Original subtitles

What are you doing? Johnny Cochran is dead.

I didn't know that. That's why I told him you're his brother.

Now hold this glove up, smile, and say, if it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

Hi, hello, how are you? How about I say, get the hell out of here before I call

security?

Nah, that doesn't rhyme.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to go visit that Oshu -chan guy.

Tugiwa, Oscar Joshi -shosha, Morgan Freeman -desu.

What's it at?

Hi. Lynn.

Hey. What?

Come on, Lynn. I thought you were done with these dead -end, possibly illegal

jobs.

Whatever happened to you dedicating your life to your music?

I just got a little stuck.

On what?

The usual.

How to read music, write music, play music.

But once I figured that out, music what?

has really turned this place around. There's all kinds of celebrities in

I spotted two image awards, an Emmy nominee, three -legged as a Dodger, and

six -foot corn bedhead over there has got to be a spark.

I sure picked the right time to buy my new video phone.

There's Eric Dickerson.

Hey! Say hi to my mama.

Hi, Mama.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, that's my favorite tight end.

Oh, a team.

My team.

If I play my cards right.

Oh, my gosh, there's Javon Denham.

Javon Denham.

William Dent.

Hey, man. I'm a big fan.

Welcome to the J -Spot. Thank you.

Oh, you know, you're on my fantasy basketball team.

Really? Yeah.

Stop passing.

I make more points when you score.

I'm all over it, bro. Oh, thanks.

Well, welcome.

You need anything, just let me know. Are you the manager?

No, I'm the owner.

Really? I thought a woman owned the place.

Oh, yeah, yeah. What are you talking about, Joan?

That's her over by the bar in the green dress.

You might want to tell Maya to stop getting out cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs over

celebrities. She has to check that camera and get her some damn dignity.

Oh, so just look at Javon Dennis coming my way.

Hi.

Tony Childs.

Yes, of Tony Childs Realty.

Do you like an ocean view?

I already have a house, actually. Perfect.

I'll help you sell it.

Hi, Javon.

I'm Joan Clayton.

I'm the owner. It's nice to meet you. I hope you're having a good time.

I always have a good time. Thanks, Joan.

You'll have a better time living next door to Jim Carrey.

It's funny.

Hey, Chip and Kim!

Do you still have that million dollars from a raise of rice?

This place is nice.

Thank you. Yeah, L .A. needed something like this. Yeah.

Good to see a sister doing her thing.

And a brother.

And a brother.

Anyway...

I was hoping I could get one of your cards. I'm looking for a place to throw

birthday party.

What's your drink?

Black Jack O 'Night.

Well, then, how about I send over a round with my card?

That'd be great.

Cool. Have a good time.

All right.

Look at you.

Being all coy with a boy.

Why don't you get some games?

Maya, I'm not being coy.

The editor of Los Angeles Living just walked in, and he's doing a story on

best new hotspots, and I'm hoping to impress him, so get lost. Okay.

Derek,

Joan Clayton. Joan, hey.

Hey. Great night.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much for coming, and I'm so honored that the J spot is even in the

running for the best of article.

Listen, just pretend that I'm not even here. Okay, go about your business, and

I'll just be a fly on the wall.

As long as you're not a fly in our nachos, because we've already got enough

those.

I'm kidding.

No, I'm just kidding.

Truth be told, I kind of hate the whole angle of articles like this. L .A.'s

best new hot spots.

It speaks to the worst of L .A.

Nobody's loyal to any one place.

They're always looking for the next best place to be seen.

Yeah, it's like dating in this town.

You start seeing somebody, and as soon as you start clicking, he's checking out

the woman at the next table.

I find it hard to believe that anybody dating you would be looking anywhere

else.

Shouldn't you be writing that down? Because that should be in the article.

I got everything I needed for the article two hours ago.

Oh. I was thinking this is an awfully long interview for a two -paragraph

with the possibility of a photo.

There is going to be a photo, right?

So how about a follow -up interview tomorrow over dinner?

I would love it. And you can quote me on that.

Huh.

Thanks for meeting with me. Ah, thanks for treating me.

Tell me something.

Do you think your house will pass for the Brady Bunch house?

What?

Great. So when Florence Henderson shows up, just go, Will.

Lynn, I don't know why I bother doing nice things for you.

Because you certainly don't deserve it.

But... This is for you.

Oh, my God.

That's right.

It's time for you to face the music.

You bought this for me?

Well, it's been a month since you dedicated yourself to your music and you

haven't done a damn thing.

You've got a beautiful voice.

Now you've got the best guitar that Costco has to offer.

And if you break it, there are five more in the pack.

So there'll be no excuses.

I still don't know how to play guitar.

Lynn, you have five master's degrees.

You can learn how to play guitar.

Okay, so even if I knew how to play the guitar, I don't know what to sing about?

Well, just sing about what you know.

Sing about what's in front of you.

Just pluck those strings and sing.

Liam, I don't know how to...

It was fantastic.

Well,

you know, after all the stuff you said about L .A. being a rootless, soulless

town, I just kind of thought it'd be nice to be in a homey atmosphere with a

home -cooked meal.

I am enjoying the atmosphere.

But I know that the food was from the J -Spot. Oh.

Mm -hmm.

I just want to remind you how good the food is at the J -Spot. Joan, you

made the list. You don't have to butter me up.

Oh. Well, then get the hell out.

Do you want some more wine?

That'd be nice. Okay. Hey.

Oh,

thanks, too.

Oh, great. It's your wife.

No, she wouldn't be calling me on this number.

I'm just kidding. It's work.

Hey, what's up?

Yeah?

What do you mean his kid doesn't like it? You've got to be kidding me.

No, I know that she's a messenger. I know.

Okay, then just tell him I'm on it, all right?

Okay, bye.

Damn. Is everything okay?

Well, it turns out that my boss's kid doesn't like the restaurant that I

for the cover.

What does a 16 -year -old with hot pocket breath know about Asian fusion?

If you're going to let a brother pick the cover, then let a brother pick the

cover. Pick the cover, brother.

You know, I shouldn't be dumping all this on you.

No, it's okay.

It's okay.

The last thing I need right now is the stress.

I own my own restaurant. Boy, I know a lot about stress.

Oh, yeah?

Like what?

Like how to make it go away.

Cover girl.

What are you talking about?

Los Angeles Living called.

The restaurant's going to be on the cover.

What? I just got off the phone.

We're on the cover of the magazine.

Oh, my God. We're on the cover of the magazine.

Oh, my God.

They looked at like 200 other restaurants.

I know. And he chose us.

What did you do, Jones? Sleep with the guy?

Okay, Maya, you're the first person I wrote a song about.

Well, actually, William's the first person, but you're the first woman.

Okay. Well, actually, the first black woman.

And, well, in this house.

Today. Anyway.

Authoress, what are you?

Todd and the baby and how you were like a really bad mom and everything in the

beginning?

Baby crying.

Mama don't care.

Lynn!

How about I smash that guitar over your head? How about that?

I don't care. I got five more.

Listen, Lynn.

Girl, not that we're not happy for you making strides in your music career and

whatnot, okay?

But we're here to celebrate Joan and her cover.

Where is she? Jo?

Sorry, you guys. I was on the phone with my stylist.

I'm getting a star treatment for this magazine shoot.

Wardrobe, hair, makeup.

And airbrushing.

Can you believe it? I mean, it was like three months ago I was going to close

the J spot.

And now I'm L .A.'s hottest hot spot on the cover of Los Angeles Living. Whoa!

You went to the trials of Job to get that cover.

I don't know about Job, but... But what?

But nothing. It's just... Cover girl, what are you

covering up?

Why would you say I'm covering something up?

I'm not covering anything up. Why are you insinuating that I'm covering

something up?

I wasn't. It just happened to be a clever turn of phrase and fit the one

know how to play.

Wait a minute.

You popping them knuckles? You stretching that neck?

That means you're uncomfortable and you're shady about something. Y 'all see

I am not stretching my neck, okay? Just, I... Left on it funny.

With Derek on top of me.

are deep in your spinsterhood, and you finally brought your A game.

Yeah, if A stands for ass.

Wish he showed, gave up, and I can only assume got smacked off.

Okay, you guys, yes, yes, I slept with him, and yes, I thought about the cover,

but it wasn't calculated.

I mean, he's attractive, and it felt right, and two bottles of wine.

good girl one night does not a hall make well since you had sex for profit it

kind of does okay look you guys the j spot deserved that cover and me

sleeping with him had nothing to do with it oh really

Oh, and here's pensive.

Oh, thinking deep thoughts.

Cheers, cheers.

Oh, down, tiger. Save me, Siegfried.

You know what? This is going to be a great shoot.

Just relax. Let me take a couple of test shots, then we'll be ready to go, okay?

So, um, I should just stand here?

Uh -huh, stand there.

Okay.

There it is.

Oh, you're so thin. I respect that.

Okay, so take five, then we'll be ready to go.

Okay. Okay.

Thank you.

Oh, beautiful.

I was wondering if you were going to show up.

I wouldn't miss it. Hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hours of hair and makeup.

Don't worry. I'm not going to mess it up.

I just think we should keep a professional distance.

You know, I wouldn't want anyone to think we've got the cover because of our

personal relations.

Good. Who cares what people think?

Well, I do.

Well, you know how people are.

No, I don't, but you seem to, so tell me.

Don't, we're ready.

You gotta go.

Oh,

thank you. Thank you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought you were going to say

wasn't ready.

Honey, you were born ready.

somebody else.

Okay.

Ooh, that's it.

Oh, you're so nasty.

Stop it.

Derek, you did not tell me we had an it girl.

Oh, so sexy, so sensual. You're making me stray.

I thought I'd stick around and ask you something.

Sorry, no autograph.

Joan, I just need to know what's up.

Did you sleep with me for this cover?

Oh, my God.

No, whoa.

Okay, I'm so hurt that you would even think that. What would make you say

Joan, you started it, you know, with this whole professional distance thing.

Yo, I didn't mean it like that. I mean, Derek, I'm... I'm...

I'm not like that.

Look, I don't know what you're like. I'm just trying to figure out things.

I'm sorry. I thought we made a connection.

Hey, that's what I was thinking. But, you know, like we said the other night,

this is L .A., and if this was the one time you got something, I got something

kind of thing, I can live with that. But I just need to know what's going on.

No.

No. Derek, I mean, I know I've only known you for a short time, but I have

feelings for you.

I mean, I'm practically in love with you.

Come here, girl.

Come here.

Joan. Joan.

Look who's here.

Barry Zito.

Oh, what an honor to have you here. Oh, Joan.

And Derek. Barry. Barry. Derek. Barry, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Congratulations on the cover.

Thank you.

You look beautiful.

Very.

You have absolutely no idea who I am, do you?

Of course I do. You're very.

It's okay, Joey. I'm a starter for the A's. The A's.

Baseball. Got it.

I'll be right back. Okay.

Baseball. Baseball.

Hey. Hey.

got back to me about my party.

But I understand. I mean, this is L .A.'s best new hotspot.

Guess the brothers just gotta be happy you got in the front door, huh?

Congratulations, Joe.

Javon, you know you're always welcome here.

But here, I don't get all of your attention.

How about dinner sometime?

I'd love that.

You got my card?

Call me.

I'll do that.

Here's another one.

Lawyer man, you're working late just to cover up the fact you can't get a

date. What?

You can't handle the troubadour who thinks the truth.

I'll give you $50 if you take that guitar and go play out in traffic.