Original subtitles

Oh, sorry.

Joan, if you're sick, you should go home. Oh, no, William, I'm fine. But

for the concern.

The only thing I'm concerned about is catching your bird flu.

William, relax. I'm not sick.

Hey, you!

You!

more of an intense emo kind of... No, I think we were... One, two, three.

And the king he said, take the strangers three and show them,

show them, show them to the chamber.

So?

So as in, so welcome to the bed?

No, more like, so long.

So long as we're together, nothing gets toughest now?

You know what? Can you just get out?

So, uh, so you'll call me.

All right.

Hey, Lynn, how's it going?

Eh.

How was the audition?

Eh.

It's just a matter of time.

Right, Tony?

Tony's just saving up for words of encouragement for her speech.

What speech?

The speech that we are supposed to have prepared for Maya's seminar. Please

don't tell me you haven't prepared anything, Tony.

Okay.

Tony, this seminar is a really big deal for Maya. Her publicist thinks this

could really boost your book sales.

So get to writing your speech.

Girl, we're not supposed to give speeches. It's a panel discussion.

All we have to do... is show up and be the successful black women we are.

Tell those lonely, depressed, aimless women, stay in school, say no to drugs,

give a hoot, don't pollute, whatever.

So, Maya asked you to be on her panel too, Tony? Did you not hear me say a

of successful black women?

Hmm. I wonder why she didn't ask me.

Did you not hear me say a panel of successful black women?

So what am I, the loser who's got nothing to say?

If you want to sugarcoat it.

The point is, don't let others define you. You know who you are and what you

want. Thank you, Arthur.

Now, ladies, we are obviously the picture of success, but... But

none of us started with any of this.

How did you get here?

Well, I took the 405.

But what makes you different from all the ladies who have taken the 405

and haven't arrived?

Oh,

it's real simple.

You decide to do it, and you do it.

And I'm glad you asked that.

Everyone wants to hear an and, but there's no and.

You decide you want to be successful, you get off your ass, and you do it.

And by do it, I don't mean thinking you're going to come down here to this

seminar and somebody's going to give you a job because it ain't going to happen,

so don't ask.

That's right.

You got to work for it.

Absolutely, absolutely, which is why we're all here at the non -respondable,

hell yes, seminar.

Well, a lot of us don't know what we want to do.

Some of us do what's expected of us.

Like me, I became a lawyer. And yes, I was very successful at it.

But it wasn't my passion.

And ultimately, I became disinterested in practicing law.

Absolutely. I mean, if it's not your passion, you're going to end up,

Uninterested. Uninterested?

Oh, my God.

I said disinterested. Oh, how could I have said that?

I know that disinterested means impartial. Now everyone thinks I'm an

my God.

I am an idiot.

Hey, look.

I'm tired of hearing about coming up from nothing.

All I had when I came to L .A. was some B .S. and I learned how to spin it.

That's all I'm saying.

Learn how to make your S smell good.

Well, ladies, I could just sit up here and chat with you all day.

Really good. But I'm sure our audience members would love to jump in. Yes, you.

You in the back. Yes.

It seems like women of color who have achieved success have had to sacrifice

their personal lives.

Can anyone address that?

Joan.

Yes. I'll field this one.

Lynn Searcy, five master's degrees, UCLA.

In order to answer your question, it would depend on how you measure success.

I hear a lot of talk today about success in materialistic terms. I mean, how

much money do you have? How big is your house? When are you going to get a job?

This obsession with material success... Thank you, Lynn. ...is why the third

world is saddled with unserviceable debt.

I said thank you, Lynn.

Which I've written about extensively, and you can read on my blog, or you

Lynn! ...download my podcast.

I'm sure someone else must have a question.

Yes, you in the blue shirt.

Excuse me, Ms.

Childs. Uh -huh. I just wanted to say thank you.

For what?

Well, a lot of women come to these seminars wanting to hear things that

them feel better. But some of us like to hear the truth, that you have to work

your butt off to succeed.

Just remember, that doesn't guarantee anything.

True, but I'm still going to try. I mean, seeing a black woman from Fresno

become as amazingly successful as you have makes this black woman from

Bakersfield... Realize she can do the same.

Your life is so inspiring.

Okay, first of all, in public, we're African -American.

We're only black when we go down to the hood to pick up our hair, okay?

You're right, I know that. I'm just nervous talking to one of the best

out there. One of the best?

Well, yes.

We all have room to grow, right?

What's your name?

Tammy Hamilton.

Hmm.

William, in the middle of the panel, I used...

disinterested instead of uninterested.

And?

And Arthel Neville pointed it out to the whole world.

Oh, come on, John. I'm sure you're overreacting.

Really, William? Then how come everyone else from the panel has a crowd around

them except for me?

I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you said.

They're probably just not interested in you as a person.

Okay, bye now.

Hello?

William?

You sound horrible.

I feel horrible.

So do I.

I am so mad.

I was sitting in the audience trying to be supportive, and then when I tried to

participate, Maya had security escort me out.

I'm sure one of them was cute, but it was still very rude.

I mean, why are Tony and Joan up in that panel but not me?

Well, they've got more sense than to go around shagging security guards.

Don't deny it. You did it.

You're wrong, William, which goes to show you just how upset I am because he

a club, handcuffs, a little golf cart, all my favorite things.

Oh, Maya just walked in. I can't talk.

Bye.

Hey, Maya.

Do you got a sec?

Sure.

That's about all I need to put my foot in your ass.

What the hell were you thinking, Lynn, trying to sabotage my seminar?

Okay, look, I belong up there, too. I am very successful, Maya, just not in your

materialistic, narrow -minded terms, which is what I was trying to say before

you interrupted me. Oh, well, let me interrupt you again.

This is my seminar. This is my future. This is my success.

Lynn.

If this goes right, my publisher is ready to take this on a 12 -city tour.

So, boo, you can act a fool and open spaces, but don't be bringing that crazy

the airport rest.

Come on, Maya, I would never embarrass you.

There's still time for you to join the rest of the panel.

You want to do it?

All right, fine.

Why don't you tell me how I should introduce you?

Hmm? As a documentary filmmaker?

Oh! Wait, I'm sorry, girl, my bad. You quit that. How about ripping off

tourists and fake Hollywood tours?

Oh, gosh, Miss Darcy got me tips on how to crack that field.

What about music?

You still married her, or did you get divorced?

What are you saying, I'm just a joke?

Yeah.

You're a joke that's not funny anymore.

William, it's Joan.

Oh, dear God, woman, let it rest.

Let me rest.

William, I can't.

Disinterested? What was I thinking?

I don't know why you're so fixated on this.

You mix up words all the time.

What? What do you mean?

Hold on.

Hello?

William, am I a joke?

No, I think of you more as a cautionary tale.

Hold on.

William. Did you just hang up and call me back?

Yes, Negro, because you left me on hold.

Now, what other words do I mix up?

Hold on.

Look, Lynn, you're not a joke.

But what have I accomplished?

Well, you're O negative.

You know, you could donate blood to anybody.

That's true.

And then there's your music.

Which isn't going so good.

I've been shot down at every audition.

Well, you still got the blood thing.

Hold on. What?

Wait, I'm still waiting for some advice.

What? So what should I do?

What?

Jim Mitley.

Look, don't worry.

You're a successful lawyer and a restaurateur.

Okay.

And you, Missy, don't give up.

You're smart, you're talented, so get out there and sing your little heart

You know what, William?

I will.

Good.

Stupid heifers.

Uh, William, who's still on the phone?

Yeah, I know.

Okay, so I'm going to show you one more time.

So watch me.

Riley.

You like whipped cream toppings on your banana. I got cherry toppings for your

banana.

Got me fixing my hair, checking my glare, making you stare like we're in

school. Let me show you what I can do. Watch me move, grow, patty cake, bet you

can.

So, you straight?

Most of the time.

But I'm a bit of a freak and I really do want the job.

No, I mean, are you cool with the steps and the lyrics?

Oh, yeah. I'm straight.

So let's try it.

You like whipped cream toppings

on your banana flip -flops.

Okay,

all right. Hold that. Hold up. Wow.

Um, I think we got all we need. Thanks.

Okay, cool.

This ain't gonna work. I mean...

called Young Lust, and ain't nothing young about her.

Look, I'm sorry. We like your sound and everything, but you're too old.

Oh, wait, no. There's things I can do to look younger.

I mean, like pigtails or braces or shop at Old Navy.

Come on, you guys said you like my sound. Just stick me in the back. No,

sorry if it's not gonna work. Oh, come on. You know what? I can do it. I know.

got the moves.

I can... Give me a chance.

Ma 'am?

If you don't look the part, you're not going to get the part.

Thank you so much. That was the truth.

That's the truth. And that is why we're all here.

Uh, Joan, do you have something you want to add to that?

Come on, Joan.

Speak up. You can do it. You haven't said anything all day.

Joan.

You must have something you want to add to that.

You know, I certainly do.

Oh, sure.

Miss Debbie Dictionary has something to say.

Why isn't she on Grammar Watch today, huh? People are splitting infinitives

dangling participles all up and through.

Because when it gets down to it, most employers are not disinterested.

Aha!

I believe you mean uninterested.

I mean disinterested, as in impartial.

Oh.

But if you don't make a good impression, then they could also be

uninterested.

Thank you.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Nobody can see me.

I'm invisible.

I'm invisible.

Fine, girl, be invisible, but shut up.

Miss Childs?

Uh, yeah?

Penny, we spoke yesterday.

Oh, right.

Barstow.

Bakersfield. Same desperation.

I took your advice, and I decided what I wanted to do, so I got off my butt and

I did it. I have an interview for an instant specific. Hold well, Baker.

Oh, that's great. How much does this internship pay?

Oh, no, it's unpaid, but it's an opportunity to get my foot in the door.

Well, good.

Sounds like you're on your way.

Of course.

It's my second choice.

I'd rather intern at a smaller agency where I could really be mentored by

someone. So now you're asking me for a job.

Unpaid. Even though I said don't come to this seminar asking me for a job.

You also said don't take no for an answer.

Look. I can do this. I'm smart, I'm resourceful, and I'll be damned if I'm

back to Bakersfield.

Okay.

So you're showing a house that has creaky floors. How do you spin that?

Original hardwood.

Unpermitted edition?

Gone and thrown.

Wrapped in the walls.

Perfect for cat lovers.

There is no internship at Coldwell Banker, is there?

Not for me.

See? You can't play me.

Because I will always catch you.

And if my mother calls, you're out of the country. Be at my office at 9.

Can I talk to you?

Go ahead.

I'm not the one who tries to shut her friends down when we have something to

say.

I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did.

Girl, things were crazy. I was stressed.

The seminar was a really, really big deal for me.

I mean, there I was trying to uplift women, and I was tearing you down.

So you're saying I should have been up on that panel?

No, I'm saying I should have rejected you a little more gently.

Damn.

I'm just so mad at myself.

I've completely wasted my life.

I'm usually so proud of being a free spirit, but here I am at 34, and I have

absolutely nothing to show for it.

And you've got your family, your writing career.

Tony has her baby and a real estate business.

Joan is a successful restaurant.

And what am I doing?

I'm begging high schoolers to be in their bubblegum band.

Girl, you've got a bunch of degrees.

It's not too late to do something with them.

Girl, now look at me, okay?

You know, I started second career at 27.

I'm not helping, am I?

You know, I always thought you'd make a great therapist.

Girl, you're so good at helping everybody figure out their problems.

No.

Music's what I want to do.

Maya, why couldn't I have just figured that out years ago?

At least you figured it out.

You know, young girls aren't the only ones who can make music.

Maybe you can start an old hag band.

That's a good idea.

You, Joan, and Tony need something to listen to.

Feeling better.

All I needed to do was sleep it out of my system.

You know, that's how we dent men do.

Glad to hear it. Oh, oh.

William, relax.

It's just allergies.