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1
00:00:02,239 --> 00:00:07,519
Joan, 25 restaurants open in L .A.
County every month. We need to do
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00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:08,570
extra.
3
00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:15,539
I'm serving Nouvelle Tapas in an elegant
decor accented by a water feature with
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00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:19,819
stemware inspired by the color palette
of old Madrid. If that is not extra,
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00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:20,870
I don't know what is.
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00:00:21,340 --> 00:00:23,680
You're right, Joan. You don't know what
is.
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00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:28,360
The only thing people in this town care
about is celebrities.
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You're the publicist, so get me some
celebrities.
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00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,200
Darling, they don't just roll out of bed
for tapas.
10
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:39,740
You have to send a gift basket. You have
to send a car. You have to woo them.
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00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:46,979
Shandana, I'm paying you the entirety of
my publicity budget. So if you need
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00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:51,180
gift baskets and town cars, that needs
to come out of your ass.
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00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,200
Honey, on what you pay me, I can only
get a Happy Meal and a Metro Pass.
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00:00:57,790 --> 00:01:00,550
Then wrap that up in a bow and send it
to Tom Hanks.
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00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,150
Nobody I'm going to offend with your
little bit of money.
16
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,330
Come on.
17
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:08,038
You must have some celebrity friends or
someone who owes you a favor or someone
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00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:09,239
you don't like very much.
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00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,719
You know, I've been going through the
publicity budget, and I figured out a
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00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,360
to free up a big chunk of money.
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00:02:16,361 --> 00:02:17,459
Oh, great.
22
00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:19,060
How? I quit.
23
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,020
wouldn't want to be you.
24
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,510
This movie sucks.
25
00:02:41,511 --> 00:02:45,539
I thought you said it got three and a
half stars.
26
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:49,259
Yeah, USA Today gave it one, LA Times
gave it one, the Boston Globe gave it a
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00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,310
half.
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00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,790
Well, I'm gonna kill you. We should be
ashamed.
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00:02:52,791 --> 00:02:56,579
We should be helping John instead of
sitting up in here watching Mariah
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00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:57,780
latest dramatic effort.
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00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,130
Especially when it's supposed to be a
comedy.
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00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:04,240
Y 'all ain't giving her a chance. For
real.
33
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,980
You're right. We should go back and help
Joan.
34
00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:13,069
Well, that's what I would do if I didn't
have to pick up Jabari after this
35
00:03:13,070 --> 00:03:14,120
movie.
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00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,830
I got a pregnancy massage.
37
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,550
The ice cream truck comes at three.
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00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:23,020
Anybody have a quarter? They went up on
the bomb pops.
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00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:35,800
Well, at least we sent her that big
flower arrangement from the three of us.
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00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:39,330
From the two of us, Debbie. Stop trying
to put your name on it.
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00:03:39,331 --> 00:03:41,399
Well, then I'll get her something she
really needs.
42
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,319
Like what?
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00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:43,370
What can you afford?
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00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:47,360
Joan needs a celebrity, and you know I
have contact.
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00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,580
And you also have restraining orders.
46
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,760
You just won't start with those people.
47
00:03:51,761 --> 00:03:54,839
You know, I hang to a minute, but the
Debbie's got a good idea.
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00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,279
Yeah, it is a good idea. We should do
that.
49
00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:00,139
Oh, okay, hold up. I can't put my name
on your card, but you could jump on my
50
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,190
idea. How about do you want that bomb
pop?
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00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,060
Welcome aboard our idea.
52
00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:11,420
So should we go and get that celebrity?
53
00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:13,310
Mm -hmm, yeah.
54
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,290
First thing tomorrow. We've done enough
for today.
55
00:04:20,951 --> 00:04:28,459
Joan wanted to liberate people from the
conventions of a traditional restaurant.
56
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:30,080
You know, inspire conversation.
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00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:34,840
Introduce a sense of community into this
L .A. self -absorbed mindset.
58
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,450
Huh?
59
00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:40,790
I didn't get it either, but it's in the
press release.
60
00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:42,750
Hello?
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00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,220
Hey, Joan, it's me.
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00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:45,730
Hey, William.
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00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:46,970
Oh, hi.
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00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,600
Joan, this is Caroline.
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00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:52,280
Joan, I've heard so much about you.
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00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:58,930
I never mentioned Caroline.
67
00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:01,870
Why haven't you?
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00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:04,620
Would have prevented this very awkward
moment.
69
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:10,710
So, does anyone know anything about
toilets?
70
00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:12,850
Said in a few. Why, what's going on?
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00:05:12,851 --> 00:05:17,389
Well, I can't get the plumbers to come
down here and bolt down the toilet, so I
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00:05:17,390 --> 00:05:18,609
was trying to do it myself.
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00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:19,660
With a hammer?
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00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:20,740
Is that wrong?
75
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:23,710
I better go take a look. I'll be right
back.
76
00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:26,470
Thanks. It was really nice to meet you.
You too.
77
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,840
So, which one of these Johns isn't worth
Jack?
78
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:37,020
Oh, this one right here to the left.
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00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:38,540
So, Caroline,
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00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:40,360
huh? Yeah.
81
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,040
She seems great.
82
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,550
Oh, yeah.
83
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,839
She's a great girl. We have lots of
laughs. Good for you. My laughs are
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important.
85
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,450
That's great.
86
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:54,870
Hey, Joan.
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00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,380
Huh? You don't have a problem with me.
88
00:05:57,381 --> 00:05:59,329
Caroline, do you?
89
00:05:59,330 --> 00:06:01,050
No. No. Okay.
90
00:06:01,051 --> 00:06:03,389
Because I was thinking about bringing
her to the opening.
91
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:04,440
Oh, that'd be fine.
92
00:06:04,590 --> 00:06:05,640
Bring her.
93
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,420
I'll provide the food. She'll provide
the laughs.
94
00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:10,340
It'll be fun.
95
00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:13,620
You know the Jake spot. It's all about
food, folks, and fun.
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00:06:13,621 --> 00:06:16,229
You better let me take a look at this
toilet.
97
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,400
It's going to be about food, folks, and
fun.
98
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,879
Unemploy Joan.
99
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,420
At least those Joan cook for us.
100
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:45,830
Hey, have you guys met William's new
girlfriend?
101
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,270
No, but I'd be happy to if she's cooking
dinner.
102
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,140
At least William's Joan cook for us.
103
00:06:51,141 --> 00:06:53,579
I don't even know he had a girlfriend.
104
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,719
He brought a woman into the restaurant
today and they seemed really happy.
105
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,160
Ah, hell, here comes the real.
106
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:02,010
She didn't cook because her man has
moved on. Jilted Joan never cooks.
107
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,940
Guys, I'm not depressed. I'm actually
relieved.
108
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,700
This is a good thing.
109
00:07:07,701 --> 00:07:11,049
I mean, now that William has a
girlfriend, things can get back to the
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00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:14,549
were. I don't have to feel awkward
anymore. And finally, we can get back to
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00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:15,600
being friends.
112
00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:17,890
So you're really okay about this?
113
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:20,030
Yes. I'm happy.
114
00:07:20,031 --> 00:07:21,429
Hot damn.
115
00:07:21,430 --> 00:07:23,170
Because happy Joan makes brownies.
116
00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:31,620
Okay.
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00:07:31,621 --> 00:07:34,569
So, which one of you is going to go up
there and ring the doorbell and give the
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00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:35,729
invitation to Monique?
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00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:37,170
You do it. You said you knew her.
120
00:07:37,171 --> 00:07:38,459
No, I didn't.
121
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:41,259
Yes, you did. You said you come over
here all the time to go swimming.
122
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,630
I said I know where Monique lives, and I
know how to get into her pool.
123
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,500
I never met the woman of my life.
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00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:51,159
Matter of fact, one of you has got to go
up there because she might recognize me
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00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,360
from the security video.
126
00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:55,959
Okay, so wait a minute. We're supposed
to walk up to Monique's house, give her
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00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,799
some crazy -ass invitation, and expect
her to go to Jones' opening?
128
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,540
That's all I got. What's your guess?
129
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,700
You know what? I've given this woman
five years of my life watching the
130
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,070
She can sit it out. eating some damn
tacos.
131
00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:10,609
Hell, that would convince me. Go on up
there and close the deal, Maya.
132
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,129
I'm not going up there by myself.
133
00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:15,389
Fine, I'll go with you. The girl is the
queen of comedy. I might be able to sell
134
00:08:15,390 --> 00:08:17,500
her a castle in the Palisades for a cool
8 .5.
135
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:21,580
Don't look at me. I'll see what happened
to my castle folder.
136
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:46,440
night at the Apollo.
137
00:08:47,710 --> 00:08:49,150
Don't make me call the police.
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00:08:49,151 --> 00:08:49,949
The police?
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00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:52,540
The police? Come on, don't do it like
that in a sneak.
140
00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:53,990
Okay, girl, we the people.
141
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:55,580
Oh, yeah.
142
00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:59,329
Because I've been watching y 'all on my
security camera up in my driveway with
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00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,910
that trespassing street rat who swims in
my pool.
144
00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:06,350
Now, y 'all got ten seconds before I
call the Pope. No, no.
145
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:18,160
I'll be telling some cookies or
something in. Come with some treats or
146
00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:15,969
Well, you need to go out and do
something that doesn't have anything to
147
00:10:15,970 --> 00:10:17,020
your restaurant.
148
00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:18,160
Or any restaurant.
149
00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:24,430
You need to go out and do something
that's wild, impetuous, and fun.
150
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:26,600
Okay.
151
00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:27,940
What should we do?
152
00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:31,760
Oh, I'm sorry, Joan. Caroline and I
already have plans.
153
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,530
Oh, of course you do.
154
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:35,930
And you have fun.
155
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:37,670
Hey, call your girls.
156
00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,110
I'm sure they're not doing anything.
157
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:56,169
We found your dog wandering around the
street, and, well, we brought him back
158
00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,370
you. Give me my baby. Give me my dog.
159
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:00,580
You're welcome.
160
00:11:00,581 --> 00:11:05,249
You skinny bitches can work a nerve, but
good thing I can work a panty button.
161
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:05,969
Wait, Mama.
162
00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,020
Before you call the pom -pom, hear us
out.
163
00:11:08,021 --> 00:11:09,869
What is it that you want, baby?
164
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,940
You want me to read a script or speak at
your church function?
165
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:15,120
You want me to be God -mommy to your
baby?
166
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:19,169
Because I've heard it all, done it all,
and made a truckload of money doing it
167
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:20,670
all. But, damn it, I'm tired.
168
00:11:20,671 --> 00:11:23,239
Now, I just want to sit down and rest,
okay?
169
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,480
So please, leave me the hell alone and
get off my property.
170
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,210
Wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa.
171
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:33,880
What? Our friend is opening up a
restaurant.
172
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:35,750
Block on, girl.
173
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:37,910
No, girl.
174
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,140
You have to eat sometime, right?
175
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,080
Why not do it at a hot new restaurant?
176
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:44,600
Help a sister out.
177
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,800
You got five seconds, sister, before I
go Baltimore on you.
178
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,280
So cliche, so desperate, so done.
179
00:12:58,281 --> 00:12:59,319
Mm -hmm.
180
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,499
I mean, and you know they don't pay for
anything.
181
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:03,740
Guys, I know what you're trying to do.
182
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:08,340
And it's very sweet, but I hired my
publicist back.
183
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:12,040
And she is, in fact, bringing me a
celebrity.
184
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,779
Woo! Girl, that's good. There's only a
restaurant opening in this town. I know
185
00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:18,199
what else I'm going to do. Should be
told. I was about to be a little
186
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,250
embarrassed for you.
187
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,330
Oh, my God.
188
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,930
Here's William and his new girlfriend.
Aren't they cute together?
189
00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:40,179
Looks like our J -spot is a rip -roaring
success.
190
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,819
Yeah, oh, I want you to see outside.
191
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,300
I want you to see the fire pit while
it's lit.
192
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:47,300
Oh, so they fixed the gas leak.
193
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:48,570
Oh, yeah.
194
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:49,960
So far, so good.
195
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:55,900
Oh, Caroline, I'm so glad that you could
make it. Oh, thanks for inviting me.
196
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,619
Of course I didn't invite William's new
girlfriend.
197
00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,980
Oh, we're not dating.
198
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:01,720
Yeah, we're just friends.
199
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:04,370
What made you think that we were a
couple?
200
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,360
That we were in?
201
00:14:07,561 --> 00:14:12,029
You wanted to hang out, and you said you
had a date.
202
00:14:12,030 --> 00:14:13,630
No, I didn't. I said I had plans.
203
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:17,949
In fact, we were rehearsing a little
song and dance for you. To celebrate the
204
00:14:17,950 --> 00:14:19,030
opening of the J -Spot.
205
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,350
Oh. Joan used to be a lawyer.
206
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,230
But now she's not.
207
00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:26,510
Opened up a restaurant.
208
00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:30,730
It's called the J -Spot. She'll be
serving small plates.
209
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:32,150
Cocktails and whatnot.
210
00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:34,570
Welcome to her restaurant.
211
00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:36,830
It's called the J -Spot.
212
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,840
I forgot to tell the chef something.
I'll be back.
213
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,040
I knew we should have done it to the
tune of Me So Horny.
214
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:06,460
Oh, excuse me. Can I get some salt,
please?
215
00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:21,060
Can I get a towel?
216
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:59,949
You can't be in here pouting on your
opening.
217
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:02,649
Girl, you need to be out there
celebrating. Worry about that man later.
218
00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:04,769
Why can't I celebrate when I'm
miserable?
219
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:07,588
Okay, well, I'm always getting sucked
into skinny bitches' drama.
220
00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:11,909
Why? Now, the other day, three skinny
bitches shot up in my door and stole my
221
00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:13,810
dog. That is terrible.
222
00:17:14,670 --> 00:17:21,588
It's almost like losing your best
friend. No, no, sugar, don't touch
223
00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:25,630
me. Let me go find this man. This is a
damn shame.
224
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,530
Not him.
225
00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:35,410
Okay, well, he is kind of cute. You
know, maybe y 'all can work something
226
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:36,930
I want my friend.
227
00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:42,839
Well, uh, I hate to let a good man go to
waste, okay? Now, why don't you wait
228
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:46,319
for me over at the bar here and get me
some of those bougie hot pockets, okay?
229
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,370
I love you.
230
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,700
What? You didn't want to?
231
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,060
This is great.
232
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,870
I've always thought of myself as a
professor type.
233
00:17:57,871 --> 00:18:00,399
Wouldn't have taken me five years to get
with you, though.
234
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,290
Listen, I didn't bring you in here to
run game on me, okay?
235
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,450
Talk to her.
236
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,800
I got a man at the bar waiting to pop my
weasel, baby. Pow!
237
00:18:12,140 --> 00:18:13,190
Joe, what's wrong?
238
00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:15,270
Why are you crying?
239
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:22,180
Because I lost my friend.
240
00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:24,020
Which one of them was it?
241
00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:28,019
Tony Meyer... because I can make a case
why neither one of them is much of a
242
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,160
friend. Or much of a loss.
243
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,000
I meant you, William.
244
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,680
What are you talking about? We're still
friends. No, we're not.
245
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:44,439
Not really. I mean, I know I was weird
after we broke up, but you can't pop
246
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,510
the weasel all willy -nilly with some
woman that you just met.
247
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:50,800
That was ours, William.
248
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:54,319
Well, Joan, I tried to be friends with
you, but you kept pushing me away,
249
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,370
remember?
250
00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:59,000
I wanted to play Simon Says, and you
wouldn't say?
251
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:01,280
I just needed some time.
252
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,580
Joan, look at me.
253
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,940
We're going to get through this.
254
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,510
Caroline's just a... Just a rebound
friend?
255
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,550
No, she's a great girl. We're going to
be friends for life.
256
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,150
But that shouldn't take away from you
and me.
257
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,690
There's always going to be William and
Joan.
258
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:44,110
All right.
259
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,980
You know you're gorgeous.
260
00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:54,020
That was close.
261
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,650
How long do you think we should stay in
here? Until the place closes.
262
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,790
I'm not taking any chances with Miss
Momo.
263
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:02,660
I knew you dog -stealing skinny bitches
was in here.
264
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,040
Oh, God. Help me up.
265
00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:08,640
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