Original subtitles

Hey, William, Darnell, Peanut, and Em.

Hey, I just want to thank you for including me in your little Sunday

soiree, and I'll have you know that I don't feel at all uncomfortable being

only white person up in here.

Okay, well, a little uncomfortable.

Hey, now I know how you feel at the law firm, Dent.

Not that anything's going to change.

Who's the corny white cat in the Sunday suit?

Who's the cat picking up the towel?

Yeah, but this is your world. I thought we was calm.

No, we're cool.

We're not that cool.

Oh,

hey!

Another football party! Whee!

Hello, Mr.

Sweetilson, William, Darnell, Peanut, and Em.

nice to see everybody, William.

Sidebar.

What the hell are all these freeloaders doing in my restaurant?

Uh, you might want to sidebar that more to the side, but brother can still hear

you.

They're watching sports in our restaurant.

Besides, I got Sweetlson to pick up the tab this time.

Whatever. William.

I told you last time I don't like it when there's a lot of people in here

eating, drinking, and whooping it up.

Joan, I think I finally see the flaw in your business plan.

price the gas and learning that my gym membership's been canceled, it's kind of

turned into a win -win.

Or a schwin -schwin.

Anyway, what are you guys doing here?

We came by to see if you wanted to go to a movie.

Um, hello!

I'm running a restaurant here. I don't have time to go to a movie.

Girl, with the way things are going around here, you have time to shoot,

package, and distribute a movie.

Girl, you have time to write the novel that the movie's based on.

translate that novel into braille, poke your eyes out and read it.

You guys, Lynn's right.

What?

I mean, I do have that much time.

I mean, look at this place.

Nobody comes in here anymore and I'm almost out of my money.

Maybe I should just close the restaurant down.

Um, this is where you guys are supposed to step in.

Say, Joan, don't panic.

Everything's going to be fine.

Oh, yeah, right, girl. You know, it's all you.

Yeah, Joan, he'll call.

Sorry, wrong pep talk.

You know what, guys?

It's okay. I'm not going to panic. I mean, I'll be fine.

Okay, before you go sailing down denial in your little Mayan limbo, here's the

real. There really ain't nobody coming in here, and you really need to shut it

down. For real.

You know what, Joan?

At least you can shut it down knowing you made every sacrifice you could.

Yeah, but did I make every sacrifice that I could?

Well, I know your pride's gone because, bitch, you're riding a bike.

God, you guys, I can't believe this is happening.

John, I'm so sorry.

I really didn't think this place was going to make it.

I know. I mean, you had all the right ideas.

I don't know, girl. Maybe it was just bad timing.

Well, maybe if I just hold out for a little bit longer.

Boo.

Yeah, that speech wasn't to talk you off the ledge. We're the ones up there

pushing you.

But what if it is about timing?

I mean, I just need to make it through the holidays.

Everybody eats and drinks for the holidays, right?

And then by New Year's, I'll have turned this place around. I mean, I just need

enough cash to get me to there.

But, Joan, you just said you're running out of money.

So I'll... I'll sell my house. What?

Come on, Maya, it's like chapter nine of your book, right?

You can't swim if you're concerned about your perm.

See, when you're faced with a challenge, you have to sacrifice.

You're either going to swim or you're going to worry about your perm. But you

can't do both.

You can't do both.

See, the issue with the restaurant is a money problem.

My house is worth a lot of money. So I sell my house, I fix my money problem.

I saved my restaurant.

If the restaurant doesn't turn around, you're not going to have a restaurant or

a house.

I'm willing to take that risk.

Wow.

Okay, so this is where you guys are supposed to step in and say, you go,

Yeah, sell your house, save the restaurant!

Oh, yeah, that's right, girl, you know.

It's all you.

Joan's selling her house?

I thought she loved her house. Girl, she's trying to hang on to her

That place is still in business?

Well, it all depends on how you define business.

As an ongoing money -making enterprise?

I think Joan's working with a different definition.

Well, what are you guys going to do to help her?

Well, it all depends on how you define help.

To aid and assist?

I think we're working with a different definition.

Yeah, I thought you guys were tight.

Like the Crips.

No, we're tight, like a grip.

I mean, not that the Crips ain't tight. No, but we all ate magic.

I'm just saying I think you guys should be there for her.

Well, what do you want me to do?

I have, like, $5 to my name.

Well, every little bit helps. You know, like when you go into a store and you

put the pennies in the little muscular dystrophy can?

Oh, you're supposed to put the money in the can?

Well, there goes my $5.

I'm sure you can figure out something.

Well, don't look at me.

She's the one who wrote a book about sacrificing your perm and common sense.

Excuse me. At least I gave her something. What did you give her?

Me?

Joan needs someone to take care of. I give her that.

Look, she wants to hold on to her restaurant, okay? So Jennifer's right.

are we going to do to help her?

Well, there's more than one muscular dystrophy can in town.

Believe that.

It has all copper plumbing, original crown molding, and the roof was replaced

just three years ago.

Fine. Fine.

Fine, just go.

I did not swiffer these floors every day to have you cover them with carpet!

Excuse me.

Joan, I told you you're not supposed to be here.

Leave! Go to the movies, Starbucks, therapy, something.

I don't know.

I don't want just... anybody living in my house.

Joan, don't worry.

Once they're living here, it won't be your house.

Uh -uh, turn it back, frickin' frack.

I can't have you ragamuffins down killing the clientele. We're here to

Joan, you opportunist. I'm not an opportunist, Maya.

I'm a real estate broker.

Keeping it real and trying to keep her from going broker.

Joan, you don't have to sell your house.

Yes, I do.

My first doorway.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

Now stay with me. You're always getting sidetracked.

John, you don't have to sell your house

because... Here.

That's not much. Girl, you know it ain't interest -free.

But...

It will keep your restaurant open through the holidays. Right.

And I'm sure Tony's going to pitch in a little something, too.

Why are you up in my pocket?

Oh, my God.

Where did you guys get all of this money? It was the advance on my next

And I found a buyer for Blue Octagon and Red Triangle.

Lynn, you love those paintings.

And, Maya, there are a million things that you could do with this money. I

girl, but you... Don't you believe in this restaurant, and we believe in you,

and you'll be able to pay us back in a couple of months.

J -Spot's gonna be a big hit.

You guys, I can't just throw your money away.

Keeping the J -Spot open through the holidays is not gonna change anything.

I need to close the restaurant.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

Hey,

who knew

the hypnotic could make men's tennis so much fun?

Protect the buzz.

Fun killer is into his house.

Hey, Joan.

Look. No, William. Before you start getting upset.

William, it's fine.

You can have your friends over, okay?

It doesn't matter anymore.

Really? Why?

I'm going to close the restaurant.

No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Joan. Look, we're finally making some

money here.

How? Well, look around you.

I don't have this many friends.

Once I saw how much fun everybody was having coming to these sports things,

well, I had some people call some people.

They called some people, and they called some people.

We've got almost $2 ,000 here.

Imagine how much money we could make if we actually advertised.

William, we tried advertising.

Yeah, some upscale tapas cantina with a color palette of old Madrid.

We've never tried advertising at a sports bar with a color palette of

Sports bar?

William, that is not what I had in mind when I opened the J spot.

Yeah, but it certainly beats being broke when you close it.

Look, everybody here has been telling me how perfect this place is. Hey, guys,

what do you think of this place?

This place is hot!

Oh, yes, it is!

Show you right!

I put a little too much on that one, didn't I?

Come on, Joan, get on board.

A sports bar, William.

Yes, trust me, it doesn't have to change that much.

So,

what do you think?

I think I just stepped in. the middle of a cheap, twisted, and juvenile male

fantasy. Ah, good.

You get it.

This is tacky and tasteful.

And making a profit.

Isn't capitalism great?

Hey, can I get some more potato skins over here?

Okay, they're not potato skins.

They're patatas bravas.

You call them whatever you want, as long as they're still free after five.

You know what, William?

This is... This is not a happy hour kind of thing. Oh, it will be once the wet t

-shirt contest starts.

William, I opened a restaurant that had a soul, that had a mission to bring

sophisticated adults together in a compelling atmosphere over fine wine

innovative cuisine.

Sorry, Joan, but like the rest of your customers, I drifted off.

You know what, William?

You always wanted the J spot.

To be a sports bar.

So now you got it. Come on, Joan. I'm not trying to take this away from you.

I'm just trying to come up with an idea that works. It doesn't work for me,

William.

You know what?

I'll find over my half of the restaurant.

It's all yours. Oh, snap!

Single toe loose!

I hear about you selling William your half of the restaurant?

It's a done deal, Tony. I don't want to talk about it. I'm happy about my

decision. The hell?

You went swiffering on a dust mop day.

I said I don't want to talk about it. Good.

Then listen.

See, I always knew that you were desperate and lonely and asking way too

from life.

But I never thought you were stupid.

How could you give up your restaurant to William now that it's finally making

money?

Tony, this is not about money, okay? This is about me following my vision and

not somebody else's.

I went to law school because I thought it's what everybody else wanted from me.

When I left the firm, I could have done anything, Tony, but I chose to open that

restaurant. And I poured my entire soul into it. And when people rejected it, it

felt like they were rejecting me.

The same way I've been rejected by men.

I'm just tired. Tired of not being wanted.

Believe me, I'm tired of hearing it.

So, the restaurant's not the fantasy. Okay.

Stop being a baby and get over it.

I'm not being a baby. And why are you being so mean? I want to slap you, but

trying to use my words.

Joan.

Now, look, sweetie.

The past few months, you've complained about... how much you wanted to make the

J spot a hit, and now that it might be, you're giving up.

Because it's not my restaurant anymore.

Sure it is. You picked the location, the decor, the food. Hell, all William did

was add a couple TVs.

But, Tony, I wanted it to be someplace classy.

Then make it a classy sports bar.

Work with what's working.

But I... Look, you can hem and haw all you want, but there ain't nothing classy

about broke.

Well, who orders a thousand boxes of light bulbs? Obviously, it was a

I don't have enough sockets.

What am I, the Staples Center?

No, I do not want to order Staples. Hello?

Hello? Hello?

William? Joan?

Where are you?

I don't know.

Oh, God, there you are.

I hope you left a trail of breadcrumbs.

What? Oh, hell, we're going to die in here.

What is going on?

I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Look, I know you don't want to own a sports bar, but I'm feeling a little

in here.

Would you help a buddy out and manage one until I can find somebody else? Now,

why would I manage something that I already own?

What?

That's right, buddy.

I'm back, and I'm better than ever.

Oh, maybe you should save that moxie for your next restaurant, because this is

all me.

Somebody wants back in.

They need to ask you, brother.

Okay, William.

Can I please have my half of the restaurant back?

Oh, thank God.

Can you start out in the kitchen?

There's six crates of old bananas back there, and the flies won't let me near

them.

William, how could you order all of this stuff?

I don't know. I think I had a mini stroke. Just get back to work and fix

Look.

Really sorry that I acted like such a baby about everything.

Oh, Joan, I don't care if this is a tapas bar or a sports bar or a Roseanne

I got into this business because you're my friend.

Oh, William.

Thank you. I mean, I have to accept that I didn't do all of this alone.

This is our baby.

Sometimes the baby looks like it's mommy.

Sometimes the baby looks like it's daddy. And sometimes it looks like both.

Oh.

I'm your restaurant baby daddy.

Yes, you are.

You guys are the best three

friends a girl could have.

I mean, you were there for me when I really needed you. And Tony, you gave me

the wake -up call that I needed. And I gave up my commission, so don't gloss

over that.

That doesn't go unnoticed. And...

Oh, God, Lynn, I am so glad that you got your paintings back, but the fact that

you would sell them to help me is... It's overwhelming.

Oh, God, and Maya.

Maya, oh, you've got a family and a child.

And the fact that you would offer me your hard -earned cash, it's just... Oh,

God.

Guys, I'm getting messy.

I just... This is a token of my appreciation.

It's really... It's not much.

Girl, please do not downplay it. These are some big boxes.

Just so we're clear, we're still getting Christmas presents, right?

Lynn!

Are we? Because we made a pact. I'll wait the budget for Christmas.

No, ladies.

Christmas is intact.

This is just something to say, you light up my life.

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