Original subtitles

They're down by 20.

Three minutes left. I'm out of here, man.

So I'm going to see you tonight at Jones' game party, right?

I ain't going to that mess.

Come on, I don't want to be the only guy there.

Well, you better put on a wig and a dress, because I'm not going.

Doug, you're like the game party rain man. Why ain't you going?

Those heifer tuplets convinced Monica to leave me.

No way!

That's why I stopped talking to him.

Stopped talking?

How long has this been going on?

Ooh, about a month now.

Really?

Because Maya didn't say anything about that to me.

Well, maybe she feels the same way Joan does. She's too devastated to talk about

it.

Okie dokie, y 'all. I'm off to the party store to get things for tonight. Oh,

yeah, and William, since Aaron is at the teacher's retreat, it's you and me,

baby, so bring that A -game, okay? Oh, yeah, and those lemon bars. Yum, yum.

Love those.

Okay, bye!

Bruh about that whole silent treatment thing. I don't think they know

chance you get, okay?

Skip your chores, skip your baths, even skip your homework. And if your parents

give you grief, you tell them to take it up with God, okay?

Okay. All right, okay.

Rock and roll.

That was a good one.

Lynn, you know all they heard was God said don't do your homework.

As long as they're hearing God's word. Oh, what am I going to do with you?

Oh, what are you in the mood to do?

Lynn, whoa, stop.

Come on, you know what you're doing.

What am I doing? Coming down here, giving my time and effort to help you do

Lord's work. No, you are coming down here, dressed like that, rubbing up on

I told you I cannot have a sexual relationship.

And all you try and do is get something started.

Oh, please.

I'm just coming down here, doing my job.

I cannot control where your filthy little mind might wander.

So you're telling me it's completely innocent when you direct this little

of mine with a shimmy and a shake?

Shimmy are instrumental in the art of liturgical dance.

And shaking?

I might have palsy. Baby, you should lay your hands on me.

Lynn, Lynn, stop.

Stop playing with me, please.

I'm supposed to be preaching the word, and instead I'm wondering what you're

wearing under your robe.

Hey, sounds like I'm not the one with the problem.

However, I am the one with the solution.

You know what? I have my own solution.

You can't direct the children's choir anymore.

Huh? And you need to go.

He was right to throw your nasty ass out. I don't know how he let your little

nasty ass in.

Look, Eldon throwing me out was just an act of desperation because he can't

handle the fact that he still wants me.

Then why did you provoke him? Why did you just continue to date him?

We're not dating. I ended it, remember?

I told him unless there's sex, we're not having a relationship.

Oh, that's why you were down there every day doing your little ho stroll all up

and through the pulpit.

I'm down there because I have a plan, okay?

I have him right where I want him.

So your plan is to get him to talk to you out of the church and never see you

again. Oh, well done, Lynn. Congratulations. Good on you.

No smarty pants.

You know, I mean, we have such a strong connection in bed.

A vibe like that is not an accident.

If I'm with him all the time, he'll come around.

Lynn, it is not healthy and good to manipulate him into repudiating his

belief system so that you can get your jolly.

It's not just my jolly. I happen to be a very attentive lover.

Besides, I'm not asking him to drop his entire belief system.

Just his drawers.

Look, you have to tell them that you're not talking to them. Well, how do you

tell someone you're not talking to that you're not talking to them?

Okay, everybody take their seats. It's time to start Guestionnaire. William,

and I are first.

You want me to tell them? No, no, no, no, no. They'll find out soon enough.

Okay, William, draw first.

Okay, okay, you're a statue.

That William had stopped talking to you.

He stopped talking to us?

When? Like a month ago when you messed up his marriage.

A month?

Okay, that's crazy.

I see William every day. I think I would have noticed if he wasn't talking to

me. And I know William was talking to me. I bummed a ride home like two days

ago.

Oh my God, at least I think it was William.

Whose big goal did I finish?

A month?

You know what, you two are... to be ashamed.

You know what? He's supposed to be one of your closest friends, family.

You didn't notice either.

Yeah, I know, but I don't pay enough amount of that fool.

What I love most about these weekly Bible studies is the dialogue.

We enjoy hearing you preach.

Hey, guys.

Sorry. I didn't realize you guys already started.

All right.

Catch me up. So, who we got who?

Actually, we're just finishing up. Yeah. So, I'll see you all tomorrow morning,

9 a .m. And don't forget about the bake sale afterwards.

Tracy, counting on your pies to pay next month's rent.

Oh, with my sweet potato pies, we might be good to the summer.

What are you doing here?

What? You said I couldn't direct the choir. You didn't say anything about

study.

What game are you playing now, then?

Well, I'm here to study the Bible.

Hence... Bible study?

Unless, you know, you have a problem with me loving the Lord.

Actually, I have two.

First, you missed it. And second, this Bible you're fronting with is a

thesaurus.

I'm just trying to find the word.

And several more.

You need to know I've started seeing someone.

You're right.

Alden, we better get going. You know Chili's gets crowded after Bible study.

Just give me one minute, Tracy.

Her.

I've moved on, Lynn.

You need to move on, too.

All right, so, okay, let me get this straight.

Out of the blue, you start dating Tracy, and you say, I'm the one playing games?

I'm not playing any games, Lynn.

I wasn't expecting you to be here. Oh, of course you were.

Come on, we've been going back and forth with this for over a month now. I come

on to you, you back off.

I come on heavier, you kick me out of the choir.

But now I see you're mixing it up a bit. You're using Tracy to make me jealous.

I do not use people.

Come on, you could not possibly be dating her. Well, I am dating her.

Since when?

Since I asked her out.

Fine.

If you want a non -sexual sham of a relationship, then I guess a button -up

church lady is the way to go.

Look at her over there.

With a Peter Pan collar and her sensible shoes.

Don't be attacking Tracy.

I'm just trying to figure out how you want to go from all of this to none of

that. She is a good woman.

And I'm not.

Not for me.

There is no way that it has been a month since William talked to me.

No, it's been a month and a week.

I mean, just the other day, I was at the J's spot, and I was telling William how

Aaron and I are doing so well together, and how Aaron wants to buy a foreclosed

property, and how Aaron and I both have a thing for pickled beets.

You notice how you're just going on and on and on and on. About Aaron, I'm just

sitting over here in a stupefied silence thinking how cool it would be if an

asteroid just flew into the window.

And I have not said nary a word.

I'm guessing that's what went down with you and William. So, no, boo. You two

did not have that conversation.

Maya, I know you're not trying to imply that I go on and on about Aaron.

Oh, my God.

You are going to love it. Okay.

The other night, Aaron and I were lying in bed and he was wearing... Please,

Lord.

Send my asteroid.

I'm done with men.

They're all hypocritical, game -playing, simplistic control freaks. I mean, they

separate us into two camps, virgins and whores, and I'm sick to death of it.

Because you're the OG in the whore department.

Well, you know, Aaron does not think like that. And the other night when we

laying in bed and he was wearing these cute little dog pajama bottoms.

So, fine.

Yeah. Men.

I'm going to tell you the story later, okay?

So, what's going on, Len? What are you so fired up about?

Oh, Eldon.

He's dating this church lady.

Oh, you guys.

He is the perfect minister's wife. I mean, I cannot compete with her.

I gave him my best, and he just doesn't want me.

Wait a minute.

I thought you said he does want you. He just doesn't want sex before marriage.

Exactly. So he doesn't want me.

So you're saying that you're just sex?

Yeah. Well, no.

Okay, well, of course, I'm not just sex.

But in a relationship, sex is one thing I know I have on lock. It's what I

thought I was going to get Eldon back with.

But you had Eldon without the sex.

Yeah, how long was that going to keep him?

There are plenty of reasons that people love you and want to be with you besides

sex. I mean, we love you, and we've never had sex with you.

Well, I mean, I know I haven't.

But I have. wonder about you two from time to time.

Especially when she was living up in here rent free.

Shut up, Maya.

Look, the point is you are smart and creative and compassionate and funny.

are so many things besides sex.

Look, Lynn, here's the deal, okay?

You say that you are so liberated about sex, but I think you use it to control.

It's your security blanket, the same way that my three -month rule was mine.

She's right, Lynn.

You're just afraid to let him see the real you.

But, sweetie, he's already seen it.

Now you need to see it.

Oh, my God, this is the wildest thing.

You guys, this is exactly...

What Aaron and I are working through right now. Which brings me back to the

story that I've been wanting to tell. Charlie, if this is that damn pajama

bottom story, it better have some relevance or I will slap you. Of course

relevant.

Just not the Lynn situation.

So you wanted to see me?

Uh, no. We wanted to see William.

Well, I'm speaking for William.

Oh.

Okay, okay.

Um... Um... William.

Darnell.

I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Am I supposed to be talking to him or you? Because I know he's not talking to

us, but is he also not listening to us?

No, he's listening, so go on. Say what you've got to say. Okay, so... Joyless

Heffy.

Excuse me.

I know you did not just call me a Heffy. His words, not mine.

Okay, so, look, William, we are so sorry.

We had no idea that you weren't talking to us.

Yeah, I mean, had we noticed, we certainly would have felt bad, or at

given the appearance that we did.

William wants you to read between the lines.

Okay, William, I know that you blame us for Monica leaving, but it was not all

our fault.

You had a little something to do with it, too. Yeah, you're the one double

-fisting that champagne right before your wedding toast.

Loose lips, McGee. You women cannot hold blame for five seconds.

Monica was off the ledge, and you talked her right back out there with your

idiotic, man -bashing advice.

And to top it all, you didn't even have the common courtesy to check in after

she left.

I'm sorry, is that him or you? That's all me.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

William, we love you.

Joan? Mm -hmm?

Why are you putting your hands on my man?

Because he's William. No, his words are William. His body is mine. Oh, thank

you.

Yes.

William, we care about you.

And... We are so sorry for our part

in what happened between you and Monica.

Running her off was completely unintentional. As was the fact that we

notice that you weren't talking to us. For a month?

You know, would you nip the ad lib?

Okay, okay, okay.

We just want to know what we can do to patch things up.

Oh.

Well, I'm going to tell you what you're going to do. You're going to have to

feel the heat of William's rash.

Oh, my bad.

Wrath.

So for the next 24 hours, you're going to get a silent treatment.

Yeah, that seems fair. No, I'm fine. That sounds good with me. I mean, you

I probably won't even talk to him in the next 24.

I mean, it will hurt my heart,

and I will try to cope.

Alvin. Alvin, I know you can hear me.

Lynn, I don't want to... Look, I'm not here to cause any trouble, okay?

I just want to talk.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm wearing one of my most conservative outfits.

Really?

First and foremost, I'm sorry.

I mean, I wasn't being respectful of your feelings or your beliefs.

And I acted like that because I have such strong feelings for you, and I felt

too vulnerable to express them any other way than by jumping your bones.

You were right.

I was playing games.

I was trying to seduce you.

And I'm sorry.

Well, if we're being honest, it wasn't just you.

It took two people to play a game.

And I can't lie, I enjoyed you, Tracy.

So much so, I almost let you catch me.

Really? When?

Then.

Okay, I know.

I just want to clear the air, okay?

I'm sorry I said all those mean things about Tracy.

And I hope that when you think about me, you don't think about the good things.

Well, that's the problem. I can't stop thinking about you.

You were right.

I was using Tracy to mask my feelings.

Man, we're so messed up.

No, no, no, no, no, we're not.

Yes, we are.

Look at us. We're right back where we were.

And neither of us is willing to change. I am.

And not because I'm going back on everything I believe in about sex.

Truth is, we have a really deep connection.

And... I mean, we had more than just sex.

I can only speak for myself, but... I owe it to myself

if you were to believe.

I'd be crazy to walk away from you.

I'd be crazy to let you.

So, um... What can we do? I mean, can we kiss

or hug or what?

By what? I don't mean what what.

We definitely kiss.

24 hours of icy silence are over.

William, can't this wait?

No. I've been going crazy since Monica left, and I have nobody to talk to.

Oh, I'm sorry.

William, you want to talk about Monica?

No, too painful, but I want to talk about other things, though.

Okay, for starters, did you know that Sweetilson bought a brand -new Bentley?

All the bells and whistles.

Anyway, you know how he parts behind Goldberg?

Well, he was backing up. Oh, my God, he hit Goldberg's beamer?

No!

Try that new hazelnut coffee that you like. Oh, and you got some?

For me and Mama. Aw. She told her whole sewing circle about it.

Oh, you know that one security guard down at the law firm? Oh, the freckle

-faced bitch?

Yeah, well, you wouldn't believe what he's doing this time.

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