All language subtitles for Home Improvement - 08x04 - Taylor Got Game.Unspecified.English.HI.C.edit.Addic7ed.com

It's the closing minutes
of the World Cup.

Brad Taylor steals the ball
and dribbles to the right,

cuts back to the left, shoots!
It's a goal!

Goal, goal, goal!

(WHOOPS) Goal!

Oh, yeah!

So you're studying
hard today, huh?

Yeah. I'm practicing
for the SAT test.

Is this the part where
they ask you to make rain?

No, I was just
taking the math test.

Gosh, it was so hard
I'm scared to find out
my score.

Well, let's add it up.
How do we do this?

Well, I already did the
adding and the subtracting.

You have to take
this number here
and divide it by four.

Well, don't worry.

Math is just simple logic.

Let's see, two, two...

Well, Dad, when you divide,
shouldn't
the number get smaller?

I've been dividing
since I was a kid.
That is your score.

Forty-two hundred, baby!

Dad, the highest
possible score is 800.

You know what?
I bet you added
a zero to the 420.

Don't be silly.
You add a zero to 420,
you still get 420.

Yeah, you're right.
Hi, guys.

Hi.

So what do you think?

New hair?

No!

New pants?

No! New couch!
New couch!

BOTH: What new couch?

I cannot believe
that you didn't notice it.

It's been here since
early this morning.

I spent six weeks
picking this thing out.
I love it. Love it.

I'm gonna lie down here
and never get up. Ever. Never.

Well, Mom, I got a
420 on my math test.

What? Oh, my God!

You're never
gonna get into UCLA
with scores like that,

no matter how
well you play soccer.

I know, but I hate math.
I'd rather hit myself in
the head with a hammer.

Don't be too sure.
It really hurts.

Does everybody know
what time it is?

ALL: Tool Time!

That's right!
Tim, Tim, he's our man!

If he can't fix it, Big Al can!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Heidi. Thank you, Heidi.
Thank you.

(HEIDI IMITATING TRAIN)

Thank you, Heidi.
Thank you, everyone.
Welcome to Tool Time.

I am Tim "The
School Man" Taylor.

And, of course,
you all know my assistant
Al "Husky" Borland.

AL: Thank you.

Welcome to our
Tool Time salute...

BOTH: Food fight!

...to college.
To college.

In today's competitive
college environment,
a young man needs an edge.

That's why we've taken
that dorm room and given it
the old Tool Time twist.

Ladies and gentlemen,
say hello to

the man's dorm room!
The man's dorm room!

Now, at first blush,
this may look like an
ordinary college dorm room,

but let's
scratch that surface
a little bit and go deep.

The operative word
in this dorm room
is "efficiency."

Most college students
don't have time
to do laundry,

so it piles up,
cluttering the workspace.

Hey, roomie, what are we
gonna do with all this
laundry?

Not to worry.

We've modified this
little trash compactor.

Aha!

Perfect.

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

(BELL RINGS)

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Hard to believe there's
16 weeks of my dirty
underwear in there, huh?

Suppose your kid has a
Chemistry final tomorrow.

He's got to do well,

but the professor's got this
silly bias against students
that, I don't know,

blow up the chemistry lab.

Allegedly.

To help students
stay up late studying,

our dorm room has
that added thing

to give them
that jolt of energy!

An oxygen bar.

Yes, it comes with domestic...

Mmm, Seattle.

...and imported.

(COUGHS)

Mexico City.

Well, moving on.

Well, after a late night,

most students
have a hard time
getting up on time.

So we've created
a fail-safe wake-up system
with three stages of alarm.

Well, for the light sleeper...

(ALARM RINGING)

I'm up.

For the moderate sleeper...

(HORN BLARING)

What was that?

Just five more.

For the stubborn sleeper...

(SCREAMING) Get up!

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

I've added one
more little thing.

What?

Let's say you're
having the captain
of the cheerleaders over

for a little
late-night studying,

and you don't want
Flannel Boy listening in.

AL: What?

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Aren't you supposed
to be studying?

Yeah, Mom wants me to be
studying, but I'm all out
of brain space.

All right. Well,
take a little break.

Let's play a little out here.

No, that's cool, Dad.

Come on. Just do it.

(IMITATING SCHWARZENEGGER)
Do it now. Come on.
Work it. Work it.

Work it.
Don't turn your back on me,
girlie man. Shoot.

Go easy on your dad, Brad.

(BRAD CHUCKLES)

Hey, do I smell pork
by-products over there?

Yes, indeedy.
These are bangers
fresh from England.

Hey, Tim and Brad Taylor,

I'd like you
to meet a former
student of mine

from Oxford,
Simon Downing-Chubb.

Hello, Taylors.
How's it going?

Simon Downing-Chubb.

So what do you do?

I own a software company.

Actually, he owns one
of the largest software
companies in England.

He's also a very
active philanthropist.

Well, I'm involved in a
foundation that fights poverty
and promotes world peace.

Enough chit-chat.
What do you drive?

I've got a Bentley,
two Jaguars and I'm
restoring an Austin-Healy.

Wow, I've got an
Austin-Healy myself!

I thought that was
Jill's Austin-Healy.

Technically, in the sense

that she owns it
and I'm not
allowed to drive it.

Plus, neither one of them
can keep it running.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Well, it is British.

Well, you colonists
dumped our tea,

so we get back at
you with our cars.

JILL: Brad!
Study break's over!

Nice to meet you,
Mr. Downing-Chubb.

So Brad's a soccer player?

One of the best
high-school players
in Detroit.

Thanks, Wilson.
I'm soccer-mad myself.

I even bought my own team.

The Birmingham Chubbs.
Are you a soccer fan, Taylor?

Yeah, you know, it's okay.
I love the rioting.

Well, you know,
if Brad has a game
in the next couple of days,

why don't you take Simon?

He plays tomorrow afternoon.
Love to take you if
you want to go see it.

And after that, maybe you
want to take a look at
the Healy with me

and tell me why the wipers
go on every time I honk
the horn.

Sounds like a problem
with the radio.

Do all Americans
drive like that?

Yeah. We drive on
the right side of
the road here, Simon.

No, I meant 60 miles
an hour on the shoulder.

No, you see, my dad calls
that the passing lane.

All right,
listen, guys, I gotta kick
around a few math problems.

Great game, Brad.
You were top-drawer.

That means "good
job" if you live
in the mother country.

Want to go out to
the garage and check
out the Austin-Healy?

Lead on.

Voila.

Oh, it's a lovely car, Taylor.

Thanks.

Just finishing
having it rebuilt,
bottom up.

But there's something
really funky in the wiring.

All right, let's have
a quick peek under
your bonnet.

Simon, we just met.

In England, they call
the hood the bonnet.

I know that.

It's just you Brits have a way
of sucking all the manliness
out of a car.

I think it was the Americans
who came up with the car bra.

When you got a nice
set of headlights,

you want to support them
with something, don't you?

You know, I have to tell you,
Brad really is
quite a soccer player.

He's talented enough to play
professionally in England.

You think he's that good?

Yeah.

I can't say the same
for your wiring.

What do you want to do?

I'll need a wire stripper
and a cold beverage posthaste.

Here's your wire stripper.
I'll get you your cold
beverage post-toasty.

Hey, hitting those books, huh?

Yeah. I already hit them.
Now I gotta open them.

Guess what? Guess what
the Chubbster said.

He says you're good enough
to play soccer professionally
in England.

No way!
Yeah.

Wow! That's so cool.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Awfully
talented, frightfully good,
absolutely marvelous.

Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond.

Bond, James Bond.
Dad. Dad.

No, Goldfinger.
Dad! Dad!

No, Goldfinger.
Dad!

Pussy. Pussy Galore.

I'm trying to study here.

Right! Right!

Study! The boy must study!
I'll tell Moneypenny
immediately.

Honey, you're in for a treat.

Your first banger's
almost off the grill.

I can't wait.
What's in a banger anyway?

A veritable zoo-full
of English animal innards,

with just the right
amount of spices.

Yeah, I think I'll pass.

I've had enough monkey
in my diet lately.

Hi, Mom.

Hey. How are you doing?

Wait, what are you doing?
Aren't you
supposed to be studying?

No, I don't have
to study anymore.

Right.

And what about the SAT tests?

No, I don't have to
take them. I'm not
gonna go to college.

What?
Yeah.

I'm gonna play
professional soccer
in England.

You're looking at
the newest Birmingham Chubb.

What are you talking about?

What the hell is
a Birmingham Chubb?

Simon's team.

Who the hell is Simon?

The owner of the Chubbs.

We're not getting anywhere.

Simon's one of
Wilson's friends.

Dad invited him to the game
the other day and
he came and told me

I was good enough
to play professional,

and I said, "Yeah.
I'm up for it."

You're up for it?

What makes you think
that your father and I

would even consider
allowing you to do this?

Well, Dad was the one
that told me about it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Your father knows about this?
He's in favor of this?

Well, yeah. He seemed
excited when Simon told
him how good I was.

They talked about the whole
thing while they were working
on the car.

So while changing
a windshield wiper,

your father
single-handedly decided
to change your entire future?

All right, who's ready
to suck down a banger?

You can get a salad,
too, if you want.

Tim, when I went to
work this morning,

I had a son who was
headed for college.

Now I've got a Chubb.

Dad, I talked to Simon.
I'm gonna be playing
professional soccer.

What?

Don't act so surprised.
You're the one that
told him to do it.

I have no idea what you
guys are talking about.

You invited Simon
to go watch him play, right?

You told Brad that
he was good enough
to play pro.

Have you lost weight?

How could you tell Brad
that it's okay for him
to play soccer in Europe?

I didn't say that. I just
passed on Simon's compliment,
that's all.

But you know how much
trouble he's having
with his schoolwork.

I mean, telling him
that was like

dangling a big, fat carrot
in front of a starving horse!

Well, I didn't know
the starving horse would
eat the big, fat carrot!

Well, you should have!

Excuse me, guys.
The horse would
like to speak.

Look, guys, this is a big
opportunity for me and I
don't want to pass it up.

Brad, you said that you
wanted to play soccer
in college. What about UCLA?

No, you guys wanted
me to go to UCLA.

This is a chance for me
to get on the soccer field

without killing
myself studying.

Well, what if going pro
doesn't work out, Brad?

Yeah.

Dad, you know it's gonna
work out, you've seen me play.

Brad, you're gonna
ruin your chances
to get a scholarship.

Mom, if I go pro,
I don't need a scholarship.

(SIGHS)

I don't believe this.
You actually
expect us to just say,

"Oh, yeah. Great.
Okay, pack up,
go to England"?

Well, you guys let
Randy go to Costa Rica.

No.
No, no, no.
That's not the same thing.

He's down there for school.
He's still in
an educational program.

Well, Simon says it's gonna
be a great experience for me

playing soccer
and living on my own.

What do you plan
to do for money?
Yeah.

Simon says he'll pay me
�10,000 a year.

Simon says that's
plenty to live on.

That's simple for Simon to say.

If Simon says jump
off the London Bridge,
are you gonna do that?

Simon wouldn't say that.

I say you are going to college.

And I say you're
going to college, too.

Okay, Dad, so you're saying
if you could've gone straight
from high school to Tool Time,

are you saying you
would have gone to college?

Well, of course he would
have gone to college.
Tell him, Tim.

You... They...

The... No, there's...

If that...
Those... They never...

No one called.

Tim!

There's...
No, no, no.
That's all I wanted to hear.

No, no.
I just stuttered then.
I didn't say anything.

What was that about?

Well, that question
caught me off guard.

Well, you're on guard now.
Go tell him to go to college.

Jill, look, if I had the
chance to skip English Lit

and go straight to Tool Time,
I probably would have done it.

That's fine for you,
but that's not the message
I want our son to hear.

He asked me a question,
I gave him an honest answer.
What was I supposed to do?

You do what most good
parents would do, lie.

Good arm, Wilson.

Well, thank you, neighbor.
Simon inspired me
to dust off my cricket gear.

(SIGHS)

Unfortunately,
I'm having trouble
controlling my googly.

Maybe you should
switch to briefs.

No, Tim. See,
the googly is the cricket
equivalent of a curve ball.

Well, Simon certainly threw
a curve ball over here
the other day.

Did you know
that he offered Brad

a contract to play
for his soccer team
in England?

Well, Simon said that
Brad was a great player,

but Simon never said anything
about signing him up.

I am sick of what Simon says!

So I take it you
and Jill don't want
Brad playing in England?

Jill doesn't. I'm not sure.

Brad doesn't care,
he just wants to go.

Oh, well,
I understand their positions,
but why are you on the fence?

Well, you know,

Brad asked me if I could
have skipped college

and gone right to Tool Time,
would I have done that?

And I couldn't say
that I wouldn't
have done that.

Ah.

And you're afraid if you told
Brad to do something that you
wouldn't do,

you would be a hypocrite.

Exactly.

Tim, to be offered
your dream job at
such an early age,

that would be so flattering.

I think anybody
would be tempted.

So do I.

You know, for example,
when I was young,

I had to choose
between going to Oxford

or becoming
a professional mime.

That certainly
would have impacted
our relationship, wouldn't it?

You know, Tim, if you had been
offered Tool Time when you
were 18 years of age,

do you think you
would have missed anything
by not going to college?

Of course I would've
missed college.

That's where I met
a lot of my friends,

and, you know,
there's all sorts of
great stuff in college.

You know, panty raids, keggers.

(LAUGHING)

And Chemistry class.
They let me work
with real stuff.

That's when you
blew up the lab.

Allegedly.

College was more about
expanding my horizons.
I learned a lot of stuff.

So there you go.

You know, it seems to me
you can have this talk about

college with Brad
without being a hypocrite.

What made you decide
not to be a mime?

I talked myself out of it.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY)

Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad!

What?

Turn that thing off!
I want to talk to you!

Well, if you're gonna
yell at me about England,

you can forget
about it, all right?
I'm making my own decisions.

(YELLING) I'm not here
to yell at you.

I want to have
a calm discussion

about pro soccer
versus going to college.

Dad, I just feel that the
experience I'd get playing
professional soccer

would make up for anything
I'd be missing in college.

So you do admit you might
miss something if you don't
go to college?

Nothing important.

Dad, and you even
implied earlier

that if you could
have skipped college,
you would have.

When I thought about it,
I was wrong about that.

Dad, this is such
a big opportunity
for me.

I mean,
I'll be living on my own,
making money,

and doing the one
thing I'm good at.

What do you
mean the one thing
you're good at?

You're good at
a lot more things
than just soccer.

Dad, I'm a lot better
on the soccer field
than I am in the classroom.

You worked real hard
this year and you got
your grades up, didn't you?

Yeah, in high school.
If I go to a school like UCLA,
Dad, they'll humiliate me.

Where did you get
an idea like that?

Grant Scott's brother
sent me a book from UCLA.

I couldn't even
understand the cover.

Well, you just gotta...

Jeez!

It's like a foreign language.

That's my Spanish book.

Dad, I'm talking,
like, a calculus book.

Well, you know, you're not
supposed to understand this.

That's why you go to college,
so you will understand it.

Dad, I'm not gonna
cut it at UCLA
or any other college!

Okay?
It's gonna be way too hard!
I'm gonna flunk out!

Wait a minute.
Is that what
this is all about?

You're gonna
run off to England
because you're scared?

No, I'm not scared.

You just said
you were worried
about flunking out.

You're gonna go
across the sea,
go over someplace else.

You know, I don't want
you becoming a mime!

What?

I don't want you to miss
the opportunity
for an education

because you're
afraid of messing up.

Well, don't you ever
worry about messing up?

Have you ever seen Tool Time?

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Look. Look, son,
you get stronger in life
by facing your fears.

You were real worried
about going to high school

and you worked hard
and you got your grades up.

College is just
a step like that.

And you can do this, Brad.
You can do this.

All right, I'll think about it.

And think about this,

half of the starters
on the World Cup soccer
team came from UCLA.

Dad, they finished last.

That's why they need you.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You get into UCLA,
I will build you a dorm
room of your dreams, man.

Just like on Tool Time.
What feature
would you really like?

Heidi?

It's not a beauty pageant.
This is a fitness competition.

Hi, guys.

We were just watching
the Discovery Channel.

Yeah, right. Brad, Brad,
your SAT scores came.

I think I'll open
them a little later.

No. No.

No, we can't
stand the suspense.

Here, Dad.
You can open them.
I'll open them.

Hold on.
Don't open it yet.
Don't open it yet.

All right, go ahead.
Okay, I'll go ahead.

Wait, wait.
Not, not yet.
Not yet.

Brad, honey, relax.

Okay, go ahead.

(WHISTLES)

Eight-hundred-and-twenty-six
million, fifty-thousand
and thirty-three.

Dad, that's my
Social Security number.

Hey, Brad, look.
You got a 550 in math,
530 in English.

Congratulations.
Congratulations.

Cool. I'm gonna go
call Samantha and tell
her the good news.

Okay.
All right.

Cool.
Cool.

Do you realize how close we
came to having another son
in a foreign country?

What's with these kids anyway?

Other people want
to come to America,

these kids just
want to get out.

Do you think it's my cooking?

You combine that
with this couch, and...

Does everybody know
what time it is?

ALL: Tool Time!

(LAUGHING)

MAN: That's right!

(CROWD BOOING)

Simon says he's gonna
pay me �10,000 a year

and Simon says that's
plenty to live on.

Is there a cigar in this thing?

I know! I know!