Original subtitles

You guys, I'm worried about William.

The man's wife just slapped him.

That's not something you just get over.

I know, but he seems to be getting worse.

I mean, he's not even taking care of himself anymore. Do you know that he

stopped trimming his nose hairs?

Okay, that's just disturbing.

I know.

I mean, he was always so fastidious about his grooming.

No, I mean it's disturbing that you're actually looking up that man's nostrils.

I'm not!

They're growing wild like tree roots.

You know, it's not that bad with William.

Why, you think he's gotten better?

Yeah. I mean, the other day I asked him if I could borrow a hundred bucks.

He said, keep it. Not like I'll ever know the joy of spending money on

again.

So that's good.

You know, for me.

Well, at least he's got the J spot.

I mean, I think it's one of the only things that keeps him from falling apart

completely.

Jump!

Joe, oh, Joe, thank God I found you.

Your cell phone's not on. No, sweetie, it's silenced so as not to disturb the

other moviegoers.

Well, look, I lost my key to the J spot. You're going to have to give me yours

so I can open things up. William, where are your pants?

If I knew that, I could put my hands in the pocket and get the key.

for coming to our meeting about how to bring Monica and William back together.

I give you... Operation Does She Yield.

Yes, Lynn.

I don't get it.

It's a pun on Desert Shield.

Okay, well, it rhymes, I guess, but it's not really a pun.

It sort of is.

Then why make it a question?

I mean, shouldn't the name of the operation suggest confidence in the

like make her yield or she will yield? It's like you're admitting defeat before

you even... Okay, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn.

It doesn't matter.

It's just a stupid name.

What's important is the plan.

Okay. Joan, what's the plan?

Well, I just have the name.

That's why you guys are here, so you can help me come up with a plan.

Can I have $100?

No. My plan is to keep William just the way he is.

You guys, come on. This is serious. We ruined William's marriage, and we care

about William.

Right. Fine. We'll help him.

Yeah, of course we'll help him, but first we need a new name for our plan.

Oh, right.

Like you guys are going to come up with a better name right off the top of your

heads. I don't think so.

What about Operation Reconciliation?

Or how about Operation William Dent Repent? Ooh, or Dent Relent.

No!

Okay, we have a name.

So each of us just need to go off and come up with ways to implement Operation

Does She Yield? And then we're going to reconvene back here at my house this

weekend to see which is the best idea.

No, no, this weekend's no good for me. I'm in Chicago, book signing.

That's perfect.

If Monica's in Chicago, we can ambush her.

Operation Dusty Yield is coming together. Now we just need to come up

names.

Okay.

I'll be Maya.

Oh, I'll be Lynn.

I'll be the mother of all battles.

Okay,

I'll be Joan.

You're not hungry?

It's a sandwich, Joan.

Just looking at it reminds me of Monica.

You know, she ate a sandwich once.

It was on a Kaiser roll.

I know, sweetie.

No, you don't.

When she would chew, her jaw would go up and down.

She's one of a kind.

Hey, William, I need to go out of town for a couple days.

Do you think you can hold down the fort here until I get back?

Well, let's see.

At this moment, it's taking every fiber of my being to keep from throwing myself

in front of a bus.

So I would say no.

No.

William, please.

This is important. There's something I really need to take care of. No, Joan.

I help you out, then I'll start to feel better about myself.

And I don't want to.

Well, you have to.

Because the girls and I are going to Chicago to get Monica to come back to

I'm sorry. I really didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to get your

hopes up.

Let's conduct a little experiment.

Let's say this sandwich is my hopes and dreams and this tray.

It's you girls going down to Chicago to get Monica back.

Oh, look, Joan. Good news. My hopes aren't up.

And here we are, back in the living room. Oh, my God. Wow.

This is amazing.

Amazing. You know, I bet I could stay back in one of those guest bedrooms for

weeks without anybody even noticing I was here.

Hypothetically.

There are rich black folk in Chicago, but damn, girl, who's your mama? Oprah?

No, but she lives two floors down.

Two floors down?

Damn!

Daddy did well in commodities futures.

Now he mostly babbles incoherently in jewels.

Oh, there's money in that, weren't you, Rich Lynn?

It's a shame.

He had such a great mind.

Monica!

Are you sharing your daddy's dementia with your friends?

I'm sorry, Mother. I know how you like to keep family business swept under the

rug. This is Joan, Lynn, and Maya.

Eleanor Kane, Charles Brooks.

You would have met them had you come to my wedding.

I explained, Monica, that it's hard to travel given your father's condition.

Of course, I thought we were just missing the wedding. I didn't realize

missing the entire marriage.

Joan, I heard you gave a very nice toast.

Perhaps you could reprise it at one of Monica's next weddings.

Oh, well, I'm sure that... Endless.

Okay.

You're the little bohemian who takes a lot of detours in life, right?

Well, actually...

Nice to meet you.

And Maya, you're the one who wrote the cute little advice book.

Cute.

More like phenomenal.

42 weeks on Jets, my sweetest.

Well, let's hope Monica draws on your homegirl wisdom in her hour of need.

Um, I'm not in need.

That's where you're wrong, dear.

The court has granted my petition to declare your father incompetent. I now

manage all his affairs.

How is Daddy's little girl?

Fine, Daddy.

Daddy, these are my friends from L .A. Hello, nice to meet you. Such a lovely

group of young ladies.

He doesn't seem wacky at all.

Foster?

I'm explaining to your daughter how I now control all your finances.

Buy me a monkey.

And I'll be needing more tinfoil.

Yo, some for the monkey.

Of course, dear.

I stand corrected. He is wacky as hell.

Yeah, why does a monkey need tinfoil?

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes.

Now that I'm in charge, no more... No more hand -holding and no more free

Monica, you need to be out of the condo by tomorrow morning.

What? You know my marriage just fell apart, Mother.

It was your choice to leave, William. Your choice not to have a career to fall

back on.

You made that bed, dear.

Mom, I've come home to regroup, and I just need a little time.

Time's up, darling.

See, I know you're ignorant in how caring mothers operate, but they don't

to talk their kids out into the street.

It's called tough love.

And maybe if your father had been a little tougher, you wouldn't be as

brat as unable to keep a husband for more than two hours.

You're right. I should have followed your example and trapped him with two

and slowly but surely driven him crazy.

Don't hate the players, sweetie.

It's my turn to see what I can see.

You must understand this time it's just for me because it's my turn.

Wow, Monica.

Your mom didn't have to trap your dad.

She could have been a singing star.

Operation Does She Yield is falling into place.

Tomorrow morning when Monica has to leave, we're just going to gear her back

L .A. and William.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys go ahead and go on without me because these are my

kind of people. I just leave these pricey sweet treats lying around.

Okay, that's it.

Crazy Daddy just got finished chasing me around the pool table, pinching my

butt.

That's it. That's it? I'm out of here.

No, no, no. No one is leaving until we convince Monica to come back with us.

Don't you care about my butt?

Oh, it's William.

Hey, William, how's it going?

Hey, Joan.

Have you got my wife back yet?

Well, let's just say I'm working on it.

Operation Does She Yield is proceeding apace.

Does She Yield?

That doesn't even make sense.

First of all, it's a question.

Okay, William, no.

It's settled, all right? That's the name.

And we need a little more time. So are you sure you're going to be okay there

for another day? Oh, please, woman, would you give me some credit?

I got this.

Good work, men.

Carry on.

And yes, it's my turn to reach and touch the sky.

Hey,

Monica.

We just wanted to see how you were doing.

Frankly, I've been better, Jill.

You know what? You don't have to get an attitude.

We're just there to help.

Hey, have you tried these high -class candies they leave just lying around?

I mean, it's a real pick -me -up.

It's only natural that you would be a little down after a fight with your

mother. I mean, she did say some very harsh things, but you know that she

you. No, she doesn't. She doesn't love anyone but herself.

No. then you have nothing to hold you here. So you come back to L .A. with us.

We'll help you pack. No, Joan, I may not need that woman's love, but I need her

money.

And she's cut me off.

I'm totally broke.

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry. I just wasn't expecting the rich, nougaty sinner.

Monica, how can you be broke?

Pretty much the usual way.

I ain't got no money.

Hi. My daddy's always given me a big fat umbrella.

I had a substantial monthly allowance to cover things like my wardrobe, personal

care, various sundries like my week at the Ritz in Paris, my shopping trip to

Dubai, these earrings.

Those earrings aren't tight.

Girl, you spend money like it's water.

If only I could turn on the faucet and get a tall glass of money.

Oh my God, I'm broke.

And homeless.

Full picture.

What am I going to do?

Well, the first thing you're going to do is pawn those earrings.

No, you're going to come back to L .A. with us, and we're going to buy you a

ticket. It's the least we can do.

All right, fine, fine.

We'll buy you a ticket.

But I'm going to need those earrings first.

If this is all some plan to get me back with William, you can forget it.

I'll never get over what he did to me.

Well, then you're holding on to some unrealistic notion about trust.

I mean, everyone gets cold feet.

He didn't do anything that bad.

Yeah, and even if he did, what, are you going to let him get away with it?

You have as much right to be in L .A. as he does. Don't let him run you out of

town. You better go back and get what's yours, girl.

It's not like I have any other option.

Fine. You can get me a first -class ticket.

First -class ticket?

Oh, then you definitely have to come up with something around.

Is that you?

Are you real?

She's real.

You look terrible.

Thank you.

Does that mean you've come back to me?

No, I've just come to get with mine.

California, it's a community, property, state. I'm entitled to half of

everything.

That's it?

That's all you came back for?

I can't think of anything else I'd want from you, William.

Well, you're right.

You are entitled to half of everything I've made since we've been married.

Hey, let's tally that up, shall we?

Since the marriage, I've been wallowing in a depressed stupor caused by the

collapse of our marriage. And in that time, I've managed to bill zero hours.

So let's see, $800 an hour times zero hours is zero dollars.

Oh, we divide it by two.

Zero dollars.

So you're giving me nothing.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait. I do have some money in the bank that's made some

interest. Let me figure that out for 4 .5 % interest divided by two. Hey!

I owe you $25.

Would you like cash or J -spot dollars?

I went down there like you said. That's right.

I talked to William like you said. That's what I said. And I asked for half

our community property. Anybody say that?

You told me to get what's mine. I meant the man.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica.

You've got to know that William's biggest fear is that he would only be

for his money. Is that what you're about?

Because if it is... Then we don't want you with William. No, I'm not about the

money. Well, I didn't hear the love.

Me either.

Me either. We have a majority.

Of course I love him. I put my heart and soul in our relationship.

And I just didn't want to leave it with nothing.

Well, if you love him, you don't have to leave it.

I mean, what do you want the man to do, huh?

Hop on one foot and sing, I'm your bitch?

Monica, I don't know what else he could do.

I mean, he wooed you in a tinfoil suit, gave you Joan's dream wedding, and let a

whole lot of crazy go unchecked in therapy trying to work out his feelings

you.

I know all that.

But I still can't trust him.

Well, if you're going to be so stubborn that you're not going to take back a man

who is obviously still in love with you and that never meant to hurt you, then

you're going to have to figure something out.

Because you ain't got a pot to piss in. Hell, you ain't got enough money to buy

a pot.

Oh, hell, it's the coming.

Why don't you just sit your little... Zip, zip.

You had your chance.

I'm the queen bee here.

And this...

is my hive.

That's why I've hired Monica to manage the J -Spot.

Just a minute. I'm co -owner of this... Zip, zip!

Fire starter.

Who told you that?

My insurance company, fool.

That's why... Monica's back.

Embedded another.

We don't need you to co -sign. You're hanging on by a thread as it is.

Maya.

Guys, we stood by you on your wedding day and agreed to be the community that

would strengthen your marriage.

Granted, we are the community that contributed to the breakup of said

Once again, full picture.

Do we feel sorry for contributing to your confusion?

Yes. That's why we've been trying to get you guys back together.

But we can't force it or make the hurt go away or build the trust back.

That's on you.

But we love you.

And we've made our amends. Our slate is clean.

So, ladies... Operation Does She Yield is officially over!

Mission accomplished!

Operation Does She Yield?

That doesn't even make any... I said mission accomplished!

Ladies...

So you got them to get you your job back so you could be near me.

Negro, don't nobody want you.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

What you want is my money.

Well, since there are no feelings here, it won't be awkward for us to work

together. Won't be for me.

Me neither.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a mess to clean up. Whoever Joan left in

charge was an incompetent fool.

The fool that signs your checks.

Please.

And I'll go back to Chicago to steal that niggity candy.

Okay, thanks, y 'all.

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