Original subtitles

Okay, Dr.

and Mrs. Garrett, as you know, this is the mandatory mediation, and I have been

appointed by the court to facilitate an amicable out -of -court agreement.

And this is where you start amicably agreeing to things.

Going once.

Going twice.

Going to lunch.

Okay, you're scheduled for tomorrow morning, 9 a .m., main floor, courtroom

It's tuna, and there's not enough for everybody.

Todd.

You didn't have anything to say?

You didn't either.

Look, Todd, I just need to know.

Are you going to bring up the assault charge?

Wouldn't you?

No!

Because I would understand that you kicked that carjacking bitch down

she endangered Morgan.

Todd!

Just remember, whatever you say about me in that courtroom, you'll have to

explain to your daughter later.

Ass, lockjaw, Napoleonic, son of a dwarf.

Okay, Maya, I know y 'all done come up from the hood and whatnot, but do you

think you can give me the number of one of your little gangster friends?

You know, someone who's willing to kick Todd's ass for a gift card or something.

Did you not learn anything in lockup? Yeah, if you want someone's ass kicked,

ass thorn.

Okay, now anyway, this is the guest room.

Maya, don't be all formal.

Call it what it is.

Lynn's friend.

Slow your roll, boo. Okay, now in here, this is the master suite.

Now, try and picture it with one of those really pretty high -scana bedroom

with one of those fancy duvet covers from the Macy's Home Collection.

We got to coordinate.

Okay, now come on, come on, come on.

This is the master bathroom with its very own

WC. That's upscale for private toilets.

And let me show you. Damn!

Baby, I am so sorry, okay? That's why they put a lock on it.

Sorry about that.

He's been in there all day. His stomach gets funny when he's a little worried.

He's probably just hungry.

When are we going to get a tour of the refrigerator?

Sorry. Well, baby, you could have taken the extra ten minutes to finish getting

dressed. Don't hate my ass. Oh, honey, I ain't hating. I just didn't want you to

catch a cold. We are running the central air.

I can't stay.

You just got here.

Yeah. I was trying to be here two hours ago, but, I mean, damn, girl, the

Southwest fly up here. You know what, Joan? I don't even want to listen to

rah -rah about you leaving. Okay?

I'm going to the party of the year, Maya. And this is the housewarming of

friend. Which, thank you, thank you, which you planned yesterday.

Maya, I've been trying to get invited to this party for months.

It's up in the hills at this record producer's house, and at his last party,

Prince sang.

Everybody's going to be there.

Oh, well, we're not going to be there.

Of course not, for A -list people.

No, I'm... Oh, no.

You did... I know she... Did she... Does she just... I just don't. You know what

I mean.

You know what I mean. Maya, look, here.

Here's your gift.

Maya, your house looks great.

Congratulations. Here.

Oh, boy. Okay, I gotta go.

I need a drink.

Me too.

And a sandwich.

Hold up, Joan.

Sorry, Tony. I don't have a plus one.

I just wanted to know about tomorrow.

Okay, I know things haven't been cool between us. Uh -huh. But you are still

strongest character witness. And with this whole assault thing, I really need

you there.

Tony, I'm fine.

I'm giving you your space.

Whatever. Tomorrow is the most important day of your life. I know. And I'm gonna

be there, okay?

Main floor, courtroom 103, 9 a .m. Got it.

William, if we were to go on an ideal date, where would you take me?

Uh, here?

No, no, no. I mean, a dream date.

Anywhere in the world.

Would you whip me off to a ski resort? Or would we go to a beach in Maui?

I just want to go home.

You're just mad. I can't go home with you.

No, no. I want to go home alone.

Okay. Let's go.

Look, I don't think this is going to work out.

You're a really nice girl. Good luck starting the accountant firm.

The bill and the valet will be taken care of. Just good night and God bless.

Please.

The loneliness, it hurts so bad.

That's true.

But it can't be as excruciating as this.

What is she wearing?

Call girl.

Oh, well,

that looks pretty.

And potent. I'll have one of those.

And a sweatshirt.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, Lem.

Lem.

Yeah. How are you?

Nice to see you. Hi.

Honey, I'm gay, sweetheart.

Go work your magic on someone else, okay?

I'm Joan Clayton.

Joan! Clayton, come on. You shot me for the Los Angeles Living Magazine.

The hot spot issue, remember?

I was like... Remember?

Come on, you called me an it girl. I'm an it... Girl.

Honey. Yeah?

I want to call Kevin Campbell, dear girl.

Oh, just a second.

Keep him coming. Just bring him on.

Hey, Maya, you got any more wine?

Lynn, I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get drunk so you can't

drive home, and then you'll have to crash in my guest room.

Lynn's room.

Call it what you want, but you ain't staying here.

Maya, I'm worried.

This could be the beginning of the end.

Even if the rapture comes tonight, you got to go.

No, I'm talking about the four of us.

I mean, we're drifting apart. You move way out here to the boonies, and Tony's

got a kid.

Joan's gone all A -list and doesn't have any time for us. Please, bonk Joan.

See that right there?

We're drifting apart.

How did it get to this?

When did I miss?

Lynn, what the hell are you talking about?

The moment you slipped away.

What did I say?

Lynn, you know what? I don't care how drunk you are. You're going home.

I don't know what to say.

Don't walk away.

Maya, you have a piece of paper? I need to write this down. I've got a song in

me. Oh my God, this never happens at home.

Must be the quieter this place.

This is the magical house.

This is my music house.

Yes, get here. My music house. Get out of there.

and dance with me.

I'm sorry, I've got polio.

So boogie night.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, honey.

Where was all the self -awareness when you were on the dance floor, huh?

Oh, my God. They got art to play.

I'll get bored with you. Bye.

Puerto Rico.

I told you, she's

sleeping. Well, then I'll just watch her sleep.

Tony, we all have a big day tomorrow. We all need our sleep.

I walked into my house tonight, and Morgan wasn't there.

And then it hit me that after tomorrow... This might be a feeling I

get used to. And, Todd, um... I just

need to see her.

Oh, Monica!

Monica!

Hey, Monica, did you pull up? Just give me three and... Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, Monica!

Hey, I've been trying to reach you. I know, and I wish you would stop.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry I dumped you for Joan. That was a big mistake.

Thank you. Have a great night.

Buddy, could you push?

All right.

Come on.

Monica, come on.

We're both obviously desperate to meet someone.

Why else would we pay $20 ,000 to some matchmaker?

The women don't pay.

Really? Well, that hardly seems fair.

I mean, it's fair!

Would you come on, buddy? Damn!

Monica,

can we just try this again? Get back in your car, William. No, look, hear me

out, okay?

When we were together, we worked.

Right? We were a team.

We had common goals and interests. We were compatible.

You slept on the right side of the bed. I slept on the left. The optimal

temperature for the both of us is 75 degrees.

Now, that's two less arguments than our lives right there.

Face it, Monica. We make sense.

You know what, William? That sounds really romantic.

Look, we're both realists. We both know that romance is just an illusion.

No, I used to think that, William, until you broke my heart.

I don't want compatibility.

I want more.

I want the heart, the flowers, the knight in shiny armor.

I also want to make this light. Goodbye, William.

All right, don't get your shorts in a lot. I'm going.

I'm going.

Lynn,

get your mooching ass.

my guest room.

Lynn's music room.

Darnell, baby, baby, baby, please. Can you please get your toolbox, okay, and

take this door off? Lynn's got herself holed up in there writing her version of

Rent -A -Mooch -A -Something.

Just let it stay in there. I mean, what's the big deal?

Oh, hell no.

No, I know there's something going on with you.

What is it?

Nothing.

Oh, no, it's something. It's something, Darnell.

You've been locked up in the bathroom all day. Now you're telling me you don't

care if Lynn stays there?

Baby, come on. I mean, what is it?

Are you worried about how we're going to make the mortgage? Because you know

this girl ain't going to pay rent.

Well, no, it's not the house.

Then what is it, Darno? Why are you walking around here all funny style?

Bill Lester called, and they want me to join a pig crew right away.

Oh, my God!

In Florida.

How about now?

Oh, my God.

Derek?

You're here?

Yes, Joan.

I mean, I'd be some big -time basketball player, but I still get invited to

parties. Of course, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm glad to see a familiar face.

I had too much to drink.

And my cell phone's dead.

Can you give me a ride home?

Why would I do that?

Huh?

Because it would be dangerous for me to drive.

Then you shouldn't.

Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

We're not friends.

Okay. I didn't see that coming.

Shut up.

Derek, Derek, Derek.

Look, I'm... I'm really sorry that things didn't work out between us, but

I think you're going a little too far.

Oh, oh, but I guess it wasn't.

Too far you sleeping with me to get the cover of the magazine.

Or you playing me by saying that you love me.

You know what?

Never mind.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm on a roll now. See, you just lucked into this it girl

thing.

Because, come on now, let's be real.

You ain't that cute.

You ain't that funny.

You ain't half of what you think you are.

Because if you were, you wouldn't be here alone begging for a ride from a man

who finds you pathetic.

I've slept in bad emotion.

I've slept in bad emotion.