Original subtitles

It's only going to be a couple of hours, Darnell.

Hey, you know, I'm in the car. My foot's on the gas. I'm going.

Yeah, but I want you to be happy about it. Oh, then you want too much.

You know what? You might like my friends, Darnell.

I mean, come on, you don't really know them.

Joan is the quirky, neurotic, terminally single one. Tony is a self -centered

narcissist, social climber. Lynn, she's a free -loving, free -spirited, forever

mooching, friend with a heart of gold.

Should I keep going?

All I'm saying is every time I ask you to do something with my friends, it's a

problem. And when I ask you to do something with Peanut and them, it ain't

problem? Oh, you know that's different. Peanut and them get on my damn nerves.

But you know, I don't like being around peanut.

They're the past.

Y 'all went together for two days in kindergarten.

It's just not something to me.

Fine, I'm going.

And see, I'm happy about it. Thank you.

But if she brings out the Jenga, I'm bouncing.

Speaking of Dash, I'm out. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You promise me.

Look, I know I said for better or worse, but damn.

Donald, come on. Can't you just do this for me?

Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a problem. We need to talk because we can

put these games away.

It's nothing. Just forget it.

Just play the game.

No, no, no. Uh -uh.

I couldn't forgive myself if we were playing games while my good friends Maya

and Jaboom Boom

playing games as much as the next guy, but the next guy hates playing games. So

let's just put this mess away.

So what is the latest chapter in the Maya and Darnell saga?

Wait, we just got shown to put all the games away. Do we really have to talk

about this?

Yes, Tony, because they are our friends. No, y 'all are my friends.

Darnell doesn't even want to be here.

Because that's how women are.

Ah, hell.

That's right.

Oprah's got them all brainwashed. Every day at 3 o 'clock, they come out, air

their dirty drawers, and then they cry with the whole world about it.

How do you know Oprah's on at 3 o 'clock?

Well, you see, there's a show on before that.

Because to defeat the enemy, you must study the enemy. Yes, the enemy.

All heifer kind.

Okay, so now we're the enemy.

I bet we're not the enemy when we're raising your kids. I bet we're not the

enemy when we're cooking your dinner. I bet we're not the enemy when we're

hooking you up a little something something.

Here we go.

Why do women always use sex to get their way?

Because it works.

Well, not anymore!

Who am I kidding?

Okay, well...

that you guys are afraid of watching Oprah and talking? It's because you're

afraid of your emotions.

We're afraid of your emotions.

Y 'all get so caught up in emotion that you lose your damn mind. Oh, hell no!

I mean, not really.

And thanks to my overly emotional wife, I do believe we're on the board.

Boys won, girls won.

Well, you know what? Tonight is going to be girl, none.

See? There you go.

Women always use sex as a weapon.

Listen, ladies.

Okay, we need to cut the men some slack because they're working with a handicap.

Look, we all know that men under 40 are emotionally immature, which means that

emotionally mature women like myself are forced to date outside of their age

bracket. Girl, please.

That gives me... You're dating us outside Miss Jane Pittman's age bracket.

We're on the same team. No, see, I hit you first, so they couldn't get the

point. Okay, um, I'm gonna go and check on Morgan, but I'll be right back,

ladies. Keep your head in the game.

Don't hide behind age bracket.

If you want a good man, you might try dating outside of your zip code.

Oh, here we go.

Singing the Blue Collar Brother blues.

And what's wrong with them Blue Collar Brothers?

Yeah, Joan.

What's wrong with him?

Joan, let me feel that one.

Don't apologize.

First of all, a girl can only eat so many value meals before they lose their

value. Okay.

And you guys know, ain't nothing wrong with wanting a man with his name on a

business card instead of his shirt.

At least my name's on her marriage certificate.

What's that, Morgan?

Where's your daddy?

Oh, nothing but net.

See, I was just playing.

That's why I hate game night.

Look, I didn't get to finish my point, okay? I would be happy to date a blue

-collar man if I met one. But I haven't met one, so I can't date one.

It ain't my fault. Oh, yes, it is.

You need to try driving south of the tent sometime.

Through those neighborhoods.

where convenient check cashing abounds.

You know, look, I can sum up this whole man -woman crisis of communication.

What?

Why are y 'all looking at me?

That's the best shit you can come up with.

Right? Coming out all lame wrong.

Okay.

Okay, Maya Denise.

You were right.

I had a good time.

Thank you.

use sex as a weapon.

Boy, I am armed and dangerous.

Get out there. Oh, good, thank you.

Let me just do one little thing.

What's going on, Maya?

You remember how you...

Said you wanted Darnell to fix you up with one of his friends.

Uh, no.

What?

You said you'd date a blue -collar guy if you ever met one.

Uh, no.

Well, trust, you said it. Yes.

So, Darnell has set you up on a date because you said you were open to

someone south of the 10.

Well, actually, he's south of the 17.

Well, the 91.

Joan, not every man can work a prince and girl.

No. Absolutely not. No. Joan, come on, please.

Darnell doing this represents real growth in our marriage.

It's only one day.

Do it for me.

Fine.

Where do I have to meet this guy? Here.

When? Now.

What? Open.

Jump.

Computers, huh?

Yeah.

So, what do you do exactly?

Well, you know, as a computer guy, I mostly... work

on computers.

Right, right.

Makes sense.

So, Joan, you run a restaurant, huh?

Yeah.

What does that entail exactly?

Well, as a restaurateur, I... mostly

work with the restaurant.

Right, right. Makes sense, makes sense.

So, how do you know Darnell?

High school.

Okay, wow.

You know, I went to high school.

Wild and crazy times.

High school.

Yeah. For me, indeed, too. We were some wild boys.

Really? Really?

I could tell you some stories.

I

really

wish you would.

Shit.

Maya don't even know the half. I mean, she wasn't even on Dee's first team.

For real?

Shut up.

What's a first team?

You know, like it's A squad.

For real? What? Shut up.

What's an A squad?

He parted like it was 1999, but it was 2003.

That sounds wildly crazy.

It was, but not as crazy as the time that... Nah,

nah, I can't. What am I doing? What am I doing? That's my boy, you know? I can't

do that unless, uh... Unless, of course...

This connection that I think I'm feeling is really being felt.

I'm feeling it.

I'm felt up.

So what you're saying is I can trust you?

Yes, implicitly.

But you can't tell nobody.

Who am I going to tell?

I've got some info about Darnell, but you have to promise not to tell. I don't

care.

Okay, Maya, I'm only telling you this because I believe as women we need to

ourselves with information.

But this isn't for you to go back and tell Darnell, okay?

So I need you to promise me.

If you tell me not to tell him, why would I tell him? What the hell were you

thinking, Darnell, sleeping with some nasty -ass stripper the night before you

got back with me?

stripper. Where'd you get... It doesn't matter where I got it. It doesn't

matter. Just admit it. I ain't admitting nothing because I didn't do nothing.

And you know what? Tell Ricky's punk ass that I said what's up.

This ain't about Ricky.

I know. What happened? I know the night before you were supposed to marry Lena,

nasty ass strippers were at your bachelor party.

Chablis, champagne, sardine, and soup.

So?

Maybe nothing happened. Oh, no. Something happened.

At 11 .14, you went into the back room with Chardonnay.

And you didn't even come out until 11 .53.

Well, since you seem to know everything, I guess we got enough to talk about

then.

I ain't playing with you.

Maya, I'm not having this discussion with you anymore.

I need to know what kind of man I'm with.

Because if you slept with someone the night before your wedding, then... Then

what?

Then that speaks volumes about your character. What does it say about your

character that you don't even trust your own husband?

Oh, that's cute.

That's real cute how you try to flip it.

We were together 12 hours after your bachelor party.

And? And did you wash your ass?

I think it was sad.

All right, I looked at your car.

Great. So that can be buffed out, right?

Oh, I'm going to need a whole new fender.

A whole back end?

Well, you know what? Don't even worry about it, man.

I'm going to hook you up because you're my boy.

I'm your boy?

You're my boy, too. Let me get you something to eat.

Aren't you guys closed?

No, this is the lunch rush.

Hey, speak me of disasters.

I heard about what happened with you and Maya.

I think it's pretty messed up what Ricky did.

Thanks, dog.

What? I'm your dog.

And you're my dog, too.

It ain't that deep, bro.

Sure thing, bro.

All I'm saying is that there's a code.

What happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party. Exactly.

So what happened at the bachelor party?

Nothing happened.

Oh, come on. You can tell me.

I'm no Ricky.

I didn't do anything.

And if Maya doesn't believe me, that's her problem. I'm through talking about

it.

Oh, you can't stop talking to her, man. She's your wife.

You gotta keep working at it. That's what marriage is all about.

Yeah, but it's the principle of it.

You want your principles or you want your marriage?

Yeah, but principles don't question your character.

That's true.

Principles won't break you off a little something -something, though, yeah.

I got the stripper's number right here.

I can just call her.

You talking out big and bad, then call her.

I'm about to.

Then what do you need me for?

Because you don't want to know.

I want to know.

Look, girl, I got about five minutes before I have to get home and

so let me be deep and quick.

If you don't trust your husband, then why did you marry him again?

Oh, hell, I'm leaking. Just make the right decision. I gotta go, bye.

Oh, dear God.

Excuse me.

Can I just get the check?

Good thing you eat here all the time.

Makes it easy to find you.

Turn around.

Maya.

What are we doing?

We're not doing anything.

Anymore.

Okay, listen.

Baby, I am so sorry. I tripped out on you. No, I... I trumped you. You gotta

know that I didn't... I know. You don't have to explain.

You don't have to explain anything to me anymore.

I want you to know what happened that night.

Because when I was in that room, from whenever to whenever, all I was doing

talking about you.

Baby, I'm tired of fighting.

Okay, I'm tired of living across the courtyard.

I'm tired of pretending that you're just my girlfriend.

So, let's just stop this dating game and get on with our marriage, our life.

How did I get so lucky?

Oh,

hell

no! Ricky's been cut.

Oh, so there's an opening.

What? You know, I'm peanutting them.

What?

Look, I bought my resume, my checkbook.

And a pair of clean underwear in case there's hazing.

William, we're not a brat. There's no do. We're just friends.

Oh.

Okay, yes.

There's an opening.

Yeah? But there's a two hot dog, two beer initiation fee. And?

And some nachos.

And you have to bring them back wearing only those clean eyes.

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