Original subtitles

So what do you think?

This lease I wrote is bogus, right?

Lynn, wait a minute. I gotta read the other side of the napkin.

God, I've gotta get those people out of my apartment.

No offense, Joan, but your new rule about me paying for my food is kind of a

drag.

Well, unfortunately for you, this is an airtight lease.

You must be some sort of legal savant.

But I don't even own the building.

That's a loophole, right?

Well, normally, yes, but you seem to have covered that in the matchbook

addendum.

Baby, let's just do it again real quick before I have to make Jabari his

oatmeal. Baby, you're kind of taking all the fun out of baby making.

I know.

I know, I know, I know.

Okay?

I'm just so excited.

Donald, I really want this baby. I know. And the more I think about it, the more

I want him or her right now.

So knock me up real quick.

Before you have to go back to Florida? Come on.

Ma, I need to catch my breath.

Drink a Red Bull.

Work out this leg cramp.

Okay, that's fine.

I'll give you a second, okay?

Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, that's enough. Drop them drops.

Such an amazing experience. Oh, my God.

Building homes for people is so fulfilling.

But FYI, if you visit the home that I built, don't go inside.

I can't vouch for the stability.

Oh, God. Jason, why is the vodka not on the top shelf?

Because we needed to make room for the single malt scotch.

Okay. What else has William done?

Just let me in charge.

when you'd show up today. I've been here since two.

Anyway, welcome back.

Where's Andrea?

Who? The woman I hired to manage the restaurant while I was gone. Oh, William

had to let her go.

Why? Because I said so.

Monica! Andrea had 11 years experience and an impeccable resume.

Joan, you hired her when you were fleeing town in disgrace.

Now, do you really think we trust your fly -by -night hiring decision?

Thank you for your help.

Now go on.

Oh, I'm not going anywhere.

I'm enjoying myself.

And I'm really quite good at it.

Jason! Be a dear.

Order more scotch.

Jason, cancel that order and put the vodka back on the top shelf. You have no

power here.

Jason.

I beg to differ.

Busy?

Would it matter?

William, let me just preface this with saying that I am so happy for you and

Monica. And I wish you guys a lifetime of happiness together.

Thank you, Joan. Thanks so much. With that said, get that bitch out of my

restaurant.

She likes it there.

So we agree she's a bitch.

Now we can get somewhere.

Look, this is working out for everybody.

Let's say you want to toss aside another lifelong friend and run off to New

Orleans. Now you're free to do that.

You're welcome.

I mean it, William. Get that banshee out of my restaurant.

If Monica doesn't have anything to do, you know she's going to be up under my

nose the whole time. Look, Monica stays.

Conversation is over.

William, what's going on?

Nothing.

Don't you want Monica at home?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You don't want Monica at home. You need to mind your Shirlies.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I'm all up in your Shirley.

Feel it. All right, all right. I make horrible decisions without you, okay?

Why did you have to go down there to New Orleans and help those people out when

I needed you up here?

So you don't want to marry Monica?

I don't know.

I don't know. I'm still working it out with my therapist.

God, that poor girl.

Poor girl?

A few minutes ago, she was a banshee.

I hate her, William, but no woman deserves to have her wedding pulled out

underneath her.

You need to tell her.

Look, Joan, I've already broken this woman's heart twice.

I can't do that again.

Especially after I proposed to her on a yacht off the coast of Monaco.

You took her to Monaco?

It was gorgeous.

Exquisite beaches and beautiful sunsets. Oh, my God.

What if it's Monaco that I love?

Joan, come on. Give me a break here. I don't need any more guilt on me, all

right?

Besides, who knows? In two weeks, I could wake up and be out of this funk.

if you're not?

Then I'll bury myself in my work, she'll bury herself in hers, and the nanny's

gonna raise the kids. We'll be just like every other American family.

You know you're wrong.

But it's working. Move on.

Hello? Before you press speed dial and spread my information to those other

heifers, know this.

If you tell anybody what I told you, I swear I will sign over my controlling

interest in the J -Spot to Monica.

Understood?

Yes.

I also understand that you are a poopy head.

Darnell is acting all funny style about this planned pregnancy.

I mean, he knows that this is the perfect time. He's making great NASCAR

living his dream. And if we get pregnant now, I'll be six months pregnant on my

next book tour. And who can resist buying a book from a pregnant lady?

Um, Maya, using a baby as a sales tool is not a sound reason to get pregnant.

Oh, I know that girl. That's just the gravy.

You know, last time I had a baby, You guys, I was lurking in school hallways,

hiding my belly under a dashiki, pretending to be all fight the power.

This time, I want to be pregnant and proud, show my belly to the world.

Darnell and I have been through so much, but we're really happy now, and life is

going well, and I just want to celebrate that by expanding our family.

Hey, my name is Megan. I'll call you Mama.

I'm going to let you feed me at midnight.

You know, Joan, I just can't figure out why he's not on board with a baby on

board. Maya, maybe you're putting too much pressure on him. I mean, you know a

man can't perform under pressure.

A man needs to feel relaxed and loose to release all his good swimmers.

Maya, just back off the man.

I believe it was Yogi Bear who once said, a man cannot bat and think at the

time.

That was Yogi Berra.

Oh, oops.

My boo -boo.

Listen, I know how to treat my man, okay? I know what to do for my man. So I

would know if I was pressuring my man. And I am not pressuring my man.

Look, you're going to plant your seed of what? Because I am ripe and ready to be

plucked.

You know, this isn't exactly a turn -on.

Baby, you ain't got to be turned on. Just knock me out.

Maya, this is not just about you.

What?

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Why are you acting all shifty?

You got some baby mama down in Florida.

You were with me in Florida. I don't know what goes on down in that pit.

Why are you always acting like I'm with somebody else? Because who wouldn't want

you?

Darnell, come on.

The minute we got to Florida, you were talking about how perfect our life is.

We were living our dream. We were going to have our planned baby.

Baby, what happened?

Either you changed your mind or it's something else.

Baby, what is it?

I don't want to have another baby.

Did I beat Monica? Not even close, sweetie.

Monica, this is not a competition.

Clearly.

Look, Monica, I talked to William, and I prayed

on it, and I'm at peace with you being here.

Well... That was a smart decision for someone with only 49 .5 % of the

And, for the record, it's fruitless running to William every time you have a

problem with me, because as you can see, he will always side with me, his soon

-to -be wife.

So, you think you know William?

Of course I do.

And he told you everything we talked about?

Of course he did.

Okay.

Well, as long as you're sure.

Joe, I see the faint hit of a smirk on your face.

You got something else to say?

Yes.

Just don't get too sure of yourself.

What are you saying?

I think I said it. You didn't say anything.

I think I did. Why don't you say what's on set?

Maybe I only need to say what I need to say when I need to say it.

Oh, my God.

Did William say something to you?

Because he's been a little reticent about setting up the wedding date.

Joan, just tell me.

Because I don't think I can survive being hurt by him again.

Monica.

Joan, please.

Nothing was said. Nothing. William didn't say anything except that you were

staying.

I was being mean because you were being mean.

Really? Yeah, come on, Monica. You know you can come on a little hard.

So, is the air clean?

On the subject, I just really can't stand the vodka not being on the top

Well, in the new spirit of our teamwork, you're just going to have to let that

go.

Hello, Dr. Wolfberg.

Hello, William.

So, have you managed to sort out your true feelings for Monica?

No.

Are you ready to explore that yet?

No.

Is that your check for this week?

Yes.

Did you remember to sign it this time?

Yes.

See you next week.

You know, I just don't get it. All he said is that he didn't want another

Maya, just because he said it doesn't mean he means it.

Think about it. I mean, this is the first time he gets to live his dream.

The same dream that he had to defer to Ray Jabari. Can you blame him for

wanting to bask in his dream?

Yeah, I mean, look at me. I'm making music. I'm living my dream.

You don't see me saddled with some child.

Alice, are you saddled with a job, a house, or a lick of sand?

What is she doing here?

Oh, girl, please.

Monica can't go make no fish fries.

And if you may turn her nose up in my snap, if she checks out the ditty at the

door, she's sucking on that cheap coleslaw.

Her weakness is coleslaw.

That's good to know.

Man, Monica has a vulnerable side.

You should give her a chance.

You might start to like her.

Bottom.

Why are you suddenly cozying up to Monica? It's just that... Just what?

Yeah, why am I?

Oh!

is I'm digging myself deeper and deeper.

And now Maya is upset because she thinks I don't want to have a baby.

Why? Because I told her I don't want to have a baby.

Why?

Because it was easier than telling her that I don't want to go back to the pit

crew and pulling the rug out from under our good life.

But the truth of it is, I would love to see a little Maya running around again.

Why?

I mean, of course you would. But I do see your dilemma. If you have a little

Maya, you're going to need more money.

Now you're going to have to go back to the pit crew. So you feel. Yes.

You're a wimp.

Send the dead man walking to the altar.

That's how I know.

Listen to us, man.

When do we become punks?

Well, for me, it happened around my third birthday when Mama forced me into

short pants.

Come on, man. This is crazy.

I mean, we need to man up.

Tell these women what's what.

I mean, I know Maya loves the money and having all these fish fries and whatnot.

But I mean, if I don't want to go back, then damn it, hey, I'm not going back.

Well, you know what?

If I don't want to marry Monica, then damn it, I'm not going to marry Monica.

are we going to lay it down?

We're going to lay it down. Today?

Today!

Maya, this coleslaw is delicious.

Well, girl, eat on up, because the expiration date was yesterday.

Yeah.

Jonah, come on.

You need backup?

Because I got you.

Hey, Monica, what's up?

Jonah, um, about the other day when you were hinting at your secret with

William... Oh, Monica, it was nothing. Oh, but it is.

And I think I figured it out.

You did?

Yeah, after you got me thinking, it was so obvious.

Oh, Monica, I'm... I'm so sorry.

Why are you sorry? I should be sorry.

Huh? I know William is your dear friend, and in the past, I may have come

between you, and that must have left you feeling betrayed, alone, and thin.

Monica, I've got a lot of other friends.

Where's Tony, Joan?

I'm sorry, I deal in harsh realities.

But you have no worries this time. You won't be left in the dust.

You're not losing your best buddy. You're gaining your best buddy's wife.

And maybe one day we can be best buddies, too.

Wow,

you really did figure everything out. Of course I did. I don't miss a beat.

Right. Right, I'm going to remember that. Yeah, well, since we're on the

being such good friends.

And I don't like a lot of people.

I'd like you to be my maid of honor.

And she's fat.

I'd be honored.

Oh, John.

I can't wait to tell William.

I

cannot

believe Betty took my guitar to thought.

We gotta talk.

Uh -uh, be a two -shot cousin.

About the baby?

Uh... Listen, no, no, baby, you know what? You don't owe me any explanations.

You don't. No, this marriage is a partnership.

And all I've been thinking about is... is myself.

And what I want. And that's selfish.

This is your time. This is your dream.

I mean, I mean, sure.

Yeah, we sacrificed a lot, but it's been worth it.

Because now, baby, you're living your dream.

Shoot, now it's our dream.

I mean, we have the life we've always wanted.

Baby, you've already had to defer your dream to raise Jabari, and I am not

to let that happen again.

So I want you to go back to Florida, and I want you to live your dream.

Be that dream. Hell, bath in that dream.

See, about that dream... Yeah?

I do want to bask in it.

Well, bask. Boo, bask.

Sorry.

Monica forgot her to -go slaw.

So, did you tell her?

No. You?

I never intended to.

Punk. I'm cool with that.

Oh!

Going somewhere?

Back to my apartment.

Oh, thank God.

I mean, good for you.

Oh, Lynn.

How'd you get the tenants out?

Oh, I didn't have to.

What? Let's just say people don't like it when the toilet keeps backing up.

By the way, you're out of tampons.

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