.

Very exciting. I got a couple of bits planned, so just let me do my thing. Oh,

don't do bits. No, no, no, trust me. I think let's throw them off the scent at

first. I don't see how that's going to be possible with all that cologne you're

wearing. Boy, that's actually not a clone. No, that's a pheromone serum I

about on Rogan. Super cool, man. It's like testicular fluid from, like, a

prostate or something like that.

I know it sounds strange, but it's scientifically proven to intimidate

drive females wild.

Human females?

Oh, fuck this. Stop. All right, listen.

Listen, once we get in there, let's split off by gender, okay? I'll have a

-to -man talk with Trey, and you do, I don't know, whatever it is that you

females do when you're alone with each other.

And then let's find an excuse to split off again.

Uh, take a shit.

Too gross. Well, shit is all I can think about.

It's overwhelming, the smell that's coming off of you. The smell isn't

off right to you. It's a pheromonal thing. You're my sister, okay?

If it was working on you, then we'd have a real problem, wouldn't we? All right.

Hey, Tammy.

Tammy! We were just in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd just swing by and

say hi.

Hello.

Were you expecting somebody else?

No. No, I was just wondering what that smell was.

Oh. I guess the lawn got fertilized.

Huh.

No, I think maybe you're smelling a cool spring braids, perhaps some freshly

hung laundry. Did one of you step in dog shit?

I don't think so. I know I didn't.

Okay, well, come on in.

Take your shoes off.

No problem.

Dude, all right, thanks for coming over, man. I need your help with something.

Okay, well, that smell.

Has Dennis been here?

I feel both intimidated and aroused. No, you know what that is? That's the old

piss cans. I haven't changed them in, like, forever.

Is that why you asked me over here? No. Look, remember when you said, like, you

wanted, like, a sexual, psychological thriller thing? You were more into those

kind of stories? You want to sink your teeth into something like that? You know

what I mean? I got something for you.

I'm listening.

All right, take a look around this place.

Something's missing.

What is it?

A vacuum. Stop.

Come on, man. Be serious.

I am dead serious.

Buddy, I don't get it. I mean, how can you be so obsessed with cleaning the bar

and yet you live in all this piss and shit?

Dude, it's Frank.

It's both of you. Will you stop it? It's Frank that's missing.

Well, how is that a psychological sex thriller? Well, I don't know what it is,

but it's strange, you know what I mean? Like, he didn't come home last night? He

hasn't been at the bar recently? Like, some of the stuff's missing? You know,

like, you find these, like, weird piles of hair everywhere?

The piles of hair could be from any one of the wild animals that probably lives

here. Well, you gotta admit it's kind of strange.

Well, not exactly thrilled, so it's not a thriller, but it is a mystery, I'll

give you that. Okay, I'll bite. Where do you and Frank go when you're not

together? Well, if we're not together, we don't go anywhere. Well, right now

you're not together.

Well, I'm here.

I recognize where you are.

What we're trying to do is find out where Frank is.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

It could be anywhere, you know. It could go under the bridge. He goes there a

lot. All right. We're getting somewhere. Yeah.

Okay. I guess we got to go under the bridge. Jack under the bridge. All

Cool. Yeah. You're pretty good at this. That rules out anything sexy. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Let's go. All right.

There he is.

I thought you were taking a shit.

Oh, no, come on, don't be silly.

It's just the excuse I made to sort of peel off and be alone with you. You were

in the bathroom for like 20 minutes.

Yeah, I took a shit. But you know what?

That's your fault, mister, because you get things moving inside me, you know?

It's kind of gross. Okay, listen, I'm...

I'm trying to take a shot here, but you're making it hard.

Take a shot with what?

Like a suburban married drama, you know? A little infidelity.

Okay. Look.

If I'm being honest, things aren't great between me and Tammy, sexually -wise,

right now. Maybe spicing things up in the bedroom might help.

Yes. Okay. Now you're talking.

Okay. All right, let me finish up with this laundry, and then we can slip out

here.

Do you always do the laundry?

Yeah, and Tammy gets pissed if I do it half -assed, but I told her that I'd

some things up at the supermarket after I walk the dogs, so I can sneak it out

to lunch.

So you do the grocery shopping, and you walk the dogs, too? I do. And the

laundry? Yeah.

Do you do the dishes?

I do.

Tammy makes all the money. I don't know what to tell you, but, like, I got some

things on the side.

I've been killing it at fantasy football.

I got to take a shit.

Yeah,

I live...

Free. Like a wild beast.

Okay. Maybe Trey's gotten a little bit too complacent. Maybe old Tammy needs to

take a page out of young Tammy's notebook.

What are you talking about?

Let's bang and make Trey jealous.

Oh, God.

That's what this is about?

Yeah. I'm not gonna bang you.

Sure is a pussy. I couldn't do it. Yeah, I couldn't do it either. Tammy was all

over me, but I found the whole thing boring. You know why? Because it's adult

drama. That's why it's boring. Teen drama is exciting because everything's

new. Adult stuff's just the same thing over and over and over and over. Yeah,

see, teen drama's forged in lust.

Adult drama's forged in sadness.

So sad.

He was full in the laundry.

What? He does that every day. She should be doing that. Of course she should.

You know what else?

He goes grocery shopping.

What? Why?

Because he's a pussy, like I said.

Oh, okay. Well, let's get out of here. I do have to take a shit in real.

Not me.

I'm actually getting a little worried about Frank, man.

All right, well, don't get melodramatic. This isn't a soap opera.

Why do they call him that?

There's no soap involved.

And no singing. Right? Nothing operatic about it? No, I'm not sure. Either way,

it's not the kind of mystery we want. You see, we want a rising tension to

the comedy or tragedy feel more satisfying in the end.

A tragedy?

Well, yeah, we don't know what this is yet, Charlie. Well, how would a tragedy

feel satisfying?

Well, okay, what if we came down here and we found Frank with a bullet in his

head and a suicide note? Not satisfying. Not satisfying.

Very tragic. However, there could be an overall poetic sense of completion to

his inevitable story arc due to Frank's historically terrible life choices.

And somehow, as a viewer, I would feel satisfied by... I believe there would be

a subconscious... Yeah, that's not going to work for me at all, man. What the

hell are you talking about? Well, it's the hero's journey. There he is.

Cricket? Hey, man.

Shit.

What's good, baby? What's popping?

What's with the dreadlocks and the voice you're doing? Oh, yeah, no, I ain't no

voice, baby. You know, I'm just evolving down here under the bridge. You know

what I mean? Just trying to spread my business to a more diverse clientele.

know what I mean? No. I don't at all. Yeah, no, I feel like this is not cool.

Like, is this a good plot twist? What is this? There's nothing good about this.

This is giving me the ick. Yeah, this is just a... I feel like we're dancing

around a very dangerous line here. You know, just having, like, a white guy

talking, like, you know, what it is, man.

I'm just doing cricket.

Just doing cricket. We're not supposed to do it. We're not supposed to do it.

We're past it as a society.

For the detective to make fun of the suspect.

Hold up. Why are y 'all saying suspect?

Am I suspect?

Well, we don't know what you are yet. Do be cricket. If it's got something to do

with that John who got his dick bit off, I don't know shit. All right?

I wasn't there, and I didn't see shit, and I don't know what the dick is, okay?

You bit a dude's dick off, man? No, I didn't bite it. No, they take the dick,

and I don't know what they do with it, and I don't ask, okay? Who's that? Who's

they? It doesn't matter, because I don't know shit, and I'm not talking.

I'm going to blow past that, especially because I feel uncomfortable with you

talking like this.

Where's Frank? Whoa.

Now that, I really can't talk about.

Why not? Well, he made me sign an NDA, so this cricket ain't chirping.

An NDA, that's good. That brings us right back around to a mystery. How's

good, dude?

It means there's a paper trail. Cricket.

Do you have a copy of this NDA?

Maybe I do.

Maybe I don't. Stop with this, dude.

I'm going to kick the shit out of you, man. That's how he bit the dick off.

Don't step to me. Okay, all right. Don't step to him. All right, I won't. Don't

step to him. I need to know where Frank is, bro. All right, you know what?

Goddamn, fine.

I'll give you this.

But then your Mary and the Librarian ass has got to roll up out of here, man.

You're blowing up my spot. What is Mary and the Librarian? Music man. Know your

culture. Music man. Uncomfortable with this whole thing.

Matthew Mara is hereby barred from any communication about Frank Reynolds or

Frank will sue his ass. Well, that doesn't help us at all, dude.

Yes, it does.

Look who his lawyer is.

Who? Jack Kelly, attorney at lawyering.

Okay, you're sure this wouldn't be better to handle at my office?

You have an office?

That in itself is a mysterious twist. No, he doesn't. He's talking about my

mom's basement. I have a filing cabinet and a computer. You have a filing

cabinet until the FBI comes.

It's so annoying we got to go through him. What is the deal with Frank and

NDA? He's been getting some of his affairs in order. What does that mean,

affairs? What's going on with him? Where is the guy? Okay, well, he passed info

to me, but I only have permission to show Charlie.

Why? Well, because he's the one listed as the president of Frank's foundation.

Oh. Okay, well, this is news to me. I'm sorry, what foundation?

Yeah, and what's my role in the foundation?

Um, well, I'm not seeing you listed anywhere in here.

That's impossible.

Frank's always talking about me, isn't he, and how I should be more involved in

his affairs?

I'm going to tell Charlie, and then after I leave, he can tell you if he

This is bullshit.

Charlie, there's got to be room for me in the foundation.

I don't know, you know. There's a lot to think about now that I'm president. You

know what I mean? I got to find Frank.

I got to find out what I'm president of.

You know, these are big decisions. They're kind of over your head, man.

Yeah. All right. I'm going to pass the info to you, OK?

I didn't sign off on that maneuver. Charlie, we've got an address.

Yeah, but I didn't sign off on that, Matt. I needed to be able to do my job,

right? This is my job, getting the information, getting the facts.

This is thrilling.

What is this?

It seems like we've transitioned into a bit of a political thriller.

Ah, I like those.

These are chase themes. You want to?

Chase me around the apartment?

I don't want to be in that room. No, we're not going to do that. Welcome,

Well, I banged her.

What? Yeah. Who, Tammy?

No, Tammy's son's prom date.

Carrie Bitterberry?

Yeah. Oh.

Yeah, I was going for that forbidden teen drama thing. You know, I convinced

that Trey Jr. cheated on her, and the only way she could get back at him was

sleep with me.

Gross. Yeah, you know what? It was kind of gross, but probably not for the

reasons you're thinking. It was gross because she wasn't satisfying to me.

She didn't know any moves. You know, I tried to teach her, but she wouldn't

listen to any of my commands. Can you believe this?

Yeah, and now she's blowing up my phone. You know, she made me a playlist. Like,

we don't have a song. How could we have a song together? We listen to no music

whatsoever. The whole thing was done in silence. Oh, God. Except for the noises

that I was making.

What's grossing you out? Is it the fact that she wasn't satisfying you? The fact

that she's a child. No, she's not a child. What are you talking about? She's

years old. I checked.

Still a teen. Well, she has to be a teen. I thought we were doing a Romeo

Juliet thing. Juliet was not banging an old man.

Oh, Dee, you know what? Just stop. I think the fact that she was 19 is

the reason why Trey and Tammy didn't want their son dating her. Because she

robbing the cradle.

You know?

Okay. All right. Why are you so grossed out by this? You know what? I gotta go.

Where are you going? I gotta go bang Trey Jr.

Why?

Because we're doing a thing and I gotta win.

The address is a storage unit. You think it's in there?

I don't know, man. Yeah, this could be like the secret headquarters of the

foundation or something.

That seems more like a James Bond spy thing. That doesn't really fit. No,

The foundation's got a lot of international stuff happening, you know?

even know what the foundation is!

Got it. 69, 69. Well, every time.

No Frank.

Yeah. What is this?

Toys for the foundation shipped to Africa.

I told you we had international dealings, you know what I mean? Africa

market for us, you know?

We do a lot of, you know, trading in the toy sector.

You know, don't even ask too many questions about it. It's like annoying

much you're priming me about trying to be in the foundation.

Let's see what's in here.

I mean, like, maybe I can finagle you like an entry -level position, but I

just put you on the board.

What am I looking at here? What is this?

Rhino? These are dick pills, man!

Jesus. All right, well, it took a sexual turn. That's kind of interesting. What

is he doing in here with the dick pills? What's on the tape? What is this about?

I don't know.

Should we watch it? I don't want to. Yeah, I'm a little concerned about what

going to see here. I think you've got to shield your eyes because he's most

likely, almost definitely, for sure going to be naked and fucking... Just

play. Okay, we'll just... Let me know if he's got a... Yeah, okay, and... Hey,

I'm Frank.

I've had a few great lows in my life.

I lost one to racial injustice.

Another one OD'd.

I lost a wife to a botched neck job, but that's a whole other story.

But I haven't had a love in my life for a long time.

And I'm not sure how long I can go on without it.

That's it?

I don't know. Looks like he taped over some old Highlander episodes and ran out

of tape. He always does that. He forgets where the tape...

What is this, man? What is he doing?

I don't get it. He's doing a lot of dick pills because these are all empty.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

That's not good. Frank always said he wanted his dick and his heart to explode

at the same time.

Dude, did he kill himself?

If he did, he did it hard as a rock.

You are a boy.

Sorry, you are a lot younger than I remember.

Huh? Yeah, in my head you looked a little bit more like a man, but boy are

not. You're a kid. You're a kid. How in God's name did Dennis do this? Do what?

I'm trying to be my brother. You wouldn't get it. Are you the lady from

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just power through and get to the hot part, right?

So, sex.

Sex.

You are inexperienced and sex is exciting and maybe a little nerve

The kids in my school have been sleeping with each other for a decade.

I don't need your whole backstory.

You are 18, right?

I don't want to be mean, but my granny isn't that much older than you.

Your granny?

Yeah.

I will have you know I went to high school with your mom.

She said when she was in high school you were 40.

I was 30.

What's the difference?

Ten years!

Ten years is the difference. Listen to me, you little shit.

Dennis slept with your prom date.

Oh, yeah.

Does that make you sad?

Do you want to suck your thumb, little boy? I gotta go.

Well... You win, Dennis. I couldn't do it. So it wasn't really a win -lose

thing. Of course it was. But to be very clear, the kid wanted to. I just am not

a criminal.

I'm not a criminal either.

Carrie Bitterberry is 19 years old. The only crime here is Carrie Bitterberry's

inability to satisfy a lover.

Well, then I probably did Trey Jr.

a favor by telling him. Yeah, I guess. Wait, what? You told him? Yeah, I told

him. But he took it pretty hard.

It was juicy.

I think he's going to try and fight you after school.

Although, watching a grown man be pummeled by a kid in his prime is more

than dramatic, if I'm being honest.

God damn it, Pete. Why'd you tell him? I mean, that's... Two local teens

attempted suicide when they drove off the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

Fortunately, the teens survived the crash, although both sustained injuries

will be likely severely disfigured.

Oh!

Well, I can definitely kick his ass now, right? He's all jacked up.

What?

You're not gonna make me feel bad about this, okay? I don't feel bad.

I don't feel anything.

Guys, we got a problem.

Frank took all his dick pills.

He's going to commit suicide. He's going to commit suicide. Yeah, yeah. Speaking

of suicide, Dennis almost killed a couple of teenagers.

Yeah, they drove off a bridge, but they're still alive. Who, Carrie

and Trey Jr.? Oh, that's classic Dennis.

Come on, man. Maybe teen drama does have some weight to it. That's like a

tragedy. Well, I mean...

It's really only a tragedy if they die, you know? If they're just, like, mangled

and stuff.

Then I think it's nothing. It's not anything.

Maybe a horror film? All right, well, we're still in the mystery because Frank

is missing.

A guy?

I think I found him.

Frank Reynolds is looking for love.

Frank's Global Youth Foundation brings joy to needy children.

I want to share that joy with someone I can spend the rest of my life with.

Seems like a great guy. We hope you find true love, Frank. We'll be rooting for

you.

Well, that's what you call a plot twist.

Hello, everybody!

I don't know how you got the wig that good. Like, do you wear a wig? Do I wear

wig? No.

Nonsense. For real, though, do you? Stop!

FX News. Starting all new next Wednesday at 9 on FXX.

Stream on Hulu.

We don't want that.

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