Original subtitles

Okay, I'm off to do more wedding stuff. My final dress fitting's at 11.

I have a hair consult at 1. If the caterer calls, have him hit me up on my

Joan, I'll try to be back before we open.

Bye, baby!

I'm bored.

You want to catch a movie?

A movie?

William, you're getting married in three weeks, and poor Monica's out of her

mind with Aaron. So no, Negro, I do not want to see a movie with you.

Don't you have any wedding stuff to do?

Nope.

Finish everything on my list.

Except for pick up my tux and have my back facial.

Okay, you know what?

Moving on.

Please, at least tell me that you got Monica a great wedding gift.

Now what now?

William, you are going to be a dead groom walking if all Monica gets for her

wedding is a husband trot. What?

Monica's got a $20 ,000 engagement ring.

a dream wedding, a lifetime of me, flap a bow on that, Monica's happy.

Look, William, I know brides. So? I know Monica.

Oh, what the hell? Which way to Bougie Boulevard?

I'm Eldon Parks. I just wanted to let you know I really like your music. It's

nice. Oh, so.

Hey, Eldon Park.

What do you really like about my nice music?

Your lyric.

I could hear your soul.

And not a lot of people sing about anything real anymore, you know?

So I just wanted to let you know that I heard you.

That's nice to be heard.

So, can I buy my biggest fan a beer?

I can't. I got to get up early to leave the flock.

A shepherd, huh?

I love a big staff.

I'm a minister.

Infection. I love a big staff infection.

So you're a minister, huh?

Yeah. Got a little church over on Normandy.

And what? You want me to come down, hear the word, get spirit, drink the Kool

-Aid?

I'd love to have you at my church, but there won't be no Kool -Aid.

We just a startup church. We can only afford that generic grape drink.

You know what, I'm not in the mood to be saved, so you can leave your pamphlet

and go. Come on, only three more souls and I make my quota.

Four more and I get a toaster signed by Jesus.

Got to be smart.

Look, I got to go. I just, I really wanted to come by and let you know that

music touched me.

So when can I be touched again?

I'll be here Wednesday.

Then I'll see you Wednesday.

What the hell?

Let those on in an hour. What happened to you waiting for me out front?

You know I don't like to idle with these gas prices.

I'm sorry for holding her up.

I had a wedding emergency.

Oh, I really don't care. Are you ready to go?

I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

And we will figure out this whole tablecloth centerpiece thing.

Thank you, Joe.

Bye, you guys. Yeah, yeah, all that.

Maya. What?

I really think we should see if Monica wants to come with us. Oh, girl, no way.

Stop it, all right? I like her.

And even Lynn likes her now. You're the only member of the I Hate Monica Club.

And I really think that she should get out and have some girl fun.

And so she should. I'm sure there's a wicked witch happy hour going on

somewhere.

And you would know.

Felt on, felt on nasty.

Maya, stop. People are staring at you.

Because they're covering my disinfectant spurt.

is floating in my mojito.

It's ice and mint. No, no, no.

I think.

Oh,

for you guys, please. We'll be out of here soon. I'm not going to steal

anything. Oh, good. I didn't miss you.

Hey, Liz.

Hey.

These are my friends, Joan and Maya.

Hello. Hey. I'm Joan. So nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

I'm so sorry. I don't shake hands up in here.

Okay, nice to meet you, too.

Listen, break a leg?

Maybe afterwards we can get that drink? Coffee or something?

Oh, no.

No, I don't think so.

Hey, but thanks for asking.

Okay, well, can't blame a man for trying.

You have a nice night.

Night, bye.

A minister.

A minister?

Up in this devil's quarter?

Oh, no, that isn't a good book.

Maya, you're up in here.

But I'm not bound by vans to my station.

Over there drinking a devil's brew.

I'm going to go tell him about himself.

I'm ordering a straight vodka this time and I can see what I'm drinking. Mm

-hmm.

So, he's a minister, huh?

Yep. And he can't smell the sin on you?

leap on that come on lynn at the very least it would be like a weird social

experiment no june i can never date a minister shoot our definition of the

second coming is vastly different sweetie it's just coffee and you have a

with the guy and at our age when a vibe comes your way you need to chase it beat

it down and drag it back to your cave why are you pushing the minister juice i

mean come on You're the one that's always saying you need to be open to

universe unfolds. I'm not saying that he's the one.

But, I mean, maybe he's counseling some tattooed former convict. And maybe the

convict is the one.

I've had convicts. I'm over it.

Lynn.

Sweetie.

You haven't been out with anybody since them broke your heart.

It's been over a year.

I've just been busy with my music.

Or maybe you're avoiding it.

Lynn, go and have coffee.

Come on. Get the male attention.

It's time.

And Ezekiel said, a righteous man who turns away and does evil, he will.

Well, I forgot, but I know it ain't good.

I see you know the word. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I know the word. I live the word.

And you also know that Jesus sat in judgment of no one.

Only God the Father is the judge. So if you're over here judging me, are you

putting yourself higher than God?

Don't you be trying to flip the scripture.

I'm not pledging.

I was just, what I was trying to say is, I'm in and good luck with your building

fund.

Hey, Eldon.

Hey.

So, do you want to get that coffee?

My mom used to pray for me to find some sense, you know.

And then I guess God heard her because I finally got the call.

And you can't exactly hang up on the Lord, you know.

Well, you could, but I'm pretty sure the Lord's got color ID.

Call me back.

So I went to divinity school and found my purpose to calm me down, you know.

Yeah, I do.

That's exactly how I felt when I found music.

Of course, it took me about 30 years, five degrees, and a bunch of school

to figure it out, but I'm not bitter.

Hey, everything happens in its own time.

Tell that to Sally Mae.

Sally Mae don't want to hear from me.

So, can I see you again?

I didn't pull out all my best stories for nothing.

How about church on Sunday?

Maybe I did. Oh, come on, man.

I've seen you in your element. I just want you to see me in mine.

I don't know.

A daughter of the universe kind of girl.

Good.

I want to go to church with the promise of pancakes afterwards.

Then we'll get pancakes.

Well, then amen and pass the syrup.

Okay.

We'll get some syrup.

A letter opener?

You have got to be kidding.

What? It's engraved. It's from Tiffany's.

William, and that only makes it worse. You do not want to hand a woman a

Tiffany's box and let this... Be the thing she pulls out.

It's not the only thing.

It also comes with this handsome felt carrying case.

William, the gift is supposed to be romantic. When Monica opens it on your

wedding day, she's supposed to say, Oh, God, I can't wait to meet him at the end

of the aisle, not taxi!

Well, I like it.

It's elegant.

It's practical. And it's going to be jammed into your ribcage if she finds

it's all she's getting.

Faith.

Hebrews 11 tells us that faith is being certain of what we

cannot see.

God is real, people.

His love is real.

it's invisible, that's the tricky part.

That's where the faith comes in.

You understand?

It's our instinct to get caught up in the concrete.

In what we can see.

Because, like you and me, if we don't see it, we don't believe it.

Do you hear me? If we don't see it, what?

Some people call it the universe. Some people call it fate.

You know what I call it?

I call it God.

You understand me?

I call it God.

Thanks for the ride home.

Bye. OK, OK, OK, OK, what's up?

You didn't want any pancakes.

You've been giving me the silent treatment the whole way home. What you

about?

Some people call it the universe.

I call it God.

Well, I call it arrogance.

Then again, that's what organized religion's all about. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Religion is not arrogance.

Anything that purports to know all the answers and hold the secret key to the

afterlife is arrogance. No, it's not about the answers. Religion helps us

through this life. It provides guidance. Oh, if you want to be guided away from

free thought.

Okay, free thought.

What do you believe in? I believe a lot of things. Yeah, let me guess.

You believe there is a higher power, but you are not ready to make a commitment

to any one religion.

It's not about commitment.

It's about being open to whatever the universe unfolds for me. It's easy to

believe in a little bit of everything.

Then you can create your own religion and not have to worry about the

consequences. Why does no one have to come back to consequences?

Back to the looming threat of the burning flames of hell.

That's just controlled by fear. While you are... push some religious agenda.

come on. Religion is not about agendas. People are. And people control religion.

And here we are again. Oh, you are ridiculous.

Oh, is that the only rebuttal you got? You couldn't handle my rebuttal. Oh,

yeah. Bring it on, preacher man.

No arguments if they're going to end like this.

Need to get that? Yeah, do it. Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, I see.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Queen of Angels. Yeah, I know where that is.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Hey, you stay strong.

Remember, God is holding our hand.

Okay.

Hey, is everything okay?

Yeah. It's one of my church members.

She's been sick.

She's taking a turn for the worse. Oh, I'm sorry.

I have to go.

Of course.

Call me. Yeah, of course.

What are you doing here? Hey, well, you said you'd been at the hospital all

night. I figured you hadn't eaten.

Well, I haven't. Ooh, thank you. No problem. My friend owns a restaurant.

loves when I raid the fridge and take all the profits.

Excuse me. Reverend Parks, we got a problem.

I know. The rent is due and the collection plate was empty.

No, this is a new one.

Angela quit.

She going over to Faithful Central to lead the children's choir.

Now I got to figure out how to tell these kids they can't sing Sunday.

Hey, I could do it.

Do what?

The kids' choir thing.

No, that's okay.

You're not even in the church.

But I'm into music.

And music is universal.

I mean, it's what brought us together.

Yeah.

No, Lynn. You know what? I think I probably jumped the gun with this kids'

anyway. I mean, we ain't got but three kids.

So?

It's a start.

Come on, let me do this.

Lynn.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Why do you keep looking around?

Who are you looking at? Oh, oh, Monica, over here.

Oh, hell no.

You did not invite Eva all up into my movie night.

Joan, I found her shoving her clothing hoops all up in my $8 mop off.

Hey, you guys, sorry I'm late.

This wedding's going to be the death of me. Oh, let's hope so.

Maya. Look, you guys, I really think that it's time that you settle your

differences, whatever they are.

I don't know why you keep trying to push a friendship.

Monica is cool with our mutual animosity, right, girl?

Well, truthfully, Maya, I've never had a problem with you.

Now, who, what, when, where, and why?

In fact, I find your round -the -way attitude amusing, and, uh...

Quite refreshing.

I do have a way with words.

But still, not to be rude. We can never be.

Why not, Maya? Because too much has gone down.

You know, like that time when... And remember when... And remember when she

that... Okay, wait a minute. Just give me a second.

You know what? Come to think of it, Monica, I really don't have a problem

you either.

You know the source of our friction? What? Is this heifer.

Me? Yeah, you.

Why don't you sit there and try to act like you weren't stirring the hate pod?

just went along with it so I could sharpen my verbal quick.

I've seen your wit grow in both sophistication and cruelty.

That's brava.

We need to talk first.

Hey, is everything okay?

No, Lynn, it's not.

We have a strong connection, you and I.

But what happened between us can't happen again.

I made a commitment not to have premarital sex.

And I slipped.

But I can't slip again.

I still want to date you.

We just can't have sex.

You know where I'm coming from?

Yeah.

Really? I was a little nervous about telling you this. I thought you would

say... I can't say you anymore.

Dad!

Come on, man.

You're an amazing person. We have fun together. You challenged me.

And before the sex, there was something there.

Yeah, there was, I know, but this sucks.

But it doesn't have to.

I'm only talking about one part of the relationship.

But it's an important part.

Look, when I have sex, I feel connected, not ashamed.

I can't preach one thing and practice another. I can't be a

hypocrite. Neither can I.

And not being in a physical relationship would make me one.

I can't give up sex.

I had a celibate boyfriend.

Damn, I spent so much time trying to honor his beliefs that I love myself.

That's my pattern with men, and I am not going to do it anymore.

I spent too much time trying to find myself.

I guess it's over.

I guess it is.

Lynn, tell him you said I could sing the solo.

Um, you can't even sing.

Whoa, wait a minute. Now, remember I told you that everybody is going to get

chance to sing solo. Okay. See?

See you at practice on Wednesday.

You don't have to keep doing this.

I know.

See you Wednesday, preacher man.

William, don't you have a wedding gift to buy?

Nope. I'm done.

I'm going with the letter opener.

Are you mad, man?

Every year on our anniversary, I'm going to write Monica a letter telling her

how much I love her.

And how each year she makes me feel more alive and complete.

I'm the luckiest man in the world.

How I couldn't see spending my life with anyone else.

And each year she's going to open that letter with this letter opener.

That's like the most romantic thing that I've ever heard.

But what are you going to get her for her wedding gift?

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