Original subtitles

Hey, William.

Hey, baby.

Merry Christmas.

What's this?

Your Christmas present. And it's exactly what you want.

How do you know what I want?

Because I saw your list.

That list was for Santa.

There is no Santa, William.

Good Lord, woman. Were you raised by the Grinch and the Bergermeister?

What ever happened to the happy holiday woman that planned my Christmas party

for the senior partners? You got senior partner? Now she done?

Well, no, you can't be done.

We're well into our first -gen family Christmas.

We've got traditions to establish.

Now, I figure we can spend Christmas here caroling and egg -nogging and

Santa on the NORAD site.

That's gonna be a little hard, William, because your present to me is...

Christmas in Morocco.

You bought my present to you?

Yeah, only after I returned the ones you had hidden around the house.

Monica.

Sweetie, I don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I had that thing off at the pass.

Okay.

Girl, seriously, that's like your tenth batch of cookies.

All right, that's enough to feed Aaron's platoon, the Sunnis, and the Shiites.

Only half of these are for Aaron. The other half is for my support group.

Oh, girl, please do not tell me you're in a 12 -step program with a bunch of

other Christmas crazies.

No, it's my support group for families of service people in Iraq.

Oh, right, right, right, girl. Yeah, I remember you mentioning that. How's that

going? Truth be told, they're kind of a downer. I mean, they complain.

A lot.

Joan, they're away from their loved ones. I know. You know, they're

from them. Christmas is a time for family.

Shoot, Lord knows I spend the rest of the year trying to avoid. Darn out,

all up in your business, all drinking family.

But come Christmas time, we're frying up that turkey.

We're tight.

Well, Aaron and I refused to have a sucky Christmas. We made a decision to

on the positive.

Because, you know, we fell in love over Christmas.

So we're hanging on to that. And here comes the wise girl, bearing gifts.

Hi. Ho, ho, ho.

Okay, open them.

Open them, open them.

Oh, my gosh.

Forgot to poke holes in the box again?

You know, Jabari, I still have a nightmare about that dead parakeet that

gave me.

More like herpes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, this really is Hermes.

Wow, girl.

I am impressed you have come up.

You're actually going to open my gift instead of handing it off to Big Mama

Sight Unseen.

It is really pretty.

So, do you like it?

trickery you have stuffed in this camera box.

Oh, my God.

The trick is on me.

It really is a camera.

Oh, you know how I do.

That's why I'm standing here in shock and awe.

Sweetie, not to question your generosity, but this scarf isn't going

the lot of manure, is it?

No.

I'm just doing really good this Christmas, and I want to share with my

Oh.

And I am too shade.

Okay, girl.

I don't say this stuff to my husband, okay? But I need a place

to vent.

This is my place.

I need this.

I need to stay strong. And the only way I can stay strong is to be able to come

here and vent.

So I can say the nice things to him when he calls.

I need this.

I have a hard time praying.

How am I supposed to be positive, bro, when my daughter's asking me, when's mom

coming home? How come mom's fighting when you teach me not to fight, dad? I'm

teaching my daughter not to fight and my wife is fighting. It don't make no

sense. Well, we can fight differently. And you can say that to her. I think you

can say it doesn't make sense.

There's a lot that we don't have answers to.

And there's no way that we're going to have them. And I think it's okay to be

honest with our children. I really would like to be able to have children.

Finally find a man and he goes.

I don't, I mean, I'm not, I'm going to stay positive.

He's coming home.

I finally heard from Trey. You did?

He's in Anbar.

It's supposed to be safe for there. I don't believe anything they say.

The only place I want Damon is home.

Like half my heart is gone.

Babe, babe, babe! Boy, get your butt back in the kid's room.

Babe! If you need a break, you can drop him off at my house.

He can wear out that new puppy we got just before my boyfriend got caught up.

Hey, can somebody swing by my house and do my daughter's hair?

You bring her by. I saw those jacked -up ponytails.

So did everybody else.

That's how she took her school pictures.

Oh.

I couldn't afford to get her hair done.

Well, how about we talk about it? I have to have a yard sale just to pay my

phone bill.

Eight to four, Saturday, please come.

Come with what?

Something to swap? Nobody here got money.

I'd come and help out, but I had a chance to work at Double Shift that day.

Chase keeps begging me about some crazy robot toy.

Have you seen how much those toys cost?

Toy? My kids are getting fed. Merry Christmas to them.

You guys, listen, listen.

I know, I know this is a hard time for everyone, but it's Christmas.

And I just think Christmas is a time of... Christmas, you know?

You know what would be a really great idea?

We should have a Christmas party.

For all of us, and for the kids, you guys.

I don't know about that, Joan.

There's too much going on to spend time and money on something like that.

Truthfully, with Damon not here, I just want to do a little something for Chase

and just hurry up and get past Christmas.

No, listen, you guys, it's Christmas.

We need to have a party. We could totally have a potluck and it'll keep

down. So, come on, you guys, let's see a show of hands, all right?

Who wants to be on the decorating committee?

Huh?

No problem. I love decorating.

So, who wants to be on the food committee? You? No?

Anyone?

No? Well, it's no problem.

I have a restaurant and I am a cookie baking fool.

Well, so that just leaves ice.

Which I can absolutely pick up.

I'm wrong, but isn't this the ghetto?

Oh, no. Uh -uh. We got whites on one side, gays on the other. We are

gentrified.

Okay. What are you doing?

Oh, gosh.

I'm organizing. Look at you.

Not only do I have a support group party to plan, but Mr. Sweetleson called me

out of the blue and said that the firm's Christmas parties have been a snooze

since I left.

He practically begged me to plan this year's party.

Well, it wasn't exactly out of the blue, Joan.

What? Well, I was roped into planning it first.

I didn't want to do it.

So I told Sweetison to talk to you and lay it on thick.

Girl, you so desperate for a compliment, you sign up for anything.

Well, really? Do you know that I happen to love working like a dog for no -pay

planning parties? So, yeah.

Joke's on you.

Yeah, you right, Joan.

No, I'm jealous and put in my place.

Anyway, the first party is easy to plan. This is liquor and more liquor. But the

porker party?

They're real talent. I don't know. They're just so un -Christmassy.

I'm just hoping this party will cheer them up. I don't know.

Take their mind off their money problems.

The only thing that takes people's minds off their money problems.

It's my name.

Oh, Joan.

Cute bag.

What? Oh, cute bag, girl.

Where'd you get this?

I got it on sale at Vardy's.

It had been $2 ,500, but it was marked down to $1 ,250.

Oh, Joan, do they have any more?

Well, there were two.

I got them both.

I just couldn't decide which color.

Oh, God. Mary, ho, ho, ho to me.

Well, you better not take either of these bags to the meeting because

liable to stuff you in it.

Just a bag like this could actually pay someone's rent for like two months

Which gives me an idea

come up with this old bag auction last year.

I've got a couple of ex -wives who have fetched at least five bucks.

I donated the bag. Why would I buy it back?

Okay, we'll just move on.

You are not going to be able to resist this very cute little clutch.

I'm just trying to save you with the embarrassment.

Search by day.

Everybody needs a bag, William. Okay, which means, oh, you didn't piano.

Okay, what about this one? This one is really cute. You know what? This could

double as a diaper bag.

Oh, oh, Mr. Lee.

Mr. Lee, this bag is perfect for you because we all know about your problem.

Joan. Why?

I have still got to work here.

such a yapper.

Never drinking again.

Well, don't worry, because you won't have money to drink.

What do you mean?

Joan, I still have friends down at the law firm, okay?

And they've been blowing up my phone all morning, tossing out words like

slander, defamation, restraining order.

Girl, if you're going to go in and...

Sweetie, not so screechy.

And that's for all time, not just today.

Shut up, Maya.

Oh, girl.

Are you hungover, humiliated, horrified by your behavior? Yes.

That's what you get for acting a fool at my man's job.

But you're going to feel better when you see what's in my bag.

Please tell me it's a shotgun.

Girl, if it was, I would have offed you last night after you mooned everybody

and said, bag this.

What I do have is a check from the firm for $25 ,000.

What? All you got to do is moon them to get paid?

Well, how come I didn't get a check on my last day?

It's a check for her support group, Maya, to help them celebrate Christmas.

Everybody in the firm contributed.

You guilted them and kind of scared them into helping.

That is so sweet. You do.

That's so beautiful.

And I feel awful.

You got your money.

No, because the truth is, you guys, I'm probably more like the people at the

firm than the support group.

I mean, in some twisted way, me laughing out at them, I was probably laughing

out at myself.

What?

Clarity comes the day after four martinis. Mm -mm, five.

All right, seven.

I heard nine.

I love all things Japanese.

I know exactly where I'm going to put it. Okay, we'll be very, very careful,

Lynn, okay? And read the instructions because bonsais are very, very delicate.

And expensive.

Well, since we're exchanging gifts, I actually have a couple more things I

to give you guys.

Oh, well, Lynn, you've already given us the camera.

Yeah, so we done.

Oh, no, well, these are just a couple more things that I thought you guys

like. You don't have to open them. You can just put them under the tree. Okay,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know, her, uh... Maya!

All of your other gifts.

There you go, Cindy. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's all for you. Lynn, Lynn, could

excuse us for a second? We forgot to put out the eggnog. Oh, well, none for me.

I don't eat eggs.

Then we'll give you a double shot of nod.

Maya, why are you giving her all our presents? Because I'm invested in the

dynamic of Lynn being the loser. Every group has a loser.

And if Lynn's the winner, you know what?

I'm next to mine as loser.

and step up and claim the crown.

But you were right, Joe.

This was really good for the kids.

Yeah, this was good for all of us. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it.

Bill can't get over that check from the rocker. I mean, I don't know how they

found us, but God bless them. Well, you know, sometimes we think we're alone in

this, but people are thinking about us.

Mom, come on in. Let's go see my toy truck.

Okay, baby.

Oh, gosh.

You know,

I go with that law firm, and I know someone who used to work there.

Really? That's interesting.

Maybe I should help with that food.

That's a good idea.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't my little antichrist.

Don't be so dramatic, William.

I'm not being dramatic.

I just love Christmas.

Mom always made it seem so special and magical.

Even though Dad said it was a bunch of bunk.

But I swore when I had my own family, I wouldn't be like him.

And I would celebrate every moment of Christmas.

And I want my family to join me.

Especially now that we have a baby coming.

Hurry, William.

have a lot of Christmas traditions growing up.

We were always skiing in Switzerland or scuba diving the Caribbean.

Christmas was just a day to tip the help.

Okay, okay, William, I am gonna try for us. Yes? For the dance! For the dance?

Yes!

So what can I do?

Can you name all the Santa's reindeer?

Hell no.

Can you bake a Dickensian plum pudding?

Negro, please.

I suppose you have a Mrs. Claus suit.

I do have a red thong with fake fur.

Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas.

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