Original subtitles

Hey. Ooh, I see you working on the wedding stuff. I will see you later.

William, get back here.

Now, I still can't figure out the seating chart for our wedding reception.

Well, keep at it.

Good thing it comes to those who keep at it.

William, half of my family hates the other half. And your family is full of

crazies who won't, or because of court order, can't sit next to each other. Oh,

my God.

We're overreacting. Look, I'm sure both of our families can put aside their

minor differences and their major personality disorders for one night to

celebrate our joy.

Hmm. In that case, the feeding chart is done.

Really? Mm -hmm.

It's done?

Yep. Oh.

All right.

Oh, for the love of wedding fiascos, have you taken leave of your senses?

What? You've got poor crippled Uncle Charlie sitting between Aunt Dixie and

open bar.

Help? So how do you think the man got crippled?

Nobody comes between Dixie and her liquor.

I can't figure this darn bill out here now.

It's some sort of supplemental surcharge based on a reassessment.

Then there's this tacked -on hoo -ha about some bi -yearly sewer hookup fees.

All right, read it to me.

John, this thing is seven pages long, and you know my phone does not come with

willy -nilly minutes.

All right, well, mail it to me, and I'll take a look at it.

It's due in two days.

So why you wait till now to bring it up?

Okay, wait a minute.

Do you think I'm just sitting up in here whistling in the wind?

I really don't know. These mangy crack dogs know that you're in Florida. All

right? They're just stepping up to the garbage all bold. I spent all day

yesterday looking for a pellet gun.

I'll have to pop a cap on Wiley's ass.

Maya, how much is the bill?

$17 and change.

So all this over $17?

Oh, no, no, no, honey. My beef is about to change.

Don't know. You know that I don't like to be ripped off. I mean, how do we know

this isn't some high -desert poll tax because we're black?

Maya, I gotta go. All right? I'll talk to you later.

Fine, go on then.

I gotta go too.

I gotta load my gun and lay down some cover fire while Jabari takes out the

trash.

I don't know.

Something ain't right.

What you think?

You know, you're so right. Something's just not right.

It just don't feel real to me.

That's exactly what I was thinking. It's just not real.

What do you think?

What do you think?

When? Big boy.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing, why?

Every time I say something, you repeat after me like a parrot.

And if I wanted a parrot, I would have sent my man to the store to go get one.

Hey, I've got a pet store for you if you want.

Blaine, chill.

Okay. Relax.

Breathe with me.

Who's that?

Girl, breathe.

Okay, you're right. It's just that... I mean, you're great, you know? You're

great. But you're you.

You're big boy.

You have a Grammy.

Seven Grammys.

But actually, I wanted to work with you because you had something to say.

Not that you said anything since we've been here, but... I want you to relax.

Speak your mind.

Just do you.

Okay. From now on...

I'm going to do you.

I'm sorry. I mean, do me.

I mean, be me. I mean, speak my mind.

What do you got to say?

I've had to go to the bathroom for the last half an hour.

I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want you to think I wasn't into

the music.

Go pee.

Are you sure? Because I can hold it.

Hello? Darnell!

Hey, Maya, what's up?

I broke down, Darnell.

What, over that stupid bill?

No, by the side of the road. I think it's a car. It's about to blow up.

Oh, what's it doing?

Sitting over there, about to blow up.

What happened?

I don't know, baby. I was driving along, listening to my book on tape, and the

next thing I know, the car just starts sputtering and smoking.

So I pulled over, retrieved my tape.

Kate, well, it sounds like the car just overheated. When's the last time you

checked the coolant levels?

Me? Uh -uh. You do car, I do house. Why didn't you check it the last time you

were here?

Maya, I was home for two days.

When was I supposed to look at it, huh?

I mean, you had me cleaning out the rain gutters, painting the trim real quick,

straightening Jabari's little butt out. What else you had me doing? Oh, cleaning

out the furnace filter. Oh, not to mention running Big Mama down to Tijuana

get her medicine for cheap.

It's my fault.

Damn right it's your fault. OK, it's all on me. You know, you're down there

checking coolant levels and living it up in Florida. Oh, yeah, I'm living it up

down in the pit for 14 hours a day, sucking up fumes.

Oh, because you wanted to.

I know.

I, look, Maya, it's hard on me too, OK, being away from

you guys.

Are you rolling your eyes right now?

No. Fine, whatever.

See, you wouldn't even be in this situation right now if you'd just got

blade like I told you.

Oh, right, right, right. Just one more thing for me to do all by myself.

Maya, I'm in Florida. What do you want me to do?

Same thing you have been doing.

Nothing.

Now, how's it going?

Done. Deceiving chart?

No, my Sudoku game.

Gave up on that damn seating chart.

William, come on. We've got less than three months to plan this wedding.

Well, why don't we just disinvite everybody who's problematic?

We can't do that. That's rude. We're talking about friends and family.

So what's the downside?

Some of our crazy friends and family is going to get mad at us and not want to

talk to us anymore?

Ooh, I never thought of that.

Oh, so I'm going to start with Lynn, Maya, and my parents. Who you got?

As long as your mama ain't coming, I'm happy.

I was just standing there on the side of the road like Boo Boo the Fool.

I don't understand why you called her now. Why didn't you just call AAA?

Okay, see all that right there? All that stuff that you were talking about?

That's why you're single.

You don't understand the role in a marriage. It's just, Joan, I can do it

myself.

Fine, then how'd you get off the side of the road?

I just joined AAA real quick.

That's good thinking.

Mm -hmm.

Shut up. So, did you make a return now?

No, I'm not calling him. He's getting on my nerves.

Well, if you're so mad at him, then why are we having this NASCAR party? Because

he's my husband and I support him.

Maya, you and Joan can talk anytime. Come on over here and watch the race.

We might see Darnell on TV.

I know what he looks like. I'm going to need to see his love.

Maya, I know you're mad at him, but damn.

I'm just sick of it all being on me.

When we got back together, we were supposed to be together, and here I am,

alone, keeping it together.

The racing season is going to be over soon, and he'll be home and things will

back to normal. Until he goes back again?

You know, I... See, now, I didn't sign up for all this.

How would you like to be in a long -distance marriage?

If I'm in a marriage, I'm good.

You know, I'm tired of being all stoic and normal for the sake of my husband's

dream. I mean, it's a dream.

All right, he needs to deal with some of this reality and wake the hell up.

Oh, my God, that car just crashed into a pit.

Oh, my God.

That's Darnell's pit.

Mom,

have you heard from Daddy yet?

Oh, no, baby, no, no, no, not yet. But I'm sure everything's okay. You just

looking on the Internet and see if you can come up with any more news, okay?

But don't you worry, your daddy is fine.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, my God, his daddy is dead.

I understand. You know he's not answering. You know what that means?

It could mean he didn't pay his bill. They cut mine off real quick.

No, Betty.

It means the phone is laying next to his dead, cold body.

No, Maya, it doesn't mean anything.

Okay? You don't even know if Darnell was even in the pit.

And if he was, you don't even know if he has his phone with him. And if he does,

you don't even know if you could hear it over all the white tone, huh?

The dead, dying, flaming bodies.

Look,

look, look. They're bringing in the ambulance, okay? So they're getting

All we can do is pray.

Maybe he was at the soda machine.

He doesn't drink soda, John.

Why couldn't I have married a soda -drinking man? Huh?

You know, this is all my fault.

I switched us to jukeboxes.

Hey,

Cross, what's up, man?

Nothing much?

Hey, put your mom back on the phone.

Hold up. Hey, the middle -aged, they don't work.

Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. That's the heart. That's the heart of the song.

For real?

Hey, Lili.

All right, baby.

I love you, too.

For real, that's the heart.

See, you're speaking your mind now.

It's good.

Yeah, I know, huh?

But I ain't feeling it. I don't like it, man. We're going to cut that.

Yo,

what up, Dre?

Not much in the studio?

Hey, look, let me call you right back, okay?

David, what's wrong with you?

What?

I mean, you're looking at me all sideways like it's a problem.

You know what? Nothing. Just forget about it. It's not even worth getting

No, I mean, speak your mind. What's going on, baby?

Okay.

My problem is your lack of focus.

And what is that, like the seventh call you've taken in the last half hour?

Damn, you got Grammys, but you ain't got voicemail?

Don't worry about the Grammys. I mean...

I ain't said nothing about the tapeworm with you and your nine snack breaks

eating all day.

I'm a vegan, okay? And vegans need to graze.

At least my snacking doesn't get in the way of our work like your endless chit

chat. I got a tour de plan.

I got money to make.

What's on your calendar?

Oh, I'm a big star.

Tour de plan.

Get out of that.

Now I see why you've been going to the bathroom all day long.

Girl, you been hitting that pipe?

You must know vegans are very regular.

Of course, you can understand that being so full of it.

You know what?

We're done.

All right.

Moving on to the next song, Ray, because this one is perfect.

No, no, no, no. We're done. It's a wrap.

You can bounce now.

Okay. Is that how you do?

You tell me to find my voice, to have an opinion, and when I finally do, you

talk me out of my ass?

Looks like it.

Excuse me.

I made you more tea.

Would you stop with the tea already? We're about to float away up in here.

Tea is very calming in stressful situations, Jeanette.

Joan, the only thing stressful about the situation is you making more tea.

I'll make you a decaf.

Just I don't understand why we haven't heard anything.

No.

Look, I know in my heart that Darnell is okay.

He's probably just, what, down there in that pit making tea for everyone?

I am just a friend trying to help a friend.

Now, oolong or white pear?

I just take plain old Lipton. Just dip it and quit it, because I don't want it

to cut down my yet to it.

Look, breaking news from Florida.

dead end in their search for the college cheerleader who was reported missing

from Daytona Beach last Thursday.

The cheerleader... My cousin could be burnt up and all they do is keep talking

about that missing white girl.

And did you ever notice that some nosy woman always says she saw the girl get

the car with a black man? Now here we can have a whole pit full of dead black

men and they ain't saying nothing.

Enough, Betty.

I'm just saying, they need to stop pointing their fingers at their brothers

start dredging them gate upon.

I can't just sit here. I got to go to Florida. I got to find him.

Okay, I'm going to go online and see if I can get you a red eye for tonight.

Oh, excuse me, Jill and I are mothers, so I'll help my baby get on a flight.

Oh, okay, I'm sorry. If you want to help, go make some more tea.

Make sure y 'all say he's dead so you can get that bereavement fair.

Oh, Lord, now they're searching for that little cheerleader in the Everglades.

Oh, hey, Darnell.

Hey. You hear about this little cheerleader? It's all over the news. Oh,

Darnell. Hey.

Darnell. Oh, my God.

Maya. Maya, it's Darnell. He's here.

Darnell. Hey. Oh, my God, baby.

Dad, you're home.

Yeah. Thank God, because, honey, we thought you was burnt up and dead.

No, no, we never thought that. Not for one minute, but thank God you're not.

My heart always knew that you were okay, Darnell. I knew it! I knew it!

So who wants tea?

I'm here. What?

All right, now.

I called you down here to apologize, now. Don't act up.

You need to know I really want to work with you.

But I can't be disrespected like that.

Look, I was tripping.

That ain't even me, man.

There's a lot of folks in this business who do trip, you know what I'm saying?

But I don't want to call folks out, but that fool know who he is.

Do I know who that fool is?

Do you know Jay -Z? Yeah.

Better go ask Jay -Z then, because Jay -Z can tell you just who I'm talking

about.

Sometimes it's just easy to get caught up in your own hype, you know what I'm

saying? And I'm not even like that. Sometimes I got to check myself before I

wreck myself.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, maybe I should check myself, too.

I mean, you said speak my mind, not show my ass.

Right. So, you want to get back to work?

Yeah, let me get a little snack first. That's cool. I got to take this call.

Okay, then.

That's great news.

That's great news.

Okay, take care.

That's a blessing.

I mean, nobody was seriously hurt.

I don't know why they wouldn't say that on TV.

They just kept showing that crash over and over again.

Baby, I was on a plane, okay? And you know that now.

Donald, I can't go through this again.

This long -distance thing, it's killing me.

Look, I know. I know.

And that's why I came home, all right?

I know there's been a lot of tension between us.

It's just some things that we need to work out.

I don't know what we were thinking, being so far apart.

If you have to work in Florida, then I need to be there with you. I can write

anywhere. And Jabari, hell, he doesn't even like it here. He hasn't even

unpacked.

You don't have to do that.

Yes, I do.

It's your dream.

Maya, you are killing me with this dream business.

I don't... What is it?

I hate it.

I hate the pit crew.

I mean, I hate the hours, I hate the stress.

I mean, I hate the whole thing, and I have almost since I started.

But I don't... understand i mean you you kept going back and then you said you

didn't want a baby oh and the baby i was lying about

that too maya i want that baby you do

yeah and i want to be here with y 'all why

didn't you tell me i wanted to

I tried. I just couldn't.

I mean, you sacrificed so much just for me to go to Florida.

And then we had all the extra money coming in and you were loving the fish

fries. Quit.

I can't do that. Yes, you can. Quit.

If you hate it so much, you just quit and you come home.

But I would feel like I was letting you down.

This marriage, it's not a partnership, okay?

And it's...

For better or for worse.

And having you here, home with me, safe and sound,

it's for the better.

My man ain't got no job, y 'all.

Maya, it's going to be okay.

I know.

I know.

I got a good man.

And we always land on our feet. Yeah.

I know.

I just needed a safe place to stay.

My man ain't got no job, y 'all.

You're going to be okay, though.

I don't want any tea. I don't want any tea.

I don't know why you guys didn't just ask me in the first place. I mean,

everybody knows that I'm the wedding planner extraordinaire.

Were you able to work it out or not?

Of course I was.

You guys were just way too close to it. So... Feast your eyes on my genius.

Well, wow.

It worked.

It works nothing. This is brilliant. God, Joan.

I hope you're still alive to plan my funeral.

Oh, I'm planning on it.