Original subtitles

Good time, anytime you need a payment. Good time, anytime you need a friend.

Good time, anytime you're out for Monday.

Not getting hassled, not getting hustled. Keeping your head up for water.

Making a wave when you can.

Temporary layoffs.

Good time.

over my pants so I can get dressed.

Michael, when you rented this tuxedo, didn't you notice that one leg was

than the other?

Well, Ma, you know, the tailor was a really good salesman. He told me the

was slanted.

Ma, you know, I was really nervous. I've never rented a tuxedo before.

Well, I'm nervous now.

I've never had a daughter married before, and I've got to get dressed

No, I...

mean to tell me you're embarrassed in front of your Aunt Malone?

If I had a dollar for every time I talk to him, you're a tush.

I knew what a cute tushy it was.

Here, Michael.

It's finished.

Hmm.

Oops.

Flo, I gotta talk to you.

I can't wait till later, Malone. I've got to get dressed now. No, Flo, it's

gotta be now.

I cannot walk down the aisle this afternoon with Thelma as a maid of

What? Yeah, I've been thinking about it all night long.

People are going to be expecting a friend of the bride to come walking down

aisle. You know, someone around her own age.

Is that what you're worried about?

Well, you won't look more than a few years older than the bride.

How few?

Ten? Four?

Eight?

Six. Hold on, girl. You're going to pass me.

I can't disappoint Thelma and the rest of us. Oh, you're right. I can't let her

down. Of course not.

So what if I look almost 30 to some people?

seat on it Violet and I got married in. Looks like you could have held your

reception in there, too.

It fits pretty good. It was a little snug.

But last night, Violet let the pants out.

It only took her three hours.

Oh, here's a present for the bride.

Oh, how nice.

Thank you, Buckman. You're welcome.

Well, see you at the church.

Oh, by the way, where will I sit?

Where will you sit?

The first two rows.

And, Booger, please, try not to lap over into the aisle.

Slip over, hang over.

Now I know I'd better get dressed.

Hey, Ma, you know, the new eyelashes I bought, I can only find one.

I think I know why.

Why?

You got them both on one eye.

seen anybody so nervous.

Well, Ginger Rogers was here. She would swear I was Fred Astaire.

You look more like Mr. Peanut.

Well, Lola.

Oh, Ma, I just want to look good for the wedding.

Well, you should look elegant. You're paying for the wedding.

But, son, I think the hat is a little too much.

Sort of makes you look like an outer work magician.

In that case, I won't show y 'all the cape.

Now I know I better get dressed.

Go on and start getting dressed.

Hello?

Get the pail in the mouth, it's Weeping Wanda.

All right, all right.

You wearing that dress on the honeymoon?

Of course.

Well, knowing Keith, you don't need a getaway dress. You'll need a breakaway

dress.

JJ.

Ma, this is the last time. Let me handle JJ.

Oh, yeah?

Handle this.

Thelma, you may be my sister, and you may be getting wed, but that don't

the fact you still a coconut head.

If you stand on your head, you look like a pencil.

Grandma, even though you look better than I've ever seen you, if the school

ugly gave out a crown, they queen you.

I gotta get in on this one.

JJ, brother, last night on TV, I thought I saw your face.

But the scientist said it was a black ugly creature from outer space.

Michael, you may be smart when it comes to books, but looking at your face, I

wouldn't comment on looks.

All right, children.

Hold on, Ma, I'm not through yet.

Thelma, you're a pain in the past, and even though you're leaving the nest...

Well?

Even though you're leaving the nest, Thelma, I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too, Thelma.

You too, Michael.

Children, stop crying.

A wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion.

You're all acting as ridiculous as Wanda.

You're right,

Ma.

feel better.

Mom, come on now.

I just couldn't help thinking that after

the wedding, you'll be gone.

Michael will be going away to college.

And I just told Bookman we're giving up the apartment.

Hey, Mama, don't worry. We're going to keep in touch.

Matter of fact, I'm going to write you all the time.

And I'm going to write you, Thelma. And you too, JJ.

I'll write you too, Michael.

You too, Mom.

I'll write you two, darling.

I'll write Keith.

I'll write all the whole team. I'll write the whole NFL.

Everyone in the league.

I will.

Hey, hold on. If we do all this letter writing, we're going to bring the post

office to a standstill.

Michael, we can do that with two postcards.

Anyway, look at this way. We are finally getting out of the ghetto.

After all these...

in mysterious ways, and so does James Brown.

Hey,

J .J., my man, that was rude, brother, rude.

I mean, you mean to tell me that you ain't gonna invite Sweet Daddy inside

the prenuptials?

Hey, look, Sweet, it's bad luck for you to see the bride before the wedding.

Well, look, Sweet Daddy ain't marrying her, but I'm the one lent you the money

to pay for her wedding.

It's also bad luck for me to see you before the wedding.

J .J., can I talk to you for a second?

Come on over here, boy.

Now, look, when you borrowed the money, you neglected to tell Sweet Daddy that

you had lost your job.

Now, when Sweet Daddy finds out that one of his clients ain't telling him like a

T .I. is, he gets very, very hostile.

Right, boys?

I hope they just tested melons for ripeness.

No, J .J., hairs.

Now, look, you owe Sweet Daddy, baby, and he expects to be paid because money,

have mercy, is the root of all goodness.

Trust me, Sweet Daddy, I'll pay you back somehow.

I know you will, because you're lucky.

See, tight -lipped Mary ran it down to me that your sister is marrying a big

-time football player who is up for a million -dollar contract.

So Sweet Daddy's going to use that sucker for collateral.

I'll pay you, Sweet. I'll pay you. You know what? Wait a minute now.

I got something nice here for your pretty little sister.

Tell her this is from Sweet Daddy.

Oh, thanks, Sweet. Hold on, brother.

Sweet Daddy didn't forget you.

Got something nice for you. Da -da.

Sweets, what's this? Oh, that?

That's the jawbone of the last dude who double -crossed, Sweet Daddy.

Ciao.

Oh, Mr. Evans, may I see you for a few minutes? Certainly, Mr. Webster. What

I do you for? When you asked me to cater this wedding, you didn't tell me the

wedding list was so long.

Now, I'm not going to have enough caviar.

Can we get some caviar, helper?

Very humorous, Mr. Evans. Thank you so much.

Now, how much is a little more caviar going to cost me?

$150.

$150? What's your motto? We shall overcharge?

You suddenly picked a strange time to economize, Mr. Evans.

Hmm.

JJ, is something wrong?

Are you having money problems?

Oh, no, Ma. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Flowers all around.

having a good time. JJ, I'm your mother, and I want to know the truth.

Well, uh...

I lost my job.

Lost your job?

JJ, why didn't you tell me?

Thelma could have done fine with a small wedding.

Oh, Ma, a small wedding is fine for me and Michael, but Thelma's the only girl

in the family. She should have something to remember.

I love you, son.

We'll work it out somehow.

You just remember we're all in this together.

Thelma, you look gorgeous.

Oh, it's you, Mom.

You look so lovely. I thought you were Thelma, babe.

Now, Keith, if you that blind, you shouldn't be playing ball. You should be

referee.

Mom, would you come help me get dressed, please?

Oh, Keith, oh, my goodness, don't look, don't look.

Oh, knock it off, Thelma. Keith here has seen that old bowling ball head of

yours.

Watch it, my man. That's my nine minutes from now wife you're talking about

there.

Just think, 20 years ago, I was helping Thelma get dressed and wishing for this

day. Now it's finally here, and I'm still helping Thelma get dressed.

J .J., my man, thanks for a beautiful wedding.

Sure you don't want me to pitch in for part of it? No, no, I can handle it. I

can handle it. Hey, man, I'm going to be making lots of money as soon as I sign

this contract. I know this must be costing you an arm and a leg.

How'd you know?

I mean, uh...

Uh, just a mere pittance. Mere bag of shells.

Mere bag of shells.

If you need some money, I got it for you. Hey, DJ.

How's it going?

Where you been, huh? Don't you know the best man is supposed to be by the

groom's side all the time? I knew he'd be late. You got the ring?

Relax, man. I got the ring.

I got it right here.

I mean, right here.

Oh, here it is. Right here, man.

Oh, that's my heartbeat.

Um, I lost the ring.

I put it where I knew I wouldn't forget. All right.

Hello?

Ma,

you made sure I had something borrowed, something blue, something new, but you

forgot something old.

Oh, no, I didn't.

I've been waiting a long time to give you this.

Oh, Ma.

I'm going to give it right back after the wedding. Oh, no, you won't.

It's yours for keeps.

Oh, Ma, this is something you've always treasured. That's why I'm giving it to

you, honey.

My mother gave it to me, and she treasured it, too.

Ma, I can't keep this up.

Look, Thelma, there's still a few minutes before you become Mrs.

Anderson.

Now, as your mother, I'm ordering you to keep that locket on, or I'm going to

put you across my knee.

Okay, Ma, I'll never take it off.

Well, I better finish getting dressed up.

Are you ready for the cutest little flower girl that ever threw a rose

Oh, isn't she precious?

I don't want to be no flower girl.

I want to be a bride and marry someone like Keith.

Well, aren't you kind of little to be thinking about marriage?

That never stopped Mickey Rooney.

Or is it bad luck?

No, honey.

It's the groom who can't see the bride before the wedding.

Then how does he know he's honeymooning with the right girl?

Oh, well, he looks at her driver's license.

And the monkey said, let's go into the ball.

Woo -wee.

Keith, you look bad.

And I do mean good. Thank you.

Would you gentlemen mind posing for a picture for my daughter? Not at all.

She wants me in it. Come on, baby. Come on in here. Yeah, let's do it. JJ, you

take the picture, will you, please?

Come on, JJ. Shut up.

Just one little snappy poop.

All right.

Everybody say mozzarella.

Mozzarella.

Anchovy.

Anchovy. Look out, it's done.

Thank you.

Hey, Walona, can I borrow this camera for a little bit? What?

Well, I want to take a snapshot of the bride and groom and use it to paint an

art picture of them as my own personal wedding present. Hey, good idea, Jay.

right.

My,

my, my, my, my. Look at here.

I know I'm in a church, but this is the first time I ever seen a walk -in

stained glass window.

She's just jealous.

It ain't my fault she ain't pretty, sweet daddy.

What's happening, my man, JJ?

Hi, sweets.

All right, all right, everybody. The wedding is starting. You may take your

places.

Here we are on earth together.

It's you and I.

God has made us fall in love.

It's true.

I've really found someone like you.

Will it stay, the love you feel for me?

Will it say that you will be here by my

side to see me through?

We can conquer the world in love.

You and I, you and I, you

and I.

I am glad at least in my life I have

found someone.

That may not be here forever to see me through.

But I found strength in you.

I only pray that I have shown

you a brighter day.

Because that is all.

Don't worry what happens to me.

Because in my mind, you will stay here.

to join in holy matrimony Keith Albert Anderson and Thelma Ann Evans.

Now the bride and groom wish to share with you their own personal vow.

Thelma.

I take this vow to share with you that which God shall let me share.

To give to you that which God shall let me give.

To be one with you.

For I love you and ask only that this love shall sustain itself

for the rest of our lives.

I take this vow to love you as I do now and will forever and pray there be no

bounds to this love so that it may grow stronger and stronger in all the years

that God shall give us together.

Keith Anderson, do you take Thelma Evans to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

Do you, Thelma Evans, take Keith Anderson to be your lawfully wedded

I do.

The ring, please.

Would you place the ring on the bride's finger?

Then by the power vested in me in the state of Illinois, I now pronounce you

man. And wife, you may kiss the bride.

Don't nobody move it. Don't move it.

Oh, my God. Somebody call an ambulance.

Is it that bad? It looks pretty bad.

Oh, no!

J .J., my man?

You in trouble?

This time is videotaped before studio audience.