Original subtitles

First I wanted to be a ball player.

Then I wanted to be a rapper.

Don't laugh.

Don't laugh.

I quickly realized the only thing worse than my jump shot were my rhymes. Yep.

My mama decided I wasn't cute no more, so she put me out.

Oh.

But it motivated me to finish school.

That's good. So where'd you go to college?

Well, it took me a bunch of years and a bunch of odd jobs, but I finally

finished up at Cal State Long Beach.

And I've been teaching now for seven years.

I'm sorry, I gotta go. Sorry.

What?

I really need to go home. I really need to go.

Whoa, whoa!

John?

Hey, what?

I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go.

Okay,

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and ask...

What the hell?

I couldn't go at errands. Let me rephrase that.

What the hell?

I couldn't go at errands because I want to keep a little mystery in the

relationship, Lynn.

Why can't you keep a little mystery in our relationship?

She said it's going to be about a 20 -minute wait.

Oh, that's okay. I've been waiting all day for my Chili's president to date

Margarita.

What's up, man? What's going on? Oh, we've got a table over here if you want

hang. Hey, no doubt, man. I'm down. Hey, I'm going to go and hang out with them.

Oh, you are?

Um, may I go hang with them, please?

Yes, you may.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Should we just skip this all up in the Chili's?

Boy, you better pull your pants up.

Lynn!

Lynn, thanks for meeting me.

Look, I need to ask you some advice.

Uh, hold up. Before we get knee -deep in the nut, though, you should know I

require a two -drink minimum.

What? What, are you waiting for the minimum to go up to three? Because it

did.

Begin.

Okay.

You know I love Monica.

She's beautiful.

She's sexy. She's... You know, I just got these earrings and they keep falling

off. It's so frustrating.

Are you even listening to me?

Yes, and I know where you're headed with this.

I've ruined you. I'm the best you've ever had. Spoiled you for Monica.

Whoa. How did you know that?

Please, I get this all the time.

Well, don't get me wrong. I mean, Monica and I have a great sex life, but... You

know, she's a little conservative, and, uh... They really are no surprise.

So you want me to teach her how to get a freak on?

Yes, but you can't let her know I put you up to this.

She's already uncomfortable with our past.

No problem. Just tell me when, where, and what to wear, and if it's hands -on

more of a field study.

I've done both.

I know I shouldn't, but my Presidenta Margarita is crying out in front of the

camera.

I guess you don't have to worry about your bar to make friends around here no

more. Maybe even a girlfriend.

This little man is getting some digits.

What? My Bitcoin.

What?

Oh, she's cute.

Oh, I know she isn't on his lap.

Well, at least he pulled his pants up first.

I know she's not feeding my baby some boneless buffalo wings.

This ain't young love.

This is young lust running my... Oh.

Maya,

do not go over there and embarrass her in front of his friends.

I am going to be discreet.

See, that's when I say it.

You heard me, fool. Come up off that cobbler.

Why be mad?

What you think? That fool came up off that cobbler.

See, that's how we do it in the hood.

Excuse me.

Are you using this?

No. You should be.

I'm telling you, that little girl over there has sex in her eyes.

You need to talk to your son.

I thought you talked to him.

Remember you took him to that farm?

I'm not taking him to the farm, but that little girl over there is trying to lay

some eggs.

Anyway, there's all these foreclosed properties you can buy at auction.

I'll lay any money down.

I was thinking about checking it out.

You should.

Well, actually, there's this property in Linwood.

Oh, that sounds good. Where's Linwood?

Between Southgate and Compton.

I was thinking about checking it out this morning. I was hoping you'd come

me. I'm sorry, I can't. I gotta go.

Right now?

Yeah, I really have to go.

Why?

I've got to go home and fertilize my garden.

And that's why you run out of here every morning?

Yeah, I got prize -winning zinnias.

Joan, I worked in a nursery.

You don't have a single zinni in your yard.

I will as soon as I fertilize.

Okay.

Bye.

Girl, you're really going to have to start kicking in for some toilet paper.

Bye, Lynn.

Okay, so you only need to flip that once. Okay, I see how you feel. Yeah,

So... Is this Kelly your girlfriend now?

I don't know, Dad. She's cool. She's just kicking it. It's all right.

You know, son, the secret to having a girlfriend is a lot like the secret to

having a good ball kid.

You just can't start the fire and throw your meat up on the flame.

You got to let it marinate a little bit.

You know what I mean?

I don't get it.

Okay. Here, here. Take your vegetables. Right.

You know, a lot of folks, they like their veggies to have some kick.

But you got to be careful not to let them overpower the meat.

Oh, and big note.

Stay away from anybody that wants the rotisserie.

Right? Following me?

Not really.

Yeah, I know. I'm kind of lost, too.

All right, man.

Come here.

Look, son, when I was about your age, I hooked up with this girl named Melinda

Perry.

Now, she was my age, but she was kind of fast.

Girls can mature quicker than boys. Wait, wait, wait. Does Mom know about

Melinda Perry?

Your mom don't need to know nothing about Melinda Perry.

I'm just using her as a tutorial.

See, the thing is, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

So, uh...

Dad, what you trying to say?

I wasn't ready.

And I don't think you're ready.

You shouldn't be having sex, son.

Well, uh... I'm already having it.

I

can't

believe this.

Baby? I did not tell you so that you could kill the boy.

Well, obviously, baby, you don't know me that well.

No, no, no.

Look, I got him talking. Trust me, this is good.

Well, I hope you made some good memories, because that boy died tonight.

Look, stop.

I don't like it any more than you do.

But we got to face reality.

It's happened.

Jabari's having sex.

looking for Joan. She's taking a night off.

Nope. Actually, I'm looking for you.

Wow.

Well, I mean, I want to say thank you for helping me through that little rough

patch. Let me buy you a drink.

Well, you're welcome.

But I work here. I get drinks for free, sweetie.

Exactly.

So, how's all the wedding plans coming? You guys decide on a place for

honeymoon?

Well, we were thinking Europe.

Ooh.

Be sure to swing by Amsterdam. They have some great little sex shops there.

Uh, we're good in that apartment.

Oh, okay.

Because if you weren't, you could get a lot of great ideas. Lynn, I am not

comfortable talking to you about William.

Oh, because we have sort of a history? Yes, exactly, Lynn. So can we drop it?

It's dropped. Good.

But in case we end up in Amsterdam, is there any shop in particular you would

recommend?

Is there anything in particular you'd be looking for?

Is there anything in particular I should be looking for?

Well, that's between you and William. I'm just saying, if you're in Amsterdam,

you should swing by one of those little sex shops. Men get excited when women

take that kind of initiative.

I don't know.

William's a little conservative.

Honey, sometimes it's the conservative ones that need the repression beat out

them.

Help them find their inner freaky deaky, so to speak.

Well, I'll have to make a note of that.

Then I'll forget every memory of this conversation.

What conversation?

Exactly.

Did you find it?

No. I think I found that French fry I was looking for.

He's irritated. Don't frustrate him.

Where are you going?

Auntie Joan, will you please tell her that I'm going to the bathroom?

Okay.

You still not talking?

I don't care if he's gone mute, as long as he's not having sex.

Maya, what year are you living in? The year my son don't bring home no babies.

You're going about this all wrong.

Lynn, I'm the parent.

Let it go.

I wish I could let it go.

Girl, you still can't do your business at his house?

No, it's probably going to be the end of us.

You know, you're the only... Listen, I know we can turn a bodily function into

some sort of relationship issue.

But it is an issue.

I mean, on the one hand, I'm glad that I'm so regular, but on the other hand,

I'm missing out on quality time with him.

I mean, there we are in bed, having a great time, planning a great day, and

then... Then you run to my house and ruin my great day.

You've never been able to go to the bathroom at a man's house?

Of course I have.

But they've always had a second bathroom.

and thicker walls okay you've got to stop trying to keep up some crazy

of the perfect woman it doesn't make stinky all right kelly are you sure your

parents ain't gonna be home yeah i still want to i got protection

all right all right your house okay all right yeah me too

Yeah, who is it?

Me.

Hey. Hey.

We need to talk.

Yes, we do.

Joan, here's the deal. Oh.

Okay, I guess you're going to go first. Go on.

Look, there's some things about me you obviously can't get past.

I'm not going to be embarrassed about my situation, and I'm not going to feel

like I'm not good enough for you.

What are you talking about?

Every time I reveal something about myself, you run out of here.

Oh, my God, no.

Aaron, I run out of here because I can't...

Because

I just can't poop at your house.

Is that it?

Yeah, that's it. What did you think?

I thought we were done.

Hey, I even packed up your toothbrush.

No, Aaron, we are not done. I'm not going anywhere, sweetie.

Every time you reveal something about yourself, I feel closer to you. I feel

more comfortable with you.

Well, baby, if you feel comfortable with me, why can't you use my bathroom?

Because every magazine that I've ever read says that some things should remain

mystery.

Okay, um, look, baby, whatever you're doing there, it

won't change the way I look at you.

Do you promise?

I promise.

Hey, um, I'm a friend of Joan's, and, oh, you're the one who always steals the

water. Yeah, um, I think I lost my earring here this morning. Is it okay if

take a look around? Sure.

Bye, Monica.

Separate cars are... Whoa!

Monica, what are you doing? Well, no one's here. I thought maybe Big Papi can

come out and play with Miss Conchita.

Monica, did you... The whole thing.

Do you like it?

Oh, it's like a shiny apple.

Oh,

not here.

On the bar.

I forgot

the

same word.

I forgot the same word.

I'm telling you, Darnell.

Lynn heard him.

He's planning on skipping class and going to have sex.

I'm done. I'm done. He's going to military school.

No, no, no, no, no.

Look, I saw this thing on TV.

Well, we can put a chip in him.

And then we can track him. And when he goes over to Kelly's, we jump out and

stop him.

We have to confront him.

I know. I know, we do. See, but we need to be real clear on what we're going to

say to the boy first.

How much clear can no be?

Didn't work for us, did it?

Jabari! No, no, no. Maya! Get out here!

Maya, we are not ready yet. And the boy's asleep.

Well, God, he's...

Hey, what's up, man? What's going on?

Your daddy wants to talk to you.

I actually... Your mother and I want to talk to you. No, actually, your mother

wants to send you to military school.

You're sending me to military school?

Nobody's sending you anywhere.

Yes.

Look, man.

We know that you got plans to hook up with Kelly.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

Lynn heard you. And you know your mama commands a network of spies.

Look, Jabari, you're not ready for a sexual relationship, okay? Having sex

have big consequences.

STDs, HIV.

Me being a grandmother while I'm still in my prime.

Jabari, talk to us.

Maybe I should go to military school.

That's just it. I haven't done anything.

What?

I haven't had sex.

Boy, why would you lie to me?

I don't know. I figured it was going to happen anyway. Everybody else around

here is doing it.

And they're all looking at me. I'm supposed to be this player.

I'm supposed to know how to put it down.

And, Dad, you know. You know what they say about black guys.

So you're supposed to, what, play this stereotype?

Don't let them define you.

You're more than that. But you guys don't know what it's like.

Yes, we do.

Jabari, I had you at 16.

Learn from our mistake.

So it was a mistake?

No.

No, no, no, that's not... You were not a mistake.

We just didn't plan on having you so soon.

Listen, I know it looks like we have it going on.

But, baby, we work damn hard to keep you from seeing how hard it is and was.

I mean, I didn't get to go to college.

Your daddy had to take a job at the new taco shack just to put a roof over our

head. And I cried all the time. We fought all the time.

We didn't know what the hell we were doing.

Look, we don't want you to start off like that.

You said you want to be an architect, right?

Yeah, that's going to take a lot of school.

You can't be walking around college with a baby in your book bag.

Trust me, Jabari.

It's a lot easier to say no than to get caught up in something that you cannot

handle.

So, uh, what do I do about Kelly?

Because, uh...

I really don't like her that much.

Tell her the truth.

And, you know, if that doesn't work to her, I will do to her what I did to that

lower -end skank, Melinda Perry.

You didn't do nothing to Melinda Perry.

Yo, and she moved away.

Did you get a forwarding address?

That's all I'm saying.

Joan, we've been over this.

There's no need to feel embarrassed.

I know, I know, I know.

Just at least let me pay for the plumber.