Original subtitles

Hey, Lynn.

Hey. Hey, it's rent day.

Oh, I'm on it.

Okay.

Lynn,

this is crazy. When are you going to open a bank account?

You know what? I'm not in a bank account.

Oh, so what? You're just going to keep cramming money in every nook, cranny,

microwave?

And the ever -secure gravy boats.

Lynn, you are a grown -ass woman. You can't just leave money lying around.

What if this place burned down, huh? Where would you be then?

Son of my sweet butt and cobble after I sued you for renting me this firetrap?

Okay, I get it. I'll think about putting my money in a bank.

Thank you.

Lynn, you're $200 short. Oh, my bad. I forgot. I transferred some funds around.

These are damp.

Be grateful you don't know where it was previously invested.

You're right But the doctor said that

normal after Yeah You

want me to make you some breakfast before I go to work? No, baby, I'm fine.

Okay, I'll bring you something on my lunch break.

Don't help, baby. I'm okay, okay?

You've missed enough work. I mean, God only knows how Peanut's been running

things since you've been gone. You know, I've known Peanut since kindergarten,

and I knew even then he wasn't management material.

How could you know that in kindergarten? You were only five.

Yeah, but Peanut was eight.

I'm just banging, okay?

You have a lot to do. All right, baby? I'm resting.

You don't have to babysit me.

I know you're going back to work today, and I know you were going to be alone. I

just wanted to bring you a little food, so I got you a little basket. You know,

a little fruit and a cold cup and a little bit of cheese.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, funny story.

About the cheese.

Well, I was at the market getting the Swiss.

I was with the cheese lady, Louise.

But, you know, we call her Cheesy Weezy.

So, and I was telling her, you know, to make sure that she cut the cheese super

thin, you know. And so she looked at me and she was like, Joan, if I cut the

Swiss any thinner, it's going to be see -through.

Do you get it?

Well, because it was thin.

And it's Swiss, so it has a hole.

Okay.

So, funny story about the cold cuts.

Oh, God.

Who am I kidding?

I can't top that teaser.

So, bye.

Jill, can I borrow one of your fancy cookbooks? I want to go all out tomorrow

night. You and Darnell gave me your offer of wedding, and I want to go all

for my thank you dinner party.

Then why do you invite Lynn?

She didn't do nothing.

And that's exactly why I want to thank her.

Oh, I'll make a grilled, butterflied, Greek leg of lamb.

That sounds good.

Monica, you can't make that lamb tomorrow. You've got to marinate that

days. Well, I'll marinate it tonight.

I'm sure it'll be fine. No.

I can't plan a dinner party last minute. I mean, this has been on the books for

two months.

I can't believe you're just now making the menu.

Why not? It's not like going to dinner party is brain surgery.

Duh! It is way more complicated.

Lucky for you, you've got time to strategize, tenderize, and marinaderize.

Because Maya and Darnell are not ready for a dinner party. It is way too tense

over there.

I went over there this morning and I cracked a joke and nobody laughed.

I'm pretty certain that had nothing to do with things being tense.

What did you guys think when you went over there?

You didn't go by?

I can't believe you guys haven't gone by. He's our friend.

I've been preparing my menu.

I know I should have. It's one of those things where you don't know what to say.

I mean, I tried writing him a song, but not a lot rhymes with tragic loss.

That's magic floss.

I already have a song about that.

Well, I'm still going to have my party, even if Maya and Darnell can't make it.

I'm going to have my party. Now, it may be selfish, but I'm on it.

Monica, you can't.

Darnell was William's best man. You can't honor the wedding party without

Just like you can't honor the wedding party without table settings and a

Not brain surgery, please.

Hey, Heather.

Hey, girl.

Hey, girl.

Hi. Hey.

Wow, what a surprise. What are you doing here? Okay, okay, snap out of it. I

come over here all the time.

Well, yeah, I know, but it's just you haven't been over here since.

Well, yeah, you know.

Maya, you know, it's really good to see you, and I'm so sorry. I didn't come by

since the, you know, the... Lynn, it's okay.

Seriously, all right? I don't want you guys standing around here acting

I'm okay.

You're right. You're right. You know what, you guys? We should plan a girls'

night out. Maybe tomorrow night.

No, tomorrow night is Monica's dinner party.

That's all right. I can change it.

Trust Maya.

It's for the best.

She hasn't even chosen a center plan.

cares. It's a dinner party. It's not brain surgery.

Look, Darnell and I are so excited to finally get out of the house, you know?

I've re -hammed his good slacks. I got my Costco cabernet. I am ready to go.

Are you sure?

Yes. Listen, you guys, the most important thing right now is for me and

to just get everything back to normal.

Normal? We can do normal.

Normal!

It's a miscarriage.

Too normal?

Mmm, you look nice.

Yeah, you look nice, too. Thank you.

So, are you sure you're up for going tonight?

Oh, Darnell, I've been cooped up on this couch for a week watching nothing but

infomercials, okay?

Cabin fever has set in.

Two days ago, I bought me a Floobie.

Okay, we'll go. Let's just not stay long.

Oh, uh -uh, Darnell.

I just spent $50 renewing my Costco membership to buy this $8 bottle of

going.

I'm just not in a party mood.

Darnell, come on. I just want to hang out with our friends and finally get out

this house.

Why you say it like that?

What?

Like you've been in the house for no reason.

I mean, we lost a baby.

I know that.

You sure?

Of course.

Darnell, I was there. I wouldn't know.

Okay, it was horrible.

I mean, look, I just...

I think we just need to get back to our lives, okay? Which is why I want to go

to this party. And, oh, I was doing a little research online, and I was

that you and I should adopt a baby.

What? Yeah, we can't let Brad and Angelina snatch up all the good black

Maya, stop.

We can't just replace our baby.

I know you can't replace it. Don't you think I know that?

I don't know what you know.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that since we lost the baby, I don't know what you're thinking.

And you don't know what I'm thinking.

We're walking around this house on eggshells acting all polite, not saying

what's really on our minds.

Oh, and what's on your minds are now. No, no, I'll tell you. You blame me for

losing the baby because you think I was stressing out about the book.

I didn't say that. No, you don't have to say it.

I feel it every time you look at me. I feel it every time you talk to me.

William,

you got a lot of money.

What have you been doing with it these days?

For the last time, Lynn, I am not investing any money in your moon colony

I get the corner locked.

I'm late. I had to make a stop. You know, you can't come to a party without

hostess gift.

I've never heard of a hostess gift.

I've noticed.

So, where's the hostess? Is she knee -deep in some tasty dishes?

Hi!

Hi, hi. Okay, I got you this bottle of wine for dinner.

Thank you. And I brought you a hostess gift.

It is an antique cheese knife for all of your cheese needs.

Thank you.

So, can I help you with anything?

You can.

Hand out the menus. Ooh, menus. God, color me impressed.

I feel like I'm dining with royalty.

And you should.

We're going to Ember Chin's Dumpling Palace.

Yay! The best Chinese decided a 405.

It got a 28 in the Zagats.

We're ordering food.

But it's a dinner party.

Well, you got me thinking, Joan.

Making some elaborate dinner is way too much trouble.

Now, how am I going to thank my friends if I'm holed up in the kitchen?

But it's a dinner party.

Then get to ordering your dinner so we can party.

So you didn't even make any hors d 'oeuvres?

Nothing? There's a whole list of dim sum and dipping sauces right in there.

Hi, Maya.

Hey, Maya's here. Hey, everybody, Maya's here.

And she's alone.

And by alone, I don't mean because of the, you know.

Oh,

man, where's Darnell?

He's not coming.

Probably found out about the lack of lamb.

Darnell's not coming because we had a fight.

He blames me for losing our baby.

Genius, right?

Okie dokie.

Well, can I get anyone something from the bar?

Down the street?

Oh, my God.

Why, he said that?

No, he didn't say it. His eyebrows said it.

You know, the left one who's looking at me all judgmental and cagey.

I'm sure that Darnell doesn't think it's your fault. I mean, that's crazy.

Obviously, it's not your fault.

Damn right it's not my fault.

I mean, do you know how many women lose a baby in the first trimester?

Plus with your fibroids. That's right, damn right I got a fibroid. You know,

like half the other black women in this world.

You know, my fault the hell.

You know, it's the government. The government conspired.

Against black women.

It's the government's fault that there's this whole fibroid epidemic.

You know, putting hormones and chemicals and wet knots in our meat.

That's why our baby's coming out all swollen.

And who floats the companies that swell our children?

Bank. Thank you. That's why I don't put my money in that. I thought it was

because you never had none.

Well, that too.

Darnell's here. Stop talking about him.

Maya, what?

Can't answer your cell phone?

What? I thought you already said an eyebrow full.

We gotta talk. Let's go.

No, no, no. When I come to a dinner party, I tend to stay.

Until I have dinner.

Well, you best hunker in, because we're at the mercy of Emperor Chin's motorized

rickshaw.

Actually, we're cool there, because they have carpool lane access.

Oh.

Ma, you got me driving all the way over to the valley. I had to stop and get

gas. And, you know, I hate this expensive valley gas, charging 15 cents

because it's right there at the end of the off -ramp.

Well, you know, there's a gas inset down by Hazeltine, and never mind.

Look, it's not about the gas, okay? We need to talk. Let's just go home.

Why we got to go home?

If you have something to say, why don't you just say it?

In fact, Darnold, you know what? Why don't you tell the whole world how you

blame me for losing our baby?

Um, you know, let's go pick up dinner.

No, no one's got to go anywhere.

Yeah, I kind of want to see the rickshaw.

I don't blame you for losing our baby.

Yes, you do.

No, I don't.

I never blamed you.

The doctor said we didn't do anything wrong.

Said that we couldn't have done anything differently.

Then why do you make me feel like it's my fault?

You know, we can make the rickshaw... Okay, okay.

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to do that. I was just mad.

I'm pissed.

I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to.

I go to see my pops. He tells me to man up.

I tried talking to William about it, but he keeps hugging me and sending me

flowers.

I could hardly send the man candy.

And hugs are good.

Maya, I need you.

I feel like I'm out here by myself.

We're not dealing with it. We lost a baby. Let's not lose each other.

You know, Mama always said that people need to grieve.

And if we're going to grieve Mama's way, all we need to do is get a bottle of

corn liquor and get naked in a creek.

But all we have is this bottle of Napa Cabernet and a hot tub.

So who's with me? Come on!

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I just remembered.

The heater's on the fritz, so new plan, front lawn sprinklers. Who's with me?

Let's go.

Well,

that went well tonight.

Told that to the rickshaw driver. He flipped and fell on the wet front lawn.

Boy, he really took it up the kung pao, didn't he?

Nice party, though, sweetie.

Thank you.

Yeah, I really enjoyed...

Picking my dumplings up off the grass.

Driveway. Put in my car.

You know what, Joan? I've had enough of you.

What are you?

I don't appreciate you bringing your funky little attitude tonight.

Excuse me, but I was expecting to have lamb.

I feel like someone pulled the wool over my eyes.

Oh, that's some bonking. You know it. Because I'll tell you what it is. You're

used to being the party queen.

If it's not your way, it's not a party.

So I don't want you bringing your hypercritical attitude to my next

Do you think you're being a little harsh?

And rhymey?

I have sat through many of your lame parties and held my tongue.

Lame parties?

Am I out?

Okay, Monica.

Now you're tripping. Am I? Well, let me refresh your recollection.

March Madness Masquerade Melee.

Uh -uh.

The gang loved that party. Everybody's still talking about it. Behind your

Your March Madness, we call it March Madness.

No one could even watch a game with your stupid mask.

Well, in my defense, nobody told me that March Madness was about basketball.

I thought it was a spring bacchanal.

Joan, the point is, we choked on your pigs and whatever they were, squinted

through our mask, and had the courtesy to do it all with a smile.

Because that's what friends do.

You tell her, baby.

Oh.

You're right, Monica. I was... I was... I was insensitive.

Rude.

You're right.

And nasty.

Okay.

I get it.

I'm sorry, Monica. I am. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Not good enough.

Make her pick the lo mein off the gravel.

You need some chopsticks.

I cannot believe that fool William actually ran through the sprinkler. I

believe that rickshaw drivers don't wear helmets.

You know something, Maya? You were right.

We needed to get out.

Yeah, we needed to go to that lame -ass party.

I just can't believe we actually had to order our own Chinese food. Some people

just don't get them.

Oh, shoot, baby. You know what? Tomorrow's trash day.

Get all this stuff.

Oh, whoa. That's not trash.

What? This is not trash.

Well, what did you get at the bookstore?

Nothing.

Oh.

You know what's our now?

This better not be one of those men's magazines.

Okay? No, no, no. You know better than to bring that nasty up in here after the

pastor done blessed us out.

I told you.

It was nothing.

I was looking for some car magazines a few weeks ago.

So I went over to the bookstore and I think they were having some kind of

reading day or something.

And they were reading that book to the kids.

They were all laughing.

They really liked it.

So I went on ahead and I bought it.

Because I thought I could read it.

I could read it.

Finally took your advice, and I decided that my money should be in a bank.

That's great. Oh, my. Yay.

So which bank did you choose?

Actually, I put my money in two banks.

Way to diversify.

Woo -hoo.

Only problem is now I can't decide which little piggy is checking and which

little piggy is saving.

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