Original subtitles

Well, did you find anything?

Nope.

You have got to be kidding me. I'm telling you. I have been hearing strange

noises coming from my crawlspace all night long.

And I'm telling you, the only thing down there is an outbreak of toxic mold.

What? I'm kidding. Look, there's nothing down there.

Maybe it's just your pipes rattling.

No.

It's not my pipes, okay? It did not sound like pipes.

It sounded like some scary creature.

stomping around and blowing on bottles. It was kind of like a...

Go

ahead,

laugh at me.

But when that thing attacks me and they find my skinless corpse hanging up in

the attic, who's going to be laughing then, huh? Me.

Joan?

I know I told Aaron that I was going to look out after you.

But it's two o 'clock in the morning and I'm going home.

I'm going home.

Now, if Bigfoot and his jug band return, call Maya and Darnell.

I can't.

Why not?

Because.

I said if I call her after ten, one more game, she's going to split my wig.

that I am sending to Aaron.

Red, white, and blue toothbrushes.

Red, white, and blue boxers.

And red, white, and blue stationery.

Oh. So if you want to send him something really useful, send him a red, white,

and blue do -rag. Cover up that big old shiny head.

No, Maya. Shiny head's good.

The reflection will blind the enemy.

Okay, you guys.

For the last time, Aaron's head is not that shiny.

What, are you kidding?

You could bounce a light off that thing and summon Batman.

Okay, what is Mary Williams doing over here with Engage, do you?

I'm trying to figure out what's making noise down in my crawl space.

Shouldn't you see your gynecologist for that?

Not that crawl space, you idiot.

It's not that crawl space, is it?

No, it's the crawl space under the house. There's something rattling around

it's driving me nuts.

Well, Joan, the house is old.

It could be haunted by hand.

All right, guys.

I got to split. I got another gig tonight.

Oh, my God. Another gig? Wow.

You're blowing up.

You know how I do.

Pretty soon, y 'all will be saying, we knew her ween.

I'll be cashing in.

Selling all your dirt to the tabloids. Honey, you know they take my call.

I'm an author.

Oh.

William, was it any easier to see down there in the daylight?

Yes, but I still didn't find anything.

So to be sure, I'm going to make a new screen for your crawlspace window.

William, it's so sweet of you to do that for me.

I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me.

Monica says if I come over here after 10 one more game, she's going to split my

wig.

Maya, stop teaching my wife your colorful colloquialisms.

What?

I'm not teaching her anything.

I can't help it if she just picks up on my brilliance.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Lynn.

Yeah. I'm very so proud of you for getting a biodiesel car, but you are not

going to be fueling it with my $12 a bottle safflower oil.

Come on, Joan.

The only way we're going to end this war is to end our dependence on foreign

oil. Now pretend I'm Bush and give me your oil.

Fine.

Excuse me. Whoa, back off. Easy.

I'm not going to hurt you.

All right, well, that's real good, because truth be told, this pose is the

karate I know.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.

It's all right. You know, late hour, dark alley, woman all alone with

safflower oil.

Not always the best combination.

I get that.

Evander Hicks. Oh, hey.

Indigo Sky. I know. I'm a big fan.

Actually, my name's Lynn. Indigo Sky with an E.

This is my stage name.

You are amazing.

Really great show, man.

Oh, thank you.

So you drive a vegetable oil car. Did you convert it, or did you buy it like

this? Um, actually, I had it converted.

Wow. Sounds like you're a greenie, too.

Actually, I'm kind of the head greenie at UCLA.

I run this organization called Students for a Greener Tomorrow.

Students for a Greener Tomorrow?

Get out!

I started that organization.

Really? Well, no. Actually, I was sleeping with a guy who did.

Probably.

Well, we're actually doing a rally this Saturday, and we were thinking, well, I

was thinking that if you're not busy, because I know you're probably busy, but

if you're not, it would be really great if you could sing.

I mean, we'd really be happy about it, and we'd get a great turnout for you.

Um, well, I mean, I do give good turnout, but I'm really careful about

organizations I endorse.

Yeah, but you started this organization.

Oh, that was years and years ago. Y 'all could have messed it up by now.

Okay, listen.

We have a planning meeting tomorrow night.

Why don't you come check us out then?

I'm really busy.

We'll have you in and out.

Will there be vegan snacks?

There will now.

All right.

Cool. Here's a flyer. All the info's on there.

Okay. But I'm still going to Google you.

Google away.

Whoa, back up.

I'm going with you to mail one of Aaron's care packages to the post

Ma 'am, I was very clear with the postal worker that there was bomb in my

package. I cannot help it if he heard bomb.

Oh, excuse me.

I know you're not serving the Internet when you got a C in Spanish.

Fuego to your homework.

Vamanos.

If you even know what that means.

Oh, hey, what's the deal?

Excuse me?

Do not think that invading Jabari's privacy is really the way to maintain

trust in you.

Are you serious, honey? I stopped trusting him the moment I birthed him.

Big -headed preemie tried to hang on to my innards.

It's like he gave birth to a comma.

Look, see that?

Told you. He wasn't doing his homework. He was at his MySpace page.

had one of those, I'd be all up in that, too.

I gotta take it off. What?

What, son? What? What's up? What it do, son? And what you know about that? Y

'all know all about that?

Yeah.

Wow.

Diaries sure have changed.

Great. That'll be number seven on our list of practical ways to save the

Ron, you getting this, man? No.

Dude, I was trying to save paper.

Nice. Hey.

Guys, sorry I'm late. I had to stop by the grocery store to fill up my car.

Wow. You made it. Well, Indigo, this is the group. Everybody, this is Indigo

Sky. Hey, buddy.

Oh, my God.

I have not been in a dorm room in like 15 months.

I remember these little beds.

In fact, I think I remember this bed. I know.

to every single one of your shows. I'm your biggest fan.

Cool. Fan.

And or stalker.

Okay, so we're going over the top ten things that students on campus can do to

save the planet, and at number eight, we've got to get them to change up these

light bulbs with some compact fluorescents. I see we post signs in the

reminding people to turn out the light.

Blackout party!

Guys,

stop. How about paper recycling?

We've got to get this school to switch up to toilet paper that is recycled.

Gross.

You know what I'm talking about, man. In fact, everything that's generated at

the school should be on recycled paper. Exactly. I mean, did you know that in

the United States, every person uses almost four trees a year just in paper?

You're so smart.

And there's 60 ,000 people here at UCLA, so that's almost a quarter of a million

trees each year.

Tree up!

Can we focus? All right?

All right. So, you know, water conservation is a big issue here in L

are some ideas about that?

If it's brown, flush it down.

But if it's yellow, let it mellow. Right.

Come on, man. Come on. Can you be serious, okay? She came all the way down

Actually, that's a good idea. I mean, I have that sign posted in my bathroom.

Like I said, good idea.

You look like a rainbow.

Thank y 'all. Thank y 'all.

Appreciate your enthusiasm.

Okay.

She knows. She knows.

Bye -bye.

All right. See you later. See you tomorrow.

All right.

I'm sorry about them. They were just trying to impress you.

That's all right.

You impressed me.

What you're doing with this organization is fantastic.

That's why I want to play at the rally.

Great. That's so great. You have no idea how great that is.

It's a go!

Distribute the flyers!

Flyer party!

That's my high -tech way of getting the word out.

Thank you.

No problem. You can never really do enough to raise awareness for the

Oh, man.

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

I just figured since you hadn't left that you wanted to.

Well, yeah, but another reason I haven't left is because my legs are stuck.

Wait a minute. Before this goes too far, I have kind of an awkward question to

ask you. I got protection.

So do I.

But before it goes any further, I kind of need to see some ID.

No, seriously.

My career's blown up. I do not need a scandal.

Yep, checks out.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I got it. Thank you. Thank you.

What was that?

That was my manager.

You're not going to believe this. He just booked me for the House of Blues.

Great.

I'm going to be there front and center. What is it?

Saturday night. Oh, damn. What am I going to wear?

Saturday. Yeah. And then this Saturday? Yeah.

That's the same night as the rally.

Well, then, um, change the date.

What do you mean change the date? I can't. We rented the location. We booked

crew. We've been selling tickets to hanging up flyers.

I just agreed to do the rally last night.

I know, but Ron and I haven't been up all night selling tickets and hanging up

flyers. Listen, we're going to have to do the House of Blues another night.

Excuse me?

It's the House of Blues.

I can't just walk away from that.

So you're just going to leave me hanging?

Fender, I know that you think that this is the end of the world, but trust me,

it's not.

The end of the world is going your whole life with no direction, no real career,

no real money. And when you get a call like this, Hello, you take it.

I can't believe this.

You're really just going to blow us off.

What about the organization?

What about the people expecting to see you?

Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.

You can still use my name.

Your name doesn't stand for anything except maybe sellout.

Do you even realize how foolish you look?

You may think that's how you get a girl, Jabari, but it's not.

Calling them the B word? I mean, what is wrong with you?

I was just clowning. Me and my friends say it all the time.

Jabari, I didn't raise a son who disrespects women.

The girls don't care. I mean, I got a lot of hits on my MySpace page.

I know you're trying to impress.

And I know that you might be getting your little hits.

But you're right, you don't want the type of girl who would respond to that

of word.

Oh, you mean like Auntie Joan and Lynn?

And he had the nerve to say that I call you and Lynn bitches all the time.

Actually, Maya, you do.

Oh, come on, girl. Seriously, no, Joan, when I call you a bitch, it's not like

I'm calling you a bitch.

And for me to be able to say that to you means we're close like that.

I love you too, Maya, but that's the whole problem. Not everybody knows that

use the B word in love.

Like Jabari. Maybe we've taken the sting out of it. All these kids, like Jabari,

are saying it like it doesn't mean anything.

We need to stop saying it so that they stop saying it.

Although, I was just getting used to saying it.

Truth be told, girl.

You never really said it right anyway.

True that.

That either.

You're right, Maya. I'm straight tripping.

Why don't we just stick to the King's English?

You know what we need?

What? We need a fitna jar.

A what -na jar?

Fitna. As in fixin' to?

Ooh, I started sayin' that when I met country -ass Tony.

My mother hated it.

Every time I said fitna, She made me put a quarter in the jar. And when my

entire summer allowance was in that jar, I finally learned my lesson.

I was fitting to buy me a bike that summer.

How about this?

Okay, here we go.

Uh -huh.

Every time we say the B word, put $10 in that jar.

$10? Fits on my wrist.

It has to hurt or you won't stop.

Fine.

Where'd you tunneling from?

Never you mind, missy.

William, you never say the B word. What are you doing?

I've been calling y 'all a lot of stuff over the past eight years.

Oh, hey, guys.

Okay, moral dilemma.

Do I play the health of blues, which will advance my career, or... Keep my

and play an environmental consciousness rally for free and keep a young,

passionate boy happy.

How's the blue?

Really? Good. No, Lynn, we are not going to have another one of these life

choice debates, okay?

It's simple. Play the gig, advance your career, give $20 to the tree people and

call it a day.

But, no, but, you know what to do.

Do I?

I gave my word. If I don't keep my word, what kind of person am I?

Stupid screen on your crawlspace.

Now I can go home.

Wait a minute.

Before you go, would you mind just hoisting yourself up into the attic to

sure there's nothing hiding up there?

You betcha.

You're on next. You ready?

Yes.

You know, to be honest, I almost didn't even come tonight because I had this

other gig, which was tempting, but then I realized I had to take a hard look at

myself and do what's really important.

So, here I am.

Copy that, Brenda.

I'm sorry, were you saying something?

Never mind.

Okay, you're on.

Ladies and gentlemen, a very special guest tonight, making her debut here at

House of Blues in the Gold Star.

Your stupid screen didn't work, did it?

Screen's fine, Joan.

Well, then what's down there?

Nothing. I do think I know what's going on out here, though.

You're in a strange house, and you're all alone.

There's no Aaron, and you're scared.

And that's okay.

But, Joan, look, houses make noises.

They settle, and they breathe, and that's all it is.

Maybe you're right.

EVIL!