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Morning, Monica.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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You got a second?
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00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:09,510
Joan, you know I don't like to talk when
my hair's not done.
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This is important.
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We'll talk later.
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Right now I have a team of Beverly Hills
beauty specialists poised to perm,
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pluck, and polish.
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Monica, you can't afford any of those
peas.
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You ain't got no money.
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You don't know what I got.
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I know you got a stack of credit card
bills over here screaming final notice.
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Final notice, good, because I'm tired of
being notified.
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Monica, come on.
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Joan, me being broke is not permanent.
My mother's just acting out. She'll come
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around. Really?
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Because she didn't look like she was
going to come around when she sent you a
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check made out to psych.
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Monica, you need to do something about
this. Once your credit is ruined, you're
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trapped. You can't buy a house. You
can't buy a car. You can't even get a
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Joan, sweetie, really, if I ain't got
nothing, ain't nobody calling me no way.
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There's a traffic jam on the 14th. Yeah,
some bull trucker tipped over his load
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of cash.
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Oh, I know. So you might want to roll up
them windows.
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Too late.
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And sweetie, I stopped by Chili's and I
got you some of those ribs that you
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love. Oh, hell no.
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Jabari! What?
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What's the matter?
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You better get here quick. I'm going to
need you to dispose of his body.
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Jabari, get your butt out here right
now.
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Oh, I know.
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I know this boy did not break my panini.
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about himself. I mean, I gave him your
dinner.
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My Chili's ribs?
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Mm -hmm.
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Oh, that's it. We moving back to Los
Angeles.
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All right, now, calm down. I can just
run down to Chili's and get you some
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ribs.
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This is the final straw.
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We're no longer top of the food chain in
our own house.
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I'm done.
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And I'm done having this conversation,
okay?
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We're not moving back to L .A. Our
people survive slavery.
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We survived the Klan Hill. We survived
Flavor of Love.
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We are not about to be thrown out of our
house by some mangy mutt.
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Look, it's not just about the coyotes,
all right? There are a million reasons
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why we should move, Maya.
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All our friends and family are back in L
.A.
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This street turns into a crazy candy
cane lane half the year. October through
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February, don't exaggerate.
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Jabari doesn't like his school.
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There ain't no black folk out here.
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And we live downwind from a nuclear test
site.
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I didn't hear you complaining when you
were taking a picture with that five
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-pound cherry tomato.
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I'm in traffic all the time.
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I'm never home.
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Baby, I quit NASCAR so I could see more
of you and Jabari. Fine, then I'll tape
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some photographs to your sun visor.
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Maya, I'm miserable.
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Jabari is miserable. And if you just
admit it, you're miserable too. No,
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Donnell.
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I am blessed.
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And anyway, we'd never be able to afford
a house this big in L .A.
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Okay, maybe not this big, but I'm
telling you, I've seen some nice houses
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by the garage.
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I don't know.
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We finally have the life that we fought
for, okay? This house is our 40 acres
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and a mule.
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This is barely a quarter acre, and the
only mule here is stubborn -ass you.
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00:04:38,159 --> 00:04:41,649
Leslie, we open in an hour. Leslie's not
working today. I took her shift.
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Why? That's how the schedule worked out.
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But you made up the schedule. And that's
how it worked out.
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Now, I know it's time and a half after
40 hours. What do I get after 80?
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Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why do you
need to be here at 6 o 'clock in the
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morning? Hey, potato skins don't skin
themselves.
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No, that's what we have a sous chef for.
Well, now I'm the head sous.
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Boo.
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00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:10,209
Why are you taking all of our employees'
hours? They need their salaries. You
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don't. I like to work.
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I think I know what's going on here.
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I refuse to give you half of my money so
you find a way to take it. That's
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absurd. No, what's absurd is that you
have all of the money in the world, and
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you're still greedy for more.
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Look, I want you to fix the schedule.
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Fine. No, and by fixing it, I don't mean
making up new days in a week.
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What possessed me to marry you?
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You'll have plenty of time to mull that
over, seeing how you won't be working on
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Flursday.
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Lynn!
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Have you seen my smoke detector?
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Oh, I sold them on eBay last week.
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What? You weren't using them?
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Lynn, what if there's a fire? I could
die.
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You need to replace them.
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Fine. I have to get my money from
selling you ceiling fan.
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You know, I need to look up more often.
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Hey, y 'all. Hey, Maya.
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What are you doing here?
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Oh, I had a doctor's appointment. It was
either suffer in rush hour traffic or
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suffer here.
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Suffer here with tails.
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Doctor's appointment.
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Everything okay? Yes, I'm fine.
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And I'm minding my own business. Try it.
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To get a prescription for your bitch.
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Anyway, I know, I know, I know. I'm just
on edge right now because Darnell and I
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are in the middle of a fight. He will
not quit harping on the fact that he
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to move back to L .A.
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Oh, my God. You're moving back to L .A.?
No one's moving anywhere.
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We just bought a new ceiling fan and
some extra smoke detectors.
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Maya, I know you like living out yonder.
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But you are driving 120 miles just to
get your hair products and then another
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just to play your numbers.
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Hey, that liquor store had three big
winners.
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Look, I am not going to give up my dream
house just for convenience.
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I've got all the convenience I need,
okay? If I burn myself, I got a wild
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out in the yard and I'm just two dry leg
beds over from a Chili's.
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Come on, Maya. You tried it. It didn't
work.
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I mean, even your Friday fish fries
fizzled.
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There's nothing out there for you. Come
back to us.
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If we move back down here, we'd have to
give up our big yard, our two -car
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garage, and a bedroom. And I need that
bedroom.
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Well, Maya, maybe it's worth sacrificing
it for a lot more happiness.
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If I give up that bedroom, where's my
baby going to sleep?
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Aw, thanks for looking out my mind.
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Not you, idiot.
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I'm pregnant.
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You're pregnant?
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Wait, are you sure?
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Mm -hmm.
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This isn't your woman senses or that
power of positive thought thing, is it?
134
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,800
No, Joan. That's why I was at the
doctor's. I'm pregnant.
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And that power of positive thought stuff
is for real. My book is not called Oh,
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Hell Maybe.
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Oh, my God!
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We're pregnant!
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No, I'm pregnant.
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Congratulations. You're pregnant!
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No, I'm pregnant!
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No wonder Joan now wants to move back to
L .A.
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Darnell doesn't know yet.
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Maya? What?
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Oh, my God.
146
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It's not his, is it?
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No, fool. I only just found out.
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Oh. Maya, then you're definitely going
to have to move back to LA. I mean, I
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can't live 60 miles from my God child.
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And my babysitting rates are set by
distance, and you're in Zone 6.
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What are you going to do?
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I guess I could try changing my pricing
structure, but rezoning could take
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years.
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00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,819
You gotta move to L .A. before the
baby's born. Oh, my God, you guys, I am
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00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:05,860
moving. I have to print up new flyers.
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00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:10,340
We could go see some open houses. You
don't get it, okay?
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The only reason I'm pregnant in the
first place is because I live out there.
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Don't you see? This is all part of God's
plan.
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He waited until I was in the right
place.
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That's why I couldn't get pregnant all
those years, cramped up in my little old
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apartment. He waited until I was in the
right place.
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God let you get pregnant under the
bleachers when you were 16.
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I'm just saying.
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Hey, mama.
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Sweet damn.
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Does it look bad?
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I had to cut back on my expenses.
168
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I was forced to do my hair myself.
169
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With what? A leaf blower?
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00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,130
I've never been poor. I don't know how
to do this.
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00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,080
How do you do it, Lynn?
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How do you get by?
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Credit cards.
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Joan gave me this whole speech about how
you're not supposed to max out your
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credit card.
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00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,160
No, I don't use my credit card.
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I count them if I go drop. That's how
they get here.
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Lynn, I'm serious.
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00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:34,599
Monica, why don't you just go to
William, okay? Be honest with him. Let
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you broke. I'm sure he'll help you out.
You are still legally his wife.
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Mm -mm. I will not go to William hat in
hand.
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Yeah, with that hair, you best keep that
hat off.
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00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:48,580
Good Lord, woman, what is with the bush?
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Have you no shame?
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Not since my vacation tapes hit the
Internet.
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Not you.
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00:10:58,260 --> 00:11:01,640
Monica, first you come in here asking me
for half of what I've made.
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00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:06,420
Then you try and rip me off by
manipulating the schedule. And when I
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you act out by coming in here looking
like the governor pardoned you five
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00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,780
minutes after they pulled the switch.
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00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:14,700
William, she... Shut up, Lynn.
192
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,040
William, I... Shut up, Monica.
193
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,550
I don't want to even... Shut up,
William.
194
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:22,810
I just want to turn.
195
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:32,759
Monica, you can be mad at me, but I will
not have you make a mockery out of my
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00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,810
business.
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00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:35,230
You're fired.
198
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:50,660
Okay, now, keep in mind, this is just a
preliminary list of baby names,
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00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,880
and I am open to suggestions. Okay.
200
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,620
So, um...
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00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:58,950
Jeanne.
202
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:00,430
Veronica.
203
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:01,750
Shawna. Joan.
204
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,560
Then Joan Wilkes it is.
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00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,010
Girl,
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00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:14,540
I got to go. I got to go home and tell
Darnell about this, OK?
207
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:31,780
What is it? What is it?
208
00:12:31,781 --> 00:12:34,239
Don't know. It's been in an accident.
209
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,290
Oh, my God.
210
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:36,630
Okay, I'll drive.
211
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,060
Ow! What?
212
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,290
You heartless bastard. I can't believe
you did that.
213
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,610
I told you, if you took my smoke
detectors, I'd call the police.
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00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:53,320
Please, who do you think my muscle is?
215
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,380
I'm talking about firing Monica.
216
00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:56,700
Business is business.
217
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,880
Her childish behavior left me no choice.
218
00:13:00,951 --> 00:13:08,339
She's in trouble. Her mother cut her
off. She's flat broke, and now you fire,
219
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:09,480
you heartless bastard.
220
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:12,100
Will you please pick another spot?
221
00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:16,960
William, look, she really needs this
job. You need to hire her back.
222
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,000
Is she really broke?
223
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:20,940
I have no idea.
224
00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:25,010
Why didn't she say something? Why didn't
you say something?
225
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,460
She told me to secrecy.
226
00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:37,330
You'd think she was after your money.
227
00:13:38,410 --> 00:13:40,940
So she really doesn't have anywhere else
to turn?
228
00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:42,710
William, she came to me for a loan.
229
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,630
All right.
230
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:51,980
Wow.
231
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I guess I'll hire her back, then.
232
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,710
Because you still care about her?
233
00:13:58,030 --> 00:13:59,710
No, I'm going to lord this over her.
234
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,550
You heartless bastard.
235
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:06,090
I'm going to pick another spot.
236
00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:09,520
Monica.
237
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:12,760
Monica, let me talk to you. What? I
skinned them. I'm taking them.
238
00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:15,270
Look, I've reconsidered.
239
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:18,380
I don't have time to go look for a new
manager.
240
00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:20,490
So you can have your job back.
241
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,160
Hmm.
242
00:14:22,430 --> 00:14:24,170
On a probationary basis.
243
00:14:24,910 --> 00:14:26,370
So you've come crawling back.
244
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:28,850
I knew you would.
245
00:14:28,851 --> 00:14:32,369
Monica, I don't think you want... Oh,
no, Lynn.
246
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:33,420
I got this.
247
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,780
I'm in the cat bird seat here.
248
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,060
This negro knows he can't run this place
without me.
249
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:45,080
Now, before I even consider your poultry
offer, let me set up a few conditions.
250
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:52,259
I need a substantial raise, a spa
package, and an
251
00:14:52,260 --> 00:14:56,600
old -fashioned, down -in -the -dirt
groveling.
252
00:14:57,820 --> 00:14:58,870
I'm sorry.
253
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,860
Oh, I don't think it's officially
groveling unless you're on your knees.
254
00:15:05,550 --> 00:15:10,210
No. What I meant to say is, I'm sorry
your ass is poor.
255
00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:13,100
That's right.
256
00:15:13,770 --> 00:15:15,670
That's right. I know that you're broke.
257
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:17,400
You're penniless.
258
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:24,130
Ain't got squat, flat broke, no means of
support, no tango,
259
00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:25,450
dinero.
260
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:31,500
But you're still front around here like
you're the Queen of Sheba.
261
00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:33,780
You told him.
262
00:15:34,370 --> 00:15:36,900
Hey, I didn't say nothing about the
Queen of Sheba.
263
00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:41,520
That's right.
264
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:43,260
I'm broke.
265
00:15:43,930 --> 00:15:48,670
I had nothing left but my pride, and now
you've taken that.
266
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,710
So I guess now I'll be on my way.
267
00:15:54,690 --> 00:15:59,310
I don't need a thing from this place,
except maybe my face up off the floor.
268
00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:02,360
And my potatoes.
269
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:10,530
Lynn, can you give me that one that
rolled up under the chair?
270
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,090
Monica, stop.
271
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,770
What now, William?
272
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:23,260
Look, it's obvious you need this job,
and I... I really want you to have it.
273
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:26,540
In fact, I insist that you take it.
274
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:37,640
Thank you.
275
00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:39,520
You're welcome.
276
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,450
Just so we clear, nothing between us has
changed.
277
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,090
I know one thing that better change.
278
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:52,820
Don't come back in here looking all
running north to freedom.
279
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:56,560
Jerk. Witch.
280
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,800
See you tomorrow.
281
00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:00,250
Better not be late.
282
00:17:06,919 --> 00:17:09,749
William, I'm really proud of you. You
did the right thing.
283
00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:13,809
And just for that, I'm going to give you
a great deal on some plasma screens.
284
00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:16,930
You know, I already have four plasma
screens in there.
285
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,300
Nobody ever looks up.
286
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:22,310
Oh,
287
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:29,660
Darnell, he's in here.
288
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,170
Baby.
289
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:39,679
Look, I'm fine. I'm fine. I just nodded
off, and I got up on the shoulder, and
290
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,880
then I hit the guardrail.
291
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,640
You could have been killed.
292
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,920
But I wasn't. I'm fine.
293
00:17:46,740 --> 00:17:50,040
Oh, my goodness.
294
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,680
All right.
295
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,520
Oh, look,
296
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:02,800
a blood pressure machine.
297
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,050
Does anyone want to check their
pressure?
298
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,440
I want to check my pressure.
299
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,560
I'm going to check my pressure.
300
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:13,970
Okay.
301
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,500
I'm so, so sorry, Darnell.
302
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:23,039
No, this is all in my fault. This is not
your fault. No, it is. It is. You
303
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,679
didn't want to commute, but I couldn't
leave my chillies, my extra bedroom, and
304
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,120
my programmable thermostat.
305
00:18:28,121 --> 00:18:32,959
And then you go, you get in a wreck. You
know, what if it had been worse?
306
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,499
Huh? that I'd be left out there with
Jabari to protect me and my baby from
307
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,690
coyote. And, you know, coyote ain't
nothing but a dingo. Oh, Lord.
308
00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:41,880
Please don't let a dingo eat my baby.
309
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:44,930
Baby?
310
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:46,110
Yes, sweetie?
311
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:49,800
No, you said something about a baby.
312
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:55,140
Well, I wanted to tell you more
romantically over dinner.
313
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,740
We're having a baby?
314
00:18:58,260 --> 00:18:59,980
Yes! We're having a baby!
315
00:19:06,540 --> 00:19:07,980
Get your happy ass out of here.
316
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,120
Okay, I'm just going to run down to
maternity and sign us up for Lamaze.
317
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,000
Yeah, baby.
318
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,640
Oh, girl.
319
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:24,940
We're having a baby. Yes.
320
00:19:24,941 --> 00:19:28,919
I love you. You better, because I'm
about to be all big and fat with swollen
321
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:29,970
feet.
322
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,100
So that's why you didn't want to move.
323
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,220
Yes, but I do now.
324
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,970
Well, let's do it. Let's move back to L
.A.
325
00:19:37,971 --> 00:19:39,969
You sure?
326
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:40,969
Yes.
327
00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:42,690
It's what's best for our family.
328
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:47,489
Besides, it takes a village to raise a
child, and I want my village to serve
329
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:48,540
soul food.
330
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:52,940
We're having a baby.
331
00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,420
I don't know, Lynn. I don't like the
look of this place.
332
00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:02,370
Look, Monica.
333
00:20:02,371 --> 00:20:06,109
Even though William hired you back,
obviously you can't afford to go to your
334
00:20:06,110 --> 00:20:08,770
Beverly Hills hairstylist. This is your
only option.
335
00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:12,200
Are you sure these trade school people
are competent?
336
00:20:12,201 --> 00:20:17,239
If they weren't, do you think I would
let them replace my filling?
337
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,790
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