Original subtitles

Oh, Kenneth, that was amazing.

Baby, Papa's just getting started. Oh, remember how I'm not referring to

yourself as Papa Pat?

Old habits die hard.

Oh, they're not the only thing.

Yay, Viagra.

Oh,

I'm sorry.

It's probably not something you like to shout from the headboards, huh?

I don't shout it because I don't use it.

Really?

So, that's all you?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I was up late last night with Kenneth.

Doing what? Sitting around listening to him reminisce about the day he

discovered fire?

If you must know, we had sex and... You killed him.

You're so funny.

I'll have you know that we had sex all night long.

All night long?

Damn, girl, what's he on, a Viagra drip?

I mean, if he's not on something, what does that say about me?

Um, that your vagina's 90?

Hey, y 'all.

Oh, I've got this little girl.

Hey, little Morgan.

Oh, my God, Tony, she's getting so big.

Hi, little girl.

Hi, little pumpkin.

Come down to jump.

a temporary custody here and looking all broke down.

Tony, are you sure you don't want us to come to the hearing with you?

No, please. I'm just going to go down there, win real quick, and buy me some

victory shoes.

If y 'all want to support somebody, please support Todd.

He's been peeing in his little elf pants trying to find ways to beat me.

Y 'all get this.

He paid off all his debt, moved his little ass back from New York, bought

house in Tarzana with a big yard and a swing set. Ain't that some mess? Oh,

him for trying to be a good daddy.

So you feel me.

Tony, it just sounds like he's trying to make a good case.

Well, that elf in magic ain't gonna work.

Because you said it, Joan.

Ain't no judge gonna take away a baby from a breastfeeding mother, no, no.

You know, Tony, just to be safe, you should get all your ducks in a row.

Oh, I got my ducks right here.

Donald and Daffy.

It's still why Todd was trying to take that baby away from Tony. But, you know,

I have to say, she's really turned out to be a pretty good mother.

I know.

Now I feel kind of bad that I have to be a witness for Todd.

What? That was months ago.

I should probably call and cancel, huh?

Hey,

William.

Oh, hello.

Who are you hiding behind you, William?

This is Jasmine. We're dating.

Jasmine, this is Maya, and this is Lynn.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Well, let's grab that table.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Now, William.

Oh, we're still conversating. Hmm.

So, Jasmine, where did you and William meet?

We met at the Getty.

The Getty?

He came in for the pleated khakis until I showed him how cutie looked in the

flat front.

Oh, flat front.

When did you start shopping at the Gap?

Oh, we get lots of older men at the Gap.

That's why it was so refreshing when I showed up.

Excuse me, do you know where little girls are met?

Yes, right back there. Okay, thanks.

All right, before anybody says anything, she's 21.

In five months.

You know what, William? That is your business, honestly.

You know, Lynn and I are just here having some lunch. That's right.

As a matter of fact, I think I'll have the jailbait.

Sounds good, because I was thinking about ordering the midlife crisis.

You all should try the jealous old hags.

It's fresh today.

Who was it fresh 15 years ago?

Okay, fine, William.

What are you doing? You were supposed to be looking for your soulmate.

I am.

And who's to say she's not?

Or should I rule her out just because she's a few years younger than me?

Boo! She's a few years younger than Jabari.

Joke all you want. She's got a certain joy for life that's obviously been

out of you two bitter old bad lads.

You all have some sort of heifer hotline?

Hey, don't get mad at me because the streetlights came on and her mother made

her come home.

Hey, so are we ready to bring our A -game Friday?

For what?

My custody here in full. Didn't you get my email?

Well, didn't you get mine?

Tony, I'm a corporate lawyer.

Practicing family law would be inappropriate.

You're dating a 12 -year -old.

Appropriate isn't exactly a strong suit.

You know, you talk a lot of smack for a woman who's losing Isaiah.

That was low, William.

But you're right.

So get me a list of cutthroat attorneys who can help me. Tony, I'm not going to

give you one.

Because trust me, Tony, you don't want to take this to court.

It gets ugly.

People get in that courtroom, they turn on each other because the fight's more

important than the issue.

But Todd's a good person.

You're a person.

Tony, you both love Morgan.

Negotiate from there.

Don't let some judge who doesn't know anything about your family make

for your family.

You know, you give pretty good advice.

Well, thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got three episodes of Real World to watch before

date tonight.

bathroom. Last time, Joan. It's front to back, not back to front.

No. I'm looking for his Viagra.

I thought you said he wasn't on it.

Yeah, but I just have to be sure.

I mean, none of these bottles say Viagra, so it's got to be under some

name. I need you to tell me what these medicines are for.

Me? How am I supposed to know?

Well, I mean, weren't you a pharmacist in Guatemala?

No, I was in jail in Guatemala.

I was a pharmacist in Nicaragua.

Well, that's good enough, Lynn.

All right, um...

What's hexadrol?

Easy. Asthma.

Okay. Okay.

What's Elavil?

Hepatitis. What?

No, no, no. Relax.

That's herpes.

Wait. No, no, no. I'm tripping. I'm tripping. It's hepatitis.

No. Okay.

Hold on. I can't hear. There's a bunch of people talking. All right. Now, what

did you say it was called?

Elavil.

Oh, no. That's for headaches.

Sorry. My bad.

Lynn, can you please concentrate?

Okay, um, what's nitro -cot?

If he's on nitro -cot, that means he has a heart problem.

And if he has a heart problem, he's on Viagra. That can be deadly.

Did you guys just have sex?

Uh, yeah.

Well, then get back in there. You could be as stiff as a board.

Not in a good way.

Okay. Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, so... Do you want some judge who doesn't know our family making decisions

about Morgan?

I'd like to think we could work it out.

Then I think we can.

I mean, Maya Darnell worked it out with Jakarta.

Tony, his name is Jabari.

That's what I said.

No, you didn't. Look, we're not here to talk about Jamal and it.

We're here to talk about Morgan and if we can work this out together.

Ideally, but I'm still worried.

You shouldn't be. You know things are better now.

Better may not be good enough.

What does that mean?

Tony, she had a scratch on her face the other day.

And? And you didn't tell me about it.

And? And why didn't you tell me about it? It's a scratch, Todd.

Babies get scratches.

Just look more serious than that.

Oh. Oh, so I'm a child abuser now?

That's not what I'm saying. That's exactly what you're saying.

You know what?

You're sick and you're twisted.

protected from you.

I knew this was a bad idea.

We'll just let the lawyers handle it.

Yeah, we will. Y 'all ready to order? The soup is split pea and you should

we're out of the ribs.

Everybody seems to want the baby back.

All rise.

The Honorable Voshti Jackson presiding.

I'm a little nervous.

You?

This is my first time in court.

What now?

Okay.

Let's see what we've got here today.

Oh, my favorite.

Parents fighting over a helpless infant.

Let's begin.

Got a golf game this afternoon.

Good morning, Your Honor. Doreen Resnick appearing on behalf of Petitioner Dr.

Todd Garrett.

It's your turn.

Hi.

I'm Eric.

Eric Stone.

Appearing on behalf of respondent Antoinette Garrett.

But everybody calls me Tony.

As in Morrison, my beloved sister.

I don't like my sister.

So you might not want to go there.

Oh, okay.

I see here that the parties are preparing to go to trial on the issue of

at a later date.

Until such time, the father is asking that he be made primary caretaker.

Counselor? Your Honor, we are not here to assassinate Mrs. Garrett's character,

but she is self -centered, irresponsible, and a danger to the

That ain't me. Y 'all are tripping.

Mrs. Stone, control your client.

Uh, Tony, you don't object.

I object.

Then do it.

I object.

To what?

I have no idea.

Mrs. Resnick, what are you basing these allegations on? During the crucial first

week of the baby's life, Mrs. Garrett wore earplugs so the baby's crying

wouldn't wake her, pawned her off on a nanny, missed the first doctor's

appointment, and locked the child inside the apartment alone.

Objection. Your Honor, counsel has failed to provide any evidence of these

heinous allegations in discovery.

Mistrial.

Your Honor, they were clearly marked as exhibits A through L in the pleading.

Oh. Oh.

A through L. Yeah, I got them.

Guess I can't say the dog ate them.

Your Honor, we'd like marked as exhibit A a sworn declaration from Jesus

Mendoza, the maintenance man who unlocked the door.

Here's the gotcha.

There's no Jesus in my building.

Jesus is the only maintenance man in my life.

Who are you shushing? I'm paying you. You shut the hell up.

Mrs. Stone.

I'm trying.

But she's kind of belligerent.

Which brings us to our next argument. Mrs. Garrett has become increasingly

erratic and apparently belligerent.

Objection. That's hearsay.

But you just said it. But it's still.

Hi,

Joe.

Hi, Kenneth.

What are you doing here?

I'm surprising you. I cleared my afternoon.

Oh. Well, you should fill it back up, because I'm swamped.

I'm in the middle of the 342 lunch rush.

Joe.

Are you avoiding me?

No, that's crazy.

I think it's been established that I wasn't born yesterday.

True, but you're still good to die tomorrow.

Excuse me?

What did you say?

I know about your heart problem.

I saw the nitric hot.

You snooped in my medicine cabinet?

No, it was open.

And when I went to close it, I saw the bottle.

And all the other ones. On top of, next to, and behind them.

Okay. Though I snooped.

But, Kenneth, the point is, if you have a heart condition and you're taking

Viagra, you could die.

And I don't want that to happen, especially not when you're next to, on

or behind me.

You still believe I'm taking Viagra, even though I told you I'm not?

So then what the hell is that down there?

Control, baby.

We'd like these marked exhibits S through double G.

Your Honor, it's clear Dr.

Garrett can provide a more stable home environment. Accordingly, we ask that

Garrett's request be granted. Thank you.

Your dance counsel.

Um... Say something.

Okay.

Um...

Okay.

The baby should stay with Mrs. Garrett because she's... Breastfeeding fool.

Right. A breastfeeding fool.

And that's super important.

Objection. We have proof that Mrs. Garrett has started supplementing. I've

receipt from Costco I'd like marked as exhibit double A.

Therefore, respondents claim that she alone can care for the baby is

unsupported.

Can't argue with that.

Yes, you can.

You can say I'm supplementing because my pediatrician told me to.

Morgan wasn't gaining enough weight just on breast milk.

Um, did everybody hear that? Because that's a lot to repeat.

Your Honor, can I say something?

At this point, it couldn't hurt.

Okay.

Your Honor.

I'm not going to lie.

I didn't exactly take off running with this whole motherhood thing, but I am a

good mother, and I'm trying.

I'm trying with all of my heart, and my daughter's doing great. I can bring in

her medical records.

I can bring in a doctor if you want, and you'll see that she's healthy and

happy.

And part of that is because of me.

Her life is stable, Your Honor.

Isn't that what's important?

Please don't change that.

Not right now.

That's a very nice speech.

But speeches don't raise children.

Sit down, honey.

My job is to act in the best interest of the child.

Mrs. Garrett has made more than a few mistakes.

And I can see why you, Dr. Garrett, are concerned.

I would be, too.

However...

If I had a dollar for every mistake made by a new mother, including me.

Accordingly, Dr.

Garrett's request to be named primary caretaker is denied.

Margin shall remain with Mrs. Garrett.

with liberal visitation by Dr.

Garrett until such time as the court awards permanent custody.

Thank you, Your Honor.

However, Mrs. Garrett, while I understand mistakes made in the first

I may not be so understanding if they continue.

Are we clear?

Crystal, Your Honor.

This hearing is adjourned.

We know you have many options in your legal system.

Thank you for choosing Los Angeles County Court.

I won.

I won.

You're fired.

Still counts.

Who did you make me out to be today?

Those are just the facts, Tony.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, here's another fact.

You don't know who you're messing with.

And you ain't never gonna get Morgan. You see, I may have been unprepared

but next time I won't be.

I'll have my own backstabbing evidence, starting with exhibits F and U. Trust.

Cole.

How's Cocoon?

How's Lolita?

We are starving.

We're... Famished.

You know, we've been going for three hours.

All day, baby.

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