Original subtitles

Malik Wright, quarterback, Virginia Tech.

Melanie, a medical degree from the University of San Diego is not as

prestigious as Johns Hopkins. Come on.

No, it's still in the top ten.

So go back and tell your mother to tell her brother to tell his wife that her

daughter is staying in San Diego.

Okay, you lost me. Are we still cutting?

Oh, there he is.

My baby's first professional game.

Melanie.

Sweetie, I know you're excited, but we... Are you still on this?

Yes. Your parents don't want you to throw your life away for your boyfriend.

Look, they said they would give you your car back.

Joanie. You're not negotiating for sane people.

They re -pulled my car while I was getting a bikini wax.

Well, at least the walk home felt good, right?

Oh, uh -uh.

Okay, all rookies, listen up.

Here are the rules to assigned seating. You sit in the seat to which you are

assigned.

Girl, why aren't you gathering your things?

Was that, that was directed at me?

Is your ass warming up C -13?

Oh, I'm sorry. During the preseason, the wives and the girlfriends can sit

anywhere in the bar. Well, this is the first game of the real season, so get

your real ass in your real seat.

Oh, okay.

My girlfriend.

All right, 99.

I thought I heard some noise in this kitchen.

I'm cooking.

Oh, and I was praying it was a hungry burger.

Now, I thought we agreed that you would never cook again.

Well, today is a special occasion.

Sit down, sit down.

I'm making you a celebratory breakfast.

Baby, the cereal goes in.

It's all good.

Meal is served, nobody dies.

Now, what else are we celebrating?

That you made your first official catch.

But I didn't make first down.

But you still caught it.

No, baby, these are the pros.

I gotta make every catch count. I can still get cut. I'm a third string wide

receiver.

Aw, baby.

You're at least second string to me.

I was being hard on myself again, huh?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, thank you for being here, baby.

You know, I can't do this without you.

Oh. Oh, you know what else I can't do?

Sit here from 10 to 2 and wait for the satellite company. Could you be here?

Oh, and I'm out of protein mix. Oh, could you pick up my suit from the

for the coach's party tonight?

Uh, you do know I'm not going to med school online, right?

Babe, I'm going to be in practice all day and you have my car. Well, then you

drop me off. Look, this is a stressful time for me. And my parents have damn

near disowned me.

Your turn.

Okay.

Oh, God.

Exactly.

Lord, you blessed us each with exciting new journeys.

Please don't let those journeys get in the way of our journey together.

And it's not that my journey is any more important. It's just that her journey

goes right by the dry cleaner.

I'll pick up your damn suit.

And please forgive her for her foul language. Amen.

I'm telling you, Melanie, they shrunk it.

All right, take off the jacket.

What is going on with the crotch area in your pain?

What?

You don't feel your sperm count dropping?

Why didn't you say something before we left the house?

Baby, I've been telling you that you needed some new shoes.

Oh, girl, don't talk about it. Be about it.

I am not your assistant.

But you are my girlfriend. You got me out here looking like a runaway slug.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

You could never run away, you know.

No, you know what?

Forget it. I'm just going to sit down the whole night.

In fact, I have to. My pants just split.

Now they want me to be a drop -back quarterback.

They weren't saying that last year when they signed me for $40 million.

I know.

If they really care if they get a decent line, look at Bob's big ass.

Oh, man.

He can't even protect the mushroom cap on his plate. How's he going to protect

you?

Malik.

Are you listening to me?

Malik. Ma, do we have to do this right now?

Look. This is not your mom talking. I'm your manager trying to steer your

career. And I'll talk to the coach.

In the meantime, stay in the pocket.

And speaking of keeping things in your pocket, here's your mama talking.

That one right there, looking to need a car note.

That one's got two child support cases pending right now.

And don't you even think about her, because she looks like her syphilis got

syphilis.

Derwin? Yes.

Hi, I'm Jason Pisflight. Oh, yeah.

Hi. I wanted to meet you since you're part of the receiver family now.

By the way, it was a good catch on Sunday.

Everyone's still talking about it.

But don't let it get to you.

Okay.

This is my girlfriend, Mellon.

Are you an out -of -town girlfriend or an in -town girlfriend?

only girlfriend.

Of course you are.

So, welcome to the San Diego Sabres organization.

And I hope to see you, Melanie, at the Sabre Sunbeam meeting this Friday.

I'm sorry, what? The Sabre Sunbeam, of which I am president, four years now, is

the charity arm of the organization.

Giving back is a vital part of every football player's career.

So this Friday, Melanie, it's very important you be there because this is

meeting where everyone signs up for their charity. Well, I'm sorry.

Darren will have to sign himself up. I've got class all day.

Uh, okay.

Looks like someone's going to get stuck with sabers for seniors.

Hope you don't mind losing a friend every week.

Woman, if you spent less time worried about my life and more time worried

yours, maybe I finally have a positive mental aroma.

And you'd have somebody to take the edge off you.

Okay, last time I took the edge off me, ended up with your apple head.

Mom, I told you.

I'm sensitive.

Hey, go on and be sensitive to your Nike red. Let them hoochies be.

It's the first day of me.

Here come that happy woman.

She's gonna try and get me to be in some of that damn favorite zombie and

charity crap.

Oh, no, no, no.

You should give back.

Have fun.

Tasha! Kelly!

You remember the rookie receiver's girlfriend?

Oh, yeah.

She was the one in my seats.

Mm -hmm.

So, are you an out -of -town girlfriend or an in -town girlfriend?

I'm the girlfriend who has her name on the leaf.

Get her back.

Put this in your purse.

Uh -uh, Jason, not now.

Here's your good brisket.

Come on, it's protein day.

I'm gonna have it with some eggs and peanut butter. And here's, uh, some

We're almost out.

What? You know Bernie likes to blow bubbles in her milk.

Jason, I'm not putting greasy food in my Birkin bag.

Where is the tinfoil I put in your purse?

I took it out. Whoa.

It's wrapped in two napkins. It's not like it's dripping.

Don't run it in my Birkin. Babies, you don't have a Birkin bag. You have a

bootleg bag. Just drop it in there. No.

All right, there.

Will you hold it for me, please? I'll go tip my hat to a couple of folks. We can

get out of here.

Do you guys have some sort of bag or something back there?

Are you okay?

No, she ain't okay.

Haven't you heard?

She's married to the cheapest man alive.

She's not cheap.

He's thinking about our future.

Melanie, a lot of these rookies come in here and they spend all their money on

the cars and the bling.

Don't do that.

You did?

You spent $9 ,000 on that bag.

No, I didn't.

It's fake.

No, it's not.

My daddy bought me one for my birthday.

Well, maybe your daddy bought you a fake.

Did you ever think about that?

Forget the purse.

You're the one that got faked out.

You married one of our best, as you all usually do, but you didn't benefit in

the least.

I didn't marry one of yours. I married Jason.

Look, I know he's light, bright, and damn near white, but we still got dead.

You can have him on your million -man march, but he's still marching home to

This is true what they say.

White folk ain't scared of us no more.

Melanie, groupie alert.

Oh, he had groupies in college.

I wasn't worried about them then, and I'm not worried about them now.

Cranberry juice and Pinot Noir, thank you. You're going to not worry yourself

out of a man.

This is the probe.

The groupie game is played at a whole other level here. These women are hoeing

for hummers, homes, and hedge funds. Trust.

Well, if you can be taken that easily, then... Don't be naive.

And watch that Dion over there. She's the worst kind.

She's a groupie with a career.

Image consultant.

I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she ain't consulting with no broke.

Receivers.

Sorry I came on in, but I heard the screaming, and I thought this might be a

penny -from -good -time situation.

Hey, honey, just go get your hat.

Well,

Tasha, what brings you by?

What? A neighbor can't stop in and say hey?

Well, you've lived here in Rancho La Jolla for a year and haven't so far.

Well, I haven't needed anything till now.

So, about this Sabre Sunbeam situation.

I'll be there on Friday as long as Malik gets United Way.

They do commercials.

He's been taking acting class.

Well, as much as I want you and Malik involved, I can't bend the rules.

You have to wait till the meeting.

I'll comb your daughter's hair.

United way it is.

So, did you hear the dirt?

Derwin hired Dion to be his image consultant.

Well, I guess we can kiss little Miss Med School goodbye.

I tried to help her.

Now the only way for her to keep her man is to get pregnant.

Are you sure Brittany's not trapped under some of this rubble?

I'm sorry, girl, but this place is a hot mess.

I tried to look past it, but damn.

But we don't live like this normally.

It's just with the start of the new season, Brittany starting school.

I'm just a little overwhelmed.

A little overwhelmed?

Honey, there's a cobweb over there that says some pig.

This isn't about Brittany starting school.

You must be acting out. What?

I saw this on Oprah.

Nobody lives this nasty.

So come on, talk to me.

Are you mad because he's cheating?

Is he cheating on you?

Is he abusive?

Blink.

I'll get you to a safe house.

No, my husband is fine, and I'm not acting out. He just believes, I mean, we

believe it's ridiculous to spend a lot of money on overpriced stuff we don't

need. Like that $9 ,000 purse?

I told you it's fake, honey.

I know fake.

Before my league got in the league, I was pilling fake purses out the back of

neon.

Okay, it's real.

I just wanted something for myself.

But now I hate that purse because it represents who I've become.

Perfect on the outside, but hollow and stinky on the inside.

I like this house.

Watch it now. Watch it. Hey, watch yourself. Watch yourself.

Oh, don't.

I'm looking right, girl. That's right. Can't shame my mama. Can't shame my

Hey, hey, baby.

Hey. How was school?

Hard.

Melanie, hi.

I'm Dion. I've been so looking forward to meeting you.

Derwin can't stop talking about you. Baby, Dion picked up a couple of suits

my new image.

What do you think?

You look good.

And now he won't have to sit down all night at the coach's party next year. I

told you about that.

Oh, no, Melanie. Can you believe you sat there the whole night?

Suffocating myself.

Okay, uh, Derwin, I'm gonna step out so you can get your pants off.

Did you step out when you put them on?

Oh, man.

Man.

Of course I did.

Baby. Baby.

Babe, she's just trying to get them to the tail before they close. Come on,

She does a lot for an image consultant.

Now, see, I thought you would be happy. She's doing everything that you don't

want to do.

Oh. And the nights I don't feel like giving you some what.

She's going to roll over and do the job for me?

So she rolling around in the bed with us when we get... Get thee behind me,

Satan.

I'm upset. sex, and you want to crack jokes?

It's because you sound like a crazy woman.

Um, I'm not going to be able to get to the tailors on time, and, uh, I have

another client to see, so... Derwin, would you still like me to attend the

Sunbeam meeting tomorrow? Yeah, yeah, just pick United Negro College Fund and

Habitat for Humanity. Great, great. Um, I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night, Melanie.

Good night, Dion.

Why are you wasting your money on her?

Baby, I told you, the game is more than just performing on the field.

It's about what happens off the field, too. Now, look, if I dress better, if I

speak better, if I conduct myself well, girl, that'll help attract the top

agents and the managers, which means endorsement deals, baby, merchandising.

I'm not just a football player.

I'm a corporation.

Sunday, you barely caught a pass.

And now you're already designing your Derwin action figure?

Derwin, um, I'm sorry. No, no, look, if you don't want to be a part of this, you

can leave now.

Okay, wait a minute.

You can't be 39.

That means you had him when you were 15.

You little hoe.

Slow your roll.

We ain't cool like that yet.

Hi.

Hey, Melanie.

What are you doing here?

The Sunday meeting is today, right?

Not for folks in med school.

So turn it around and get back to class.

Oh, come on, people.

One minute it's watch your man, the groupies are going to get him. Now it's

back to class. What is it?

We said watch your man. We didn't say give up your life.

She did.

She said this is the life of a saber woman, giving up your hopes and dreams

your man. So sign me up.

In all fairness, I was a little buzzed.

Hell, Dermot's going to need you to become a doctor. He may not make it in

pros. Oh, he's going to make it. He may not.

He's going to make it. He may not.

Of course he's going to make it, Tasha.

Kelly.

You! saw it. Come on, he didn't catch that ball. It hit him.

He's gonna make it.

I may not.

I can't study.

I'm too busy Googling Dion.

Hell, if I swung that way, I'd want her too.

She's gorgeous.

Graduated from Spelman and willing to kiss his ass.

You found all that on Google?

I am done with Yahoo.

I'm telling you, I'm going to lose them.

She's already got us fighting.

Uh -uh, uh -uh.

Suck back those tears.

Oh, God, I can't.

I gave up John Popkin for him and my parents.

It isn't fair.

I thought all I'd have to do was show up for eight home games and maybe set a

few fractures.

You know, once I learn how.

You know, I've got to do charity work. What about my knee?

Sweetie.

Maybe the best thing he did for your relationship was hire Dion.

Now what now?

You two have a lot on your plate right now.

Trust me.

Let Dion focus on the little things so you can focus on each other.

Because without each other, the rest of it doesn't matter.

My husband may be cheap, but at least at night, when I'm lying next to him, I

know he loves me.

Ooh, what's wrong?

I need a man.

Heard you went to that thumb beam meeting.

I got your habitat.

In the off season, you're going to be building houses in New Orleans.

Hey.

I do want to be here.

And I want you here.

It's just more than I expected.

Me too.

So, if I freak out sometimes, because you know I will...

You can't go kicking me out like some out -of -town girlfriend.

And you can't talk like you don't believe in me.

I need you.

Because that's the only way I'm going to get my own action figure.

My own shoe.

My own energy drink.

My own groupie.

Girl, I can't even catch a pillow. You better get back to study.

I may need something to fall back on.

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