Original subtitles

So just because those damn bazans got a new sprinkler system, my eyes start

talking about how our old sprinkler system is ghetto.

You tell me, is Jabari with hoes ghetto?

Wives, man.

They're never satisfied.

Exactly.

Speaking of unsatisfied wives, how you doing?

What about Monica?

I'm cool.

Because we haven't talked about the whole wedding thing for a minute.

Yeah, well, I've been cool for a minute.

You don't have to be cool with me, man.

I mean, you can open up. Man to man, just let it out. If Monica doesn't want

make up with me, what am I going to do, make her?

No.

All I can do is man up.

So I'm fine.

I'm coping.

All right.

Great. Whoa!

Oh! Look at that snake, man!

You thought you could just...

Slither away without a word, didn't you?

Die! Oh, yeah, you're coping. Die, you false and lying serpent!

So,

got any plans Saturday?

I bet I do now.

I got the insurance money for my drowned Porsche. I'm going to buy a new car,

and you are going to help me negotiate.

You were an attorney.

You already know how to negotiate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Normally I do, but something happens to me at a car dealership. I get all caught

up in the pretty car dealers.

Then I'd rather come.

So another Porsche, huh?

Actually, you know, the whole Porsche thing was me trying to be somebody that

I'm not. But now I know what I am.

I am sensible.

Yes. I'm efficient.

I'm sexy.

I'm a Toyota Camry hybrid.

You do get good mileage.

Shut up.

Oh, hey, I have a friend that works at a Toyota dealership. Maybe he can get you

a deal. Oh, goody.

Yeah, maybe as long as it's not a pretty new blue one.

Aaron?

Hey, I thought that was you.

Yolanda. Hey, how you doing?

I'm good.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yolanda, Joan, Joan.

Yolanda. Hi, how are you? It's nice to meet you. Nice meeting you, too.

Well, look, sorry to interrupt.

Take care, Eric.

Bye, Joan.

Bye.

Your sister?

No, she's... Oh, no, no, no, don't.

In my mind, you were sent down from heaven completely untouched.

Please, don't take that away.

So, you don't want to know?

Because I would.

I would hate to be in a room with someone you were with and not know.

Plus, I want to know everything about you, baby.

God, Aaron, you are so evolved.

Thank you.

So what are you making me for dinner, woman?

Or not.

So you want to talk about what happened out there?

Yes, I do.

That was one fine -looking sprinkler system we installed my friend up high.

I'm talking about the snake, man.

You chopped it up into bits, lit it on fire, and flushed the ashes.

Well, it's gone, ain't it?

I think you need to talk about Monica.

Ooh, I think I need to get my pizza on.

Uh, two large combos, Supreme.

That's us.

Yeah, that's me.

That'll be, uh, 30 bucks even, plus tip.

Wait, hold up, hold up. Where's, uh, where's my extra cheese sauce?

I specifically ordered extra cheese sauce on the side.

Yeah, you did.

Guess they forgot it.

I guess they forgot it.

How smart do you have to be to remember a side order of cheese sauce, Bernardo?

I think Pete Bernardo got into Berkeley.

Well, unless Bernardo is majoring in bringing me some cheese sauce, I don't

a damn.

I don't pack the orders. I'm just delivery.

Well, then deliver me an answer to what am I supposed to do when I get to the

end of a slice of pizza.

I have a perfectly good piece of crust and no sauce to dip it in.

Take it up with the manager, dude.

You take it up with the manager, dude.

Don't be flinging pizza on my property, man.

This is a white neighborhood.

These folks are just starting to get used to me.

right.

Everybody's afraid of the angry black man.

Well, maybe the black man is angry.

Maybe the black man wanted his cheese sauce.

Maybe the black man's wife ran out on him. Maybe the black man has a reason to

be angry.

Then be angry.

Just do it in a way that's not going to get you killed, because we both know you

can't fight.

I know.

talking. I told him about all my old boyfriends, mistakes I've made, lessons

I've learned, things I'd have done differently.

Damn, girl.

You come up with new and inventive ways to run a man off every day.

No, no.

I talked, he talked, we were open and free, and the surge of communication

catapulted us to the next level.

Well, you'll never get to my level talking all free and open like that.

that's why Darnell and I don't share squat, diddly -damn, and that's why we

happily married.

Then why are you always flapping your gums about being open and honest in a

relationship? Because that's those books, bitch.

Look, every relationship is a part of who you are. I think you should share,

Jill. Exactly, Lynn.

Especially the sex part.

It's a real turn -on.

It's kind of like an orgy without the risk of disease or chapped lips.

You know what? The last thing I need is for Darnell to tell me about all his

dirt or for me to tell him about my checkered path.

Checkered path?

Maya, you started dating Darnell freshman year in high school.

I know, but I was hot in the pants in eighth grade.

All I know is Aaron said he doesn't want to be caught off guard in a room with

someone his woman's been with.

No, really?

How's Aaron feel about you being around William all the time?

Know what now?

Me and William.

You and William what?

Me and William.

Me and William.

You and Joe.

Oh, yes.

But now, you and Joe.

You cool?

I'm cool.

Won't be for long.

Oh, God. This is harder than I thought.

Switching to a hybrid?

No.

Choosing between the desert sand and the magnetic gray when what I really want

is the blue ribbon metallic with the moon roof option.

But apparently that only exists on the website.

Or not.

Oh, God. Lady, back up off my car.

Back up.

Joan, I'm going to go look for Keith.

Okay.

Eric.

Oh, not this suit.

What are you doing?

Oh. I'm good, I'm good. How are you? Pretty good, pretty good. How's the

Sherry and I are doing well.

Olivia's 13 now.

13? Yeah.

Better watch out for the teenage boys.

I've already got that covered. We just got a Rottweiler.

So wait a minute, are you serious about this new girl?

Well, yeah, I think so.

Then I can't wait to meet her. All right. And sell her a new car.

By the way, Sherry told me I might as well sleep in one of these cars tonight.

Unless I made you and your girl come over for dinner.

All right, sounds like a plan.

Oh, and it has the DVD navigation and the smart key option.

And for Aaron's girl, I'll throw in the heated seats for free.

Baby, this is Keith Atwood. Keith, this is my baby Joan.

Hey. Hi.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too, Joan.

Well, let's get you into the thing and see how you like it.

Got the key right here. Someone just test drove this one, but they went with

black. Oh, please don't tell her about another color.

Well, look, let's get going. I'll tell you what, I'll just hop in the back and

'all can do your thing. Okay.

Get this door clean.

I don't saw a ticket Aaron doesn't know about us.

You did what with the hoo -hoo?

And we're supposed to have dinner with him and his wife Saturday.

Help!

Where are you going?

To get a step stool.

Could be a mother on your ankles when you jump down off your high horse.

I know. I'm a bad person.

I cannot believe you've been boring us for years when your whole ass has been

sitting on this scandal.

We want the details.

Is it too early for wine?

Yes.

Okay.

Six years ago.

I was a mess.

Sean had moved to New York.

Tony and I were a little shaky. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Save the excuses for

Peter at the Pearl of the Gate.

Get to the sand.

Okay.

I got a flat tire.

And a guy stopped to help me.

And I thanked him.

At my place.

Naked. On the floor.

And the rest is my sordid motel -filled history.

Six years ago.

That was around the time you all have been my ear about my non -physical yet

emotional affair with Stan.

That's why I stopped.

Because I saw what it was doing to you and I started to get sick to my stomach.

It was killing me. I couldn't be that kind of woman. But you are, Jones.

Sitting over there full of deception and debauchery.

What am I going to do about Aaron? We promised that we were going to be honest

and open.

If you're honest about this one, I mean, this could change his whole opinion of

you.

Lord knows it's sour at mine.

Okay, listen, girl.

What you need to do is woman up and bitch slap that skeleton back in the

lock the door, throw away the key.

Really? Yes.

There are only two circumstances where you can tell Aaron this kind of filth.

One, when you're in the throes of labor and he can't hold it against you. Or

two, when you're on your deathbed and you need him to pull the plug.

Although if I'm there, trust, it's been pulled.

Joan hooked up with a married guy.

I didn't think old girl had it in her. I know.

Apparently she did. And for six months.

Damn. I know.

And he's a long lost friend of Aaron's.

And...

and his wife on Saturday.

The wife what? Uh -huh. Damn. I know.

Okay, but don't go acting like I told you, okay? Because she already thinks I

tell you everything.

Now, why would she think that?

Oh, I don't know, Darnell, because somebody couldn't hold their Hennessy at

last game party asking her about her rash.

That'll make no kind of damn sense.

Then don't tell me stuff.

I don't want to know anyway.

So what did Aaron say?

We told her not to tell him. Oh, now.

She got to tell him.

She can't have Aaron up in there eating that man's meatloaf and he don't know

what went down.

I know I'd want to know.

We damn near lost our marriage when you did know.

In that case, I deserve to know.

And even though they're just dating, come on, she's got to say something.

If they can't communicate now, they ain't got a shot.

Oh.

Look at you.

Being all enlightened.

How come we never talk about our past relationships?

Because you said you couldn't handle it.

I can handle it, okay?

Okay. Hey, don't get upset, though, Maya.

I promise, okay? I am secure. You know what? I'll even start. All right, hey,

handle it.

Okay. One, we were divorced. You know, I hit the ground pretty hard trying to

get you out of my head, and the first guy I went out with was a friend of

Todd's.

He was a doctor, okay?

Then there was Antoine, Tony's brother.

Ooh, I had him whipped.

Locked himself up in my bathroom thinking about how much he loved me.

Then there was Alec, the baseball player.

You know, we never slept together. We just did other things.

Then there was Jalen, my ex -neighbor. Oh, God, he had my mind twisted for a

minute.

Your turn.

Lena.

And? And Lena. That's it.

Okay, well.

See, baby?

I'm not upset.

Well, this controller's jacked.

No, my friend, what's jacked?

It's your skill! Oh, my!

Yo, that was in, man. I had that. Oh, my! I'm telling you, I had that.

What's wrong, man?

I'm supposed to be the angry black man this week.

It's Maya, all right? She went and told me all about the men that she dated when

we were apart.

You know, some... I ain't mad.

It's just the brother didn't need all the visuals.

You're a jealous little bitch, aren't you?

What the hell did you just say?

Come on, man. I'm just trying to lighten the mood.

You want to lighten the mood?

Lighten your ass up out my house.

You know, you may want to watch that tone.

And who's going to make me?

I ain't scared of you. You should be.

Then bring it. What you want to do?

Hold on, hold on.

That's my bad shoulder.

So what you want to do? Do something. What's up?

What's up? What you want to do?

What's up?

What's up?

Left turn ahead.

I can't wait for you to meet Sherry. She is real good people. Yeah, I'm sure.

They have this great cabin in Big Bear. We used to go up there all the time.

Stuff got in the way.

I think he and Sherry went through a rough patch.

Your destination is one mile ahead on the left. I love this.

Aaron. Yeah.

I was the rough patch.

I've been up to that cabin.

I spent four key weekends up there and we did not do any skiing.

Baby, can you pull the car over?

Because my insurance can't take another hit.

Baby, it was six years ago.

I made a mistake and I didn't tell you. In fact, I didn't tell anyone because I

was so ashamed.

Aaron,

we promised that we would be honest, and I just couldn't let you go to that

dinner not knowing.

How did y 'all meet?

What did y 'all do?

Did you know he was married?

He helped me with a flat tire, and I invited him back to my house.

And yes, I knew he was married. Okay, stop, stop, stop.

It's not helping.

I know you must think I'm a horrible person, even though I guess I was.

I knew this was going to break us up.

I'm not breaking up.

We're not?

No.

I know that was hard, but I'm glad you told me.

You don't think I'm a bad person?

The most honest person I've ever known.

That's why I love you.

Huh?

I'm sorry, sweetie. Can you repeat that? Because I tend to fantasize.

I love you.

I love you, too.

But...

We shouldn't go to that dinner. You think?

Yeah.

Getting dizzy?

No.

Yes.

Want to stop?

No.

Yes.

Still mad?

No. Will you?

Nah, I'm good.

See?

Men know how to work things out.

You're still a jealous little bitch.

What the hell did you just say?

Let's get it on.