Original subtitles

So I put the six -inch speakers up front, and you still want the nine

behind, right?

Oh, I don't know.

Nine inches seems awfully big.

Well, I put this puppy in smaller spaces than this, and no one's ever

complained.

Oh, well, then let's give it a try.

I'm going to set you up real nice with your extra thick table.

Well...

Plug it in.

Lady.

Hey, lady.

Where exactly would you like me to put the nine -inch speakers?

I don't know.

Do what you want.

I'll be right back. I'm going to go call my fiancé and get myself some sort of

patch or something.

I'm Allison King.

I don't know where you found that baby, but he's not mine. Take him three doors

down. She's got a grip of kids.

No, this is my son, Aiden. We just moved in across the street.

He's your son? Yeah.

Oh.

Okay, well, I'm not trying to stir up any trouble or anything, but I was

neighborhood watching, and I saw you tongue -kissing a tall white man in

who is clearly not Aiden's daddy.

Yes, he is.

That's my husband, Scott.

Aiden is adopted.

I'm sorry.

Come in.

Sorry, you know.

He is so adorable.

Oh, my God.

Is he African?

No, he was born here in L .A. Oh, okay. Well, I just figured. It was one of

those Madonna, Angelina situations, you know.

Oh, no. We didn't want to go overseas. Not when there's so many adoptable kids

here in the States.

That's beautiful.

I'm Maya. Maya Wells.

My husband Darnell and I moved in last summer.

And we have one son, Jabari. He's almost 16.

16?

No way.

What, did you have him when you were 16?

And a half.

Oh, well, I just stopped by because your lawn is so beautiful. I wanted to know

who does your gardening.

Oh, that would be Jabari.

Oh, really?

Well, it looks so professional.

For you, it could be.

How much are you willing to pay?

Why am I here again?

Because I am determined to finish Aaron's man room and I need your help.

need to go in there and answer that man's question.

I'm uncomfortable being alone with him.

Did he get fresh with you?

No.

I got fresh with him.

What? With Aaron in Iraq?

You stateside slut.

No, William.

It's all in my head. I don't know what's going on.

Well, what's the problem?

Well, I've been fantasizing.

The guy at the bank.

Mailman.

My electric toothbrush.

It's all right, Joan. You're just missing Aaron.

Well, I know that up here.

But the message isn't getting to my lower decks.

Well, you know how to scratch what itches.

Well, of course I do.

Okay, but I am engaged now, and Aaron is my designated scratcher.

That's crazy.

Nothing wrong with a little self -scratching.

You know, now that Monica's pregnant, she prefers it. Hell, I prefer it.

Because Big Papa knows what he likes, and when she's tired, she tends to

I don't know.

I mean, I only used to scratch when I didn't have anyone.

Well, I couldn't find anyone. I just think I associate it with being a loser.

No!

It's empowering!

You know, all your women's magazines say so.

You should read them sometime.

I do.

Especially when I'm scratching.

You know, even if I were to do it, I would fantasize about Aaron. And then I

would just think about him over there, and I'd get sad, and I wouldn't even be

able to do it anyway.

Hell, I'm getting up off this hamster wheel. Look, go talk to Lynn.

I'm sure she knows a thousand ways to scratch a cat.

What does a cat have to do with... Oh.

I'm telling you, Darnell, if Jabari gets enough lawns tomorrow, he'll be too

tired to be chasing tail.

He don't have to chase.

That little girl's already blowing up his phone.

Yeah, well, he'll be too tired to call them back if he's pushing a lawnmower.

He needs to jump on this.

She's got her own black son. He can cut grass once he learns to walk.

What are you saying, Ma? Because they got a black child? He's supposed to do

yard work?

I'm not saying anything.

I mean, you know, they're whites and they adopted a black child.

What, you got a problem with that?

No.

I mean, what do you think?

I think any time somebody takes in a child and loves them, oh, that's a good

thing. Oh, really?

Remember, Lynn was adopted by white people. Look how that hot mess turned

Don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch.

You know, Darnell, my point is that there are plenty of African -American

out there needing homes and not enough black people signing up to take them.

So what are you saying, Maya?

I'm saying that we would be really, really good parents.

You know, we've learned from all the mistakes that we've made with Jabari.

All right, we want another baby, and there's a good chance that we can't have

one.

I don't know. Maybe we should think about adopting.

I mean, what if it's not the same?

Think about it, honestly.

Do you think we're going to be able to love somebody else's baby as much as we

loved our own? But it will be our own, Darnell.

And you don't have to birth a baby to love it.

I mean, look at the flip side. You know, Jabari's our own flesh and blood. That

doesn't keep us from wanting to kill him every other day.

And if we love this baby as much as we hate Jabari sometimes, please, we good

go.

Self -love doctor is in.

So what's your problem?

Well, I'm in a new place, I guess.

And my old techniques don't work.

What's your technique with your warm -up?

Well, um, I usually make myself some dinner. Mm -hmm.

And then I pour a glass of wine. Mm -hmm. And I light a candle.

Oh, see, that's your problem right there. You're trying to date yourself.

Well, when I do it, I don't want to feel tawdry and used.

Listen, you don't need to romance the stone. You need to grind it.

And I got all the tools you need in my love dungeon.

Lynn, what have you done with my second bedroom?

Nothing you'll ever see without a pre -arranged safe word.

You know what?

I don't want any of your nasty, don't -know -where -they've -been sex toys,

okay? Well, if you don't know where they've been, you've got an even bigger

problem.

But I'm not talking about toys. I'm talking about websites, DVDs, the black

market video games that'll knock your thong off.

Well, then... I don't know. I'm just... I'm with someone now. And I feel like

doing it by myself just...

The big step backwards. Sometimes moving backwards is just what you need to do

to hit the spot.

But I'm just saying, you've got to think of something.

Because if you don't take care of that urge, something crazy might happen.

You might have a point there.

Oh, my God, guys.

I have such big news, y 'all.

Well, don't come in and bang my drum. I don't go to your house and bang Darnell.

Now, what's your big news?

Darnell and I have been Googling, talked to our pastor, and we've been praying

on it, and we are ready. We went down to the county office, and we talked to a

social worker.

I thought you were finally getting around to doing something about Jabari.

Ain't nothing wrong with Jabari.

We're adopting a baby.

For real? For real? Yeah.

A baby? As in a human baby?

In spite of Jabari?

You know what? Forget you, Lan.

I'm just kidding.

It's great news.

Yes. Oh, my God. It's so wonderful. Oh, thank you.

I'm so happy for you guys.

Me too.

But what did you do all this soul searching?

I mean, why didn't you just come talk to me?

I'm adopted.

Yeah, I know, girl.

That's the one thing that gave us pause.

So everyone here has adopted.

Most of us went through the county. And we get together once a month just to

check in with each other. Oh, wow. So everyone here has gone through the

adoption drill. I know it twice.

And we're already on our second.

Grant's almost four. He's the one in the red shirt.

Wow.

He's a tank.

Can you believe it? You know, he weighed three pounds at birth.

His birth mother was on drugs.

Is he okay?

Well, they warned us there may be some developmental issues, but so far, so

good. Well, how did you find out the mother was on drugs? You get a family

history. Yeah, and you find out all kinds of things.

Of course, sometimes you don't find out enough.

I mean, there was that mess up with the Millers. Oh, yeah.

Well, who were the Millers and what was the mess up?

to be in the group, but now they're kids back in foster care.

And they're divorced.

But they're the exception.

You know, it's awfully quiet in there. Let me see what those kids are up to.

Oh, no, I'm sure they're going to be fine.

Just don't give Grant any sugar.

Or eye contact.

Kevin, stop.

He's kidding.

A little adoption humor.

Right.

Truth be told, though, he is a little skittish.

Not trying to scare you.

Oh, please, we're not scared. We raised a child.

Yeah, he's a teenager, so, you know, we ain't scared of nothing.

Well, good, because we're all here, we're all happy, we all have beautiful

and there's 25 ,000 more in L .A. County needing permanent homes.

25 ,000?

Wow.

You know, we'd take every last one of them if we could, but I already have my

heart set on a little girl.

I already have my nickname picked out for her.

My, my.

Hold on now, Maya.

I mean, we still haven't broken into Jabari yet that when the baby comes,

going to have to move to the mud room. Yeah, well, you know, we just have to

tell him real quick that we can save one of these babies.

Hey, guys, listen up.

I just got a text from my social worker.

She knew we were meeting and asked me to spread the word.

They are desperate to place a baby girl six months old and healthy.

The parental rights are terminated. She's ready to go. Wow.

The baby is African -American.

So an African -American couple would be ideal.

If one of the parents will stay at home, that is even better.

That rules us out.

And the fact that I'm not changing another diaper.

The baby could be placed as early as next week. You guys would be perfect.

We haven't even finished the homesteading. That doesn't matter. If a

ready, they can fast -track it.

Really? Oh, my, uh, Darnell, this could be it. I mean, what do you think?

Are you in?

Um...

Do you want red or white?

I don't know, Maya. I can't make another decision today. You choose.

Darnell, seriously, we cannot have taken that baby, okay?

I know.

It was crazy.

How they just gonna bring it on you like that? We went there for a meet and

greet, not a meet and take home a baby.

Especially a baby we know nothing about.

I mean, they said she was healthy, but hell, on paper, so was Lynn.

And why they trying to place her so quick?

Mm -hmm. Sounds like something is fishy, huh?

Like she got gills or a tail or something.

And doing it by email, all clandestine and whatnot.

And on the weekend when the restaurant's closed.

And what's up with not having to finish the home study?

Mm -hmm. What's that about? What is that about? Family will know us. We could be

shady. Hell, you know what, baby? I was looking at some of those questions on

the home study.

And we are shady.

With the teenage pregnancy, moving all hither and yon.

Chasing dreams, switching jobs, splitting up. Mm -hmm. And you, smoking

dope.

We were hopped up on pills.

And the social worker hasn't even met Jabari yet. Hey, hey.

Jabari's a good kid.

Please. On the inside, on the surface, he looks like a sexed -up gangster

dressed in Firestarter.

And what does that make us look like?

Bad parents.

Damn, Maya.

There's a good chance they'd have turned us down. Shoot, I would. We look all

iffy.

You know what? Maybe we did that baby a favor.

Maybe it's a good thing that we took a good... Har, look at ourselves before we

went any further with this adoption business.

Maybe we were only meant to have the one kid.

Which kid?

Jabari.

Lynn, will you please stop calling me?

No, I haven't watched the DVDs yet.

But I did just get myself waxed, and I'm ret to go.

At least I was until you started with all your stupid suggestions.

I'm just saying, your dirty talk is killing the mood.

No, I don't want a piece of that.

Lynn, go and spank yourself.

Joan,

eye of the tiger.

Eye of the tiger. Okay.

Now go in there, put it on yourself, and keep going until you black out.

No, Lynn, it didn't work.

Mm.

Yes, I watched the whole thing.

It just, it wasn't erotic or stimulating.

And I just have to say that, honestly, I don't think a nurse would really do

that.

Oh, that's my other line. Yeah, OK.

Hello?

Oh, Erin.

Hi.

I really needed to talk to you.

You OK?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm glad you like the cookies.

What are you wearing?

Under your flak jacket.

Yeah, okay.

Under your Kevlar vest.

Oh, my God, he's so cute.

And he's smart, too. Watch this. Aiden, Aiden, give me some debt, man. Give me

some debt.

See, Aiden?

We can keep you in touch with your peeps.

You like that?

You like that?

Hi! Thank you so much for watching. I hope he wasn't in any trouble.

Hi, big boy!

Hi! No trouble at all. You can leave him with us anytime.

He's so adorable.

This is our really good friend, Lynn.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hi, Aiden is adorable.

Thank you.

You know, I was adopted by white people, too.

Really?

But don't you worry, Allison.

Aiden's going to grow up just fine.

Oh, I've got to get going. Scott's going to be home in a couple of minutes.

Thanks again so much. Yeah, any time. Any time. Jabari's going to hit you long

tomorrow. 25, right?

Right. Great.

Bye. Bye.

Hey, Allison.

I was wondering if you've heard anything else about that little girl.

Oh, you know, she's still in foster care, but Kevin and his partner, they

gay couple who's interested.

You know, the Gabby boom is no joke. So, social worker's confident.

Bye. Thank you. All right. Thank you. Bye.

Baby, did you hear that? That little girl hasn't been placed yet.

Yeah, but the social worker's confident.

I know, but she wouldn't have been had we stepped up.

I thought we were off the whole adoption thing, Maya.

We are.

I mean, I, you know...

I think. I just, I don't know, Donna. I just, I feel really bad.

Why? You did the right thing by not taking her.

Why? What the hell are you trying to say? That we're no good? We're straight

shady? We messed up Jabari? Why the hell should they trust us with the fresh

one?

No. I'm just saying you guys weren't ready.

I mean, look, it would have been way worse to have jumped in, taken the baby

home, and then realized that you couldn't handle it.

Then what would you have done? Taken her back?

You can do that.

Yeah, people do that all the time.

People shouldn't be adopting. Maybe we're the type of people that shouldn't

adopting. Or maybe it just wasn't the right time.

It wasn't the right fit.

Look, my parents always told me that the first time they heard about me, they

knew in their hearts that I was meant to be their child.

You'll know when it's the right baby and the right time.

Oh, come on. You guys are wonderful people.

You're a terrific parent.

Look how well Jabari turned out.

Wow. Look at me.

You have raised me.

It's true.

You know, Jabari's a terrific kid, and we did a great job raising him.

I was just saying that to you the other day, wasn't I, Darnell?

Something like that, yeah.

Where is Jabari, anyway?

This is the library.

You know, everyone's entitled to lose track of one kid, but the next one, we

going to be on it.

Joan!

William, what are you doing to... Willie!

Why aren't you at work? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is everything filed away? Yes,

Look, look, let me explain.

Yeah, explain something.

You wanted me to come over here and check and see if the contractor had

installed everything, right? Yes, I did.

Well, I turned on the TV and then up pops this nasty... Yeah, wonderful.

An absolutely riveted DVD.

One thing led to another, and I couldn't say no to myself.

I don't want to know any of that, William. Get out of my house.

All right, all right.

FYI, hey.

Look, if I ever get sick, I want you to hire that nurse.

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