Original subtitles

Previously on Girlfriends... I love you.

I've never stopped loving you.

How about that?

Did you... Tell me that I matter to you.

It's okay if you don't want him back.

I want him back.

He's my husband. I love him. We are a family.

Oh, my God.

We haven't laughed like this in so long.

Oh, I know.

I miss having fun with you.

do is take you home.

Yeah, but are you staying or just giving me a ride?

Oh.

I'll see what's up.

Maya Wilkes wants her brother to show her that he means business.

I got you.

Baby, ooh, you gotta show the whole world your business if you don't put

pants back on.

Okay.

Give me one more chance.

It's not best of five, Joan. It's single elimination.

Whatever that means.

Come on.

I'm ready.

Go!

Now there's a turn on.

I can do this.

Maybe with somebody else.

Okay, first of all, I have never had this problem before.

And it's been a while, so you have to expect some shrinkage.

Plus all the alcohol I had. It's bound to dehydrate a girl, and then there's...

there's your situation.

Don't be looking at me all taken aback. You know what you're working with.

Joan, this is just physical proof of what we've been feeling all along.

We don't belong together.

Never saw myself in a long -term relationship with a nooch -ouch girl.

I've never seen myself in a relationship with an ashy ash boy.

Face!

Ouch.

Should I say ooch -ouch?

Oh, why?

Oh, is this... There's something I have to say.

There's something I have to say, too. Oh, you go first.

No, you go first.

You just gave birth, so you go first.

And I can use the rest, so you go first.

Okay, Tony, I just want to say... I am sorry.

I will never forgive myself for missing the birth of our little daughter, Emma.

Morgan.

But I thought we were going to name her after my grandmother.

Well, it says Morgan on her birth certificate, so no go back.

Anyway, I'm promising you here and now I will always be here for our daughter.

You know what, Todd? I better go first.

I want a divorce.

Okay, now you go.

What?

We don't have.

We don't have a marriage.

We haven't got together for six months. We haven't even seen each other.

We never even made an attempt.

Why are you doing this now?

Oh, what am I supposed to do with Todd? When Morgan's 15?

Smoke and crank?

Sleep with strangers? Forget she slept with strangers because she smoked crank?

And all because she grew up with parents that had no business being together.

Tony, this is crazy. You're mad at me because I wasn't here. Todd, I'm trying

tell you... I do not want to discuss this now.

I just want to enjoy my daughter.

She's not your daughter.

What?

Nothing. Just trying to end this marriage by any means necessary.

You want to do this right, you should shoot yourself and then jump.

I can get you a gun.

Of course, it's a three -day waiting period.

Hey, during that time, we can have coffee, talk, maybe go to a movie.

I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to engage me in conversation, but

you know what? I'm not engaging. Well, too late. You already said something,

know? So, while you're talking, why are you up here anyway?

To kill myself, okay? So could you just please leave me alone?

through i guarantee you it's not worth ending your life there's always

to live for look at me i'm up here and i'm a mess

i'm as much of a mess as i have ever been but i will be damned if i kill

because i have a lot to look forward to like lunch i'm dying for

a tofu burger i mean i'm living for a tofu burger think about it i'm

sure there's something that you want to live for, too.

Like what?

Guys, I'd like to introduce you to my fiancé.

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

Nice to meet you.

Hi.

You know what, Tony?

I think Morgan looks like Auntie Joan. Yes, you do.

Okay, Joan, let's hit some boundaries.

This is my baby.

You start acting like it's yours, I'm gonna cut you.

Did you guys not hear me say my fiancé?

Sweetie, same -sex marriage isn't legal in California.

Whatever. I'm with a woman. So you're adding fish to your vegan diet. I don't

care. I got a hand -rock -in -the -cradle situation over here. Joan, I

like the way you iron my baby.

Oh, Tony.

She's beautiful.

So beautiful.

Listen, listen, honey.

I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know you.

So you need to step on out of here. I can't have some strange lesbian breath

over my newborn.

Tony, look, if you're kicking her out, then you're kicking me out.

Because we are one.

Well, good. Then all you need is one bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Do you, Darnell Leroy Wilkes, take this little lady, Maya Denise Wilkes, to be

your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

And do you, Maya Denise Wilkes, take this hound dog, Darnell Leroy Wilkes, to

your lawfully wedded husband and always love him tender?

I do, I do, I do, I do.

And by the power vested in me by the state of Nevada and the jumpsuit that I

wear, I now pronounce you man and wife again.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Complimentary hats, you guys.

If you guys can move on, we have another set of lovebirds right behind you.

I've been waiting three years to kiss my wife.

They're going to have to wait.

Wait, are we really that surprised?

I mean, come on, Tony. She has worked her way through every man in town. It

only a matter of time before she got to the women.

Leave it to Lynn.

Just because I got a girl on my breast, she gotta get one too.

I'm getting something to eat. Anyone want anything?

No, we're good. Okay.

Tony, what is going on between you two?

The tension is thick in here, girl.

Obviously not that thick. You've been parked up here for four hours.

God and I are getting a divorce for real this time.

What?

You mean to tell me that that little man flew up in here on the day of your

daughter's birth and told you he wants a divorce?

Actually, I told him I wanted a divorce.

Oh.

That's different.

Go for it, girl.

Is that little man flew up in here all late for his daughter's birth?

Oof. What kind of husband is he?

You weren't here either, Heffa.

kind of friend am i flying in here encouraging the mother of a newborn to

divorce tony todd is a good man he is a decent man

he's practically a saint you know what tony you you need to stay with him okay

you you need to stay with him at least until morgan's nine that's what my

did with my daddy huh and look how good you turned out

A wishy -washy bitch. I'm nipping this thing in the bud.

Lynn! I just came from the hospital where I heard the most exciting news.

I only could have been messing with me, which would be really cruel.

But am I to understand that you are engaged to a woman?

Yes, William.

Any more questions?

Yes!

Dozens!

What's your cup size?

William. Oh, you're right.

That's inappropriate.

Thank you. Can I watch?

William. I'm sorry. I'm just so giddy.

Okay, okay. You're just calming down, right?

Oh, you don't understand.

I'm just trying to grab for a little happiness.

I've had a really rough day.

What's going on?

Well, if you must know...

Joan and I are officially over.

Newsflash. You guys have been over for months now.

Well, about that.

Oh, my God.

You guys did it.

Yeah. Well, about that.

Let's just say Joan and I don't quite fit.

Literally or figuratively?

Well, I'm a gentleman.

And a gentleman never tells.

I can respect that.

Although I have to admit I'm curious to know what happened.

Anyway, I'm sure that you're curious to watch two hot lesbian newlyweds on their

honeymoon. All right, here's the skinny.

Joan's a new child, girl.

Oh, no, those are the worst. I know.

She was hooting and hollering before I even got my boxers on.

I thought she was going to be the one, man.

Well, maybe we keep it up too soon, will you?

Maybe this is something you can work through.

It's just sex.

Oh, it's not just sex.

See, that's what you women don't understand.

Sex for men is actually tied to some pretty deep stuff.

It's how we emotionally connect.

You see, the blue couch girl isn't just someone who winces in bed.

She winces at life.

Nervous, uptight, high -strung.

Like you.

Exactly. I want to go to bed with me.

Sex is a place where I can let my hair down.

Get my freak on.

It's my church, Len.

My dirty, naughty church.

I'm home.

Honey?

And it needs to be a striped tent, not a white tent.

And it needs to seat at least 150 people.

Oh, and there needs to be an oculus in the center to release the dove.

Well, then come on out and call me back. This is my wedding, and it has to be

right. Goodbye.

Hey, Jennifer.

What are you doing?

I'm planning our wedding.

I mean, we're here, we're queer. Get used to it, right?

So I called a caterer, and we're going to go with a whole luau theme.

Roasting a pig and everything.

But I'm a vegan.

You're a vegan?

Great.

Now I've got to order some poi.

Can you wear a sarong, or should I just forget the theme that I've had since I

was 13?

Why are you attacking me?

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

You care about me.

It's not like you're my mother who forced me to take care of her until the

she died and then left me with an insecurity so deep that I don't want to

No, that's not you.

You know what, Jennifer?

Fine. Bring on the pork. Bring on the sarongs.

Swine and sarongs for everyone.

You ruined my shirt and your panties.

Oh, my God, Lynn. I love you.

Please don't ever leave me.

I know it's only been a couple of hours, but I love you. I love that I'm going

to be your wife. Do you hear that? Your wife.

I'm going to be Mrs. Lynn Searcy.

Searcy.

Searcy.

I don't like my baby lying in the bubble like she's some bubble baby.

It's no big deal, Tony. She just has jaundice.

She doesn't have jaundice, Todd. She's high yellow, and that's your fault.

You know what?

I'm not in the mood to get berated. I'm going to go home and change.

And pack?

Okay. I know that wasn't the best segue, and it wasn't very nice, but damn it,

Todd, we need to talk about this. There's nothing to talk about.

Oh, Todd, come on.

You think it's easy for me to say this?

Especially now?

No one fought harder for this marriage than me, but just because two people

each other?

It doesn't mean they're good for each other. We are keeping this family

for Morgan.

Todd, if we're not good for each other, then we won't be any good for her.

Look, Todd, we failed, okay?

But our baby has a fresh start in life. She shouldn't have to come into this

world carrying our baggage. Damn it, Tony, I am not getting divorced.

Well, I am.

So you better think about what you're going to say when my lawyer calls.

You're so stupid.

Okay, we've got to delete this. We can't let Jabari see this.

Did you hear him on the phone?

Oh, baby, I've never heard him sound so active.

He's happy.

I feel like I've been shot out of a cannon.

I'm feeling brighter than these neon lights.

Okay, Mr. Corny, who are you and what you doing with my Darnell?

I'm so happy, though.

I'm talking like a punk.

Love your Jodi Troggs, Darnell.

Well, that's a good thing, because I got a whole basket load full of them back

at the house that need washing.

And I don't think Miss Lena's in the mood for no fluffing and fooling.

Well, with the kid in your place, let's hope she's not in the mood to be

breaking and burning.

Good point.

So I guess when we get back to L .A., we definitely live in that drug place.

Oh, that's fine with me. My stuff's cuter anyway.

The second thing we're going to do is get rid of all that furniture that that

baseball player got for you.

How about that?

Come on, now. You give Jabari $5 to tell you anything.

You know what? I gave that boy $10 to keep his mouth shut.

Oh, snap.

Little boo was playing a game.

Well, now we got us a good one. You know that.

All right. So, I'm going to try and salvage whatever Lena don't put a match

Mm -hmm.

And you can take Jabari's little butt moving to the couch, and then we can

the bedroom.

Oh, Mom.

I hope she don't burn my CDs.

Especially not the Marvin gang.

Damn, not the Marvin.

Uh,

Darnell, I really don't think we should be uprooting Jabari.

You know, I think he should be able to keep his bedroom.

Oh, boy, now it's not going to be forever.

It's not going to be forever. Just until we can save up a little money, get that

little place in Hawthorne.

Well,

I mean, that means he's going to be on that couch for a long time because it's

going to take a little while to find a place in Larchmont.

Larchmont. Ain't nobody got a million dollars, so you can be moving nowhere.

You're a large mom, so you can be up underneath your own. I know what you're

trying to do, and it ain't happening. What I'm trying to do is maintain some

stability in our son's life.

We're back together.

It don't get no more stable than that.

Yeah, but, baby, that's the point.

I mean, just because we change our mind, he's got to change his room?

I mean, come on, Donald. You know that's not fair.

He's going to love being out there with the TV.

And if he's out there with the TV, that means we can't watch TV, we can't have

folks over, and if a burglar comes in, you want him to be the first line of

defense? I mean, the boy's barely out of underoos.

Then it's time he mans up.

Hey.

Forget the reason.

I want him to keep his room.

And I want us to end this conversation so that we can enjoy our honeymoon.

my bushes no the question is what's the point in having a lesbian lover if

you're gonna keep the curtains closed

lesbian

trash

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