Original subtitles

Joan, your self -worth is all wrapped up in your house. You must know a handyman

who can help me baby -proof my condo.

Why can't Todd do it?

Todd? He may be a whiz in Santa's workshop, but he ain't worth a damn

house.

Ooh, that reminds me. I need a bunch of repairs done at the apartment.

My tenants keep nagging me about it.

Okay, I'm the manager.

You smell gas, your windows won't open. I get it.

You know, I need a handyman, too. I need someone to put up my ceiling fan.

Why don't you ask Derek, the man you're supposed to love?

First of all, Derek is out of town. And second of all, I don't want him propped

up in my house fixing something when Javon calls.

How many times has Javon called?

I'll go sniff some gas.

Wait a minute. We know a guy.

Real handy, works with his hands, fixes cars and stuff.

Uh, Darnell?

No, Maya's husband.

Darnell. Fine, get him.

Don't be coy.

If you need a man to fix things, just ask me.

Because you know somebody.

Your girl's giving a huge list of things to do this weekend.

Good. That way I know you'll be staying out of trouble while I'm on my book

tour. If the list gets any bigger, I'm going to start charging.

If that's the case, you better make sure Lynn pays you up front and in cash.

Because like her checks, the girl will bounce.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Damn. How much is it? $300.

Damn.

Don't even worry about it.

Okay, it's your Valentine's Day present.

And my girl deserves the best. Hey.

Thank you.

Well, I guess we stomping in hot cotton now.

Baby, wasn't your first car $300?

Yeah, $250, that was in the feet.

Remember how we used to lay back on those deep skin seat covers?

Blast a quiet storm, dream, wait for the truck.

It was a $50 car.

I used to dream about going to college, being a businesswoman in my nine West

Combs, and you were going to be heading up a NASCAR pit crash.

Look at us now.

Excuse me, sir.

This car was declined.

Do you have another car?

Can you run that again?

No, we didn't.

Okay. I got it.

Where's this one?

I don't know.

How?

Baby, don't worry about it. I put some engine parts on the card.

Sweetie. I'm sorry. Hey. Sorry. Don't you worry.

All right? Since I got my last advance, we've got some real cushion in the bank,

and as soon as we get home, I will call them, and I will raise your credit

number. Great.

Just raise it enough so I can buy my nuts back.

Right now, did you get the fan in?

Almost.

Did you tell me that Darnell is up in that big hole you put in my ceiling?

Darnell is not coming.

What? Well, I knew you all would try and drown him in a sea of repairs, so I'm

pitching in.

In fact, I'm just two screws away from being done.

What about all of these?

Oh, they always throw in a couple extra.

A dozen.

William, I hope you didn't bust through the insulation.

Joan, would you stop worrying? A little asbestos never killed anybody.

Uh, yes, it has.

Well, not immediately.

Anyway, I think I'm about done.

Now, let's turn this baby on and see if she flies.

I believe someone owes me an apology.

We have a Black Hawk down.

Why'd you bring me here? You know I'm alerted to manual labor.

Tony, you are a single mother now.

You need to start learning how to do some of this yourself.

Why? When I have a purse full of good credit cards, I can pay for anything I

need done.

I can't even believe this. What?

She told you, didn't she?

Who's she? And what's she tell me?

Don't play stupid, because I know Maya be telling you all everything.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, she does. But see, Maya isn't very fair and balanced.

You got to hear your side.

Well, there is no side. She makes more money than me.

So? I make more money than both of y 'all, but I don't lord it over you.

I need a good laugh, but then you know it's not personal.

Okay, don't get your lip all poked out. I was just playing.

It's not that.

All right, you were the breadwinner in your marriage.

Did you ever think that Todd was less of a man?

My problem with Todd wasn't that I had more money in my wallet.

It was that he could fit in my wallet.

So what?

So she makes more than you. You're married.

You get married to share your life with someone.

At least that's what I've learned from all the marriage manuals I've read,

studied, committed to memory.

And that sharing includes the money.

Look, I was raised old school, okay?

A man is supposed to provide for his wife. And you do provide.

You know what I mean. She's making more.

Oh, so this isn't about providing. This is about who makes more money.

Look, I know it shouldn't bother me that she makes more, but it does.

Why? Why does it bother you?

She's going to write more and more books.

She's going to get more and more successful.

And I'm going to be stuck working in a garage.

Stuck?

I thought that was your dream.

No. Being on a NASCAR pit crew. See, that was my dream.

But, you know, life got in the way.

And I figured the garage was about as close as I was going to get.

Oh, you can't give up on your dream.

Look, if you want to work in a pit crew, just work in a pit crew.

Oh, see, it's not that easy.

First, you've got to get on a racing team. Then you've got to go through the

training. I mean, it'd probably be a while before I even made any money at

Which is why this is the perfect time to go after it. Am I making money?

Lean on her.

I don't want to be one of those men who lives off his woman.

Oh, come on.

Darnell, you've never been that kind of guy.

Now, I, on the other hand... Oh, excuse me.

Where do you guys keep the straws at?

In the security office.

Come with me.

Fair enough. Will you go with him and get me some straw?

Hey. Hey, baby. Welcome home.

Hey.

How are you?

Good. Hey, you.

Hello.

Hi.

How was your trip?

Oh, you know, the life of an author is signing books, changing lives, shaping

destinies. What's all this?

You know, setting the table, changing the placemats, shaping the dinner.

Thank you, sweetie. I am so tired.

How are things around here, huh? My girls didn't wear you out with all their

little jobs, did they? You know what, Maya? Your friends were not half as

annoying as I thought they'd be. I know, huh?

Except for Tony. I know, huh?

Jabari, why don't you go wash up for dinner?

All right.

You know something, baby?

I've been doing some thinking about us.

You know, and how we're in a different place right now.

And I... And what?

Where you going with all this? You trying to leave me?

I don't care what I told those stupid lonely bitches on my tour. I will cut

to the white meat.

Don't nobody need... to be cutting nobody.

This is good.

Oh, okay, baby. Well, I'm all ears.

All right, I've been doing some thinking since Valentine's Day. Mm -hmm. And you

know what? You were right.

We do have a cushion now, and we should take advantage of it. I know. We can

finally do some of the things we've always wanted to do, like buy a house.

Exactly.

That's why I want to sell my half of the garage to Peanut and start training and

working a pit crew.

Now what now?

All right, the garage is doing great.

If there's any money to be made out of it, it's now.

See, I never took my NASCAR dream seriously because I didn't think I had a

chance. But now with you making more money, I'm starting to think that I can.

Now, baby, I looked into it, and I got a friend who said he could get me an

internship working on Bill Lester's crew.

You mean a non -paid, you -ain't -cashing -no -check -on -Friday

Right before you trip out.

We're still getting our house.

Okay, because when I sell the garage, we take that money and use it as a down

payment. And how are we going to make the mortgage?

After I pay my dues, then I'm going to start making real money.

Baby, we can start doing all the things that we dreamed about doing, and I can

treat you to things I always wanted to.

But in the meantime, we just need to cut some corners, you know, so we won't go

out to the $300 dinner.

You know, I'll give up my satellite football package, and you can give up

pledge gratis.

We just dust like we used to.

Ma, don't worry about it. If Dad's going to be working on race cars, I'll dust.

Well, then I guess I'm on board, right? I mean, I've never heard this boy offer

to dust before.

We're glad you're here because we want to thank Darnell for all his help. So we

baked him some chocolate chip cookies.

What were you bitches thinking?

I told you we should have made brownies.

You told Darnell to quit his job so he could train for free on some pet crew?

First of all, when would I have talked to this Darnell?

When I was at Home Depot all day with Jappuccino's daddy?

And all I told him was that marriage is about partnership and it doesn't matter

who makes more money.

Oh, don't look at me. All I told Darnell was to quit his job and work on some

pit crew.

You know what?

I did not struggle to create the brilliance of, oh, hell yes, for my man

up under me like he's Stedman. My last name is what? Wilt, not Winfrey.

Maya, he'll still be working, and even though he's not getting paid, he'll be

getting valuable experience.

Oh, really? You know what else is a valuable experience?

Cash and a check.

And unlike you, Lynn, me and my man got bills.

I have bills. Oh, really? Sweetie. I think she means actually paying them.

Well, next time, be more specific.

Maya, it's real simple.

Do you want your man to be in a job he hates?

Or one where he's happy?

Oh, I know you ain't saying nothing. You ain't never cared if Todd was happy.

Todd could never be happy, Maya.

People were always after his lucky charms.

I'm putting it in your new garbage disposal.

But I don't need a new garbage disposal.

Well, you didn't until the ceiling plaster hardened.

How did ceiling plaster get... William, never mind. I'll just call the plumber.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, Joan.

Look, I felt really bad about the ceiling fan and the garage door.

And I'm determined to do right by your garbage disposal.

Garage door?

my garage door?

Well, I assume you saw a lion on the ground when he drove up.

William, stop.

Just stop, okay?

Well, June, would you just let me do this? Why are you making such a big deal

out of this? Because I'm a man.

This is what men do.

If something breaks, we fix it.

You know, Darnell's not the only one around here who can fix things.

William, you're jealous.

I'm not jealous.

I'm envious and hurt.

If people want to call that jealous, that's on them.

Sweetie.

Look, I want to be the man you girls call on when you need something.

I miss being the main cock in the hen house.

Willie, no other cock could ever take your place.

Look, I may not be able to do everything that you need, but I've at least earned

the right to mess things up first.

William, I'd be honored if you'd finish messing up my garbage disposal.

Done and done.

Yeah.

William, if you're done, why is your hand still down there?

I suspect that's the same question the paramedics will ask when they get here.

Dial 9 -1 -1.

Dial 9 -1 -1.

Guess what?

I talked to my guy that works over at Bill Lester's racing team.

He said that I can start training as early as next month. Oh, baby, that's

great. Yeah.

So what's for dinner? I'm not finished yet. I've just got the water boiled.

need to know what kind of ramen you want.

I've got chicken beef, if you're feeling south of the border, chili and lime.

Oh, ramen?

Why, what are you doing?

Baby, you said we had to cut corners, and, you know, I just want you to know

that I am down.

You're going to sit down, relax, and enjoy your beer.

What kind of beer is this? I don't know, but it's a six -pack for 98 cents down

at the 99 -cent store.

Don't you tell me. I don't know how to pinch no panties.

Maya. Oh, shoot. Oh, my God, baby. You know what? I completely forgot.

I got to sneak our wet clothes into somebody else's drawer.

Maya. Huh?

Stop playing all these games.

Or if you don't want me to do the pit crew thing, just say it.

Of course I want you to do it.

Make the sacrifices. Don't you... No, no, no. Don't you put that on me.

Noah, can I have that T -shirt Miss Poe doing west?

Look, I don't want us to have to make any more sacrifices than we have to.

I guess now's not the time.

I'm sorry, Darnell.

No, it's all right.

Don't even worry about it.

Did you check Jabari's homework?

Yeah.

I'm going to go take a shower.

Hey, you know what, baby? Now you can focus on the garage.

Right? I mean, you talked about expanding.

Maybe this is the time.

Yeah.

I'm going to go take that shower.

Careful with that soap.

It's the first time I made it.

Hey.

Here's some of your clothes, Jabari, and I want you to put them away this time.

All right.

What are you looking at so intently?

Did you get past that parental lock again?

Mom, better be rich.

Napcar drivers make millions.

The crew gotta get paid.

Shoot, I'm gonna get me some of Nietzsche from top to bottom, brush some

off my shoulder, and pop my collar.

Oh, really?

Well, something's about to get popped, that's for sure.

What'd I do?

You're being all materialistic.

Okay, did nobody raise you like that?

Your daddy didn't want to do this because of the money, Jabari. This was

dream. Something he's always wanted to do because it was gonna make him happy.

Put your clothes away.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, you better run. Whoa, whoa.

Better save that.

We're going to be cutting corners. We can't be throwing away tomorrow's lunch.

What are you talking about?

You and the pit crew.

Baby, we already discussed it, and I know it's not an option. It's all right.

No, Donna, it's not all right.

All I could think about was how this whole thing would affect me.

And having to carry the burden of being the breadwinner, it scared me.

Hey, we're a team.

I mean, if it got to be too much for us, I'd go get a job.

I know.

I know that, baby. I just panicked.

And I... I mean, what if I... I can't write anything else.

What are you talking about?

You are a great writer, okay? You have an opinion about everything.

You're always going to have something to write about.

And if nothing else, you can always write a book about cutting corners.

Because that soap you made, I mean, it smelled a little funny, but it really

through the grease.

I want you to be happy.

Do it.

Are you sure?

Yes. Thank you!

Oh, baby.

Maybe that sub -decimal looked funny.

You know something? It's starting to burn a little bit, too.

Ooh!

Okay, when Maya said she signed us up for a do -it -herself class,

I painted a whole different picture.

Who are you telling? I'm going to drill me a hole so I can escape.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

What are you doing here? This class is for women.

One, this class is full of women.

Two,

you can't use Darnell anymore.

And three, Mai said if we don't finish taking this class, she was going to cut

us to the white knees.

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