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Previously on Girlfriends... I love you.
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I've never stopped loving you.
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How about that?
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Did you... Tell me that I matter to you.
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It's okay if you don't want him back.
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I want him back.
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He's my husband. I love him. We are a
family.
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Oh, my God.
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We haven't laughed like this in so long.
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Oh, I know.
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I miss having fun with you.
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do is take you home.
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Yeah, but are you staying or just giving
me a ride?
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Oh.
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I'll see what's up.
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Maya Wilkes wants her brother to show
her that he means business.
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I got you.
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Baby, ooh, you gotta show the whole
world your business if you don't put
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pants back on.
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Okay.
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Give me one more chance.
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It's not best of five, Joan. It's single
elimination.
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Whatever that means.
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Come on.
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I'm ready.
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Go!
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Now there's a turn on.
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I can do this.
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Maybe with somebody else.
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Okay, first of all, I have never had
this problem before.
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And it's been a while, so you have to
expect some shrinkage.
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Plus all the alcohol I had. It's bound
to dehydrate a girl, and then there's...
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there's your situation.
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Don't be looking at me all taken aback.
You know what you're working with.
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Joan, this is just physical proof of
what we've been feeling all along.
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We don't belong together.
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Never saw myself in a long -term
relationship with a nooch -ouch girl.
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I've never seen myself in a relationship
with an ashy ash boy.
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Face!
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Ouch.
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Should I say ooch -ouch?
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Oh, why?
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Oh, is this... There's something I have
to say.
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There's something I have to say, too.
Oh, you go first.
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No, you go first.
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You just gave birth, so you go first.
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And I can use the rest, so you go first.
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Okay, Tony, I just want to say... I am
sorry.
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I will never forgive myself for missing
the birth of our little daughter, Emma.
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Morgan.
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But I thought we were going to name her
after my grandmother.
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Well, it says Morgan on her birth
certificate, so no go back.
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Anyway, I'm promising you here and now I
will always be here for our daughter.
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You know what, Todd? I better go first.
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I want a divorce.
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Okay, now you go.
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What?
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We don't have.
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We don't have a marriage.
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We haven't got together for six months.
We haven't even seen each other.
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We never even made an attempt.
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Why are you doing this now?
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Oh, what am I supposed to do with Todd?
When Morgan's 15?
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Smoke and crank?
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Sleep with strangers? Forget she slept
with strangers because she smoked crank?
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And all because she grew up with parents
that had no business being together.
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Tony, this is crazy. You're mad at me
because I wasn't here. Todd, I'm trying
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tell you... I do not want to discuss
this now.
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I just want to enjoy my daughter.
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She's not your daughter.
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What?
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Nothing. Just trying to end this
marriage by any means necessary.
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You want to do this right, you should
shoot yourself and then jump.
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I can get you a gun.
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Of course, it's a three -day waiting
period.
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Hey, during that time, we can have
coffee, talk, maybe go to a movie.
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I know what you're trying to do. You're
trying to engage me in conversation, but
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you know what? I'm not engaging. Well,
too late. You already said something,
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know? So, while you're talking, why are
you up here anyway?
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To kill myself, okay? So could you just
please leave me alone?
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through i guarantee you it's not worth
ending your life there's always
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to live for look at me i'm up here and
i'm a mess
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i'm as much of a mess as i have ever
been but i will be damned if i kill
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because i have a lot to look forward to
like lunch i'm dying for
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a tofu burger i mean i'm living for a
tofu burger think about it i'm
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sure there's something that you want to
live for, too.
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Like what?
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Guys, I'd like to introduce you to my
fiancé.
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Hi, I'm Jennifer.
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Nice to meet you.
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Hi.
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You know what, Tony?
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I think Morgan looks like Auntie Joan.
Yes, you do.
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Okay, Joan, let's hit some boundaries.
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This is my baby.
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You start acting like it's yours, I'm
gonna cut you.
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Did you guys not hear me say my fiancé?
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Sweetie, same -sex marriage isn't legal
in California.
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Whatever. I'm with a woman. So you're
adding fish to your vegan diet. I don't
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care. I got a hand -rock -in -the
-cradle situation over here. Joan, I
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like the way you iron my baby.
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Oh, Tony.
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She's beautiful.
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So beautiful.
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Listen, listen, honey.
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I don't mean to be rude, but I don't
know you.
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So you need to step on out of here. I
can't have some strange lesbian breath
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over my newborn.
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Tony, look, if you're kicking her out,
then you're kicking me out.
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Because we are one.
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Well, good. Then all you need is one
bye.
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Bye.
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Bye.
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Do you, Darnell Leroy Wilkes, take this
little lady, Maya Denise Wilkes, to be
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your lawfully wedded wife?
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I do.
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And do you, Maya Denise Wilkes, take
this hound dog, Darnell Leroy Wilkes, to
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your lawfully wedded husband and always
love him tender?
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I do, I do, I do, I do.
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And by the power vested in me by the
state of Nevada and the jumpsuit that I
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wear, I now pronounce you man and wife
again.
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Thank you.
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Thank you very much.
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Complimentary hats, you guys.
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If you guys can move on, we have another
set of lovebirds right behind you.
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I've been waiting three years to kiss my
wife.
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They're going to have to wait.
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Wait, are we really that surprised?
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I mean, come on, Tony. She has worked
her way through every man in town. It
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only a matter of time before she got to
the women.
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Leave it to Lynn.
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Just because I got a girl on my breast,
she gotta get one too.
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I'm getting something to eat. Anyone
want anything?
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No, we're good. Okay.
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Tony, what is going on between you two?
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The tension is thick in here, girl.
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Obviously not that thick. You've been
parked up here for four hours.
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God and I are getting a divorce for real
this time.
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00:10:00,670 --> 00:10:01,720
What?
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You mean to tell me that that little man
flew up in here on the day of your
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daughter's birth and told you he wants a
divorce?
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00:10:08,470 --> 00:10:10,470
Actually, I told him I wanted a divorce.
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Oh.
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That's different.
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Go for it, girl.
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Is that little man flew up in here all
late for his daughter's birth?
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Oof. What kind of husband is he?
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You weren't here either, Heffa.
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kind of friend am i flying in here
encouraging the mother of a newborn to
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divorce tony todd is a good man he is a
decent man
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he's practically a saint you know what
tony you you need to stay with him okay
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you you need to stay with him at least
until morgan's nine that's what my
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did with my daddy huh and look how good
you turned out
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A wishy -washy bitch. I'm nipping this
thing in the bud.
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Lynn! I just came from the hospital
where I heard the most exciting news.
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I only could have been messing with me,
which would be really cruel.
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But am I to understand that you are
engaged to a woman?
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Yes, William.
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Any more questions?
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Yes!
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Dozens!
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00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,520
What's your cup size?
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William. Oh, you're right.
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That's inappropriate.
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Thank you. Can I watch?
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William. I'm sorry. I'm just so giddy.
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Okay, okay. You're just calming down,
right?
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Oh, you don't understand.
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I'm just trying to grab for a little
happiness.
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I've had a really rough day.
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What's going on?
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Well, if you must know...
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Joan and I are officially over.
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Newsflash. You guys have been over for
months now.
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Well, about that.
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Oh, my God.
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You guys did it.
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Yeah. Well, about that.
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Let's just say Joan and I don't quite
fit.
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Literally or figuratively?
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Well, I'm a gentleman.
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And a gentleman never tells.
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I can respect that.
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Although I have to admit I'm curious to
know what happened.
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00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:37,339
Anyway, I'm sure that you're curious to
watch two hot lesbian newlyweds on their
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honeymoon. All right, here's the skinny.
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00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:43,740
Joan's a new child, girl.
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Oh, no, those are the worst. I know.
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She was hooting and hollering before I
even got my boxers on.
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I thought she was going to be the one,
man.
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00:12:54,351 --> 00:12:56,259
Well, maybe we keep it up too soon, will
you?
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Maybe this is something you can work
through.
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00:12:58,660 --> 00:12:59,710
It's just sex.
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00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,160
Oh, it's not just sex.
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00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,250
See, that's what you women don't
understand.
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00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:08,170
Sex for men is actually tied to some
pretty deep stuff.
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It's how we emotionally connect.
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00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:14,980
You see, the blue couch girl isn't just
someone who winces in bed.
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She winces at life.
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00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,760
Nervous, uptight, high -strung.
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Like you.
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00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,580
Exactly. I want to go to bed with me.
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Sex is a place where I can let my hair
down.
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Get my freak on.
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It's my church, Len.
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My dirty, naughty church.
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I'm home.
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Honey?
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00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:46,160
And it needs to be a striped tent, not a
white tent.
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00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,520
And it needs to seat at least 150
people.
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00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:52,350
Oh, and there needs to be an oculus in
the center to release the dove.
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00:13:52,351 --> 00:13:56,319
Well, then come on out and call me back.
This is my wedding, and it has to be
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00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,370
right. Goodbye.
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00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,350
Hey, Jennifer.
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00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:01,670
What are you doing?
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00:14:02,220 --> 00:14:03,480
I'm planning our wedding.
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00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,070
I mean, we're here, we're queer. Get
used to it, right?
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00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:11,880
So I called a caterer, and we're going
to go with a whole luau theme.
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00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,820
Roasting a pig and everything.
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00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,150
But I'm a vegan.
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00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,030
You're a vegan?
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Great.
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00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,340
Now I've got to order some poi.
224
00:14:21,341 --> 00:14:25,939
Can you wear a sarong, or should I just
forget the theme that I've had since I
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was 13?
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00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:28,590
Why are you attacking me?
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00:14:28,591 --> 00:14:30,629
Oh, my God.
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I'm sorry.
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00:14:31,890 --> 00:14:33,030
You care about me.
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It's not like you're my mother who
forced me to take care of her until the
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00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:41,470
she died and then left me with an
insecurity so deep that I don't want to
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00:14:42,070 --> 00:14:43,130
No, that's not you.
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00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,150
You know what, Jennifer?
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00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:49,450
Fine. Bring on the pork. Bring on the
sarongs.
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00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,810
Swine and sarongs for everyone.
236
00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:56,530
You ruined my shirt and your panties.
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00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,640
Oh, my God, Lynn. I love you.
238
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,880
Please don't ever leave me.
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00:15:00,881 --> 00:15:04,799
I know it's only been a couple of hours,
but I love you. I love that I'm going
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00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,140
to be your wife. Do you hear that? Your
wife.
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00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:15,020
I'm going to be Mrs. Lynn Searcy.
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Searcy.
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00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,130
Searcy.
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00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,850
I don't like my baby lying in the bubble
like she's some bubble baby.
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00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:33,380
It's no big deal, Tony. She just has
jaundice.
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00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:37,400
She doesn't have jaundice, Todd. She's
high yellow, and that's your fault.
247
00:15:37,401 --> 00:15:39,089
You know what?
248
00:15:39,090 --> 00:15:41,969
I'm not in the mood to get berated. I'm
going to go home and change.
249
00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:43,020
And pack?
250
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:48,209
Okay. I know that wasn't the best segue,
and it wasn't very nice, but damn it,
251
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:50,849
Todd, we need to talk about this.
There's nothing to talk about.
252
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,030
Oh, Todd, come on.
253
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,590
You think it's easy for me to say this?
254
00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:56,140
Especially now?
255
00:15:56,141 --> 00:15:59,909
No one fought harder for this marriage
than me, but just because two people
256
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:00,639
each other?
257
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,379
It doesn't mean they're good for each
other. We are keeping this family
258
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,299
for Morgan.
259
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:08,780
Todd, if we're not good for each other,
then we won't be any good for her.
260
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:11,620
Look, Todd, we failed, okay?
261
00:16:11,621 --> 00:16:15,419
But our baby has a fresh start in life.
She shouldn't have to come into this
262
00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:19,120
world carrying our baggage. Damn it,
Tony, I am not getting divorced.
263
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,570
Well, I am.
264
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:24,490
So you better think about what you're
going to say when my lawyer calls.
265
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,120
You're so stupid.
266
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,880
Okay, we've got to delete this. We can't
let Jabari see this.
267
00:16:38,650 --> 00:16:40,330
Did you hear him on the phone?
268
00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:43,970
Oh, baby, I've never heard him sound so
active.
269
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,620
He's happy.
270
00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:48,250
I feel like I've been shot out of a
cannon.
271
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:51,260
I'm feeling brighter than these neon
lights.
272
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:55,260
Okay, Mr. Corny, who are you and what
you doing with my Darnell?
273
00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:57,530
I'm so happy, though.
274
00:16:57,830 --> 00:16:59,130
I'm talking like a punk.
275
00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:04,390
Love your Jodi Troggs, Darnell.
276
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:08,129
Well, that's a good thing, because I got
a whole basket load full of them back
277
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:09,509
at the house that need washing.
278
00:17:09,510 --> 00:17:12,709
And I don't think Miss Lena's in the
mood for no fluffing and fooling.
279
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:16,549
Well, with the kid in your place, let's
hope she's not in the mood to be
280
00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:17,630
breaking and burning.
281
00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:20,560
Good point.
282
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:24,140
So I guess when we get back to L .A., we
definitely live in that drug place.
283
00:17:24,141 --> 00:17:26,429
Oh, that's fine with me. My stuff's
cuter anyway.
284
00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:29,829
The second thing we're going to do is
get rid of all that furniture that that
285
00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:31,210
baseball player got for you.
286
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:33,349
How about that?
287
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:35,940
Come on, now. You give Jabari $5 to tell
you anything.
288
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:39,260
You know what? I gave that boy $10 to
keep his mouth shut.
289
00:17:39,930 --> 00:17:40,980
Oh, snap.
290
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:42,730
Little boo was playing a game.
291
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:45,020
Well, now we got us a good one. You know
that.
292
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:50,790
All right. So, I'm going to try and
salvage whatever Lena don't put a match
293
00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:51,489
Mm -hmm.
294
00:17:51,490 --> 00:17:54,609
And you can take Jabari's little butt
moving to the couch, and then we can
295
00:17:54,610 --> 00:17:55,660
the bedroom.
296
00:17:57,190 --> 00:17:58,240
Oh, Mom.
297
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,170
I hope she don't burn my CDs.
298
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,880
Especially not the Marvin gang.
299
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:04,500
Damn, not the Marvin.
300
00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:06,270
Uh,
301
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,660
Darnell, I really don't think we should
be uprooting Jabari.
302
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:13,690
You know, I think he should be able to
keep his bedroom.
303
00:18:13,691 --> 00:18:15,279
Oh, boy, now it's not going to be
forever.
304
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,099
It's not going to be forever. Just until
we can save up a little money, get that
305
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,420
little place in Hawthorne.
306
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,550
Well,
307
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:23,539
I mean, that means he's going to be on
that couch for a long time because it's
308
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:26,370
going to take a little while to find a
place in Larchmont.
309
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:31,759
Larchmont. Ain't nobody got a million
dollars, so you can be moving nowhere.
310
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,459
You're a large mom, so you can be up
underneath your own. I know what you're
311
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:37,479
trying to do, and it ain't happening.
What I'm trying to do is maintain some
312
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,060
stability in our son's life.
313
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,010
We're back together.
314
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,320
It don't get no more stable than that.
315
00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:45,059
Yeah, but, baby, that's the point.
316
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:47,859
I mean, just because we change our mind,
he's got to change his room?
317
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:50,270
I mean, come on, Donald. You know that's
not fair.
318
00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:53,230
He's going to love being out there with
the TV.
319
00:18:53,231 --> 00:18:56,879
And if he's out there with the TV, that
means we can't watch TV, we can't have
320
00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,179
folks over, and if a burglar comes in,
you want him to be the first line of
321
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,710
defense? I mean, the boy's barely out of
underoos.
322
00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:04,500
Then it's time he mans up.
323
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:06,950
Hey.
324
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,050
Forget the reason.
325
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,260
I want him to keep his room.
326
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:17,160
And I want us to end this conversation
so that we can enjoy our honeymoon.
327
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,739
my bushes no the question is what's the
point in having a lesbian lover if
328
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:45,819
you're gonna keep the curtains closed
329
00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:54,019
lesbian
330
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,660
trash
331
00:19:55,710 --> 00:20:00,260
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