Original subtitles

I'm about to go to the hole right now in Tomahawk. Damn!

That's game, my man.

If you hit X, you gotta pick up his job.

While you're up, you might want to get yourself some game.

Next!

You gotta take it easy. I need these customers to come back.

I don't want my first game night to end up in hurt feelings.

Is that why you're not playing?

Well, video games aren't exactly my bailiwick.

Well, I'll teach you.

Lesson one, don't say bailiwick.

Okay, come on, let's see what you got.

Pew!

Pew, pew, pew!

Pew! Okay,

lesson two, let the machine make the noise.

invitation to a Vanity Fair party.

Come with me.

Wait a minute.

Girl, this says tonight.

What makes you think I can just jump up and run off to some C -list party?

Tony, it's an A -list party.

Honey, they invited you. I'm being generous.

You want to come or not? To some D -list party?

Who's going to watch Morgan?

Why can't Concepcion watch her?

She's probably not in the mood since I fired her.

What?

Joan, this custody battle is costing me a fortune.

I've already dug deep into my never going back to Fresno fund, which I swore

never do.

I mean, you're from Fresno, you get it.

Tony, if you need money to keep Concepcion, the J spot is doing much

Joan, I appreciate it.

I do, but the financial part isn't the only reason I let her go.

Todd and his attorney have been watching me like legal eagles.

trying to find anything they can to use against me in court.

So I needed to let Concepcion go to prove what a good mother I am.

Oh, Tony.

Yeah, so I was actually hoping that Auntie Joan could stay and help me with

Morgan tonight.

Ooh, Tony.

Any other night, and I would.

But this party is gonna be hot.

It's going to be like all those parties you used to tell me about all the time.

Joan.

I can't go.

Oh!

I'm sorry you can't go, Tony.

But... I could wear your snake skin lube boots and they'll tell you all about

it.

Hey, Joan, it was jumping!

Yeah, Joan, thank you so much for inviting us.

Oh, hello!

Isn't that your basketball boyfriend who ate your boyfriend?

Yeah, that's Javon.

Uh, Joan, what does she mean, ate your boyfriend?

You two still haven't gotten together?

Well, you know, we've been trading text messages, trying to connect.

Oh, sexy.

Well, come on. I'm trying, Lynn.

Hey, ladies.

Hey.

I didn't even see you in there. Oh, you know, me and my girls were honing down

on the dance floor all night.

So many men.

Yet so little rhythm.

How about we forget about all this text messaging and actually go out?

This Friday night?

I love that.

You know, I'm sure William can take care of the J spot.

Good. And I'll take care of you.

Oh, no, he didn't.

That's my ride.

So I'll see you Friday, huh?

Yeah, I look forward to it.

Oh, look, Joe.

Here's your ride.

Why, how many hypnotics have you had? You know that's Lynn's car.

Camry. 95 Camry.

Girls, don't look all embarrassed. Get in your car.

Lynn, get in the car. What is that? Get in the car.

Press X.

What? Press X.

What? X.

Whoa!

Now, Minette. Hey, well, this isn't as hard as I thought it was. I told you. It

just takes practice.

Yeah?

Well, speaking of practice.

You might want to practice some defense.

Oh, what was that?

Did I just dunk on you?

That's called luck.

No, my friend. That is called skill.

Skill. Two minutes ago, you were asking me which basket was yours.

Wow,

I got to go. I got to pick up Jabari from my mom.

We'll continue this lesson tomorrow.

Yes, we will.

Maybe I'll be the one doing the teaching.

Easy there, playboy. You're starting to get a little cocky now.

Perhaps I'm starting to get a little dominant.

Dominant, please.

You want to run it back?

No, no, that's right.

You got to go pick up Jabari at your mommy's.

Hmm?

my client. I'm sorry, Tony. I just had some business to take care of. What

my business?

You're about to cost me the commission on a $3 million house, and you know I

need that money right now, because I am not going back to Fresno.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

Look, Tony, I'm sorry. I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?

As a matter of fact, why don't you go downstairs and wait for me?

Because when you see why I'm late, trust me, you won't be upset.

I've got a big surprise.

If you get here much later, the surprise will be whether I stab you or I shoot

you.

I'm really sorry, Mrs. Vance. You know, I made the mistake of depending on

someone who didn't come through for me.

I know.

You're right.

I promise you, I promise you I will.

Remember, I specialize in results.

No, really, I do. I'll call you tomorrow.

Now it's time for our message.

Yes, it is.

Morgan Smith, please.

There we go.

I'm here.

What are you doing in that car?

This is a surprise, Tony.

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you, Joan. This makes up for everything. I mean, I can't take it back

right because I'm not feeling the color.

It's not for you, silly.

I got it for me.

You went car shopping for yourself?

You knew I needed you.

Okay.

Not sounding happy for me.

I was depending on you, Joan.

Honey, I'm sorry.

I should have been out of the dealership hours ago. It just took way longer than

I expected.

I can't believe you.

So you lost the sale, huh?

Oh, if I'd lost the sale, I'd be talking to you through a seance.

The point is, I had to reschedule with my clients.

You know how foolish you made me look?

So... you just had to reschedule?

Joan, you're not getting it.

No, I'm not getting it.

I'm not getting why you're mad at me when you've canceled client meetings for

eyebrow waxing.

Don't try to flip this around on me.

You know I can't be selling houses looking like Al B. Shore.

If anyone is flipping things around, it's you. Come on, in all the years that

I've known you, how many times have you kept me waiting?

What, you need more time to count?

You selfish bitch.

Okay, now you're really flipping things.

Because that is totally you.

You know what?

I should have known this was going to happen.

Should have known what would happen.

This, Tony.

That you can't be happy for me.

You're kidding, right?

Tony, it has totally been there between us lately, and I've been trying to deny

it. But you know what?

You are jealous of me. Ha!

Joan.

Sweetie, that just might be the funniest thing you've ever said.

You're jealous of my success?

And my popularity?

Okay, that was the funniest thing you've ever said.

And you know what?

You're even jealous of my car.

And you can't handle it, Tony. And so you're lashing out at me.

Baby girl, listen up because I will only say this once.

Sweetie, you can have a Porsche.

Hell, you can have a Porsche for every day of the week.

And you will still never be as fly as me.

Okay, you flyness.

It's pronounced Porsche.

Whatever, bitch.

This car is

hot. Yes, it is.

Not for real, girl. It's really hot up in here.

Okay, it's damn near 90 degrees outside and you've got these seat warmers on

blast. Yeah, but when a car comes with all the bells and whistles.

I'm going to ring and blow them all the way down south side.

I'm not going to turn them off yet.

You know what, Joan? You work hard. You deserve this car.

Hey, Lynn, you do not have to flatter me, okay? I'm going to give you the

What? That gas guzzler? I want a hybrid.

Hey, what's the blue book on your Camry?

Lynn, I am not going to give you my car just so you can trade it in.

Okay, fine.

Then I won't trade it in.

I'll cherish it forever and ever.

Anyway, girl, did you make up with Tony yet? I have nothing to make up for. She

does.

Come on. She's the one who rained on my parade.

Tony, you know how Tony is.

We always have to make the first move. That's a given.

But be the bigger person so we can get back to being girlfriends. I'm tired of

being the bigger person. I want to be the littler person.

Oh, too bad, Jo.

If you're not going to be the bigger person, then we have to deal with it.

Y 'all know that child's going to be calling me tonight, talking about you

a dog. And, you know, while that may be fun at first, I've got things to do.

Come on, Joan, you're the dependable one.

If she screws up, we expect it. But we rely on you.

Besides, when you two aren't getting along, it throws off the whole group.

We can't even play bid with.

When do we play bid with?

We don't.

And now we can't.

Hey, my kid said that he didn't eat his lunch today because he lost his lunch

money to you playing video games. Is that true?

No, it's not true.

He lost a little bit more than his lunch money.

He also lost this.

It's an IOU for his kidney.

I may never need it, but it's nice to know that it's there.

William, you hustle my kid again, and me and you are going to have a problem.

Hey, hey.

You know, if Jabari can't run with the big dog, maybe he should stay up on the

porch. And you know, that's sage advice for you as well, my friend.

So you think you're the big dog?

You sound like a poodle, William.

Oh, don't let the bow and the painted nails fool you.

I'll nip at your heels and...

All right, I don't know where I'm going with this poodle metaphor.

I guess I've been hanging out with these heifers for too long. Hey, my wife is

one of those heifers.

So you know.

Oh, it's on.

It's on.

I'm about to whoop your ass.

Well, if you're going to hit me, do it in the kidney, because I've got a spare.

I'm tired of talking.

You need to pull out your luncheon. Oh, I'm sorry.

The only cash I have is Jabar's.

Yeah, I'm not interested in your cash.

All I want is your pride.

The loser wears the bitch bonnet. Well, I hope it comes in your size.

Because your head's kind of big.

Oh, I know you ain't clowning with that Nipsey Russell natural.

Who was that knocking at the door?

Who was that knocking at the door?

Oh, let's go see.

Tony, this thing between us is ridiculous.

Tony, come on. I'm trying to extend an olive branch here.

Look, Tony, we've been way too close for way too long to let something like this

get between us.

Could you at least turn around and look at me?

I'm sorry that me being late caused you to miss your appointment.

And I'm sorry that we're fighting.

But come on, Tony, I'm trying to be the bigger person here, and I'm not 100 % to

blame, you know?

I'm here now.

So, let me do something.

Let me do your laundry or clean your kitchen.

I never use it.

Come on, Tony.

Let me do something.

Okay, if it'll make you feel better.

You can feed Morgan.

There's a couple of loads of laundry. My mattress needs to be flipped.

I think you're feeling so strongly about it. Go ahead, get in our kitchen and

get to cleaning.

Who had a big nap, huh?

Who had a big poopy?

Why are you all up in my business?

Tony, I'm talking about Morgan.

Oh.

Joan. Yeah.

You look good for the baby.

You think?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, girl, I really appreciate you helping. Oh, hang on. Oh, you little

worm. Give me this.

Hang on.

I got a phone call.

Hello?

Hey, Javon.

Oh, no, nothing. Uh -uh.

Really?

What time?

Oh, yeah, that's perfect.

Yeah, that'll give me enough time to go home and get cute. All right, I'll see

you then.

Okay. Bye.

Auntie Joan's got to go on a date, girl.

Okay, sweet Morgan.

Bye.

See you later, girl.

I thought you were going to help me with Morgan.

I have been.

Tony, I've been here for three hours.

Clearly counting every minute.

That is so not fair, Tony.

No, what's not fair is you coming over here acting like you're sorry.

Then you turn around and do the exact same thing. Yeah, well, at least I said

was sorry. I haven't heard anything from you.

And what am I supposed to be sorry about?

About blowing things out of proportion, Tony, and making me feel guilty for

having a life.

Oh.

So I don't have a life because I'm stuck with Morgan.

That is so not what I meant.

Look, I'm sorry that things are hard for you right now. I really am.

But you, of all people, should understand.

Come on.

Tony, I've never been the girl who doesn't have to stand in a line to wait

get in a club, or who gets invited to the good parties, or who gets to date

than one guy at a time.

My life is so good right now, and I'm not going to apologize for it.

So you're just going to leave?

Tony! Joan!

I have to go.

Jabari, all I'm saying is if you lose, you take it like a man.

But if you talk too much smack and you lose, well, then you pay the

consequences.

Can I at least have a bathroom break?

No.

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