Original subtitles

Oh, no!

I've got soup on my tie.

Would you calm down, William? Just take the damn tie off.

And expose my neck?

I've got kind of a situation going on right there.

A situation?

Oh, dang.

That's a full -on crisis. Well, you need to see somebody about that. I did.

Apparently it's genetic.

That's why they used to call my mom Old Snake Neck.

I got a date tonight, too.

Well, I guess I'll have to break out the emergency dickie.

A dickie?

A date?

Yes, I wear those.

Yes, I hired a matchmaker.

Oh, hell no!

You hired a pimp? No.

She's a very expensive professional who specializes in matching upscaled

marriage -minded singles who... Have no game.

Have no time.

My time, like my game, is very tight.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go wash my dickie for my date.

The best ceviche I have ever had. I told you the best food in L .A. is in the

hood.

And the J spot. Of course.

So, where to?

Oh, well, I'm easy and the night is young, so we can do whatever.

Oh, actually, I meant where can I drop you off?

I'm sorry. I mean, I got an early day tomorrow. It's just... Oh, of course. Of

course. So, yeah, how's the date about?

Um... Door to door, the date was over in

under 90 minutes.

Okay, girl, that's like a new record.

Uh, no.

Prom night.

73 minutes.

You should have put out.

Uh, I did. That's where the three minutes came from.

I met with Javon.

Well, I would have if he'd tried to get fun. I mean, isn't he supposed to be a

womanizer?

Can't he nod to me?

Yo, yo, JC, my girl.

What up?

Hey, Curtis.

How's my favorite customer?

Oh, great.

I just signed a hot new artist who's about to blow.

You better shake my hand so you can say you knew me when.

So life's good, huh? Oh, come on. Life is always good with the Curtis.

Well, how about I make life better and the first round of drinks is on me? How

about the first round of drinks is with you?

Come on. You know I don't drink with my customers. But I will come over to your

table in a minute.

All right, cool. Okay, cool.

Hey, you're the Curtis, right?

Yeah. Hey, actually, you know, I'm a musician.

Oh, yeah? What's your style?

Well, it's a blend of eclectic folk and ambient R &B that takes on the emotion

of jazz before I wind it tight with a little pop classical vibe.

Right, right.

Seriously, girl, you just have to let it go.

I just don't get Javon.

I mean, maybe he's just trying to take it slow.

Maybe he's just hoping he can do better.

What, girl? He's an athlete, okay? He can afford to be picky.

You, Miss Lady, need to focus on that reporter square ass.

Dare that fool?

Uh -uh, I'm not feeling him. He's too needy.

He's too needy.

You know, Joan, what's up with you lately?

I'm passing up a nice guy.

Being all petty with Tony. Me?

Tony is the one being petty.

No, Tony's being Tony.

You're being petty.

You know what, Joan? Why don't you just call her?

I will when I get a minute.

You know what?

It's 2006.

I am just going to call Javon myself and invite him to come with me to my award

thingy next week.

Award thingy? What award thingy? What I told you about. You didn't tell us.

Or invite us.

Hey, Javon.

It's Joan.

I had such a nice time tonight, and I would love to get together again soon.

Actually, next week.

Delta Sigma Theta Sorority is honoring me as Entrepreneur of the Year next

Saturday, and I would love for you to be my date, so just call me whenever.

Well, before next Saturday.

Unless it's in the morning.

Before one.

Or, you know, you could just meet me there.

No.

No.

Hell no.

No. Really? She's got highest incompatibility with you in the areas of

lifestyle, career, and value.

She looks like her feet stink.

Pull up the next batch.

Those were the top 40 eligibles based on our initial meeting. That's all for

today. Gina, I gave you $20 ,000. You better come on with the come on.

William, it's only been a week.

Finding a suitable mate is a process.

I woke up with two extra grey hairs and a mysterious pain in my right hip. I

don't have time for a process.

Fine. Your initial search was limited to women resembling Uhura in Star Trek.

The series, not the movie.

Why don't we broaden that a bit?

Now, tell me if anyone jumps out at you.

No. No.

No. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back, go back.

Oh.

Well, how about her?

Oh, my

God.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

How could I not congratulate my entrepreneur of the year?

Oh, my God. Thank you. Oh.

How'd you find out?

Baby, I'm a journalist.

I keep up with all the big news, and you are big news to me.

I'd love to see you get that award, but I won't be there.

Unless... What?

Oh, oh, oh, God.

Derek, I would love for you to come with me.

But... My girlfriend, Toni... I invited her to come with me, and she and I

were just going through such a rough patch, and, you know, we just, we need

to bond.

It's a girl thing, you know, but you understand, right? Sure. Yeah.

So what you doing now?

Oh, I'm just, I don't know, I'm going to reorganize my Tupperware and clean out

my fridge, you know, just... Okay, I'm great at that. Yeah, all I need is a

sponge, a box of Arm & Hammer, and a great big smile.

Well, I got two out of three.

So then I ran your profile, and your compatibility scores were off the

I have a gut feeling about this, and my gut never lies.

Let me pull up his photo.

His name is William Dent.

I'm glad.

Oh, oh.

Oh, I've always loved that dress. I love that dress.

Thanks.

Is that new?

Yeah.

It was a freebie.

You know, designer needs publicity, so maybe I can hook you up.

Oh, just one. Thank you. She's breastfeeding.

Actually, I stopped three weeks ago.

kind of crazy between us lately, huh?

Yep. Yeah.

But you came.

You called. First I might add.

I missed you.

I miss you too, Tony.

And I will be expecting that dress hookup ever.

I know.

So, tonight is all about you and me. So just catch me up. Tell me what's going

on. What's happening?

My life has been all over the place.

Work has been kicking my ass. I can't sleep. Worried about that damn custody

battle. And I got a toe fungus. Ooh. Because I cut corners and I went to the

strip mall spot.

Ew. But enough about me. What's going on with you and Javon?

Oh, God.

There's not a lot to tell.

Well,

I'm obsessed.

And I'm being a damn fool over him.

Okay, so not much has changed. No.

You know, you even called him to bring me here tonight, and he never even

me back.

Whatever, right?

Yeah,

whatever.

Can I get a picture?

Oh, sure.

Come on.

Oh, Joan alone, please.

Can I get a picture?

Sure.

Derek, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to be here to applaud the entrepreneur of the year.

Thank you.

Anyway, I know it's a ladies' night, so... Oh, yeah.

Okay. So, uh, I just wanted to say hello.

Hey. Hello.

You really do look beautiful.

Tony, what am I doing?

I mean, while I'm sitting around waiting for Javon to call me back, I am pushing

away a perfectly good man who took the time to be here tonight.

And you know what?

Isn't that what life's all about?

Being there?

Now let me go and get this man.

And you're staring.

I've been up a while thinking.

About what?

About how I usually overthink things.

If you feel something, you should say it, right?

Right.

I'm falling in love with you.

Don't say anything.

I'm going to get us some breakfast in bed.

Just be beautiful.

Hey, Maya.

I screwed up. I know.

I talked to Lynn, who talked to Tony.

What the hell were you thinking last night? I wasn't thinking. Obviously.

And now he says he loves me. Who?

Derek.

Oh, Derek, girl, I'm talking about Tony.

Why? What's wrong with Tony?

Derek.

That's what I'm trying to tell you about, Maya. Keep up. No, girl, you need

keep up, and you need to fix this.

I know. God, I'm so stupid. I can't believe that I'm sleeping with Derek,

I'm not even that into him.

All I can think about is Javon. No, all you think about is yourself.

You're right.

All I need to be thinking about is myself.

Whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

If Derek says he loves me, then that's his issue. It has nothing to do with me.

And if Javon calls, he calls.

I'm just done stressing about it. I want to have some fun.

Starting now, it's all about me.

Starting now.

Exactly.

That's what I'm saying, right?

Hey!

JC!

No, I heard... fun and I knew Curtis must be over here. Oh, come on. You know

how I do.

Hey, my man. Get up.

So, what are we drinking?

Wait, wait. Hold up. You drinking with the customer?

Who are you?

I'm the new fun Joan.

Hello.

Hey, Bora.

I'm down for asking this weekend, bro. All right, cool.

Yeah.

Who told her that fool?

Aspen? The label love my new artist so much, they're giving me the company jet.

A few of us are going to Aspen tomorrow.

Oh, Aspen's supposed to be great.

You should come with us. It's going to be fun.

Well, what time is the jet leaving? Because I'm all about the fun.

Joan is not dying.

All right, well, maybe not on the outside, but... Bye, Lynn. I'm going

no, no, no, no, Tony. Come on, please.

Don't. Okay, so Joan's not dying.

But your friendship is.

Go talk to her.

Work it out. Come on, this is getting crazy.

No, Joan, it's acting crazy.

So what? We're all crazy.

Maya pretends to be a good mother. We support that insanity.

And I am as cuckoo as I come.

Hello? Still in the fold?

You're just plain mean.

But we still love you.

Come on.

So it's Joan's turn.

Let her make the mistake.

Let her be crazy.

Let me talk to her.

Fine, if it will shut you up.

Hey. Hey.

You guys are here and on a good night.

We need to talk.

I can stay and have a drink while you close up.

Oh, I can.

No, we're all going over to Quincy Jones' house to watch an early cut of

Dreamgirls. But how about I call you tomorrow?

See?

It's all good. She's going to call you tomorrow.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I don't need a chaperone.

Monica's not coming.

I tried to call you, but you didn't answer.

Well, I've been in the gym all day, trying to lose 20 pounds.

I want to make a good first impression on Monica.

Well, that would be difficult, since you've already met, dated, broken up,

again, and broken up again.

I see your point.

of making matches, not writing old rhymes.

I know I should have told you, but I just wanted to see her again.

I made some mistakes in the past, and I wanted to say I was sorry and show off

my new restaurant.

Look, honesty is a must with my clients.

We don't have that.

But we can!

No, we can't.

I think we need to terminate our agreement.

No, you can't break up with me. I'd make me a total loser.

Okay.

Okay. No more Monica.

Pencil me in with old stinky feet.

So, Lynn, water the plants and don't order any porn.

Cancel that.

So, do you guys, am I forgetting anything?

Joan, have you really thought this through? I mean, running off with some

you barely know?

Girl, that's not very safe.

Yeah, that sounds like something I would do.

So what about Derek and Javon?

They're still around.

It's like applying to more than one college to hedge your bets.

Javon is like my first choice. Derek is my safety school, and Curtis, he's my

party school.

Okay,

okay, I get it, girl. So no matter where you go, you're the campus hoe.

A hoe on the go.

How you doing, baby?

Javon!

What are you doing here?

I mean, come in, come in.

Are those for me?

Oh, yeah.

A late congrats on being honored as the Entrepreneur of the Year.

Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I lost my cell phone and all your

numbers in it. Oh, it's okay.

Of course, the J -spot is listed.

I was hoping you were free today, but I see you're going on a trip. A trip? No,

no, no, no, no. I'm...

I am just getting back from a trip.

No, I'm totally free.

Wow. Looks like the hoe just got into Harvard.

I love that place.

Yeah. Who knew dim sum could be so damn good?

Where to?

Oh, um, home, I guess.

I was thinking Santa Barbara.

Santa Barbara?

Yeah, we could drive up the coast, have some dinner, walk along the beach.

Unless you need to get back.

Oh, you know, Tamara, we're having a really good time tonight.

But before we go any further, let's just lay our cards out on the table.

I'll go first.

I have ashy knees.

I grind my teeth.

I snore.

I've slept with 12 men.

Don't judge.

I've slept with over 32 women.

You judge away.

Well, I've... Well, you know what? We could do this tit -for -tat all night.

Let me just play my ace.

I've got that.

Oh, that's nothing.

We really are a good match.

I've got this.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0