Original subtitles

Previously on Girlfriends.

And by the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, as jumpsuit did I wear,

now pronounce you man and wife again.

Forget the reason.

I want him to keep his room. And I want us to end this conversation so that we

can enjoy our honeymoon.

Tony. Todd and I are getting a divorce for real this time. Damn it, Tony. I am

not getting divorced.

Well, I am.

So you better think about what you're going to say when my lawyer calls.

I have never had this problem before.

And it's been a while, so you have to expect some shrinkage.

All right, here's the skinny.

Joan's a new couch girl.

Oh, no, those are the worst. I know.

I thought she was going to be the one, man.

Don't!

Guys? I'd like to introduce you to my fiancé.

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

You

know

what, Darnell? I really don't feel like watching porn.

If we can't get it on without watching someone else get it on, Darnell, maybe

just shouldn't be getting it on.

Are you going to talk through the whole thing?

I don't see why we can't look at houses in Larchmont.

Baby, they got a lot of trees.

They got good schools.

Oh, and Jabari is keeping his room.

What the hell?

Look, his ass is moving to the couch.

And why you got to come out the bathroom with all this drama?

We're supposed to be here enjoying our honeymoon.

My idea of a honeymoon is not doing what Darnell wants to do.

Well, what does Maya want to do?

Maya wants to buy a house in large amount and let Jabari keep his room.

Well, since then, what else does Maya want to do?

Let's sit here and look at you.

What's the matter with you?

Do you not know an SOS when you hear one?

What? I introduced you to my lesbian fiancé. Did that not set off any alarms,

bells, whistles?

With you?

Frankly, no.

But you know I'm not a lesbian.

Actually, Lynn, I really don't know what you are.

I'm not a lesbian.

But you've been with women.

I've been with vegetables. That doesn't make me a salad.

Being a lesbian is an emotional and spiritual connection.

I mean, sure, if I saw Jennifer in a bar and I thought she was hot, I'd probably

do her.

But marry her? That's crazy!

Okay, Lyndon, why are you marrying her?

Well, see, what had happened was... I was up in Runyon Canyon tripping on my

breakup with Finn, and I ran into Jennifer.

She's one of those people who had given up her life to take care of her

emotionally abusive mother. And when all had passed, she found herself alone,

lost, with no sense of purpose in her life. So she was gonna kill herself.

I had no choice. I had to propose to her to keep her alive.

Um...

Lynn, that's insane.

Exactly. Why didn't you just scream stop the madness when I trotted her up to

that hospital room?

I'm sorry, Lynn. I didn't know about the whole suicidal lesbian backstory.

Okay, you can stand here with your freshly baked cookies and equivocate, or

can give me one and help me.

Okay, here.

What do you want me to say?

First thing you should say is, these cookies are hot!

Secondly, say, Lynn, you cannot marry some stranger to keep her alive. It's

your responsibility.

What you need to do is get her some professional help and get the hell away

crazy.

Okay.

Lynn, you cannot just blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, get the hell away from

crazy. Oh, thank you, John.

Thank you for giving me some clarity.

You know, I'm going to go over there, and I'm going to end it with the

But, you know, maybe I should send Jennifer over here.

I think you two would hit it off.

The whole Ooch Ashley would not be a problem with her. What?

William!

I think it's a disturbance in the force.

Come on, Morgan.

She fell asleep again.

Why can't I do this?

Maybe your milk's not in yet.

Well, they're filled with something. I'm looking all swole up like my mama.

God, she's gonna starve.

Something's wrong with me.

It's gonna be okay.

Just take a minute. Relax.

Yeah, there you go. Okay.

What

am I doing?

What?

We can't get a divorce.

What? Maybe I was just scared.

Or maybe it's that postpartum thingy like you said.

Or maybe I'm angry that you weren't here for the birth. Or maybe it's some weird

delayed reaction to the fact that you're short. I don't know.

So now you think we should stay together.

How can we possibly think about a divorce when we have a baby to raise?

That's what I was saying.

I guess it just finally sank in.

Although it's funny.

I've been sitting here thinking how much I admire you for your honesty and for

your courage.

We don't belong together.

And maybe the reason I didn't rush back from New York after we reconciled is

because I was trying to avoid the truth.

Maybe it doesn't matter.

Todd, you're home now.

We can fix what's wrong. We could go to therapy.

We can go to church. We could even go to your little temple.

We just have to try.

Come on, Tony. Is this what you really want to do now?

Is it what you want? I asked you first. I asked you second.

Tony, this is a prime example of how we don't communicate.

If we want to stay together, we have to learn how to talk to each other.

Fine. Now that we're back together, we'll start communicating.

Now that I've fixed us, let me call Mom and tell her why Morgan's not named

after her.

Wait, Tony, we still need to talk. Oh, I know, I know.

I'll tell her that you thought the name Veretta sounded too black.

He hasn't changed.

He hasn't.

Got to be his way. Got to have the final word. Oh, he's the final word, brother?

I love him. I do. But I'm not going to just roll over and play wifey. Oh, he's

going to play wifey, brother.

You know what the problem is?

The problem is I married him when I was a teenager and he still treats me like

one. Like I don't have an opinion or my own feelings. Like I haven't grown or

accomplished anything.

I mean, I'm a published author at a book.

But that didn't mean nothing to Darnell, you know, because Darnell knows best.

Darnell's got to be the man, got to be the boss. Darnell's in charge. I mean,

it's all about Darnell, Darnell, Darnell, Darnell.

Maya. Darnell.

What are you doing?

Nothing. No, no, no, no. You're doing something.

Just talking.

Really?

You hard -hearing dog. Is that why she all up on you?

It ain't like that, okay? I know she's married.

That don't mean nothing to her. Stop it.

Maya. I didn't get back in this marriage so you could cheat on me. Darnell, I

was just talking to him. Well, you're supposed to be talking to me.

Oh, you can't talk to you, okay?

Because you don't talk. You just tell me.

No, no, I am not 16 anymore, all right? I'm not going to follow your every word

like it's gospel.

All this because I want to move Jabari to the couch?

No. Darnell, this is about you thinking you control everything.

So now that you're all grown, I'm supposed to shut the hell up.

Right? Is that the type of man that you want now?

Fine. Whatever you want, dear.

That's not what I meant, Arnell. Whatever, dear. Stop it!

Whatever, dear.

We should have never come here.

Whatever, dear.

And

she

says what?

You know I have an epileptic cat.

William, what the hell are you doing here?

Oh, please tell me he's your friend. I found him lurking in the bushes and I

just invited him in. I hope I didn't let in a crazy person.

Yeah, you let in a crazy person.

William, you need to go home.

Oh, I'm just welcome wagging in your fiancé and your little family.

Making her feel comfortable since she'll be seeing much more of me.

I hope to be seeing more of her.

William, get out.

Call me if you need anything.

I can reach things on high shelves.

Your friend is so nice.

He's very excited about our wedding. Is he gay?

About as gay as I am.

Okay, Jennifer, about the wedding.

We need to talk.

See, up on that hill, I was in a bad place. Oh, my God, you're leaving me.

like my mother did.

Jennifer, you think I'm worthless, too.

Okay, listen. No, no, no, no. I get it. I get it. You don't want me.

Okay, so you know what? I'm going to take a bath.

Can I borrow your toaster?

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You didn't let me finish.

What I was trying to say is up there I was in a bad place and you were in a bad

place, but now we're here together in a good place.

And you know what? I know an even better place.

Hawaii.

Let's just get married in Maui.

I've always wanted to go to Hawaii.

My mother wouldn't let me.

Well, then Hawaii it is.

Mahalo, my lover.

William.

How could you?

Look, I just made a few inquiries to see how much we could get if we liquidated

the complaint.

What?

Nothing. What are you talking about?

How could you tell Lynn about our most private moment?

I was just so giddy about Lynn being a lesbian, I was practically speaking in

tongues. Yeah, well, now the whole world is going to know me as the O 'Jack

girl. I said I was sorry.

No, I don't accept your apology, William, okay?

And there's only one way to clear my name.

You have to give me a second chance.

Oh, I do not have that kind of time.

go out like this. Please, Joan, just... I would rather just preserve the last

shred of respect I have for you.

Last shred of respect?

Last shred... What?

Oh, what?

So this is all on me now?

Wait a minute. I let you down?

Did it ever occur to you that maybe our failure to connect was all your fault?

That you just couldn't turn me on?

just didn't have the moves. Huh? Maybe he didn't have the manhood, the prowess

to get Joan Clayton to the big O.

You know what, William? You don't get to the World Series just because you got a

big bath.

You need technique, buddy. You need skills.

No, Joan, with you, I would need the jaws of life.

You wouldn't go wet in the shower.

Kiss my ass, William. I tried that. It didn't work.

I don't know how you voted for Bush because you don't know anything about...

My Lord, if one knows how to screw somebody.

I'm sorry. That was a good one. Yeah, that was a good one.

Look, I'm sorry, Joan. I'm sorry about that.

William,

I'm just... I'm really sorry we didn't work out.

Well, we work out.

We're friends.

Maybe we don't have the right to ask for anything more.

But... I was just... I was

really hoping that you were the one.

Because I don't want to go back out there.

I'm tired.

Me too.

And depressed.

It's kind of banking on you being my soulmate.

If you're not going to be my soulmate, then maybe one doesn't exist for me.

William, don't say that.

Don't. Come on, your soulmate is out there and so is mine.

Oh, God.

What if they're out there doing each other?

Those bastards.

You too.

Here's your little miracle.

The jaundice is all cleared up.

She's all yours.

Thank you.

Hey,

sweetie.

This is the yummiest baby that's not yellow anymore.

Tony without prejudice and no ego involved. Oh, she is the prettiest baby

born.

Let's face it. Besides that one night we kicked ass in charades and working is

the best thing we'll ever do together.

Say it, Todd.

You were right.

I know.

And it's hard to admit.

I don't want to be married to you. You don't want to be married to me.

I was just holding on to you because I didn't want to miss out on her.

You won't.

You're her day.

It's hard to say the words.

Why don't we say them together?

On three?

One.

Two. It's over.

What happened on three? I can't have people thinking that you left me.

I'm going to miss you, Tony.

I'm going to miss you, too.

You?

Yeah.

Oh.

And it's me saying that never does the things you want me to do.

And I scream you're not the man that said.

You gave me the same note in 11th grade.

And look how we ended up.

That's because a week after you got that note, you was pregnant.

We never did get to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

What are you saying?

Saying we should start over.

Get to know each other again.

I'm thinking we should date.

Ain't that going backwards, saying that we're already married?

Yeah, and I want us to stay that way.

Can't survive another divorce from you, Maya.

Now, hey, I'm not trying to tell you how it has to be.

I just think we owe it to ourselves to do whatever we can to make this work.

I love you, baby.

I know you love me.

We're the type of people who are always going to love each other.

Okay, now, what I need, what we need, okay,

maybe what we need is to promise each other

that we're going to make this work.

Okay? What do you think?

I can do that.

Well, could a brother get that in writing?

Will you be my girlfriend?

Yes?

No?

No, maybe.

Maybe.

I was too easy last time. I'm not making that mistake again.

Let me get this straight.

Uh, Tony, you are still married to Todd.

Yes, but we're getting a divorce.

And Lynn, you are in a committed relationship with a lesbian. No,

in a relationship with a lesbian that needs to be committed.

And Maya, you married Darnell again.

Yeah, yeah, but we're only dating.

Right, so as screwed up as all of your relationships are, you...

Still have more than me.